Every so often readers send me stories of links they've found on the Internet they think I'll enjoy.
I always take a look at them. Sometimes they're funny, sometimes I love them, sometimes I think Oh my God. Do you really think I'd like that, you crazy person?
Last week I got one such email. The funny kind. Not the crazy person kind.
I beg of you. If you only click on ONE link this whole year make it this one.
It's a love story about a girl, a first date and a fart. Then come back here ...Read this Fart Story!
You're welcome.
I'll give you a moment to blot your running nose and wipe away your tears. GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR!!!
So, that's how that went for her. It got me to thinking that I really don't have any hilarious first date stories. Or any hilarious date stories at all really. I have a LOT of hilarious first day at work stories, and even more that take place in grocery stores, but nothing about dating.
I now have a craving to hear ridiculous date stories. That's where you come in.
Have a great date story? Tell me. Tell me now. What is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you on a date?
Don't worry. You can divulge. I won't tell a single, solitary, soul.
Have a good weekend!
kortni
I was so drunk. He took me home to my place because he was homeless. He moved in. Turned out he was rich. He replaced all my shit with nice shit. Five years later we are still together. I have nice shit and I don't have to work.
Shari
Craig and I ‘accidentally met’ on Lavalife. I was setting up a hotmail address and accidentally clicked on the link to Lavalife. Just for fun, I thought I’d poke around. When I came upon his profile, I thought it was too good to be true so I impulsively pulled together my own profile (that was restricted just for him) and sent him a ‘smile’. I waited one very long week before he got back to me.
We e-mailed back and forth for another week before we arranged to meet. I couldn't wait to meet him, but I was a little nervous about meeting someone over the internet, so I thought we should meet somewhere close to where I worked. We decided on the Keg - which was below the building I used to work in.
Craig called the restaurant to see if he could get us a reservation in advance, but they didn't take reservations. I told Craig that I would save a table if I got there before him. When I arrived, I told the hostess that I was meeting someone by the name of Craig. He wasn't there yet, so she took me to a table and told me that she would bring him over once he arrived.
Five minutes later the waitress showed up with an overweight, older, balding man - the complete opposite of what I was expecting!!!!
Even though he was a nice enough guy, I felt really duped. After chatting politely for a few minutes, I discovered that his name was 'Greg' and he was also on a blind date! I was so relieved when he went off to find his blind date and Craig arrived 5 minutes later. When I told him the story about the mistaken identity, his classic response was "you mean 'Greg' wasn't a keeper"!
I knew from the minute we met that Craig was going to be a keeper. We were engaged exactly one year to-the-day later. To this day, I often wonder how 'Greg's' blind date turned out!
Debbie
Ok, Here is the first date nightmare of mine. It is the 1970's. He picked me up in a huge 1960's Impala. We were on our way to a drive in movie it was Jaws. So, to move it along we went in to the snack bar. I love chocolate and thought I would get junior mints. For those of you who don't know what they are they are small plump mints with a milk chocolate covering. Plus it helped with breath.It was getting dark so we made it back to the car and watched smooched and snacked through the movie.
So its intermission time coming up we hurried off to go potty and get more popcorn before the crowd comes in. This rest room had many pottys and a whole wall of sinks with mirrors. I finish with the potty and am washing my hands when the huge crowd comes in and are looking at me and kinds making faces.
I gave myself a final look in the mirror and that was one of those OMG what is this. The butt of my light green slacks were covered in smashed black and white junior mints. Once melted it looked like I pooped and maybe something sexual was with it. The bottom of the box was open and it was all over my ass.
Now what the hell do I do. I waited as long as I could and walked by a wall out the door. Thank god my date was already back in the car. Out side it was really dark so it was ok there.
I managed to get through the date and he never saw my butt. I jumped out of the car and backed my way into my house. Thank God that was over.
Next morning a call came through from his mother saying she was coving over to see me. WTF I am thinking. She comes over gets out of the car with her sons pants. They were covered in the same crap mine were. I saw the seat and it was smeared on fabric all over the seat. She wanted to know what the hell I did to her car and son. I started to laugh so hard that she got in her car and took off. I never saw either one again.I never found out if it came out of her car. I threw my pants out it would no come out. Oh well I didn't like him anyway..........
Lara
Debbie,
Lol
Lara
pumpkin
That's as good as the fart story!
Carolyn
That's the best story so far...! I had a somewhat similar experience. Instead of Junior Mints, mine involved a raspberry bismark that unknowingly lost its filling into the crotch of my white shorts.... yeah.
Nancy Blue Moon
Yeah,,I was on a date once..I'm not sure how I could explain all this but lets just say that after a while I came to realize that I was out with a multiple personality..Yup..No doubt about it..Do I win???
Ann
This is a story about my first date with my husband. Now, I was his sister's BFF for 5 years before we ever dreamed of going out. I had graduated from HS and had a child without the benefit of marriage. In those days and in the eyes of many of the older generation, that made me look like someone they did not want their son to bring home.
So anyway, I get this call a few days before New Years asking me if I wanted to go out. I had the flu and I had it bad so I had to turn him down. I told him he could call in a few days and ask again but didn't really expect he would.
