You may remember way back in July I decided to start some enzyme cleaner. A homemade enzyme cleaner that's supposed to have the magical properties of a thousand unicorns.
Basically it's a combination of water, old citrus peels and some brown sugar. You can see my original post on how to make it here. It's supposed to replace regular toxic household cleaners and do an even better job. The catch? It takes 3 months to make. It needs that time to develop and ferment.
What happens is the citrus peels produce a small amount of yeast, which in turns eats up the sugar which somehow turns into enzymes. I have no idea how. I don't really care either. Enzymes are known to be great cleaners and any products that are used for getting rid of pet urine stink are usually made of enzymes. So homemade enzyme cleaner is good.
Of course I had to try making it because why wouldn't I? It's what I do. Try things. And this was looking especially appealing for some reason. The 3 months was a pain in the ass but I've waited much longer for far less so I figured I could tough it out.
Besides. If this enzyme cleaner was as good as the people of the Internet were professing 3 months of waiting was a minuscule price to pay. According to the tribe of enzyme Internet people, once it's done, this stuff will clean bathtubs, mirrors, toilets, food, pet urine, remove brown spots from your skin and of course, warts. Yes. That is what they say.
The last thing to get people this worked up was snake oil.
Here's how it all turned out for me ...
July 6th I started my batch of enzyme cleaner. 3 months later it hadn't done a thing. No fermenting, no gassing up, no nothin. All instructions for making this stuff warned you about the fact that so much gas will be produced in the bottle while it's working it's magic that the lid might explode off. No exploding. 3 months later it was the same as it was from day one, with a little extra colour and stink.
I also knew the enzyme cleaner wasn't ready because it was incredibly sticky. Any of the sugar I put in there was still there. If the enzyme cleaner had properly fermented there wouldn't be any sugar left in it.
So after 3 months of nothing happening I added a teaspoon of yeast to my concoction. This did the trick and within a few days the bottle was bubbling and fermenting and producing more gas than Honey Boo Boo at a chili eating contest.
About 2 weeks later it stopped producing gas and wasn't sticky at all, so I knew it was done.
I measured out the recommended ratio of Enzyme Cleaner to water. All the sites that extoll the virtues of this cleaner say to use it straight for pet accidents, one part enzyme to 5 parts water for cleaning glass, and 1 part enzyme to 10 parts water for general cleaning, like in bathrooms and kitchens.
And then I started cleaning. And what did I think?
DIY Enzyme Cleaner is stupid.
I started off by cleaning some sticky windows. It didn't work. Windex did.
Then I moved onto a mirror. It worked. So did Windex and so did plain water.
Then into the bathroom I went. It did a fine job on the sink and bathtub. Just like my regular cleaner only not as good.
Off to the kitchen. Again it did a fine job on the counters and windowsills but a terrible job on the baseboards (which had some kind of grease on them).
That's where I stopped my experiment. It seemed pointless to continue because I knew ... I was never going to make this again.
It wasn't that it was completely terrible, it just wasn't worth the effort and really didn't clean nearly as well as commercial cleaners. Yes, I know ... if you lick it though, you won't die! You won't die if you lick Windex either so don't worry about it. Neither will your baby.
If you're worried about that sort of thing there's a myriad of products out there that are safe for you and your baby and your curious licking problem.
I don't know if was just me, or my particular batch but after reading what other bloggers had to say about this stuff I was expecting rays of sunshine to come exploding out of my toilet after I cleaned with it. They did not.
I'm kind of suspicous about these other bloggers and what they normally use for cleaning products if they're so impressed with this. I suspect prior to making enzyme cleaner they'd been trying to clean their homes with roadkill.
And that's basically my assessment of this DIY Enzyme Cleaner. It's better than roadkill.
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Patra
OMGosh you are the funniest person ever. Stupid is my favorite word. Thank you for using it - and restoring my faith in Windex.
Brenda J. M
Put all that in a hollowed out pumpkin and you'd have a home-made moonshine! Probably would have made you happier than all that double cleaning.
I'm all for home fixins' etc., but after cleaning my drains with baking soda and vinegar a number of years..and then breaking up the hardened mass of old baking soda in the down drain...well - BRING ON THE DRAINO!
I do use vinegar and lemon juice on glass etc., but I'm all for modern science too.
DearTufy
I do make a natural cleaner that's known for it's antibacterial, fungicidal, anti viral and germicidal properties -- called Four Thieves Vinegar. It is a centuries old legend and recipe. Basically it's vinegar infused (think Sun tea) with at least 4 of the following herbs along with crushed garlic (and make sure to bruise or mull herbs): Rosemary, Thyme, Sage, Fennel, Peppermint, Melissa (Lemon Balm), Lavender. After the herbs have infused for several weeks, strain out the herbs and toss, dilute with distilled water in a spray bottle and use to clean bathrooms, counters, spray in sickrooms (like Lysol) and many other uses. There other other recipes you can find, some using more toxic herbs, but this is the recipe I use as it's so safe.
cred
Crap! When you started your concoction, I started one under my sink, too. If I waited 3 months for your experiment and then found out that this stuff was brilliant and then had to wait another 3 months to make my own, I would have been pissed.
