If you’re looking for weird, look no further than Asia. In North America we’ve been held hostage by the beauty industries’ inane, boring notions that toothpaste should simply be mint flavoured and facials performed at spas.
Skip right to the products.
I don’t mind getting old. I mean, it’s O.K. … my house is almost paid off, (relatively speaking) I can eat whatever I want for dinner and I now have the confidence to tell anyone wearing pajamas at the grocery store that they aren’t appropriate attire for shopping. They’re meant to be worn in the comfort of a movie theatre or a while cutting the lawn. Idiots.
What I do not like about getting old is the effort it takes just to remain relatively human looking and feeling. I itch if I don’t moisturize, if I don’t drink enough water I’ll have pillow marks in my face for 12 hours, and somewhere along the way my feet morphed into cinder blocks. Tiny, hard as a rock, rough cinder blocks that catch and pull and rip as I pull on the most delicate of socks.
You’d think with all these concerns I’d pay more attention to taking care of my skin but I’ll admit I’m pretty sporadic about it. I never go to bed with makeup on my face and I moisturize it every night and morning but that’s kind of it.
My friend Andrea, on the other hand has always, always LIVED for skincare. I don’t know why she even bothers with worrying about it, she’s as old as the hills and her skin is perfect. Glowing, healthy, tight. Again. Idiot.
Andrea’s a makeup artist and at the moment is living in Singapore. I don’t know if you know this but Asia is the Mecca of weird beauty treatments. It’s the land that gave us fish pedicures and bird shit facials. If you haven’t seen it, read the post about when my sisters, mother and I got a fish pedicure in Thailand. Yup.
So every year I get a big box filled with some weird Asian beauty products. Like this snail mucus moisturizer I got last year.
I couldn’t imagine anything topping that but … it did. More on that later in the post.
7 Bizarre Beauty Products From Asia
(thanks to the world of Amazon *most* of these products are available in North America. If they’re available, I’ve linked to them)
- The Face Tightener.
I’m still not sure what this is but it feels very blow up sex doll to me. I think it’s for tightening your facial muscles. You chew on it a bit. I’m not sure why you couldn’t just chew on gum. It’s all so confusing but … I’m not going to question the world of Asian beauty products.
This flower shaped one isn’t available on Amazon, but the even more fun, MOUTH shaped one is.
2. The Wrinkle Eraser
The jade face roller. Which will simply roll away face wrinkles and improve your Chi. I don’t think it’ll do any of that but it feels really good rolling over your nose.
Jade face roller available on Amazon.
3. The Face Mask That Looks Like a Tasty Kid’s Treat!
No idea. I had NO idea what this was. Obviously I thought it was some sort of drinkable shake. As most people would think. Except kids. They’d probably just think it’s a sippy cup and ignore it. It’s a rubber face mask that you mix up in the cup and squirt on your face.
From the top.
Note to parents. I’m sure I was just being stupid thinking it was some sort of drinkable shake. Your kids will never make that mistake unless they happen to be hallucinating from eating a Tide pod.
So feel free to order one up from Amazon.
4. Flavoured Toothpaste
I don’t know about you but I get sick of the same old mint flavoured toothpaste. Bring on the tasty refreshing flavour of curry!
This one seems to have even been too much for Amazon. It isn’t available but a litany of this toothpaste brand’s other flavours are including Vanilla, White Peach, Green Tea and Pumpkin Pudding.
5. Nail Tip Only Manicures
I’m not sure what this is but I think it’s a face mask for your nails. Which I suppose makes it nail masks.
Each of them fits onto the tips of each of your nails, like teeny, tiny fingertip hats.
6. Bubble Masks (also known as Cloud Masks)
One of the many popular Korean face masks out there. These became really popular in Asia around 2013. They’re sheets of cotton that have moisturizers and serums already infused into them. You just rip open the package, put the preshaped mask onto your face and prepare to become Korean. Just kidding. You won’t become Korean, it could be any Asian nationality. Japanese maybe.
This particular mask is a “bubble mask” or a “cloud mask”. Yup. Available on Amazon.
7. Sumo Bum Face Mask
If you aren’t into bubble masks you might enjoy the Sumo wrestling mask. Because there are very few things in this world that say soft supple skin, like a sumo wrestler’s ass.
I had to choose one of these fun prpoducts to start with so I went with the All in One Multi Cleansing Mask. That’s the one that’s second from the bottom in my photos. The bubble mask. Korean Face Masks are easy to use. You just slap the cotton sheet on your face and sit.
So I did.
This is how it went …
I know. You want one now. Here’s the link again.
Things always get a little bit weird around here after Andrea sends one of these packages. I’m wilding curious about what it’s going to be like to brushing my teeth after my curry dinner tonight for instance.
Have a good weekend!
→Like to Sweat, Swear and do Stuff? GET MY POSTS emailed to you 3 times a week←
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!
Me too!!! Still LMAO
Your best video, ever. I laughed way too hard.
