Coop Injury #2

So a funny thing happened on the way to the coop last night.

I had oneeee more thing to get done on the coop before I was going to allow myself to rest a little bit.  I’m that way.  I withhold things like resting, and eating and peeing until I finish doing whatever stupid, hair brained thing I happen to be doing.  It’s like a reward.  Yeah.  Peeing and eating.

So basically, I reward myself with life’s necessities.

As I was saying, I had one more thing to do, which was cut a teeny tiny bit of wood to be even teenier and tinier.  I had tiny, what I needed was teensy.  So I got out my handy jig saw and …

WHAMMO!

The jigsaw kicked back and hit me in the face with full force.  At this point, I was really wishing I’d peed earlier.  O.K.  We’re only a couple of sentences into this story and we’ve already learned 2 lessons.

1.  Don’t use power tools when you’re overtired.

2.  Pee whenever you have the opportunity.

The butt end of the jigsaw smashed my lower lip so hard I felt it start to swell up before I even dropped the saw.  Why did the jigsaw smash me in the face?  Because I’m stupid.  I wasn’t holding the saw flush with the wood.  Basically, I was using the saw improperly.  If I had been properly rested, fed and had a newly evacuated bladder I never would have done such a thing.

I dropped the jigsaw to the ground.  But I did so carefully, because running inside to look at my face would have been even more difficult if I were to chop my ankles off by carelessly dropping the saw.  And whenever I hurt myself with a tool, I’m always very careful with that tool for the next hour or so.

I ran into the house and looked in the first mirror I could find.  The first thing I noticed was my hair was a wreck and I made a mental note to make an appointment as soon as possible..  Next, I opened my mouth and sure enough it was filled with blood.  That’s what happens when your bottom teeth go through your lip.  Which is what happens when you withhold resting, eating and peeing.  And getting your hair done.

I quickly covered my mouth with a face cloth (black of course) and ran upstairs to the bedroom where my boyfriend was convalescing. He has a cold.  I burst into the room and he said “OH MY GOD!  What’s wrong with your hair?“.  I explained I needed highlights.  Then I showed him my already ballooning lip and the two largeish holes inside where my teeth went through.  I asked him what he thought I should do.

Evidently this whole lack of sleep, food, and peeing had got to me even more than I’d realized.  I was yet again asking the medical advice of the same person who told me I didn’t need stitches to my finger during the last Coop accident.  The same person who stuck me together with Crazy Glue and a bandaid and told me to get back at it.  (I’m going for physiotherapy on my finger next week by the way)  So … as I said … clearly not thinking straight.

He advised “numb then one”.  Numb the area with an icecube and then for a minute longer.  Dr. Crazy Glue told me the lip was going to get fat no matter what, but the ice would help reduce it.

At this point, I’d just about had it with power tools, building things, ugly hair and sweaty clothes.  For 2 months I’ve felt like a wreck, looked like a wreck and have basically been running in circles trying to get everything I need to get done, done.  My boyfriend could see I was one lip quiver away from a breakdown.

It was at this point he tried his hardest to say something supportive..  He got the  most caring look in his eyes, put his hand over mine and said “Don’t worry.  Now you’re going to look like an actress!”

I laughed so hard I started spurting blood.  Nothing says “I think that’s funny” like spewing blood all over the joke teller.  Try it at a comedy club one night.

And guess what?  He was right.

Alienhead

Suck on that Angelina Jolie. You’d be really threatened if you could also see my hair.

 

postscript

It’s finally done.  Click here to see the finished coop. 2 injuries, 3 months and about a thousand dollars later.

 


 

49 Comments

  1. Lynne says:

    So sorry you’re injured yet again 🙁
    I must say that you have me laughing so hard with this post that I now have to pee…but first I’ll go transfer over the laundry, feed the cat, dig through the freezer to see if there is something we could have for dinner tomorrow…
    Feel better soon!!

  2. Kate Moore says:

    Ouch! That sucks! Better rock the puffy lips while you’ve got ’em, though, right?