I was wrong and this time I was well and was ready to go out with anybody since it had been awhile since I had dated anyone. But one caveat. I needed to have a friend for his friend to make it a foursome. What are the chances, but I actually did have a single friend who was in my class in xray school. Now, I thought I knew DH's best friend and I thought he was hot. Told school friend this and she was expecting to be wowed when she got to meet him. But when they showed up to pick me up first I quickly learned that the hottie was actually his BF's younger brother and that this guy was a bit on the hefty side. Still a good looking guy but hefty all the same. So when we picked up my friend(way before cell phone days where I might have possibly been able to call ahead and warn her)she was a bit taken aback.
So all the way to the movies she was a bit speechless and it was awkward at best. I mean it is hard enough to meet someone new but to think you would be meeting one type of person and it doesn't end up that way can be a bit shocking. But of course, it did not matter much once the movie started. But then we went to a big dance bar and my friend very quickly got smashed. So I ended up spending the entire time at the bar keeping her out of trouble and mostly spending time with her in the bathroom. I spent no time at all with my date and barely talked to him at all. So when they dropped us off I figured that was it for both couples.
But a few days later at school she admitted that she had been seeing him every night since then and had even "slept" together already. But no word at all from my date. I kinda felt like I had sacrificed my date and she came out smelling like a rose. I was a bit bummed. But a few days later she said that she had heard thru her guy that mine was going to try the date thing one more time, without them along. We had a much better time, although he told me he was about to graduate from college and he was beholding to the military for 4 years after that so don't even dream about getting serious on me.
Needless to say, both couples got married. We still are after 35 years. They would be but Mr. passed at a youngish age of a cancer recurrence which broke all our hearts.
But it just goes to say, that a horrible first date can work out if you are willing to give it just one more try
Reg
"OMG I can taste it!"
My sides hurt I've laughed so hard.
Thank you for sharing.
Sandy
I laughed till I cried!!
keg
OMG! I just died of laughter! The fart thing happened to me with my now husband! And it was right after the first night we spent together. He still can't believe that such raucous noise could come out a tiny thing like me. We still crack up over that story loll.
Dawna Jones
Sorry ,I have to go re-do my makeup! That really was the funniest story!
http://www.dawnajonesdesign.com/
claudine
I read this a couple of weeks ago when you first posted it and had not laughed so hard in years. It took me 10 minutes to finish because of episodes of crying and the inability to breathe. Thank you, I really needed it!
Rebecca
I had the same problem!
Lisa F
Still laughing over that story!!!
My first date story: It was my FIRST date ever. I was in high school. When he brought me home, we sat in the car and talked awhile. We both knew what was coming, and we were both pretty nervous. He leaned over to give me a kiss--and bang---no not the sound of fireworks--the sound of the car hitting the garage door. He had never put the car in park.
Diana
Karen.....
You....
made....
my....
day....
Diana
My son came down the stairs becaue he wanted to know, if was crying or laughing...
ev
OMG! I did indeed have to wipe the tears from my eyes! So funny!
When i was maybe 16 I went on a first date with a guy that was tall, good looking, and extremely shy. Anyway, he took me to a movie--Irma LaDouce. I was embarrassed since I hardly knew him and I was so young. Oh well. That relationship was doomed from the start anyway. Thanks for a good belly laugh from "The Fart Story:.
Langela
You weren't kidding! Tears, nose running. I had to keep squeezing my legs together so I didn't pee while reading it. Thank you, Karen!
Jan
10th anniversary date night, hubbie surprises me with a beautiful huge sapphire & diamond ring. Our food was bad, really bad - we both got sick overnite. The crowning moment came when the two guys sitting at a table near us got up and came over and started flirting, then straight out coming onto, flat out prospecting for my man! My hubby was so upset! The waitress asked if we wanted the cops called (they would not leave my man alone!). After we got home one of the diamonds fell out of the ring! We still laugh about our 10th anniversary date 11 years later.
KL
My lips are sealed.....
Hillarious!!!! Will have to re-post with appropriate reference if that's OK. Still laughing...
x KL
Kat
I would love to but I just can't! I have only told that story to 2 gay guys at the bar I worked at and we cried laughing so bad, but it is still to embarrassing after 34 years! Maybe if I could write it and not give my name and explain I was really drunk!
Five Monkeys and a Chick
I woke the monkeys up with my laughter! I really didn't read the whole story, as my eyes had filled up with tears!
Trysha
On our first New Years Eve together, my now-husband had the champagne farts. Since men thinks farts are hilarious, he locked the car windows and turned up the heater.
It seems kinda douchey typing it out but we laugh regularly about it. I feel like I should also point out that we had already been dating for 11 months and were living together at the point. I don't know why that's important for me to share, but farts...yeah.
Karen
I guess this constitutes as a first date story. About 25 years ago several girlfriends and I took a trip to Las Vegas. One night we went to a bar, ok more than one night, but I am talking about this particular night, and were approached by several guys. We had a nice evening with them and one of my girlfriends was smitten by one of the guys. However she only had his first name and that he worked for coke. So she decided to send him a letter addressed to his first name at coke. Seven months later she got a call from the guy we met at the bar, the letter went from person to person with the same first name at coke until it reached the right one, they have been married 20 years and have two sons.