Sumo bums do look soft. I might have to try that one.
So do ya think it goes on your bum or your face?
I’m so confused.
Bum so soft? I think it goes on your face, though.
Tonight you officially made it into the weird part of the internet.
What am I saying, I think that happened somewhere between the falling down the stairs pajama shoot and the fly catcher tests.
Thanks for another good laugh. Don’t ever change.
omg I forgot all about counting all of those flies, lol! ~ karen
And the yogurt tampon…don’t forget that one!
The FROZEN yogurt tampon!
I’m crying!
Which one lifts and hydrates and tightens and takes off ten years? I need an answer quick because I’m going to Korea and I don’t want to be out-faced. haha
Oh! I know the answer to that one! It’s a plastic surgeon. ~ karen
O.M.G. This is the best thing ever! I want to see how that flower shaped facial tightener works! I had to take a screen shot toward the end of the video, when you have all the nice bubbles, so I could keep laughing. Then the black paper falls down and you don’t even care. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the laugh. Keep on spitting. Did you take a before and after shot of your skin, to see if you now have the much desired SWB? (Sumo Wrestler’s Butt)
I was afraid of that. I’m guessing it would cost more than $150 (my top bid), right?
Favorite photo of all time – Karen at 1:01 just before “Thank you, Andrea.” Keep on spitting, Karen. I would love to try some of these items. I’m off to check them out on Amazon!
Snort…..giggle…..chortle…..snicker…..belly laugh!!!
I hadn’t laughed at your videos so much since the centipede on your bed in December.
The Dr. Jart line is extremely popular and unfortunately not exactly cheap, I’ve been dying for something from them for ages.
I got some Dr Jart products at Winners of all places. Check there and Marshall’s for great mark downs and some very cool Asian sheet masks.
I live in Mexico so that is definitely not an option.
In the big scheme of beauty they are actually not that expensive as single use but when you consider they should be an almost daily expense it definitely adds up (I do have sephora.com thou)
“say soft supple skin, like a sumo wrestler’s ass” Lmao!!
I was alarmed when I saw the package of Bubble Mask. It has something it says is a “Lip and Eye Remover.” I was worried how you would look (or see, or talk!) at the end of the video! But now I understand.
I should’ve known better, but couldn’t resist… Your videos should come with a “do not watch in open workspace – colleagues will stare at you while you try do laugh and cry silently”
I can’t stop laughing. Great video. R O F L
Oh my gosh…this the best video!
Comment from the 13 year old: “Mom, what is wrong with you?” as I dissolve into laughter. The backdrop falling actually caught me unprepared and I was very close to a spit take!
Too funny!
This video is amusing and terrifying at the same time. The mask made me think of an episode of The Office when Dwight cut the face off of a CPR dummy and wore it.
I sort of want to go to Asia just for a crazy shopping trip, but it’s so far away. Guess i’ll have to settle for browsing on the Aliexpress site.
Laughing is a great way to start my day – thank you, Andrea! I also got to glimpse your table as it normally looks – LOL. (Looks like mine.) Have a great day, Karen
Ha! I have it circled with all the books I have to read now! Plus there was all the Asian products I was photographing just before I did the video. ~ karen!
Reminds me of the first time I used a charcoal bubble mask… It freaked me out and I was afraid I messed it up. I’m not a beauty person by any means, but I just turned 32 and have a permanent crease in between my eyebrows from my almost constant pissed off/confused facial expressions… so I figured I should finally start using some stuff that says it does stuff to keep you from falling apart and turning into the crypt keeper. I hope you keep us updated on what some of that other stuff is like! I want a pic of you using the facial tightening dog chew toy 😂
I just turned 34, and have that exact same pissed off crease line for several years now!
Thank you for a wonderful start to my day. I had to watch it twice because I was laughing so hard (and crying) that I could not hear the sound! Hysterical! Was wondering what the great background was. Now I know. Ah, tricks of the trade!
I felt like I was watching Mummenchanz!!! They did a whole schtick with clay on their faces! LOL!
So is your skin Korean now?
Laughing and loving it! Is tomorrows blog about the results? Hope so!
You are so very welcome.
I bet you look 6 months younger now.
x
And she probably looks Korean! Now all Karen needs is the flower-shaped pacifier – no wonder it takes out the wrinkles!!
Thanks for all the laughs!
Peggy 🙋🏼♀️
There are some crazy tools here, so endless beauty box deliveries for Karen. She is entertaining
I love Minneapolis. I go every summer. Are you that part of MN?
x
Finally, I find a share worthy video and I cannot post it. Stitch ripping laughter is what that supplies. I had to use my own sound track and my brain went to some amazing places…
A wonderful freaky Friday start.
Put simply,
Thank you
Hmm. Good point. I’ll see what I can do about that sharing thing. ~ karen!
Hi Lindy. So you *can* share the videos. Just hover over it while it’s playing and a bunch of buttons pop up. The share button is the first icon that shows up on the left. It looks like a boomerang. ~ karen!
