Look how happy this lady is as she cleans her kitchen floor in her high heels. That's because she's drunk. For the rest of us cleaning is a chore, but these cleaning tips will help make it less hateful.
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Karen. And I bought a sucky robot. Not a bad robot, but rather one that crawls around on the floor sucking things up.
A robot sucky thing. There are various brands but I bought the least expensive, most highly reviewed one.
I liked it so much I bought a second one for my second floor. I call it Lipo because it sucks away all evidence of potato chips.
One of the first "handy" things I ever did in my house actually was to install a central vacuum. I still love it but ... not as much as I love the garbage eating robot on wheels.
Had someone invented a Woomba I may have even given birth.
The magical vacuum aside, most house cleaning still has to be done by hand and no matter how special we think we are, deep down, we're all the same.
Common cleaning wenches.
It's a sad existence but you can at least be smart about your stupid, awful cleaning tasks.
Table of Contents
Cleaning Tips
Seriously. As far as I'm concerned Magic Erasers are one of the best inventions in cleaning supplies history. You have to be a bit careful with them, they'll scratch very delicate surfaces like lacquer, but for almost anything else they're literally erase any stain.
A Magic Eraser will even erase sperm shaped Sharpie marks on walls. Yes it will, I proved it a few years ago in this video:
I first tested this DIY mixture out many years ago with low expectations. But it worked GREAT. Just put a towel under your light, spray it on your chandelier and watch the grunge drip right off.
I'm not sure why it took me so long to figure out that buying black facecloths was the way to prevent staining all my white ones with mascara. I'm just glad I eventually figured it out.
I had a cat with renal disease. That means a cat that pees a lot and not always where they're supposed to.
It's a simple solution made with run of the mill household products and it actually works to get rid of the smell and some staining.
5. Oxiclean!
When I first got my front load washer I kept looking for the spot to put bleach.
There is no spot to put bleach.
Which is probably good because over time bleach actually yellows whites. Oxiclean on the other hand doesn't do that, is extremely gentle and WORKS. Read about the great pillow case experiment if you aren't convinced.
The pocket of my jeans was stuck together for months. I now have a hack for that.
In an INSTANT. This technique hasn't met a sticker it can't unstick.
Plus it's enormously satisfying.
Stainless steel looks great twice in its life. When it's BRAND new and ... actually that's it. Other than that, stainless is smudgy and smeary.
THE TRICK TO CLEANING STAINLESS? Using microfibre cloths, each getting progressively finer.
Corporations are sneaky. They - like you - want to make as much money as they can.
Which is why you can't easily refill a Swiffer Wetjet bottle with your own preferred cleaning solution.
Until now.
10. Clean Your Car Headlights
AND NO. It isn't toothpaste. This is a genuine step-by-step tutorial on how to get your cloudy headlights looking close to new again. Believe it or not this incredible result (on my own ancient Volvo) is the result of using SANDPAPER.
Clean Your Headlights like a Pro
They just work WAY better than I ever thought they would.
The Eufy is the way to go if you're looking for both affordability and performance.
Here's my (unpaid) review and a look at how robot vacuums work.
As you cook on it your cast iron stovetop is going to season itself.
The result will be a kind of sloppy, patchy looking grate where parts are seasoned from splattered oil and other parts aren't.
You can season your entire stovetop at once with this technique.
Now if you'll excuse me I have some exercises classes I'd like to organize where students had to avoid the path of a Roomba. I will call the class Roomba Zoomba of course.
Led by your instructor ... Lipo.
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Jennifer
Lipo! You made me laugh out loud--perfect name!
Jodi T.
Karen! Microfiber is the best at a lot! I recently used one accidentally to clean the tub and bathroom sink... it scrubs perfectly. I got so excited (this is not typical while I clean) that I then got another and started wiping walls and doors down. You know those weird dirty spots on doors where people touch them over and over? It magically erased every mark with no elbow grease. It was glorious.
NinaMargo
Brava Karen,
Brilliant blog, thank you! Just read all the comments under the Clean Stainless Steal link, seriously thinking of putting on my stilettos, frilly apron and mop-waltzing!
Hillary
Magic erasers are excellent but expensive. If you search “melamine foam” on Amazon you can get about 20 for the price of a box of namebrand ones. They are identical.
Chrissy
Thank you so much for this tip. The price is the one thing that prevents me from buying magic erasers.
