I THINK VALENTINE’S DAY IS STUPID. HERE’S WHY.

To be a truly successful blogger you must, MUST celebrate each and every holiday with steroidal vigour.  As if failing to create a St. Patrick’s Day themed dinner party complete with live leprechauns glued to your wall in the form of a wreath will result in a man named Rocco showing up at your front door with a baseball bat and an unhealthy obsession with your knees.  Actually, scratch the baseball bat thing, if he’s a blog enforcer obviously he’ll beat you with a piece of a broken down pallet accessorized with some washi tape.

There are two other things crucial to being a successful blogger.  I mean it isn’t just about holiday frenzy.

The first being an ability to write.  The second being an ability to photograph, manage, market, promote, beg, schedule, code, cry, recover, create, make, convey, invent and be perfectly content living for days on end without any real human contact beyond talking to your cat who you sometimes dress in pants because then it kind of feels like you have a co-worker, albeit a co-worker who never contributes anything significant to the business.  So very much like upper management.

You get all those skillz down and you, my friend, WILL BE A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER.

 

cherry-tarts

cherry tarts

6 years ago I was a successful blogger!  I made these cherry tarts in celebration of Valentine’s Day and posted about them.  Because woooooo it’s a holiday and we must all celebrate the holidays even if we don’t like them and think they’re stupid and would rather eat a bag of toenails.

The tarts are really good and really easy by the way. Nothing like a bag of toenails.  Not even ones that are painted red.

I do not like Valentine’s Day.   I think it’s silly.  And kind of embarrassing really.   Mostly for men.  It’s a holiday that at its heart seeks to point out that men, if unreminded, would go years on end, possibly even an entire LIFETIME without buying their wives cheap, skanky underwear.  That’s just dumb.  Any men I’ve come across have to be reminded to NOT buy their wives cheap, skanky underwear.

Enter Valentine’s Day, which conveniently and concisely reminds men throughout the world that nothing better assures a woman that she is loved and cared for, than a man coming home from work, pulling a newly purchased Valentine’s Day card out of a plastic bag, signing it in front of her and handing it over with a self assured “I got you covered.” smile. Once a year.

If the inventors of Valentine’s Day were really serious about their job, the international symbol for it wouldn’t be a heart, it would be the silhouette of a man with a drill and a romance novel tucked into his toolbelt while taking out the garbage in front of the whole neighbourhood wearing a thong.  Handy, romantic, well read, funny, confident and helpful.

But because I’m a blogger and wish to maintain my status of successful blogger I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good Valentine’s Day DIY for this year.  Maybe some food or a decoration or perhaps a recipe for how to make your own edible underwear.  You know. Something classy.

I couldn’t do it. Really the only Valentine’s Day decorations I like are the super cheesy paper cutout hearts that you stick to your windows.  You know, kindergarten type stuff.  Which makes sense since I also like those old fashioned classmate Valentine’s Day cards which are just a cutout of a slightly misshapen cartoon puppy holding a heart.

 

free-vintage-kids-valentine-card-puppy-with-red-heart-card-in-mouth

You’d have to have the cold, cold heart of a man named Rocco to not love that.

It’s not that women don’t like romance or grand gestures or even chocolate.  There, for me anyway, is just something insincere about telling men, forcing them to prove their love through red roses and cheap chocolate on one of the 365 days in the year.  For most women the most memorable gestures of love rarely involve lace.  Usually it involves a beverage.  Like making you a coffee or pouring you a glass of wine, miraculously just knowing when you need it.  Maybe even on June 23rd.  Or October 5th.   Or noticing something that needs to be fixed and … just fixing it.  At the very least calling someone and arranging to have it fixed.  Now THAT’S romance.

And don’t even get me started on what a libido revver it is for a man to cup your chin in his hand as he draws your face close to his mouth and whispers “I want you to be in charge of the remote tonight.”

So for right now, I’ve got nothin’ for ya.  No red wreath made out of cutout cupids, no chocolate beverage with a homemade heart shaped stir stick.  No Valentine’s dinner, dessert, printout or cutout.

Nothing.

