3 VALENTINE DIYS

I’d like to take a moment to ask if you’ve seen the ridiculous commercial on television right now telling all the men of the world how much their wives and girlfriends would love a life sized teddy bear for Valentine’s Day. According to the astute men in the commercial roses just die and chocolates are a bad choice because your wife/girlfriend will just eat them, then ask you if she looks fat. To which, I assume, the man would be obliged to say, Well, yeah. I mean, sure. You just ate all those chocolates. Of course you’re fat. The downside of that of course being, a crying woman is really slippery to have sex with.

Who are these male advertising geniuses and WHO GAVE THEM ALL THE SECRETS TO OUR TINY LADY BRAINS?

For a mere $99.99 you can gift your woman with a giant carnival prize which according to the commercial she will coquettishly cuddle up to on the couch or bed while thinking about how wonderful you are for buying her this 6′ tall dust monster. And then she will want to have sex with you.

And when I say life sized, I mean life sized. It is the size of a full grown bear. You know how you have to rearrange everything in your house when you bring home a new lamp or a pair of socks so they’ll fit? Now you have to clear space for a 25 cubic foot hairball.

If you find yourself in the position of receiving one of these things, the logical thing to get rid of I suppose would be something in your house of equal size and intelligence. The boyfriend.

Now onto some Valentine’s stuff that’s actually useful.

 

 

 

 

 



SHARE:Share on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest1Tweet about this on Twitter

47 Comments

  1. Becky says:

    I have trained my husband well. A small amount of chocolate is ok. Stuffed animals are.not. it was cute when we were dating–like once– but not anymore.
    This woman would much prefer a plant. Better yet, buy me a fruit tree.
    A box of seeds is always good.
    For my 15th anniversary he got me a truckload of compost. Now THAT’S love right there. Lol

  2. Pauline Davis says:

    but if you do receive a life size stuffed bear… take all the stuffing out of it and you have a great bear costume!

  3. Jan in Waterdown says:

    OK, first question Missy . . .what you doing working today? Doncha know it’s Saturday? I’m still in my jammies busily posting comments on your blog, in case you hadn’t noticed. Secondly, I’m not a big fan of the V day. It just seems like a thing started by Hallmark to guilt us all into cutesy crap. Oh dear, now I sound like a grouchy old fart . . . well, ok I can live with that. Bring on the Belgian dark chocolate!

  4. Laurie says:

    That would be the last gift he ever gave me.

  5. Attygreen13 says:

    Just saw that commercial AGAIN last night. What are we, 8 year olds? What grown woman wants a giant stuffed animal?! I think my middle school boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. Even then I threw him the side-eye, ’cause chocolates are much cuter and I will snuggle them all day. Clearly these guys live in their mother’s basements, wondering why they’re still single.

  6. Pati says:

    “Spot on” to this post and to every comment posted so far ! Lolol !!

  7. Nancy W says:

    Thanks for the morning laugh! Yes all the comments are spot on too.
    This gave me an idea…make our own commercial depicting what actually happens when the giant teddy bear is received.
    A woman with a shrunken brain running around the house in a bear costume flinging fiberfill into hundreds of tiny stuffed animals, which then come to life and chase stunned, wide eyed (because of course, he cannot fathom why this is happening) boyfriend out into the street.

    Someone please continue this scenario!
    Going to have my coffee with giggles now…

  8. Kelli says:

    Doesn’t anyone remember this? Priceless! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twivg7GkYts

  9. Sue says:

    Those damn commercials! I don’t dare wear anything blue anymore . . . Have you noticed that all the women in the Viagra/Cialis commercials are wearing blue? Well, my husband has!

  10. Grammy says:

    This cheers me. I was afraid I was the only grown woman around who would be mortified at receiving a giant stuffed bear for a gift. Or a giant stuffed anything. I so enjoyed all the previous comments.

    At my house, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because it’s a phony Hallmark holiday. Our wedding anniversary is February 25th, anyway, so it’s not like we both have to survive the dreary month of February without a kiss me, hug me, say you love me event. We stopped with the bouquets even for that occasion many, many years ago, when we got to know each other well enough to find the perfect gift. My favorite is a Swiss Army Knife he gave me 38 years ago, and all my friends felt sorry for me because they got red roses. He’s still here.

  11. Loved this, & all the hilarious comments.. My man of 57 years , doesn’t even buy me a birthday present, he knows after all these years I’d rather choose it myself.

  12. Ali says:

    Laughed way too hard at this. Thank you!
    We don’t do valentines day…Good job too because my partner keeps forgetting. I get frantic phones calls on valentines eve ”cant remember, do we do valentines or not??”. The answer is, the same as the last 8 years, no. If it was yes I be pretty annoyed!

  13. Sandy says:

    I agree!!