Jen
Bless you and your willingness to share information. My husband's tshirts are yellow after less than 6 months EVEN THOUGH I BLEACH THEM and I've been blaming his sweatiness for close to 25 years. Poor man. And I'vehad a thingy of OxyClean right on my washing machine the whole time. Thanks!
And the cat pee taker-outer. GENIUS. I never would have thought of it even though it's the same thing I used to get skunk out of my dog. Thank goodness YOU'RE thinking!
Mary W
I JUST PLAIN LOVE YOU! I will clean my chandelier tonight! I plan on using your method with one exception. I won't first clean each crystal. I will attack the whole thing each weekend over and over until the gunk is gone. Just like removing a tick. You can ever so slowly extract it with a split metal shim. Slide it under his butt and keep sliding until it is under his head. Now slowly, ever so slowly pull up. You are stronger than he is and he will have to let go eventually and he will, then squish him with a hammer. Never throw it in toilet as he will float and return with the water. I don't want to get a tick in my butt and have to ask someone to pull it. I compare the chandelier to a tick as I have hated both for so many years and now I LOVE YOU! I will get some light shining in my bathroom, finally - through years of dirt. Will let you know how it goes with no pre-cleaning. Probably will pass for as good as it gets since I've lived with the hated junk for so long anything will seem better. I've never been so excited to clean! I did soak my exhaust fan filter in hot water with lots of baking soda and it came out clean and that made me happy, but since I didn't ever look at the filter, it hasn't filled me with joy as a sparkling clean chandelier will most certainly do. I am scared to try the dryer sheets over rack method due to the poison that is in the sheets. I don't use them but my daughter does and her laundry is not static-y and smells devine while mine is not.
Katie C.
I have a Roomba. It's great... When it doesn't run over a sock or cat toy or who-knows-what-else my kids and cats leave lying around and get all jammed up and stop halfway through the job. And then of course there are the videos that show a Roomba that went off in the middle of the night and encountered dog poo!
Jen Mullen
Wow! Thanks for the tips--I plan to try the microfibre cloth on my fridge today. I've only used them for dusting, but since I hate the smell of stainless steel cleaners, this tip sounds like a winner. My Roomba is my most appreciated gift ever. Although my cats, won't ride it like in the commercial, the Roomba is death to cat hair!
susan
When you said "had someone invented a Woomba" it immediately made me giggle because it brought back memories of a SNL skit. If you don't want to post this with a link, that's understandable, but for all that's good, watch the video. And if you can't use the link, just go to YouTube and search Saturday Night Live Woomba.
Karen
Yep someone else posted it! And I was so proud of myself for thinking up "Woomba"! At least I know if things go south on the blog I could get a job writing for them. ~ karen
Mari
Am I the only one that's seen pictures of what happens when you add a Roomba to pet accidents? Seriously, I howled with laughter, groaned in disgust, and vowed to never ever ever buy one of those things! XD
Debbie D
My boss convinced me to get a Roomba. Total waste of money. The thing has a mind of its own and if you have ANY cords (lamp, computer, etc.), you will spend as much time getting those out of the way of it (otherwise it won't work) as you would spend just getting out the vacuum and doing it yourself.
Then there is the noise factor. It is loud! Forget watching TV while it is doing its thing. That thing goes on forever, what I can get done in 10 minutes. It doesn't like dark edged area rugs and won't clean those. Half the time it get stuck under the bed (so now I have to block off rooms for it not to clean. That pretty much defeats the purpose of it.
Of course, I had delusions of it cleaning the floors while I was at work. When I would come home, I would always see that it was not on its docking station and then have to hunt the thing down. It loves to play hide and seek. Problem is, which bed are you under today? I have to crawl down on my arthritic hands and knees and try to find the *&^% thing! Oh, and it loves to eat shoe laces and then get stuck in closets, etc.
Karen, if you lived closer, I would give you mine! It just sits there. Haven't used it for over two years. What a waste!
Thandi
Um, what is a central vacuum? What kind of sci-fi future life are you people living?? Roombas, central heating, madness!
Thera
I’m with you Thandi, utter madness!
Hillary
Ya, someone please telling us cavepeople what a central vacuum is!
Karen
Central vac is when you have a large canister installed in your house. Usually the basement or garage. Then you run tubes through the walls of the house that come out on your baseboards just like an electrical outlet. Then all you do is plug a vacuum hose into the outlet of the room and vacuum away. As soon as you open the outlet it triggers the electricity and suction. ~ karen!