But if you’ve learned anything from this post you’ve learned that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
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91 Comments

  1. dlmcl says:

    Oh thank god!

  2. Marianne says:

    You nailed it Karen. We’ll, maybe not the thong. But pouring wine and fixing things. My idea of the perfect man. No red roses and, as much as I love chocolate, no boxes of chocolate. Perhaps a spray thingy for my compressor. Maybe we should all go back to the little paper Valentine’s with the puppies and I kittens. Would be fun.

  3. Paula says:

    We each have our own remote – now ‘that’ is interesting! lol

  4. chris says:

    A tool belt AND a thong. Help me, I’m drooling a little. Giggity.

  5. Gayle M says:

    Feeling the love. ?

    And wondering about the case of chafing that toolbelt will cause cuz of that there thong, especially after yesterday’s Brazilian wax…

  6. Three comments:

    1. AMEN! I agree with you, Karen, one billion gazillion percent.

    2. Am I a grinch, or does anyone else gag when a TV personality cocks their head to one side, coyly smiles, brings their index fingers together, then their thumbs together and holds what is supposed to be a heart over their chest?

    3. And lastly, is anyone else having Karen’s blog freeze, then reload (4 times) when trying to enter a comment? These last three weeks, it has been freezing up on me. So, I’m writing my comments in my Notes, then copying and pasting them into the comment box. So, if you happen to agree or disagree with my number 1 and 2 comments, I probably will be unable to leave you a reply. Sorry in advance.

    4. OK – there is a fourth one. If no one agrees that the blog freezes when making a comment, I’m turning this iPad into a frizbee.

    • TucsonPatty says:

      Susan, I have had several instances in the past, at different times, of the screen rolling, disappearing, and not letting me type in more than one letter at a time before losing the keyboard, but I figured it was my iPad. As I am writing this, it just now occurs to me that doesn’t even make sense, as it doesn’t do it now, and my iPad didn’t get anything changed. However…it is doing something wonky right now, printing the letters I’m typing about 5 letters behind when I hit the keyboard. I have given up in frustration several times, and just had to keep my comments to myself! The horror!

      • Karen says:

        I wish I knew what was going on. I don’t ever have it happen to me so … wait … let me check my ipad … O.k. just got back from my iPad. There was trouble. I’m wondering if it has to do with the pop up subscription box. I’ll remove that tomorrow and see if that fixes it. In the meantime, clear your cache and see if that helps. ~ karen!

      • Karen says:

        It does, on the other hand, work perfectly on my laptop so it might also be a problem with the mobile version. I’ll look into it. Thx! ~ karen!

      • Exactly! Same problem for me!

        I think it may be a mobile version issue.

        Had to paste this from Note as blog froze and reloaded itself numerous times!

        Thank you!

    • Valerie says:

      Yes, I also experience the blog freeze but was thinking initially it was because we live gone and beyond and are hooked up to a satellite dish; but I agree with you.
      You will probably receive this email but it will go to ‘junk mail’ as that it the location I have received replies to comments I have made on Karen’s blog to which others have responded.

    • Stephbo says:

      I just told someone the other day that every time I see somebody doing that stupid heart symbol, I want to smack the crap out of them. I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates it!

  7. TucsonPatty says:

    Ha! I’ll buy my own chocolate or Girl Scout cookies as the case may be, therefore ensuring that I get myself the correct and perfect type. No chafing cuz no thong, for me or anyone else! Hmmph, does bah humbug work for Valentine’s Day, too? Overrated, you’re right, Karen.

  8. Chris says:

    I know he loves me when I don’t know what I did to my laptop and he fixes it without grumbling.

  9. Valerie says:

    I really don’t appreciate anyone to include the gentleman who lives here responding with ‘things’ because of basically a money making commercially organized pursuit of the almighty dollar by merchants, so called a holiday.
    He shovels snow, – non stop for us, he serves me wine, he can cook beautifully, he rubs my feet when we watch movies, he tells me I am beautiful when I am in my bathrobe and have no make up on and he tells me he loves me all the time. Do I want a valentine card, flowers or chocolate from him when what I receive daily is so much better?