  14. Barb says:

    I wonder who the Einstein is that came up with that ridiculous gigantic bear thing. It’s got to be a guy who is still single (because he gives those things to his “ladies” and is clueless!).

  15. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    I like the tarts best…

  16. Mary W says:

    If your poor guy decided to take the ad seriously, you could just take out the stuffing, turn it into a bear rug, and tell him thanks. The stuffing could be used in other craft projects or as fake snow at Christmas under the tree, with the bear laying close by for a colorful night light when having fun on fake fur. Just tell him if he ever again thinks a stuffed toy of any kind is a gift, that you will give him a present of frilly hot pad gloves that look like cat heads to use when he bar-b-ques with the guys.

  17. Darla says:

    Valentines is also our 27th anniversary. Love the compost idea! A friend has a barn with horse manure and hay mixed….I need a pick-up load. Maybe it’s time to pin the husband down and tell him to go get it!

  18. Jani says:

    Scrolling down Karen’s email I laughed out loud as the first sponsor’s ad was for kitty litter and said “what is in your litter box”? Valentine’s Day!!

  19. Mike says:

    ANNCR VO: But wait, there’s more! Order your life-sized teddy bear during the next 30 minutes for the incredibly low price of $99.99, and we’ll include a 55-gallon-drum-sized glass container of honey. For the sweet price of only $19.99! That’s right: a giant teddy bear for your cuddle bear AND a unique container of honey that your sweetie will never forget! Two can’t-miss gifts for less than the cost of a fancy meal at a high-falutin’ restaurant! Don’t delay…order now!

  20. Judy says:

    That commercial is insulting. At first I thought it was a joke from This Hour has 22 Minutes or The Rick Mercer Show but sadly no…………….

    I think my husband and I will spend some time together in the kitchen preparing an extra special meal with an awesome bottle of red!

    Who wants to have sex with a giant teddy bear watching you? Creepy!!!

    • nancy says:

      I thought the same thing, how insulting! I decided I would drag it outside and invite the new ex-BF out to watch me set it on fire. Now, that’s fun.

  21. Anne says:

    If you get the giant bear, take/send it back and use the cash to buy anything you REALLY want.

  22. Liz says:

    Thanks for bringing that commercial to my attention. I looked it up and laughed my butt off and it definitely seems like it has to be fake, kinda sad it isn’t. I’ve been out of the loop since we got rid of cable.

    Love the kiss card!

  23. Jody says:

    I hate V’Day

  24. judy says:

    I worked for a Dept. Store over thirty years ago and I remeber being asked by a fellow office worker what I thought our very very popular Christmas Bear that sold for $10.00 actually cost the Store..After my totally off guesses she said..no-they are made in China and they cost the store 25 cent s per “adorable bear”. Me thinks even a huge bear-made in China-has to produce a huge profit even today. Whereas Chocolate and flowers actually have a substantial cost to produce.

  25. judy says:

    ooops! remember too many crumbs in the key board

  26. Dana says:

    My 6yr old wants one of these stupid things. I told her they are for grown ladies like Mommy to cuddle with while Daddy is working the night shift. Now she’s hard selling her dad on it. He will not buy it because I did not marry an idiot who would pay $99.99 for a man-sized bear.

  27. Nancy Wilder says:

    I seem to remember seeing an ad for a teddy bear gift in the back section of a home project magazine…it showed the guy giving it to a doe eyed woman wearing a negligee…she was looking at him with such a ridiculous expression I couldn’t help laughing.

  28. christine says:

    If you find the grown ass woman who wants this I’ll bet she’s wearing cartoon Pooh or Tweety Bird pajamas and eating Captain Crunch.

  29. Jan in Waterdown says:

    Alrighty then! I just watched “that” commercial on youtube. Uch. There are not enough words to describe its utter stupidity. I am gobsmacked that some moron advertising company thought this would sell but it appears that it’s been around for several years so some idiots are buying them. Ewwwww.

  30. Theresa Daugherty says:

    The other Valentines Day commercial that had me laughing out loud was for Golden Corral. Because yeah, I think a $ 9.99, all you can eat dinner that a hundred strangers have already dug their hands through will be so romantic.

  31. Liz says:

    LOL!!! When he sneaks up on her in the kitchen, as if she wouldn’t be petrified, scream and duck to the floor.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uojoBHjZohI

  32. Renee says:

    We don’t really celebrate V Day , I just like to make a special dinner & dessert, and be all gooogly & say extra I love yous, and Be Mine – silly really. I guess it is the kid in me, cause I was the one that never got a Valentine at school when they passed them out. Hubby & I just saw that commercial last night, and we looked at each other with the HUH? Was that real? look…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Optionally add an image (JPEG only)

  • About Karen

  • My Latest Videos

  • 1 tool

The Art of Doing Stuff