There are certain things in life we all do. There are no rules saying we have to do these things. We just do them. They’re actions bred into us as human beings.
The same primal instincts that prompt cats to use litter boxes and spiders to spin webs prompt us to place our kitchen garbage under the sink.
That’s where yours is, isn’t it? You’re so predictable. There’s no rule or law saying this is where we all have to put our kitchen garbage, but 99% of us put it there. I just made that number up, but I’m pretty sure it’s true.
NOT having your garbage in the cupboard under your sink is a sign you’re unbalanced and not to be trusted. Someone who could be described as shifty. Again, I just made that up but I’m also pretty sure this statement is true.
Another thing we all do? We learn to whistle. There is absolutely no purpose for it, and I know very few people who find this skill has advanced their quality of life in any way. (New York City construction workers and their pals not withstanding) But from an early age we all seem to want to learn to whistle.
The other thing most of us do is put the salt in the shaker with the most amount of holes. The pepper goes in the shaker with the fewer amount of holes. That’s the way it’s done. There IS an actual rule that states this is the way to do it, by the way.
Because we’re law abiding citizens and we like to follow rules to help maintain a balanced life and orderly society, we do this. We follow the salt and pepper rule.
Well I am here to tell you right now that society is about to become unhinged. I switched up my salt and pepper shakers. And you should too.
Here’s the reasoning behind my thumbing my nose at social norms. Pepper is bigger. It has a harder time flowing out of the holes. Salt is finer. It has an easier time flowing out of holes. So doesn’t it make sense to put the pepper in the shaker with more holes, and the salt in the shaker with fewer holes?
Yes. I think it does. It does make sense.
And before you start running for the bomb shelter and screaming through the streets, consider this. I actually changed my salt and pepper shakers over 2 years ago. And since then society has stayed pretty much the same.
Actually things have gotten a little bit worse in terms of how slutty teenage girls dress. But other than that … things have remained the same. Oh! And my oldest cat seems to have forgotten how to use the litterbox. But I doubt there’s any sort of correlation there.