Then I thought, yoga! Maybe Yoga.
If I don't have the aptitude to cut the 5 pounds of back fat out of my body, maybe I could yoga it off. In the olden days I would have preferred something like kick boxing or even just kicking, but now that I'm older and more mature, and lazier, I'm looking for a way to incorporate relaxation into my exercise regime.
But some people who do Yoga look like they need to lay off the cream puffs themselves, so maybe Yoga won't work for getting rid of the water wings I have floating just above my waist band.
If my goal was to be very bendy and own a lot of good quality stretchy pants then Yoga would be my go-to exercise, but I wanted a good workout. One that would make me feel strong, and fit and energized. And better than everyone else who wasn't wearing a purple Lululemon jacket with holes in it for my thumbs to stick through, while I browsed the snack aisle of the grocery store.
Then I remembered my niece. She's what you'd call crazy. And exercise obsessed. She likes it. She genuinely likes working out or running until she stinks like ammonia. She recently tried Bikram Yoga and claimed to hate it. She hated it with a fierceness normally reserved for people who club baby seals.
She hated Bikram yoga so much she loved it.
Bikram Yoga is a form of intense hot yoga. Some describe it as militant. All classes are 90 minutes with the exact same poses in the same order every class.
Moksha Yoga, on the other hand, is also hot yoga, but there are a variety of levels, intensities and class lengths. They sometimes even have live music! Seems way more civilized.
Which is why both the fella and my niece preferred the thought of Bikram Yoga.
Here's what happened. A couple of months ago, the fella asked me if I'd try out Bikram Yoga with him. Sure. Shit. Why not? Let's ask my niece too. She's always wanted to go. She's available. GREAT! Done. We're all going to Bikram Yoga.
Only the day of the Bikram class I got one of my very famous migraines. So I thought standing on my head, or whatever goes on in Yoga class, would be stupid.
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So I had to cancel yoga, and the fella being a gentleman agreed to cancel with me until I was feeling better. Also, I told him he wasn't allowed to go without me.
But my niece. My niece has 3 kids and works so she doesn't get a lot of opportunity to get out of the house unless it's to go to hockey practice, parent teacher meetings or the emergency room.
So, my niece went to Bikram Yoga. And here is how it went down ...
(transcribed from a series of text messages and phone calls)
Dear Moksha Yoga. Which days do you have live folk music again?
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Kellay
I'm not going to read through all the previous comments but this was my first experience with Bikram... In Whistler yoga studios are very popular and many do a 30 day yoga challenge. You basically do 1 class (90min usually) a day for 30 days. You are allowed to miss 4 classes but have to make them up on other days. So anyway I decided to sign up. I'd mostly only done Hatha and had never done a Bikram class which was primarily what was at this particular studio. Cost $80 for the 30 days I think. My first class I ended up laying down for 2/3's of it, anytime I would get up I'd get dizzy and lay back down. Felt like a total newb. Anyway went home that night thinking I had wasted $80 (which is a lot for a ski bum) and the owner personally called me and left a message saying that it was perfectly normal and she couldn't wait to see me the next day and was positive if make it through the whole class. So I went back.. And she was right. I made it. Then I made it through the 30 days and then I decided to do another 30 days. Best shape I have ever been in my life hands down(and I am very active). Do NOT wear normal yoga clothes. Little shorts and sports bras are your friend.
nicola jones
OMG Karen- this is laugh out loud funny. I do love a good fart, poop, puke story and this is AWESOME!! I promise - you will do none of the above at our Meditation class this weekend and yes do go to Moksha. You will not only keep your clothes on but you will actually enjoy it too. Thanks to your niece for taking one for the team- I almost went this weekend- whew.
Rachel
Hi Karen,
I agree you dont' go, I think you will really regret if u go, may be be u will freak out & run out after 10 minutes! yesterday is my no. 4 class, I finally make up my mind I am not going back anymore! no matter how much my friend convince will help my back pain, I pay for $39 a month for unlimited class, I went 4 times last week, each time I feel like want to cry or killed somebody! the instructor will push you till the limit! he even said " i saw some death faces there, hey! I didnt' force you come to this class, you guys pay for it, u better use this 90 minutes, push harder, push, sweat, sweat, breath... hey, that chinese girl, i didtn' say u can rest, not water break yet! hey, why u go rest-room? my class not over yet..! OMG! I want to scream, & i agree to your niece, i sweat like crazy, & the carpet smell so bad, i almost die inside!! I prefer go hike or ride a bike than torture myself in that hot room,btw, i am in LA, they turn the heater to 104 ! I think i can sweat in other way than this,hot yoga is insane to me... too terrible!!
Karen
LOL. Well, I'm definitely staying away now! ~ karen
JBess
Boo Hiss! I can't believe you are wussing out. I hate heat and humidity and am far from being a fitness type, yet I somehow still love bikram yoga. I was so looking forward to your account of it! Anyone who can build a chicken coop, hold a big slithery fish, insert a frozen tampon and blog about it, and basically reinvent a whole house definitely has the lady balls to brave a bikram class. Maybe if your niece gets addicted you'll see how much she loves it and reconsider. I think there's still a chance. I should note, while my first class was certainly a huge eye opener, it was not as traumatic as your niece's account. I felt wobbly but kind of great and like I really accomplished something afterward. The time I was stupid enough to try to go with a hangover, however, was EXACTLY like your niece's account ;)
Karen
Nope. Not goin'. ~ karen
JBess
Gah! :)
Oh well. Would love to eventually hear whether your niece sticks with it or not!
