Then I thought, yoga! Maybe Yoga.
If I don't have the aptitude to cut the 5 pounds of back fat out of my body, maybe I could yoga it off. In the olden days I would have preferred something like kick boxing or even just kicking, but now that I'm older and more mature, and lazier, I'm looking for a way to incorporate relaxation into my exercise regime.
But some people who do Yoga look like they need to lay off the cream puffs themselves, so maybe Yoga won't work for getting rid of the water wings I have floating just above my waist band.
If my goal was to be very bendy and own a lot of good quality stretchy pants then Yoga would be my go-to exercise, but I wanted a good workout. One that would make me feel strong, and fit and energized. And better than everyone else who wasn't wearing a purple Lululemon jacket with holes in it for my thumbs to stick through, while I browsed the snack aisle of the grocery store.
Then I remembered my niece. She's what you'd call crazy. And exercise obsessed. She likes it. She genuinely likes working out or running until she stinks like ammonia. She recently tried Bikram Yoga and claimed to hate it. She hated it with a fierceness normally reserved for people who club baby seals.
She hated Bikram yoga so much she loved it.
Bikram Yoga is a form of intense hot yoga. Some describe it as militant. All classes are 90 minutes with the exact same poses in the same order every class.
Moksha Yoga, on the other hand, is also hot yoga, but there are a variety of levels, intensities and class lengths. They sometimes even have live music! Seems way more civilized.
Which is why both the fella and my niece preferred the thought of Bikram Yoga.
Here's what happened. A couple of months ago, the fella asked me if I'd try out Bikram Yoga with him. Sure. Shit. Why not? Let's ask my niece too. She's always wanted to go. She's available. GREAT! Done. We're all going to Bikram Yoga.
Only the day of the Bikram class I got one of my very famous migraines. So I thought standing on my head, or whatever goes on in Yoga class, would be stupid.
So I had to cancel yoga, and the fella being a gentleman agreed to cancel with me until I was feeling better. Also, I told him he wasn't allowed to go without me.
But my niece. My niece has 3 kids and works so she doesn't get a lot of opportunity to get out of the house unless it's to go to hockey practice, parent teacher meetings or the emergency room.
So, my niece went to Bikram Yoga. And here is how it went down ...
(transcribed from a series of text messages and phone calls)
Dear Moksha Yoga. Which days do you have live folk music again?
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Bethany Jones
Is it weird and twisted that I REALLY want to try this now? I dont' want to look like the wan and wiry people who do Bikram every day, but, still. Makes a great story.
Eve-Marie
LOVE Moksha! Its the best mix of yoga+workout.
ev
I too offer apologies to you niece--lmao! You are very smart to just say no! And to the Brussels sprouts as well! I really like them, but saying "no" to what you want to say "no" to is a good, no, great thing! As thin as you are, I doubt if your supposed back fat is any big deal. Try meditation. Your migraines and back fat will just say "no" and go away. Really....
Langela
So funny I'm tingling, tired, and feel like throwing up. I've had my workout. Thank you, Karen.
Maureen
So I love yoga! But I don't do bikram. And sorry for that other post. That was just mean.
Maureen
OM f*cking god. Now all those crazy yoga chicks are going to be coming out of the woodwork, telling you how "awesome" it is.
Ruth
Oh.my.word... I would ignore her too. That sounded like torture!
Side note: I always thought Brussels sprouts looked cute and thought I would like to try them one day. You cured me of my curiosity.
Elizabeth
Your niece was suffering from dehydration. You have to drink A LOT of water before Bikram. The day before as well. I did and still felt fuzzy headed for the rest of the day. I do Ashtanga yoga. Much better, more of a workout than Bikram, trust me, but with no excess heat. And the workouts differ. I could never do the same workout each time. Yawn.
Janie
Since I live under a rock I had to search you tube for Bikram Yoga and, found a vid of the World Champion Kasper van den Wijngaard. It looked like a gymnastic routine. I would have stopped watching after the first minute if it weren't for the knit shorts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLBOsOt3qtc
Amanda
Oh sweet baby jesus, that is contortionism pure and simple. That boy could be traveling the Cirque du Soleil circuit for fun and profit instead of dedicating his life to asceticism and brussel sprouts!
Erica
It's your whole family that is so sarcastic, this is great *L*.
The yoga workout sounds horrifying *L*.
I took those birth control pills someone recommended. My first period lasted six weeks, I quit taking the pills and my period went away. Yuck.
Bonnie
Gasping for air- too funny! I commend your neice for trying and reporting. I commend you for deciding otherwise.
I do not even like to type "yoga".
And I do have a killer brussels sprouts recipe but I won't torment you with it.
Tracie
John C....some people never learn....she will NEVER eat a brussel sprout. Or do Bikram Yoga apparently, who would? That's crazy talk. I went to yoga once with my sister and best friend. We got kicked out. Because we couldn't stop laughing. Maybe it was because of the farts due to the weird positions, I don't know. Regardless, we farted and laughed, and got kicked out of class. It remains one of my most prized memories.
Laura
I went to a bikram yoga class for the first time a few months back and was completely blindsided. I had no idea it was yoga in 100 degree craziness. I'm really surprised your niece reacted so badly though, I'm not that fit and even I got out fine. However, I discovered it is possible to sweat from many places I didn't think were humanly possible to sweat from...also, carpets in a bikram yoga place are a mistake...it smelled so so terrible.
Will definitely have to try out moshka yoga, it sounds like a great time! I wouldn't entirely discount bikram yoga though. The class I went to had many beginners, none of whom had too much trouble. Your niece's experience sounds like a special case.
