Have you ever had your screen door slam too hard and too quick? It's a relatively easy fix as long as you have some time on your hands. Here's how to do it!
Materials needed: Chair, Screwdriver.
Total project time: 3 ½ hours, 30 seconds.
This is a reenactment of my actual experience ...
Look at front door and remember the slamming screen needs to be fixed. Resolve to fix it immediately.
Head on over to take a look.
Notice movies on front hall table that need to be returned.
Quickly run to stick those in your purse.
Head back to front door to fix it and notice that bunch of stuff always sitting by the basement door. Figure you should probably pick it up and put it in the basement once and for all.
Head back to front door.
Discover cat vomit on cowhide rug. Mutter, swear, then clean it up.
Grab the screwdriver you know you'll need to fix front door. 'Cause you're proactive like that. Peer outside and notice something that needs to be dealt with.
Immediately.
Take down Christmas wreath. Seems a bit early, but better to get it done with.
Return inside and actually make it to the front door. Stare outside longingly waiting for spring to arrive. Do this for approximately 15 minutes, then realize a watched pot never boils. Spring will come when you're not looking. Remember door needs to be fixed. Head to kitchen to grab a chair to stand on to fix door.
Notice messy kitchen. Resolve to ignore messy kitchen. Door needs to be fixed.
Tidy up kitchen.
Make it 2 feet from kitchen table then have a snack. Most people do a better job of fixing doors when they've had a snack.
Arrive again at door.
Without chair. Get chair.
Notice Christmas tree on front porch. Again ... a little early but should probably take it down.
Pitch it just far enough onto the front lawn that I can't see it from inside the house.
Ready to fix slamming screen door! Stand on chair and assess "closer".
Reach for screwdriver in back pocket, which is not there because you left it in the dining room when you took down the Christmas wreath. Go back to cupboard to get screwdriver.
Discover a bag or rats in cupboard! Wait. No. It's hair extensions from a television show you hosted several years ago. Model them for yourself. Contemplate the fact that even though hers cost $7,000, your $100 hair extensions look exactly the same as Kate's from Jon and Kate Plus 8.
After at least half an hour of ponytails and braids, return to fixing door. Take a look at the "closer" of the screen door. That's the black tube hydraulic looking thing with the screw on the end of it.
Insert screwdriver.
Turn screw clockwise a smidge. Door fixed. No more slamming too quickly.
If your door closes too slowly ... turn the screw counter clockwise.
Prep time ... 3 ½ hours.
Work time ... 30 seconds.
Total time required ... 3 ½ hours, 30 seconds.
If this interested you, you might also be interested in How to Cut a bunch of Spring Tulips if You Have a Minimum of 17 Hours on Your Hands.
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Christina
My screen door absolutely closes too fast. I instinctively wince every time I come home and open it in preparation for it to wack me in the keister while I fumble with my keys. It has caused me great pain and turmoil since it was installed nearly a year ago. And the only reason I haven't done anything about is because... well because I thought it would take 3 1/2 hours and 30 seconds. Damn.
Elise
Before I clicked on this post, I thought "I know this does not have any use for me, but I know if i don't read it, I will miss something awesome." Sure enough, hilarity ensued. Thanks! =)
hannita
Can you do a cat vomit clean-up tutorial? Admittedly, my barfy cat died last summer but the other cat still pukes on occasion. I moved recently and really want a cowhide rug but then I think about the cat vomit potential and it puts me off.
Karen
Hannita - I have some very good news. Cows ... being outdoor creatures accustomed to rolling in their own vile poo among other things, is incredibly resilient. Cat vomit cleans up like a breeze! Even off of my white cowhide. ~ karen
sharman
It's heartening to see that I am not the only one burdened with cat vomit! What's with these cute, cuddly but oh-so-messy critters!!!
Erin @ Dwell & Tell
This is one of my favorites, Karen.
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for making me feel less crazy. This is my typical Saturday or Sunday afternoon!
Totally agree with Blake about the "extension expression". :)
blake
Loved this...and is exactly why I am reading this instead of working on a floor plan that was due in March!
p.s. the expression on your face while looking at yourself with the extensions is fabulous! somewhere between longing, pain, hope and disgust!
mwah
Paulina J!
I will use this as an example next time my husband complains about me taking too long with projects. Thanks Karen!
chrysanthi
ha!ha!!!that's my way of avoiding reading for my studies!!!ok!i guess fixing the door is not that interesting than waiting for spring to come!neither reading...believe me!(i hope you understand my horrible english...)
Karen
Chrysanthi - Hah! Not to worry ... understood! :) ~ karen
aimee
Thanks for the tutorial, and it is *especially* wonderful to see that there are other people than myself who can take such a ...hmmm...circuitous route!
Merci!
Diana
How long did it take you to perfect the Design*Sponge doorstop? I tried making it. My highly-skilled and very focused mother tried making it...all attempts came out completely wonky. Damn the monkey's fist knot!!!!
Karen
Diana - Oh dear. Well ... it really only took a couple of shots. Mainly to get practiced at tightening the knot. That's the most important part of it. I just watched the video and tutorial they provided and did it. Try it again. It really can be done! It'll look stupid until you start tightening it. And you have to go through the tightening process 3 or 4 times before the knot is completely perfect! ~ karen
Melanie
Yup yup- see?! Cheeky/Interesting as always. Melanie (aka favourgirls on twitter)
Karen
Melanie - Thanks! ~ karen
Courtney
I noticed the rope knot hanging from the door knob. Is that purely decorative or a cat toy? Either way I like it a lot!
Karen
Courtney - It's a door stop I made based on one I saw here on Design*Sponge.
Courtney
Cool, thanks!
Laurel Alanna McBrine
Love your cat - nice to have a buddy when doing these tasks even if he creates the odd mess to clean up.
michelle
Love that top. Where did you get it? Oh and, the post too, loved it too. Very funny. And the top.
Karen
Michelle - Thank you. JOE FRESH!!! $14! In stock now!
Farquist
Karen -
Sadly, I don't own a screen door and my Christmas stuff gets turfed on Boxing day.
Can you give a review of the cheese you were snacking on? I have recently been seen loitering at the cheese display trying to decide if it would be worth my $6.00 and if so, which flavour I would enjoy.
Farquist
Karen
Farquist - Boursin Pepper cheese smeared on Garlic Bagel crackers. Um .. delicious. ~ karen
Jacque
I just wanted to say that if you really had the time to do all of that then you wou... oh look... a birdy on my fence!
Little Girl Lost
Hi Karen,
Your snack looks really interesting, what is it?
Cheers
Pam'a
I immediately recalled your tulip post (one of my personal favorites)! I could have written either of these posts. Actually, no-- but I have LIVED them.
Does it get worse for you in the spring like it does for me?
kim
Now I need to go back and see how many times you are wearing those shoes!! I was really hoping to get to bed early@@
Kim
kim
Hey Karen, I went to the link to see how to cut flowers in such a short time and I noticed that you are wearing the same shoes in both posts!!! Surely you get paid enough to buy new shoes!!!!??? Or do you have several pairs of the same shoes???
Kim
Karen
Kim - I'm horribly embarrassed to have been seen wearing a pair of shoes twice. I thought for SURE I'd thrown those shoes out after I wore them that one time. Apparently I only thought I did. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go throw out that winter coat I wore once. Phew. Thanks for reminding me! Potential embarrassing disaster averted! ~ karen
Pam'a
I am snickering behind my hand now.