Delphine
Well! I now know not to try Bikram yoga and I thank you sincerely. I have an illness which worsens in heat and Bikram would certainly polish me off. But if you want to get rid of your body fat and firm up may I suggest Tai Chi. It's not for old people, it's just that by the time you get old you realise how stupid you were wasting time, energy and effort on all the gym memberships, Bikram classes and TV gadgets that slide under the bed when you could have been exercising in your own home, in the park, down the beach etc. etc. Once you learn the moves it is yours for life. It is a martial art and you can do warm up exercises at any speed. Check it out - look for a REAL Tai Chi class. You will need to learn chi quong first. You will be surprised.
And brussel sprouts aren't worth the ground they're grown in.
Kristin in Michigan
The Bikram studio in my town does a great job of prepping beginners for what to expect & how to prepare for their first class; they also do a follow-up call for noobs afterward. I, too, had an unbelievable headache after my first class; at my follow up call, the guru said it was due to the toxin-clearing effect of the class, and that drinking electrolytes during class would help. I never had any problems after that first time; love it utterly, but don't love the class fees.
Kris
Ha Ha
YES! I spent years in my nice happy yoga class, meditation, breathing, feel good stretches. THEN I thought I would try the Bikram that everyone was talking about. Your description hits the nail on the head. But it IS that addicting endorphin type of thing that gets you going back. Even if you do lose all feelings in your outer extremities and question if you really ARE going to live through it this time.
Deb
Ok, that was screamingly funny. My nose is running and my eyes are tearing. I think I pee peed a little in my panties. I may have howled a bit, too. I sound like a rabid dog. Think I'd rather have food poisoning to lose weight than try that. Anyway, thanks! (A true, sincere thanks).
Karen
Thank YOU. A true sincere thank you. :) ~ karen
Jess
I am laughing! I just read " the bloggess" and now yours. I am crying from laughing.
Reg
Thanks for the giggles on a dreary January day Karen.
I find it curious why people pay good money to be made uncomfortable and miserable. I can imagine what the venue for hot yoga would smell like, blech. So now you've paid to be miserable in a room full of smelly people.
Think I'll stick to taking nice long walks or riding my bike when weather permits. And it's not one of those Tour de France bikes. It's an "old lady bike" with a basket and big fat tires.
Cat
I think I came pretty close to dying laughing, and that had to have burned a few calories. That was AWESOME!!!! Can't wait to show the Hubby this and related articles. Oh, and about your dilike, nay, HATRED, of brussels sprouts?
Kasia
Ok, that was hysterical! However.... that "Craigslist Yoga Mat For Sale" link that a couple commenters mentioned....... THAT had me laughing so hard I was crying so much that I had to blow my nose and wash my face after!
Not that you've never made me laugh that hard, of course :)
Worth checking out anyway!
Bols
I tried Bikram about 2 years ago because a) I read a really good article about it in Oprah (one of the editor's tried it for 12 weeks and she looked amazing afterwards) and b) because I read stories that it is helps if one has problems with lower back.
I knew what I was getting into, but I still figured I would it give it a try. A studio here sells unlimited classes for 2 weeks for $20 (to first-time buyers), otherwise the classes are quite pricey. I hate hot weather and most of all I hate hot AND humid weather. So I hated every minute of it and I thought it was incredibly boring.
The worst part, at least for me, was that I sweat horribly in my scalp and especially around my hairline, so I literally looked as if somebody tried to drown in me the crapper. Of course, everybody sweats at Bikram but I was the only who had to keep wiping my face off every 10 seconds.
I didn't have any violent reaction to it afterwards but I did not feel amazing either and I did not sleep like dead (as most Bikram fanatics had promised). I went twice or maybe 3 times during those 2 weeks and I promised myself "never again".
christine
Hey Karen,Did you know that taking Prozac will eliminate menstrual headaches for most women? It also eliminates all menopause side effects by balancing hormones...it also makes me a much nicer person.My family practically pay me me to take it.
Karen
LOL. I did not know that. I won't be at menopause for some years, but I'm hoping it comes about a decade early. I'm DONE with migraines. ~ karen
Nicola Cunha
The last time I did (regular) yoga it was at 9 am (a trial class)and I felt nauseas till 2 pm. After that I did boot camp twice a week. Much better for me!
Elen Grey
ROTF LMAO, which is the closest I will ever come to doing Bikram yoga. I wish I could find the post a fella wrote about a year ago on his Bikram yoga experience. He was selling his yoga mat on e-bay for a buck. I thought I would wet my pants just reading it. No Bikram class required.
Brenda J. M
Totally hysterical. I'm so glad I'm completely unable to do any such thing.
Chris
Holy crap Karen that was funny!
Couple of things to comment on - you need to go on a site called Walmart People which displays pictures of people shopping. There you will find women and sometimes men who remind me of a dual sided boob. So next time you are talking about back fat take a look. I dare you not to laugh at these pictures. Next comment is in support of people like ourselves who HATE brussel sprouts. You can't change the smell of a fart and you can't change the taste of those nasty mini cabbages! Can't wait for your next post!
Lisa
I did Bikram Yoga a few years back on the same premise. A friend asked if I wanted to try it and I said, "Sure! Sounds like fun!" I spent most of the class laying on the floor close to death and immediately after class I ran to the bathroom and threw up... repeatedly. Ever since then I've been trying to achieve the same level of toxin clearing awesomeness as that one class, but don't dare take another class.
Barbie
This was my experience in Zumba class! Tis why I HATE exercise! ha ha ha!
http://www.katecourysfarmhouse.com/my-first-zumba-class