  10. Lisa says:

    Hell Yes! Must admit my Valentine’s night treat is….go my Hairdressers (humidity kills me). Scalp massage, colour and a glass of bubbly, plus fabulous company. Prefer that over chockies any day. 🙂

  11. Barbie says:

    Love you too Karen!! XXOO

  12. Sherry in Alaska says:

    Bravo!
    It’s about time somebody says it and it might as well be you.
    Valentine’s Day sucks as a holiday.
    It sells cards and chocolates and roses and, yes, creepy underwear. It does not show any depth of commitment. It pumps expectations beyond the limits of reality. It sets everyone up for disappointment.
    Let’s get over the hype and expectations and keep calm while we share a bottle of wine, a bowl of popcorn and a movie. Gather the cats and snuggle into the couch! If enough of us do it, maybe it’ll become a movement.

  13. Sandy says:

    Who told you I dress my cat in pants????

  14. Melissa says:

    In true Valentine form, you show your love 364 days a year, for which we are all thankful. Who needs a stinkin paper heart anyway!

    So, thank you for all you do the other days of the year. We’ll let this one slide.

  15. Grammy says:

    For forty years we’ve managed to make it through every February without acknowledging Valentine’s Day. It’s just a Hallmark Holiday, manufactured to make people buy crap. And, yes, he makes me coffee, and pours wine even though he doesn’t drink it, and rubs my back to wake me in the morning. He’s not good at fixing things, but I am, so I’m the fixer and cook. And we make each other laugh.

    I’m happy to see so many others have got it, right, too.

  16. dana says:

    Thank God here, too! We have all 3 been sick and I have been inundated with emails from over-the-top bloggers for cookies, printables, crafts, Valentine’s dinner ideas. Blehhh. I’m taking this year off. We haven’t bought Valentine’s for the kiddo’s party on Tuesday yet. She’s freaking out! It will get done by Tuesday.

  17. Laura Bee says:

    I bought my bf a new shower head for Vday. Well it is really for us. It’s a dual so we can share a shower and we both have water.
    Having fun making cards with my kid for her class.
    That is the extent of it.

  18. Jenny W says:

    Thank You.
    A few weeks ago, we had a crippling ice storm here on the East Coast, and there were over 100000 of power outages. My husband works away, and was not home for it, lucky bugger lol!
    A few days after the storm my early Valentines gift was delivered to the door. A shiny bright red generator, and an appointment with an electrician to get it wired up to my panel 🙂

  19. Ev Wilcox says:

    Making Valentines for my grandchildren is the extent of the day for me. And it is just fine! Love back at ya’ though, Karen!

  20. Heather says:

    True romance is when your guy dons his parka and snow pants and heads outside, yet again, to remove massive amounts of snow from the driveway.

  21. Mo says:

    I agree wholeheartedly Karen, although I did make Valentine’s Day cookies yesterday, but they were mainly for me (a happy and grateful spinster) so that’s ok. I’m having the same problem with my iPad. The reason I haven’t left more comments. Thought it was just me. Have a great day!

  22. bill keiser says:

    You wouldn’t be so pissy about holidays if you owned Hallmark stock.

  23. Beckie says:

    One of my best Valentine’s Days (I was married for a few years already) was spent at a concert of local musicians with a group of friends that I passed out those kindergarten Valentine’s to. It was so, so much more fun than a of the cheesy, over-priced “events” that will happen tomorrow.

    Tomorrow will be spent at home, with our young niece & nephew. I think I will bake them a heart-shaped cake =)

  24. Monique says:

    So hard to get the page to load:(

    I wanted to read your thoughts..I will come back:)

    Maybe a new ad? Today one was between each paragraph which seemd to jerk the screen?

  25. Marilyn says:

    I’m sitting here with my coffee that my husband made, eating my breakfast also made by my husband watching him do the dishes from last nights dinner.hes amazing and I’m so blessed,everyday is Valentine’s Day when you have the right person in your life !

  26. Centi says:

    Six years since the cherry tarts? Really?
    I believe we are old now.

