When I first bought my house I started buying fresh cut flowers. Lots of them. You might call it an obscene amount. If my flower obsession were a pornographic magazine it would be Hustler, not Playboy. O-B-S-C-E-N-E. I’ve cut waayyyyy back but I still have new fresh flowers every week. Through trial and error (and no fear of cutting the stems) I’ve taught myself to arrange just about anything. So the next time someone gives you one of those grocery store bouquets DO SOMETHING with it. Don’t just stick them in a tall vase. Try different vases, don’t be afraid to cut the stems in half if you have to, and throw out any of the flowers you think are just plain ugly. You’ll screw up A LOT of flowers at first. But you’ll learn pretty quickly what works and what doesn’t. Or if you want to, just copy some of my weekly flower arrangements, and when you feel confident you can venture out on your own; or into your neighbours backyard. At night. With some clippers and some kind of cover story.
My hair is all stupid. With the humidity the thermometer reached 39 degrees celsius in Ontario today and tomorrow it’s supposed to go up to 41. For my American friends, that is the equivelant of 792 degrees Fahrenheit. Seriously. Look it up. Because of this I haven’t been buying flowers. The heat in the house [...]
I have a pond. My pond has plants. I fertilized those plants and … those plants had babies. Lots of em. Yup. I have a classic case of Octopond. So …. 5 ways to display Water Lettuce ~1~ ADDITIONAL PHOTO HERE ~2~ ADDITIONAL PHOTO HERE ~3~ ADDITIONAL PHOTO HERE ~4~ ~5~ ADDITIONAL PHOTO HERE Yes, [...]
No money? No vases? No problem. I figured out years ago that you don’t need money or proper vases to have a flower arrangement. I also figured out that if you choose your hanging baskets and planters for the summer wisely you can have flowers in the house all summer long too. Admittedly I’m [...]
There’s nothing sweeter than a Sweet Pea. I mean the evidence is in the name … it’s called a Sweet Pea. It’s not called the “Dragon Breath Pea”, or the “Diabolical Pea”, or the ”I swear Baby, I must have caught it from a toilet seat Pea”. It’s a Sweet Pea. So what’s so sweet [...]
In a certain episode of Sex & the City, Carrie was being courted by a boy. He stood knocking at her door holding a bunch of pink carnations. Not orchids, not roses, not some super-modern arrangement of 3 stick -like reeds. He brought her carnations. #3 on the cruddy flower hierarchy, just below dandelions and [...]
Guess what??!! I’ll give you one clue … ARTICHOKES WERE STILL ON SALE! Oh. That’s not really a clue so much as telling you the exact answer to the clue. I’m make a terrible mystery novelist. If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a thing for green and white floral design. I can tell [...]
There are two things I know for sure. 1) My cat’s poo always smells like she’s swallowed a poltergeist. and 2) If artichokes are on sale, I’m gonna make a flower arrangement out of them, damn it. Even if technically artichokes aren’t a flower, but are a vegetable. Until they bloom, at which point [...]
I have to apologize. More tulips. I can’t help it. Honestly, I can’t help it. I was recently diagnosed as a tulipaholic. By my, you know, um … Budiatrist. Having tulips around the house makes me feel just like Audrey Hepburn. Sometimes when I gaze at them I even catch myself raising my [...]
When last we met in the Flower of the Week portion of this blog, I presented you with “The sad, sorry-ass hydrangea”. Now that you know how to deal with THAT annoying little issue in life take a gander at this arrangement. It’ll knock you right on your bums it’s so spring-time pretty. Put your [...]
ANY CHARA CTER HERE This is how it usually goes when I buy hydrangeas: I’m at the grocery store for the sole purpose of buying 1% milk. I need this milk because I can’t go to bed unless I’ve had my glass of milk and exactly 2 ginger snap cookies, whether I’m hungry or not. [...]
When I was in line to buy these flowers at the grocery store – yes, they’re grocery store flowers – the cashier asked me if they were “Carrot Tulips” Pffttt. Carrot Tulips. What a doofus! I politely squinched up my face and said, “Uh, um … well … they’re … Oh!!! I thought you said [...]
I realize that just a couple of weeks ago I posted an article that went into great detail about how I would like my orchid to die already. Which is true, there are times I wish my orchid would just die already. And then, conversely, there are other times when I want it to live. [...]
