Um … no I don’t know how to restore a fibreglass sailboat.
This was the answer I gave to a woman I encountered in my front garden the other day. She was strolling by and I was swatting flies away from my underarms while crouched in a bunch of poisonous milkweed, waiting to take a picture of a butterfly egg for an upcoming post on How To Raise Monarch Butterflies.
We got to chatting and she asked me why I was crouched within noxious weeds, taking a picture of a butterfly egg. Because clearly this isn’t something a normal person does. Looking back on the conversation, I see she may have been frightened by my obviously lunatic-like behaviour . She was probably gauging me to see if I was merely eccentric or had recently been released from the local facility in town some of the elders still refer to as the Looney Bin.
I explained I had a website that revolved around how to do stuff. It is appropriately named “The Art of Doing Stuff” I said. She asked me if I knew how to do everything. Now let me state, the correct answer to that question is obviously, NO.
Which is why I said YES. Why yes, strange lady who I’ll never see again, I know how to do EVERYTHING! I’m GREAT! You should probably clone me for future generations. Hey wait! Hold on … let me just build a time machine out of this camera around my neck and a few strands of toe knuckle hair. That way I can help PAST generations with all of my knowledge too!
Hell, I was never gonna see this woman again. I didn’t give a care.
Assured of my sanity, at this point the woman’s face lit up (obviously relieved to find out I wasn’t going to start speaking in tongue or pee on her foot) and she asked me “Do you know how to restore a fibreglass sailboat??!”. Um … no I don’t know how to restore a fibreglass sailboat.
And just like that I felt like a complete failure and fraud. My first public question about what I know, and I didn’t know a thing. I cleverly diverted her attention away from my lack of knowledge by contorting my face in pain when a miniature bee stung my underarm. Remember the picture of that old man who could swallow his face? I looked something like that.
So you guessed it … I now can’t get the thought of restoring a fibreglass sailboat out of my head. Even though I don’t own a fibreglass sailboat and quite frankly don’t really like sailboats unless they’re being captained by Simon LeBon in a Duran Duran video circa 1982. And come to think of it, that was really a yacht.
Regardless, once I get in my head that I want to figure something out there’s very little the sensible side of me can do about it. This blog has turned into quite a great outlet for that sort of thing.
In my short life so far (cause I’m realllyyyy young) I have spent an absurd amount of time figuring stuff out and The Art of Doing Stuff is my way of sharing everything I’ve figured out with you.
I’ve dissected and figured out the exact formula for making an Ikea hot dog, I’ve taught myself how to lay flagstone and build planter beds, I read the instructions and installed my own central vac, I’ve mastered butchering, baking and candlestick making. All courtesy of my extreme curiosity and slight crazy-in-the-headness.
I’ve created hanging lanterns from Dollar store stuff, and upholstered a chair in a pinch with a blanket. Neither of these things were the result of careful thought and planning – each was a lightbulb over the head moment.
Of course many things go tragically wrong. MANY. This is usually due to me being stupid or the other people being stupid. It often involves the Internet. As I’ve mentioned numerous times …. the INTERNET IS A BIG FAT LIAR!
The Internet is responsible for some of my biggest failures. I’m talking to you Maple Syrup massacre. 4 months later my microwave STILL produces popcorn that smells like burnt maple syrup. The Internet told me steak would dissolve in Coke. It didn’t. The Internet told me WD-40 would remove lipstick stains. It didn’t.
And who can forget the Frozen Yogourt Tampon? Um, no one. Sorry ’bout that.
I need your help!
So now … I’d like to hand the reins over to you my friends. I want you to use the comment section of this post to give me all of the questions you want answered. The most inventive, interesting and seemingly impossible to answer questions you can think of! You know the “Ask Karen” section in the upper right hand corner? I want you to post all the questions you’d normally send in there in this comment section.
Fun questions, weird questions, things we should probably all know, but don’t questions. Use what’s already on the site as inspiration if you need it.
As I say in my Ask Karen section … if I don’t know, I’ll figure it out! God help me and my crazy-in-the-head … I’ll figure it out.
If you’ve read the blog, but never left a comment before, now’s your chance to be a star and help me out.
But before you even ask, … No, I don’t know how to restore a fibreglass sailboat. But I’ll figure it out.