  27. Allison Gorham says:

    Amen, Sister! And to all of your commentors..I, too, celebrate “valentine’s day” ( lower case intentional….Cuz it’s a TOTALLY made up holiday ) every day with my husband for many of the same reasons: coffee made every am, even though he doesn’t drink it, wine every night, snow blown for 6 months of the year, lawn mowed, stuff fixed and built all year, dishes done every night ( ok…he can’t cook…I have a culinary degree….I can’t have EVERYTHING? ) and he satisfies in every other way, too!! That, my friends, is what love is all about…he gets a pass if he forgets the card on that stupid day…..

  28. Kell says:

    I’l be brief. Same iphone, ipad issues. Tried typing this five times already. I’m now going to quote grumpy cat, “I celebrated Valentine’s Day once. It was awful”. 😉 ❤️

    • Marianne says:

      I too have some problems typing a comment on my Blackberry Classi. Tonight though seems remarkably trouble free. I do get strange things happening when I read the blog on the Classic. Suddenly the screen displays massive letters and it sort of freezes. Usually returns to normal display after 30-60 seconds. Bizarre. Sometimes the browser crashes as well. Better on my new iPad.

      • Karen says:

        Good to hear Marianne! I’ve been working for the past 2 days on how to fix things. There may not be any posts written for next week, but the site will be smooth, lol. ~ karen!

  29. jainegayer says:

    Yep, very overrated holiday! I’m cooking lasagna for dinner tomorrow night but my Valentine puts out my vitamins every am, walks my dog 5 times a day, does 95% of the cooking and then shoos me out of the kitchen when he starts cleaning up. He shovels the snow, fixes everything and grocery shops AND empties the dishwasher. He doesn’t need to do a damn thing tomorrow. He does it all year.

    • pat says:

      Ditto the above. I’ll give chocolate to my spouse, son and daughter, but this morning my hubby lovingly brushed and petted our elderly cat for a good ten minutes. Warms the cockles of my heart. Men who show compassion / fondness to animals are the BEST!

  30. Linda in Illinois says:

    Spot on Karen, Valentines day is just a money steeling gimmick. True love is not shown in candy, flowers and underwear.

    I comment on the computer at work (shhhh) and it always scrolls and looses the first replys, and then sits and blinks at me.

  31. Mindy says:

    I agree with both the mobile version and Valentine’s day. I feel the same about Halloween, but I have children, so I’m outnumbered.

  32. MindyK says:

    I totally agree that most bloggers need to be whacked with a piece of pallet wood embossed with a cease-and-desist and that we need to be valentines (and carry the spirit of Christmas in our hearts) year ’round. At the same time, I like having a theme for my monthly mail to the college kids in my life. I enjoy sending silly cards to my girlfriends and candy to my mother. And I like getting roses from my husband, even though he sends flowers so often that when I walked into the florist last year, they said, “Oh, *you’re* Mindy…” As a general rule, I like holidays–even the made-up ones. Yes, I can make a pie any day, but making one on March 14 particularly delights my math nerd son. Everyday life can be a little dull sometimes; handing candy hearts to a stranger or squirting green food coloring in my beer or mailing blue marshmallow peeps to my kid at college adds a bit of fun. I guess I need the structure of the “holidays” to remind me to step outside my routine for a few minutes.

  33. Eileen says:

    Sensory flashback to the odd smell those funny little school valentines had…weird.

  34. Teresa says:

    My friend told her husband if he ever showed up with a Valentine gift there would be no sex for a year. Now there’s a woman who seriously hates Valentine’s Day.

    I however do like those little classmate cards. And I thought it was rather sweet yesterday when my 93-year-old uncle sent me out to the store to get a heart of chocolates for his lovely bride of 70 years – and maybe at 90 years old a box of chocolates all to yourself is not a bad deal.

  35. Valerie says:

    This entry has nothing to do with Valentines but is in response to the freezing and crazy things that are happening whenever I go to certain sites on the internet.
    Of course bloggers will have sponsors and advertising on their sites which is the way they basically stay in business; blogging is not a charity driven pursuit after all.
    However some sites have SO MUCH ADVERTISING it is my belief that your cursor or your computer really doesn’t know where to begin or end basically. For example there was one site I used to attend regularly but don’t any longer because whenever I would move my cursor down to continue reading I was swamped with various and endless requests to buy something – anything.
    I no longer go to that site which is unfortunate as I quite enjoyed it but it became an exercise in frustation attempting to navigate the thing.