Karen
Laura - I beg to differ. I think *your* experience sounds like a special case, LOL. ~ karen
Cat
It sounds an awful lot like niece was a little dehydrated and low on electrolytes to begin with and the hot made it worse. I took bikram yoga for a couple of years and have never seen a reaction like the one described, but it sounds a lot like shock and dehydration.
The first few sessions I lay on the floor about a quarter of the time and only did the first round of poses (you do each pose twice). It's best to take it a little slow.
qtpuh2tme
I surely needed the LOL this post provided. ~;D
Marti
See... this is why I only do Pilates. And only on DVD. But seriously funny!
Karen
Good idea. If you're going to throw up, it's best to do it in the comfort of your own living room. ~ k!
Marti
It's called Bulimia. College girls use it. Works for them. They're skinny.
(Actually, it limits the excuses when time is short or the snow is heavy. Not a problem here in DC lately.)
Violet
Karen, have you tried Pilates? It really is amazing. (That's coming from someone who, because of chronic illness, hadn't done any sort of formal exercise in years and had difficulty walking even short distances without a lot of pain and fatigue.)
I was TOTALLY out of shape from years of being too ill too exercise, but my body parts were still in the places they're supposed to be. Then the day came that I had the first horrible moment where I looked in the mirror and realized I'd finally reached the age where stuff was starting to droop in places it had never drooped before. I freaked. I decided to push myself in spite of my illness. I got a gym membership and went twice a week. At first, I gradually worked up to an hour on the elliptical machines (research indicated the elliptical trainers would stress my joints the least of all the machines). I continued that for about four months. Didn't notice much difference in my physical shape, but it turned out to be way too much exertion for my body and it worsened my fatigue severely.
So I switched to Pilates. Not only was I able to make it through the classes from the very beginning with no problem, but taking only two classes a week, in just two weeks I saw parts of my body tightening and firming that I thought were beyond all help. And the most amazing part was that the exercises were all so gentle they didn't FEEL like they were doing that much, but OMG, the toning was incredible. It built up muscle really fast, and that revved up my metabolism. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend giving it a go.
pixie
Noooooo! Bikram is amazing! Your niece is just trying to keep your expectations low. the first time I took a class I was 230 lbs. I survived and thrived... You can do it!
Karen
I'm sure I can Pixie. But I don't want to. AT ALL. So we've all learned two things about me on this site. I will never do Bikram Yoga and I will never eat Brussels Sprouts. That's just the way it is. Thanks though! ~ karen
John C
I have a great Brussels Sprouts recipe that might change your mind. Except that Brussels Sprouts + Yoga = Farting for sure.
Karen
John - No. No it will not. For 3 years now people have been trying to convince me I will like *their* brussels sprout recipe. I will not. I do not like brussel sprouts, Sam I am. ~ karen!
Kat
Apologize to your niece for me but that was so funny reading that! That must have been excruciating. I am one of those people that hate to sweat and I hate saunas so I can't even imagine doing that, but it was terribly funny reading!
Kirsten
The first ever yoga class I went to was a Bikram yoga class - it was for free to promote a new studio opening. The instructor prefaced it with: "you will feel nauseous, you will feel dizzy, this is normal". Sure didn't feel normal! My experience was pretty much the same as your niece's, though without the insane urge to try it again.
Nicole Glass
I haven't even read the article(?) yet, but Bikram sounds like a dude who smells like broccoli and cheese soup.
qtpuh2tme
:::snort!:::
Diana
Hi AnnW
I had to laugh so hard, thought only I would imagine things like that...
"This is my broccoli and cheese soup smelling friend, Bikram!"
hahahaha:`)
Diana
Sorry Nicole, took the wrong name...
now you know how hard I `m laughing...
AnnW
Why don't you take those birth control pills that only give you 4 periods a year? Then you might only have the chance for 4 series of migraines. Have you ever taken magnesium to try to stop the migraine? Sometimes works for me. Ann
Violet
True. Magnesium is amazing. Many physical complaints and illnesses are linked to magnesium deficiency and most people are seriously deficient in it.
But a word of warning for anyone wanting to increase their magnesium levels, because I found this out the hard way and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...
Taken internally, magnesium causes GI upset. Very unpleasant GI upset. It's like Bikram yoga in your colon, except there WILL be farting and pooping your pants, oh yes, there will. I had to start magnesium therapy and no one warned me that magnesium is a hardcore laxative. I didn't know what the hell was going on. I researched like crazy and discovered the way to avoid all tummy and gut troubles is to apply magnesium oil externally. (Magnesium oil isn't actually oil. It's equal parts magnesium chloride and water. You can buy it ready-made or you can get magnesium chloride flakes and make it yourself, which is super easy and much cheaper than buying it ready-made.) Another benefit of magnesium oil is that you absorb magnesium far better transdermally than internally, where much of it just ends up purged.
Shauna
Ann, I second this approach. I too get menstrual migraines and have moved to those pills. It has definitely helped Karen.
Oh, and she's over exaggerating. I've done bikram yoga, and I loved it. Yes, it was hot and difficult, but I felt great afterwards. The key, perhaps, is to already be doing yoga. Yoga isn't about being stretchy. It's all about strength. If you don't have the strength, you're not going to feel very good after ashtanga or bikram yoga. I suggest starting ashtanga (same poses, no heat), then moving into bikram. feels cleansing.
I'm a total lazy butt now, so it would likely kill me.
Funny TMs though, loved reading it. You should totally do it:)