    I am the queen of stupid facial injuries. The other night I hurt myself while dyeing my hair. Threw the towel over the shower bar, the corner flipped up and hit me smack in the eyeball. Scratched my cornea. I can’t even blame my bladder, I’d peed recently!

    • Karen says:

      Kate!! I had to go to the eye dr. last year because I took a chunk out of my cornea putting on eyeliner! LOL. I had to put in some weird thick eye drops. They were gross. Eyeball injuries hurt don’t they?! ~ karen

      • Pam'a says:

        They DO hurt. I thwapped myself with a mock orange branch a couple of summers ago. It was bad enough trying to drive myself to urgent care. The gross yellow eyedrops were worse… But worst of ALL: What, exactly, is there to do while you rest that doesn’t require using eyes??

        p.s. Sorry about your lip!

        • Gillian says:

          @ Pam’a,
          listen to audio books. Most libraries have them online. Download to an MP3 or iPod. Um….guess you need some sight to do that….OK….idea FAIL 🙁

  3. OMG….you are starting to look like a chicken!!!That is one hell of a frightening pic!
    Get some rest woman…

    Cindy

  4. Only you Karen could make injuring yourself into something funny! And to think, I’m not even housebound nor in a wheelchair and I still read your blog EVERYday!

  5. Kitt says:

    Oh, ouch. Glad your ankles are still intact, at least!

    I got a similar look the week before my wedding when I went bee-swarm-catching (smart, right?) and got stung on the lip. Too bad that pouty look didn’t last.

  6. Micol says:

    Omg karen! 🙁
    I’m so sorry for your injury.
    Now. Get well soon.
    Please pee and leave that coop alone.
    Kiss

  7. Mindy says:

    Oh dear God – I haven’t peed for awhile, for the same reasons you have for not peeing (what is WRONG with us?) and I nearly emptied my bladder laughing. I already cleaned up a puddle of pee from a three year old sleep walker tonite, so I’m really glad there wasn’t a second pee puddle to deal with. THAT would have made for a weird blog post. Which brings me to my point – at least I think I have one – aren’t you glad you had something so amusing to write about?! :o)

    Too friggin’ funny. The spewing of the blood is amazing.

  8. Bev says:

    You may feel like a wreck, but damn you are on fire in the wit department. I enjoyed my little chuckle at your expense, so did everyone else who lives in my house. I hope you heal well and quickly, Loves x

  9. Marti says:

    I was ready for full-on horrifying tragedy here. Thank heavens you’re ok and nursing nothing more lasting than a hellaciously big fat lip.

    Seriously. THANK YOU, MR/MRS/MS HEAVENS!

  10. Karen J says:

    There’s the good and THE BAD that comes with having OCD.
    I would have suggested a hot bath and a glass of wine, with a straw – to prevent dribbling and stinging of course:)
    P.S. I too put pee breaks on hold when entrenched in a project. Too busy to pee!!!
    Who knew there were others out there?…

  11. Please say you weren’t at work on the coop, doodle-doing it, at my urging!
    Even if you weren’t I retract that sentence and offer this one:
    Cluck out for the next few days, stay inside, get rested.

    -LeeAnne

  12. jenn b says:

    Well – I LOVE your new look; I have to say you are always going for a new persona with each new pic. I’m trying to visualize what the future holds in store for this look – sorry about your new voluptuous lips!

  13. mimi says:

    I’m scared just reading this post.
    Take it easy, please.

  14. Lou Cinda says:

    Okay, I read your blog religiously! I always laugh, but never leave a comment…today? Today I laughed OUT LOUD at my desk and made my co-workers come read it! I am so sorry you got hurt…seriously….I am….but I have to say….funniest damn thing I have ever read! The hair concerns in the midst of spewing blood….I can SO relate!!

    Be careful!!! But keep telling us about it!

    Lou Cinda;)

    • Karen says:

      Lou Cinda – Thank you for finally leaving a comment! It’s much more rewarding to write a blog when you’re getting feedback and a reaction from your audience! Otherwise, it’s just a diary, really. 🙂 ~ karen!