  36. Diane Amick says:

    I’m sorry…but…I do have that husband that notices things that need fixing before I do and just fixes it. Or…gets an idea about constructing something that will make my life/time working in the garden/daily household chores/favorite hobby easier for me. He usually runs the idea by me first and then gets to work making whatever it is…. Been married to him for almost 47 years and wouldn’t trade him for anyone/anything…not Tom Selleck or Brad Pitt. He’s my one and only and I thank God for him everyday. He does love to surprise me whether its on February 14 or July 22 or October 4. I know he loves me and that means everything. He’s a jewel!!!!

  37. Nicole says:

    Do they still make those classmate valentines? Because that one? It’s kind of awesome. I want to give them to all of my friends. Or at least to make it my FB profile pic (because giving them out actually sounds like work, and I’m dead set against work!).

  38. Amie Melnychuk says:

    We’ve never been big on Valentine’s Day for each other. And I like it that way.

    Now that we have a daughter, we make it about her! The cheesey heart crafts, making cookies with extra icing, and the quirky cards to give to her classmates and cards to mail for friends and family.

  39. Sandra Brooks says:

    Maybe Idris could help change your Valentine views…
    https://youtu.be/vHfdla3I9dos

  40. Marlene E says:

    Valentines Day here is us making a special dinner together and we do share cards! And sometimes an excuse to drink some nice champagne!
    As for the flowers … I know when I’m being a real bitch …. I get a dozen pink roses!! It always puts a smile on my face!!! And for him, that gives him pleasure!! Happy wife, happy life!!!

  41. Blyma says:

    Karen – I’ll show you MY cat dressed in trousers if you post a pic of your bag-o-toenails. Polish optional. Thanks in advance!

  42. Ella says:

    Fricking loathe greeting card holidays…all of them – Mothers Day, Fathers Day, freaking Grandparents Day…wtf. These days all just serve to remind people who don’t have those people in their life that they don’t. Valentine’s Day is the worst IMO. And I am not alone. i just feel badly for those who are not by choice and the fact that V Day is like a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

    And no issues writing this on my iPad.

    • Lois Baron says:

      Agree! Last year I sent my college-aged daughter and my soon-to-be divorced sister cards with snarky messages about better to be alone than with someone’s who’s a jerk.
      I get so tired of Pinterest/blogs predictably exploding for each holiday, e.g., “Pumpkin-spiced everything!” Maybe I should start following more Architecture and Car boards.

  43. Linda says:

    I met the love of my life 47 years ago on Valentines Day, which also happened to be Chinese New Years, at a frat party in San Francisco. We celebrate the day with Chinese food. Hurray for us!

  44. Colleen Smith says:

    Amen! Valentines Day and all of those other “hallmark holidays” make me want to rip my hair out!

  45. Elizabeth says:

    I hear you, and my inner curmudgeon agrees. However, VD perhaps needs reframing…I mean, roses? chocolates? purchased cards? edible panties? ugh…all I can say is what a lack of imagination. Tool Belt and thong is just the beginning (that’s why we love your blog, Karen!) Send a donation to a Refugee Charity is love’s name….send a post card to everyone you love and tell them why you love them.
    Needless to say that my rebellious self is not always my best self; I am challenging myself to not let predigested expectations of St. Valentine’s Day get in the way. Do something, or not….gonna let my curmudgeon chew on it for awhile today and see what inspiration belches up. Thank you, Karen!

  46. Heather says:

    We each have a TV but his remote doesn’t work as well as mine. Will I share?

  47. sledwell says:

    Valentines stinks.

    Onto more important things… we’re in the market for a new range. Is it possible to light the gas burners on your Blue Star with a match during a power outage?

  48. Lynn says:

    Same here keeps crashing:(
    All notes have just been for me 🙁
    An agree Valentine’s Day sucks , why do people need 1 day a year to prove that they love each other. That has never made sense to me.

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