Anyone who’s nearly ripped a fingernail off trying to remove a sparkle embedded in their face, raise their hand! I currently have so many sparkles running in the part of my hair I’ve decided to just tell people it’s a holiday barrette.
You weren’t going to get a post today because I nearly died this weekend. Death by sparkle.
You see, I’ve been decorating for Christmas for the past 2 days and I’ve inhaled so many sparkles I’m about one festive ornament shy of needing an iron lung.
This is about half of my Christmas crap. I normally don’t do my Christmas decorations until December 1st, but my boyfriend went away for the weekend, so I rented Sex and the City Part Poo, lugged the stuff up from the basement and got to it. I didn’t even stop to eat anything other than potato chips. And sparkles.
It took 8 hours to do the outside of the house and a day and a half to do the inside. All that I have left is a multitude of planters and window boxes.
So instead of not doing a post, I thought I’d put together a quick tip list. From me to you, complete with sparkles.
#1 If your outdoor planters are too frozen to insert your greenery, pour boiling water on them to thaw the dirt.
Conversely, if your planters are dry and your greenery and branches won’t stay put, pour water in the dirt and once it freezes it’ll hold everything in place.
#2. For every decoration you put out in your house, take something away.
That’s the biggest mistake people make when they decorate for the holidays. They try to smash all of their Christmas accessories into a house that’s already filled with accessories. If you decided to take up with a different husband would you let your original husband stick around the house? I think not. You’d put him in the basement until a month or so had passed and you were sick of husband number two. Then you’d drag husband number one out of the basement, dust him off and put him back on display.
#3. If you can’t afford a lot of decorations, decorate with balls.
Silver balls, gold balls, red balls. And for all the 15 year old boys out there reading this …yes. Blue ones too. Put em in bowls, vases, scatter them in bookshelves. Make a ginormous Wilma Flintstone necklace out of ’em for your Christmas Eve party. Just use em. They’re cheap and they always look good.
#4. Pine Cones. Buy em.
You can pick them up off the ground too, but pine cones are nature’s condos so you may have a few additional creepy crawly guests for the holidays. You know, in addition to Uncle Shifty. Tie a satin ribbon around the end of the pinecones and hang them off of doorknobs. Spray paint them gold. Spray paint them white. Spray paint them with sparkles. Place them on a glass block or pretty plate and even 3 lonely pinecones look beautiful.
#5. If you like how your decorations look this year, take a picture of them for next year.
That way you won’t have to spend a day and a half trying to figure out how to do it the same again. You won’t have to spend a day and a half wandering around from room to room wondering where in God’s name you put the weird looking sparkly fawn made out of straw and sticks.
Now if you’ll excuse me, as in many emergency situations, I have some water to boil.