My feet have been described by everyone around me as cartoon like. I mainly took this as a compliment and in fact strutted a little bit at the thought of it, showing off my feet every chance I got.
At one point I even took to pointing at things with my toes instead of my fingers to ensure everyone got a chance to marvel at my Betty and Veronica type feet. Betty and Veronica were hot. Cartoon feet were hot. Ergo, I was hot.
And then one night at dinner the fella commented on my cartoon feet. Just as I was about to pass the gravy with my right foot, I heard something about Fred Flintstone.
FRED FLINTSTONE? People were referencing FRED FLINTSTONE and not the hot Archie comic girls when they said I had cartoon feet? This changed everything.
Frankly I knew I had wide, square, unattractive feet. That's why it was so exciting to think everyone around me was so stupid they couldn't see it. They thought I had the slender foot of a rich, snotty, dark haired vixen who starred in her own Double Digest.
To make matters slightly worse I not only have square feet, I have the feet of a highly ranked African distance runner. Someone who has trained by running through the thorn and rock filled bush for decades, completely barefoot.
My heels and toes have thick, hard calluses with enough dead skin poking out of them that scraping my feet through a pair of leggings is as horrifying as the sound of nails on a chalkboard, my feet catching and pulling on every fibre of the material all the way down. There are certain rugs in my house I can't even walk on for fear my feet will snag them like super powered velcro and I'll be stuck on the rug forever.
This is how I imagine my feet.
These are my actual feet.
It used to be that this medieval device was the tool of choice for those of us with farmer feet.
A razor on the end of a stick. The callus shaver.
And if you leave it in the bathroom cabinet long enough it'll even turn into a rusty razor blade. The idea is you carefully level the razor blade with your heel and then ... start swishing it across your heel as quick as you can, shaving off all of the dead skin in the process. You just keep doing it until you get too queazy to do it anymore. You'll think you did a good job until you realize you've shaved off all of your skin and you're unable to walk for 3 days.
Having the cast of Duck Dynasty shoot at your heels with their favourite 12 gauge seems more reasonable.
Which brings me to my product review. (I went out and bought the thing myself because I was genuinely curious about it ... I wasn't paid to write this review and no one gave me any free product.)
The Emjoi MicroPedi. I passed it a couple of times in my local pharmacy but never bought it because I wasn't convinced it would work and it's not cheap. At Shoppers Drug Mart in Canada it's $49.99.
So when I walked past it last time and saw it was on sale for $29.99 I held my breath and grabbed it. I could handle wasting $30. Not $50. So imagine my surprise when they rang it up and it came up as the original price, $49.99. I misread the price. It wasn't on sale. But it was too late now. I was attached to it. It was mine.
The Emjoi Micropedi is a battery operated foot sander. So a hypercharged emery board. The unit has a tube of sandpaper that sands your feet by spinning around at a ridiculous rate.
In the box you get the device, an instruction booklet and a completely and totally useless plastic brush thing.
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This is the business end of the device.
It runs off of 2 AA batteries and you can buy replacement sanders for it, including finer and extra coarse ones.
This is my heel before. And I have to tell you. It's actually looking pretty good. But you can see that I'm not the owner of beautiful heel skin. I have wrinkles on the bottom of my feet just like a baby. A baby elephant.
The instructions say to turn on the foot sander and run it over your skin for no longer than 3 seconds in one place. So I did that.
I did it again.
And again and again and again. It took about 15 minutes for me to get my feet to where I was happy with them. So it wasn't finished in the seconds that the box claims. Mind you, they probably weren't counting on Fred Flintstone buying their product.
It was amazingly easy to use and dare I say, kindda fun. Really fun in fact, because it worked. This is after one use.
Cleaning
That's what the little useless brush you get is for. Throw it away, it's stupid.
The device itself is water resistant so you can rinse it under water.
The sanding roll is removable so I just popped mine out and brushed it the remaining dead skin with an old toothbrush the rinsed it under water.
It's not the same as getting a pedicure, because obviously no one is nipping your cuticles, pulling your toes or massaging your calves, but the result is pretty good. Plus there's the bonus that you can do this whenever you have a second and you don't have to wait for an appointment.
Which brings me to my next point. Who is this sort of device for? Well. For people like me who imagine they're gonna get pedicures but never do. Or people who always get pedicures (Veronica for example) but want something to do little touch ups in between them.
So basically it's for everyone.
Do I recommend the Emjoi MicroPedi? Does Fred Flintstone wear a dress?
Rating:
Drawbacks
The reason it didn't get 4 stars is because of the cost of the unit and the replacement sanding rolls.
Take a look at your Battery Operated Foot Sander options on Amazon here.
If your feet are anything like mine, buy one. You'll love it. Yabba Dabba Doo it right now.
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Melissa in North Carolina
The photo of fungi between your toes, please, give me something else so I can lose that visual.
MindyK
Not that I wish foot-appearance challenges on anyone, but I'm so glad to know there is a battalion of women around the world attacking their feet with drugstore finds, kitchen gadgets, garage tools, and assorted potions. I wish we could have a convention--every time I read the comments on Karen's posts, I think, "These are my people!" :)
Karen
I've had this for a couple years now; firs time I used it, my teenage daughter actually FELT my heel, it looked so amazingly soft and smooth. Up until that point, she wasn't crazy about being the same room when my heel skin was visible. However, you need to do it constantly because that skin is gonna come back pretty fast. But worse than that, the batteries die really quickly. At first they run down and you don't necessarily notice it until you place the roll against your heel and it slows waaaaaaay down, making it pretty useless. However, they do offer a corded version which I may spring for someday.