  15. Jillian says:

    Karen, you must be my twin! Except I don’t get hurt very often but when I do, it’s a doozy (or is it doozie?) Hey, with holding eating, peeing, resting is a sign of a Woman On a MISSION or other wise known as a Pit Bull in disguise. My heart and any extra crazy glue I have laying around goes out to you Sista!

    • Karen says:

      Jillian – It’s entirely possible we are twins. Who knows. And I really have only injured myself 3 times while working with tools in my life. 2 of them just happened to be while working on this coop! ~ karen

  16. BTLover2 says:

    I imagine you laughing so hard at your own posts. I can almost see you writing, laughing, wiping away tears and getting back at it only to start laughing again. You freaking kill me!

    • Karen says:

      Sherry – Honestly … I had no idea this post was all that funny. But apparently it was. I *do* like my picture. It’s definitely funny. I mean beautiful. ~ karen

  17. Cheryl in Wisconsin says:

    I, too, withhold creature comforts from myself during “on a roll project days”. I usually don’t eat my first morsel until after 5:30pm those days. Healthy? Probably not, but rewarding myself with food and drink usually leads to a 2-hour nap on the couch. No reward until the work is done! I know it’s time to rest when I begin to swoon and start seeing stars. But you wouldn’t believe what I can get done before that!

  18. Theresa Clarkson-Farrell says:

    Ok now you are going to start taking better care – right? As hysterical as this post is we will all be weeping if you end up doing yourself in with any power tool.
    Think of the chickens ! who is going to be their mama if you sever an artry.

    awaiting your convelesance post

  19. bluephatmom says:

    Your boyfriend is such a love. Any chance you took that lip to the doctor’s office??

    • Karen says:

      Bluephatmom – Um. No. I did not. It didn’t need a Dr.’s visit. Truly it didn’t. The finger on the other hand probably did. ~ karen

  20. Jenn says:

    My though when I saw this on FB was – She injured herself PAINTING? But no.

    Are you at the painting stage and still cutting things? Hmmmmmm?

    Glad your teeth didn’t got THROUGH the lip – I had that happen in a car accident. The stitches that follow would make your hair look tamed.

    Now go PEE, already!

  21. Shauna says:

    I agree, pee’ing can be such a waste of time;) And, putting gas in my car. It’s always when I’m on a roll or have only one more thing to get done when suddenly I realize I have to pee…or put gas in my car.

  22. Talia says:

    I have to ask…do you laugh as you write your posts? I crack up while reading each of them. Only you could turn an injury into something amusing!

    Please be careful.

    • Karen says:

      Talia – You’re the second person to comment on that today! Today’s post mustta been a good one. It’s difficult for me to judge. No, I don’t laugh while writing my posts. If I have time to reread them before posting them (which isn’t often lately) I’ll smile if I know it’s bound to make someone else laugh. Mainly I take myself very seriously and didn’t even really know I was funny until I started this blog. And even at this point I’m just taking your word for it. I must go spew blood at someone now, if you’ll excuse me. ~ karen

  23. Rebecca says:

    Funniest post ever! Funnier than your Earth Hour centipede experience. And like you, I too reward myself by allowing myself to pee and eat. Must be a woman thing…

  24. I also reward myself thusly…

  25. Lucy says:

    OK, this may be gross to some, but I feel as if I’m among kindred spirits here. I, too, subscribe to the “gotta get it done and then I can ______ theory.” I sorta solved the peeing problem by keeping a large yogurt tub in the garage, along with a roll of toilet paper. As long as I don’t knock it over while I’m trying to finish up a project (BTDT), it works like a charm and is easy to empty later. You have NO idea how much one person can pee in the course of a project, especially if you’re also trying to be good and stay hydrated and drink those recommended 8 cups of water a day. ;-} It’s much quicker to pee in the yogurt tub (much easier than, but sort of like, peeing in the specimen cup for a urinalysis)than it is to dance around and risk injury with a powerful/blunt/hard power tool. Believe me, this came to me after several mishaps. Still friends? Or did I gross you out? Don’t forget the hand sanitizer if you’re really picky, but that cuts into my project time too much. My hands are just gonna get dirty doing the project anyway is what goes through my mind.