Mine did create gas- I used a balloon on top as a reader suggested b/c I couldn't be trusted to release the gas often enough (although I religiously shook the bottle every day). But oddly after a week or so, the balloon collapse as though it was consuming air. Then the bottle was collapsing- I would release the balloon to give it air- WTF! I don't know of a reaction/biological process that would create a vacuum. I wasn't sure what I'd created so I hadn't tried mine.
Now I, too, have a batch of useless diy cleaner. However, I won't bother with trying mine especially since I'm not sure what my experiment under the sink became.
It might create a cosmic wormhole in the kitchen drain. Perhaps I have just completed some important work in quantum mechanics. I better go clean my sink, I expect that I may have some theoretical physicists knocking at my door shortly.
Karen the Coffee Spewer
I HATE reading your blog ... while I am drinking coffee. What advise do you have for cleaning coffee off a computer screen! Honey Boo Boo at a chili eating contest! I am still laughing!
Pat
For any glass cleaning I simply use a "norwex" cleaning cloth....absolutely NO cleaner except water and the cloth. The cloth contains silver thread which does the cleaning. Check out their products as then you won't need most commercial cleaners other than some vinegar, baking soda, borax for those heavy duty jobs. I am not a Norwex salesperson, just love the product. I don't have any pets so am not an expert at pet mess. You know that build up of stuff you get on your gas fireplace glass, the norwex cloth and water takes it off. We used to use some expensive cleaner.
nicola jones
I have made Epic Fails a specialty... and much of science is spent discovering how things don't work to find the one way they will. Who knows maybe the cure for acne or or squeeky hinges brews in that bottle...til then- try "pink" solution.: )
Lori
Thanks for doing all the work for us! Now I know I don't have to do it!
Langela
Here is the link to my link to your post
http://iowafarmerzwife.blogspot.com/2012/11/are-you-ready-for-madness.html
Langela
"Better than roadkill" HAH! High praise indeed.
J9
Your honesty kills me, that's why I keep coming back. Gosh I love Windex....
Jodi
Ha! when I read your tutorial on how to make the cleaner I ALMOST tried it and then thought it would be better to let you go first. YAY! I'm a lover of Clorox, ammonia, and anything that looks and smells toxic.;) I love the ease of spraying that noxious stuff on my tub and watching it eat the grime. I'm so glad this one failed! Back to sniffing bleach!Cheers.
Suzy
here is something I found on the Internet that really works and you don't have to wait 3 months. Heat up 1 cup of vinegar in the microwave and mix in 1 cup dawn dish washing (I used a little less Dawn) mix in a spray bottle. Spray your shower or bath toilet or sink. Walk away for an hour, come back and hose down. Your taps will be gleaming your tiles will shine and your tub will sing. We have an acyrlic tub that was gross because nothing would clean the scum but this works.
Lynnl
The political ad showing on my screen is one for State Representative in my district. Pretty spot on, seeing how the street in front of my house is the border of my district. I've admired the candidate's rival's campaigning, but now I'm getting the heebie jeebies.
Marce
Sorry it failed at cleaning but it made for great reading! you have a way with words! lol
Jeff Walker
"More gas than Honey Bo-Bo in a chili eating contest." This is why I read this blog. Well that and the antics of chickens.
karol
Is that picture the end result?! Because it kind of looks like something you'd find in a hoarders bathroom, but not for cleaning. And I'm guessing it smells nearly as bad as it looks. eww
Rose
I concur with you Karen. As the reader that suggested this to you, I have to say I'm sorry. I think I mentioned that this stuff stinks? Smells and it doesn't work, yup this is a Pintrest fail. However, I've still got it stored under the sink. Just HOW do you get rid of it? I'm not sure that this stuff should be down the drain, or the real reason what happens if it DOESN'T go down? It's alive!!!!
Donna T
Rose... go ahead and pour your DIY cleaner down the drain... except for the peels of course... the enzymes are good for the drain and septic tank if you have one! Sound like a great use for it! :-)
Mary Werner
I never got any political commercial - why is she so special? I get 30 phone calls a day for Romney yet not one on the internet. Was it something I said? You know they can hear and see inside your home - at least that is what it said on the internet and so I believe it. Better get to cleaning before they send in the authorities to check my current level of dust bunnies.
Suanne Jefferies
"...produced more gas than Honey Boo Boo at a chili eating contest"??????????? Bwahahahahahaha!!!
Pati Gulat
I KNOW !!!!!! ROTFLMBO !!! THAT JUST SLAYED ME TOO !!!!