I do say, what a fine choice I made when I “discovered” you, bwahaha. And you are responsible too. Giggles on a Friday, nothing finer. Thanks much and have a great weekend.
LMAO!!!
I will have to replay the video at home so that I can laugh out loud. Being at work, I tried to laugh silently and my stomach hurt afterwards.
I actually thought the Curry Breath toothpaste is to cure the breath you get after eating too much curry. We have somebody at work who is East Indian and he has never eaten anything remotely western (despite having been born and raised in Canada). He lives on East Indian diet only and I don’t know if this is generally known but if you constantly eat curry and similar diet, you end up with a really horrible breath. Kinda like all your teeth are rotting in your mouth breath. It’s quite awful.
Sooo funny! Thanks for the morning’s first laugh!
Is there some magic associated with soft skin? Your post Karen indicates that world wide women, and probably men as well are searching for the perfect creme, lotion or potion to smooth and hydrate their skin. For years I spent many dollars on facial cremes etc only to find none of them significantly improved the condition of my facial skin…….it remained dry and after a few hours did not remain moisturized. THEN I was putting on hand lotion and noticed that for some reason hand lotion was continuing to moisturize the backs of my garden toiling hands. I began using hand lotion on my face and things are now moisturized on my cheeks, chin and nose. How is it that the hand lotion manufacturers have this figured out but the facial creme folks are still working on this conundrum?
Isn’t it because a person’s hands can’t get zits?
I bought my parents cupcake flavored and bacon flavored toothpaste as a novelty present for Christmas this past year. Found them in one of those little gift stores that carries all the funny socks and books and such. Gotta be much better than the curry flavored I’m guessing!
(And thanks for the video…what a great giggle this morning!!)
The first picture made me think you were showing us what to wear to great trick or treaters at the door on Halloween night. What you ladies go through to be pretty for us, thanks.
OK….I haven’t laughed like that in a long time. Thanks for making my day with that video!!
O.M.G….I am sitting at my desk at work laughing so hard I’m crying and trying to be quiet, Yep, it’s Friday, let the shenanigans begin!
Thanks for the Friday Morning Laugh Festival! I think I might have even peed a little…LOL!
Yep Karen. You actually got me laughing out loud with this one. Sumo Wrestler face mask LOL. Bubble mask. That sounds interesting. Have a good weekend!
My kids caught me watching the video…they always pay more attention when I am being stealthy with the computer….now they keep going “Pfth pfth” at each other. They now want to get you a “pfth helmet”.
ok, now your Instagram has made sense, which gave me great delight ….. saw this video and I laughed even harder!! Then the backdrop fell, I fell off the chair!!! Thanks for the laugh!!! I can’t wait to see the rest of the stuff you have to try!!!
F**k you’re funny. And I bet you’re even funnier with the sound on since I’m reading/watching the video at work.
You are hilarious!! Thank you….I’m still laughing. 😂
I. Am. Crying.
I needed a good laugh and you delivered BIG TIME!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
My dry skin and I are there for you. Always. ~ karen!
why is it foams on top layer of the sheet and not on your face? Is this mask just so you can look like a cloud lol
Thanks for making me laugh this morning. Loved the mask and the back-drop fail. LOL!
While the cleansing mask demonstration by the lovely model is compelling, I think I’ll stick with my new Hada Labo Tokyo skincare products (I do hope there are no snail butts in them).
I predict that sex doll mouth thing will only create some serious mouth wrinkles. One can only imagine how the Sumo bum mask ingredients were procured. And I’d rather not enhance my morning yak breath with curry flavor.
Looking forward to more product demo videos, and future gifts packages from Andrea.
If you washed that mask off and suddenly look like Kim Jun Un, and have a tendency to poison your long lost half sister, I’m running for the hills to my nuclear bunker. Ugh.
After I stopped laughing, I realized that we cannot read what they put in this stuff. Probably best we cannot. The hockey mask effect was scary to be honest. Did it do good things for your skin? You are far braver then I am….
I’m not sure what it did, lol. My skin did feel nice for a few hours afterwards if that counts for anything. ~ karen!
Hi Karen, disclaimer that I enjoy your blog, but I didn’t enjoy this post. I think there is a way to poke fun without stigmatizing a continent for being weird and “off” somehow, and I don’t think you achieved it here. I’m trying to be both gentle and direct here. Maybe think about how you could do this next time. There are plenty of crazy American products/rituals/practices too.
S … even the people in Singapore/Asia think these are funny. This isn’t the same as chastising a country for eating chicken feet or something else that we don’t find culturally appropriate or desirable. There’s nothing wrong with this post and if offends you that’s fine, I understand, but there’s nothing about it I would change. Also, I’m Canadian. ~ karen!
Sorry … not trying to appear blunt. I’m just rushed. ~ k!
OMG!! I laughed so hard I about peed my pants, Karen!
I don’t know how I missed this one………..Too too too too too too funny!