    • Karen says:

      Lucy – I once had to pee in a plastic beer cup for the weekend when I was staying at a cottage that had no toilet. I’m not what you’d call very good at it. ~ karen

  26. Julie shinnick says:

    Awww…. I was wanting to reassure you that your hair doesn’t look THAT bad and then you didn’t show us the hair!!
    Hope your lip heals quickly, you actually look like my Auntie many years ago when she was kissing her horse…..yes I said kissing….and the horse bit her on the lip….. she went on to be a nurse….lol
    As for the finger, I wondered at the time ‘Is this just a crazy Canadian thing?’ crazy glue? Have you suggested to your man that he needs to be first aid accredited?
    Also have you considered getting one of those devices that lady rockclimbers use to pee outdoors? Just a thought!

  27. Joan says:

    I had NO IDEA so many other women used the bio-break-as-reward system.

  28. Catherine says:

    Hey – you could do a post on how to pee at inconvenient times and locations. I personally have no idea how lady rockclimbers pee – do they have to shout ‘Fore!’ before peeing in case there is someone below?

    I’ve heard about the P-mate thing that allows women to pee standing up (www.femalefreedom.ca) but have never known anyone who tried it.

    I also want to know how female astronauts do it, how female sailors do it … after all your sidebar does say “ASK KAREN … IF I DON’T KNOW, I’LL FIGURE IT OUT.”

  29. Nancy says:

    Karen..this is so funny that I have to go pee…LOL

  30. Linda says:

    Sorry but I have laughed all the way through that story. Why are none of us women peeing? I think because it’s too much trouble and dang I have to do it all day long. I gave up on power tools a long time ago. Something always goes wrong. Always. And I do not play the hurt part very well.

  31. Michelle says:

    Karen, I discovered your blog about a month ago and I am hooked! I love reading your post they are morning must read while I am sitting there drinking coffee resembling something of a troll, hoping some morning laughter and coffee will turn me into a real person! 🙂 I love your “stuff” keep at it! This girl way down in KY couldn’t get her morning started without ya! 🙂

    • Karen says:

      Thanks Michelle – I’m looking somewhat less than spectacular, drinking my morning coffee, reading your comment. It’s like we’re the same person. ~ karen

  32. Kharina says:

    I shouldn’t laugh, but the fact that your other half noticed your hair is a miracle, especially when you have a newly acquired trout pout. You need your wits around you when dealing power tools Karen, and the panic that sets in when your bladder is full…sheesh. Be careful girl, wee, rest then tools!

    • Karen says:

      Kharina – Yes. My fella notices my hair all the time. For instance, he *just* told me it looks like I’m wearing a wig today. I’m normally pretty good around power tools. In all my years I’ve only injured myself slightly 3 times. And that includes the jigsaw matter and the sliced finger of earlier this year. I really do need to pee and eat more while working though! Definitely. And take greater care of my hair apparently. ~ karen

  33. Tigersmom says:

    “And whenever I hurt myself with a tool, I’m always very careful with that tool for the next hour or so.” Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That’s me! Until I hurt myself with it again. And then I’m very careful again…

    “I burst into the room and he said “OH MY GOD! What’s wrong with your hair?“.” Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!

    “He got the most caring look in his eyes, put his hand over mine and said “Don’t worry. Now you’re going to look like an actress!”” Bwahahahahahahahahah!

    I hurt myself pretty much daily so this post really rang a bell with me. And, yes, I’m still catching up. I seem to have somehow missed quite a bit of 2011.

    And can I just say that I love the fella. Not for me, for you, I’m all set with a fella of my own, but he is perfect for you. Thank you again for making me laugh out loud while I am up in the middle of the night (oh, crap…it’s actually early morning now) because I couldn’t sleep. At least reading your blog I don’t feel like the time is wasted.

  34. Marlys Lane says:

    you had me at one post
    so funny, thank you
    perfect timing:
    coop and power tool.

    0

  35. Bonnie says:

    I don’t understand why you weren’t using the compact emergency pee director thing from your blog today?

    Please be careful, I would miss you too much if you needed a few days off convalescing!

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