Karen
Ha! Central heating is pretty popular in this part of the world. ;) ~ karen!
Thandi
It must be that weird sky ice you get that makes you need it.
Mark Harrison
She's not drunk. She's just happy about how much she's being paid to stand around in high heels with a mop for the photo shoot.
Lisa
Roomba - I just purchased and now wondering if I should return - I was excited but I found myself following up afterwords (which of course is inevitable) but wondering if I was more diliegnet I wouldn't need a the robot...but such a great invention, right? Trying to get life back to tidy after being spoiled with a a full time housekeeper, now divorced and no help. So indecicisve - anyone love it?
Hilarious kitty ride
Karen
You have me thinking that saving the Roomba money and giving it to a housecleaner is a better idea. At least he/she wouldn't get stuck in a corner. At least I hope they wouldn't. ~ karen!
meg
OMG my bf found us a roomba on sale (try ebay, true story) and our floors were the kind of clean you can only imagine in movies where the woodland animals sing and know how to darn socks. even all the dust goes away, so the floor is perfectly smooth. no dirt bits, no fluffy cat dustbunnies.
of course now we moved and don't have room for our roomba to roam...... but when I take it out again, it'll be GREAT. I can't wait. ooooooooh I can't wait!
also these are great tips. I mean, how luxe do black facecloths look?!! so rad. and I really should try a magic eraser someday, I guess!
Jani Wolfe
My hubs bought the roomba so now that is his self appointed cleaning task.
Me: What did you do today?
Hubs: Cleaned the floors.
Me: Hope you didn't twist a nut turning it on with your phone!
Ramona
Hahahaha!!!!!
Mia
I second Ramona's comment: Hahahaha!!!!!
Jackie Dooley
Bought my first Roomba three years ago, at a yardsale for $20!! Lady said it would not charge even with the docking station that came with it. I found new battery pack ($35) on Amazon, and it works great. The down side is, you must prepare the roomba to go where you want it to, as in confine it to one room at a time. Well i do anyway, because I have wires everywhere, extension cords, cables, charging cords, etc...And Then, theres the cat....which was okay at first, he would ride it all over the floor, but when he gained some weight, now the Roomba stops, and says ERROR, please move Roomba to a new location..., and then he (the Cat) learned to push buttons, and made it speak Dutch, then Spanish.... I will try to enclose a Picture
Thandi
This is the best thing ever!!
Thera
LOL!
Andrea
55 dollar cat toy,
Karen
Hahaha! ~ karen
Nicole
OMG, Dutch and then Spanish?! That's fabulous! And I can totally see the chubbier of my cats doing this. Of course the youngest would flip it over like a turtle just to see what would happen.
Marna
Awesome! I can picture one of my old cats doing this too!
A man that loves your blog
Woomba! For your lady parts!
Karen
omg, lol. I should have known I wasn't the first to think of it, lol. ~ karen!
billy sharpstick
Damn! One minute earlier and I would have had the first comment!
Karen
Damn! I'll be clocking you on Friday's post. Good luck! ~ karen
Jane S
I hate!!! Vacuuming. I have a central vac but never use it. I also have a large, long haired dog. The best thing I ever bought was a Dyson cordless stick vac. It only runs for 10 minutes, so it doesn't feel like a chore. I do a bit at a time and it picks up the mounds of dog hair easily. I still don't vacuum as often as I should ( we consider dog hair a condiment) but it's a lot less painful when I do.
Marianne
Lol - I couldn't agree more! Dyson stick vac is the miracle tool I've been waiting for for decades. Long-haired fuzzy fur-bomb German Shepherd, two pugs, three cats. Tumbling tumbleweeds of fur. I tried Roomba, but it is no match for what my beasts leave behind, not to mention the "dustbin" section is minuscule - I had to empty it at least four times for the main floor, which kinda defeats the purpose of hands-free automatic stuff when you have to trail behind it to empty the darn bin every few minutes, pull the longer fur out of the brushes, reinstall, and give it a swift kick to send it on its way.
(Condiment - hahahaha!) :)
Janet Goddard
I believe Costco will have the 8v cordless Dyson on sale this weekend (April 6-8) in Canada. the 8v is better than previous models, according to Consumer's Reports magazine. I LOVE mine - even though it was painful to part with the money. It is light and so portable, and lasts a long time on the lower setting. Does anyone really want to vacuum for longer than 20 minutes? Who are we kidding?