It's 11:40 p.m. Friday night as I write this and I intend to publish it in 20 minutes so let's all anticipate a thoughtfully written clever piece of humourist prose next week.
Do you think 87 year old Betty who got Covid and took Paxlovid 8 days ago spent yesterday:
a) sensibly at home in bed resting
b) whipping around Costco (and the knitting store) getting her new red eyeglasses with progressive lenses because it was a bona fide emergency on account of the fact that if she didn't get her glasses today she wouldn't know if she could get used to them before the wedding in November and then she might not be able to wear them.
You are correct. You have never met a woman who is more passionate about Costco and eyewear than Betty.
No. Not my wedding, by the way.
My mother has always had a more active social life than me. She goes on several vacations a year, has dinner or lunch with friends, goes on walks with the neighbours a few times a week ... .
When she's not socializing she's complaining about socializing. She doesn't WANT to go out. She just wants some time to stay home and relax.
She is always wishing she was a little bit sick so she could take full advantage of the relaxation situation without any of the Bertelsen guilt associated with not doing anything.
A tiny bit sick means she can set herself up on the sofa or in bed with the television going, her iPad, a hot mug of Neo Citron, Ovaltine or some other revolting drink, a variety of pills tucked in beside her, happily declining any and all invitations.
(Except any from former CNN commentator Jeffrey Toobin because he is a cuddly hunk. Betty once told me if she were younger and lived in New York she'd find out what bar Jeffrey Toobin went to and then she'd go there. )
I should note, she quickly changed her fantasy man after Toobin was caught with his eyes rolling into the back of his head while on a ZOOM call.
This is the type of quiet guiltless relaxation she looks forward to but can never quite achieve.
I remember well a Christmas 13 years ago. Betty was sitting on the sofa in the middle of yuletide MAYHEM and she said to no one in particular, "I just wanted a nice quiet Christmas."
She made this statement approximately 15 minutes after descending the stairs holding a shotgun asking how she could tell if it was loaded. Also, to no one in particular.
She wants to be the person who is relaxed, laying around the house, doing nothing and going nowhere but she is not that person.
So when the possible opportunity to get sick comes up she looks forward to it like the arrival of the sun.
When she got Covid 8 days ago Betty was hoping it would be like that. Like her dream sickness scenario. She's 87. It was not.
But, as I said, she is now well enough to go to Costco. But still sick enough to be exhausted the next day from it.
And me? I'm glad you asked. I'm just fine.
SOMEONE'S GOING TO WIN THIS VASE
It's a cute little organically shaped bud vase that I came across on Etsy this week while working on this year's Christmas Gift List. Yes. I'm already working on it.
Speaking of which there only 10 more days until The Christmas Pledge!
Do this week's puzzle to find out who I'm giving this vase to.
Have a good Saturday,