Pam'a
I have two words for you: Rechargeable Batteries. Honestly. You pay a little more up front, but when I think about how many things of mine use AA batteries, it has paid for itself a hundred times over. Oh, and I don't have to toss a bunch of used batteries in the trash, so I'm just sure I'm saving the planet.
Karen
I have them, but for some reason, they don't provide the same amount of power as throwaway batteries for this application. This thing really demands some power.
Susan Preston
I'm on my feet all day everyday. A friend years ago said she was going for a pedicure and I thought and said oh how lucky was she! Thinking it was only for a privileged few. As she pointed out...without my feet being looked after I would be not able to do my job. Therefore...I splurge on a pedicure winter and summer every second month. Worth every single penny and so nice to be forced to sit for a little while!! As my Nana used to say...if your feet hurt you hurt all over! I can see that thing being pushed to the back of my bathroom cabinet along with all the bottles of hand lotion I've been given over the years.
jainegayer
I tried to hold my coffee in like Christine but NO, out it came out my nose all over the keyboard. Thank goodness for keyboard skins!!! LOL
I use a cheese grater on my feet (I have a separate one for the kitchen). Works well but I think I need to check this product out.
Lyn
I keep just the little grater part of my PediEgg in the shower and use it for a few seconds every day. Cheap and easy. I do also get a pedi every month. And those Heeltastic sticks are amazing. Obviously I have to work hard to keep my feet at an acceptable level, sadly...
Elizabeth
I use a foot soak made of 2 cups warm water, 1/4 cup vinegar and 1/4 cup mouthwash. You soak your feet for ten minutes or so. The dead skin all turns a highly entertaining blue ( or green) and just sloughs off when you rub it. And smell all minty.
Kim
Elizabeth that is hilarious!!! LOL I am going to try it....
Mary
I have terrible caveman/woman feet as well. They'll crack at a whim and cause no end of misery. I do, however, keep them in check by using a foot file after every shower. Quick, cheap and effective.
Pat
Mary's right, everyday scrubbing in the shower (I have a natural pumice stone I bought at The Body Shop years ago) keeps rough feet in check. Just work it into your shower routine. And I work in my yard every day after work and all weekend in flip flops. Nothing gets ground in dirt off your feet like my pumice stone. A quick moisturize after the shower also helps. We're on a tight budget at our house and no trips to the foot salon are in my future.
Feral Turtle
BTW, you have cute feet, even with the dirt on them!
Feral Turtle
Hubby needs this tool. He is definitely getting this for Christmas. Unfortunately the Costco link is for Americans only. Going to check out your Amazon link. Thanks for your honest review. Muchly appreciated!
Lisa
Good thing you had a white towel under your foot so you couldn't really see the mound of dead skin you'd sanded off
Karen
Actually Lisa, for the second foot I used a piece of paper. And then I weighed the dead skin. I swear. I have photos. ~ karen!
Shirley
No need to share, thanks! :(
Sherry (BTLover2)
I think a lot of people have Fred Flintstone feet. My husband does. I actually call them his "Fred's". I'll say, "Get those filthy Fred's off the table." Or "Hey, George (a reference to his George Washington teeth), take your Fred's and march your cradle-cap ass (reference to his milia) out of here!" Huh. That doesn't make my hubs sound very attractive does it?
Anyway, I'm so buying this thing. My hooves are screaming to be sanded. I haven't found a thing I can use at home that works. Thanks for the review, Karen. Always very informative and honest. And funny!
Caroline
I have the exact same wide stumpy feet! I used to think they were cute but as the years go by they are just looking nastier and nastier! I have the added benefit of dark hairs growing out of them so if I am not careful about shaving them they look like Hobbit feet!
Leslie Zuroski
Costco online has them for $29.99. We have them in our warehouse too, now I know I can recommend them to people because Karen showed me. Thanks for the review!
Karol
At first glance, my thought was, Dear God! look at the pitiful picture of feet she found on the internet. After I realized those were your actual feet, I laughed that in your head you thought your feet looked like Betty/Veronica.
Yabba Dabba Do!
paula
I use my little palm sander, works like a charm but the friction sometimes heats up the bottom of my feet which scares me. I am quite adept at using the little razor blade on a stick too, but once left it in the bathroom and my hubby thought he'd give it a try. He literally hacked his feet to pieces and really almost couldn't walk for 3 days. I now have to hide the damn thing.
Karen
Oh I know! I wasn't kidding about the not being able to walk for 3 days, lol! ~ karen
Marie
I love my Emjoi! I got mine from QVC when it was on sale and had free shipping. They have a 30 day return policy but mine is a keeper. Cost of replacements still less than a pedi. You won't wear out rollers so quickly now that your feet are smooth, the hard part is done, just keep it up.
Angela
I bought mine from QVC too! What is it about wearing sandals in the summer that makes heels get all cracked and rough?!!!
Darlene
My dremmel works just fine! And it does not take long to use!
Peg McCallum
Yep--Dremel the dog toenails, then do my feet. Life changing for all of us!
Karen
There is nothing wrong with "Fred Flinstone" feet! I have the same condition. Just think how quick we can get the car started! Seriously, after you sand the heels down you should put some neosporin on your heels and they will feel great. Throw Dino in the backseat, it's time for a road trip!
Amanda Pedro
This winter, I wore hand knit wool socks. I swear it was the wool socks and the lanolin that saved my heals. they are so soft. When spring and sandal season came, I was ready without doing anything, but a adding a coat of nail polish.