IF THE BRA FITS WEAR IT. IF NOT STUFF IT.

I went outside to feed the chickens yesterday morning to discover a massive bag of bras on my back porch.  Actually, I could have formed that sentence a few different ways.  I also could have said for instance that I went outside to feed the chickens yesterday morning to discover a bag of massive bras on my porch.  Both are true.

One of my relatives, I won’t say who to protect her massive bosom in the same way these circus sized bras did, left them on my porch.    You see, this relative of mine, she’s a female, took one look at my chest area the other day and said, Your boobs are bigger than I thought they were.  Um.  Thanks?

I normally don’t like boob tops and I don’t wear them. A boob top, for those of you who don’t know, are tops that show your boobs off.  I prefer the sleek look of a barely there bosom, but clavical and even chest all the way down to the navel are allowed.  So a cross between a Mennonite and Cher.  I just don’t like the gooey stuff sticking out.

I guess I happened to have one of my more revealing sawdust covered tee shirts on that day and my secret was out.  My name’s Karen.  And I have boobs.

These bras that were left on my porch looked brand new and brand LARGE.  Huge.  They were the kind of thing you would put on your head when you were a kid and then prance around the living room during the grown up party.

As it turns out, my relative was getting rid of all her bras for whatever reason and thought they’d probably fit me.

Knowing the only way these things would fit me is if I wore them on my ass, I had to come up with some other thing to do with them.  Because they’re really nice bras.  Pink and sparkly with rhinestones and lacy.

And that is when I remembered the bra planter.

Those are the majority of the photos I could find of this exquisite wonder of the gardening world.  A sophisticated trend first started on the grounds of the Palace of Versailles I’m certain.

This got me to start thinking of bras in an entirely new way.  The many, many uses for them that we have been ignoring completely.  Twin recycle bins for in the bathroom, purses, backpacks!  The possibilities truly are endless and really quite intriguing.  Imagine walking into your next dinner party holding your hot casserole, each hand snugly fit inside the foam cups of your Victoria’s Secret DD oven mitts.

If a bra planter is your sort of thing, I am happy to have provided some unique inspiration for your garden this year.  If not … at least you know what to do the next time you can’t find your oven mitts.

Have a good weekend!

52 Comments

  1. J says:

    Oh Karen-you made me snort, at 12:19!! Too early to be snorting–

  2. Therese says:

    I’m in Australia, ahead of you by 18 hours, but still short of April 1st by some way. Behave yourself, Karen!

  3. Marjorie Kramer says:

    That gives new meaning to “do you want a cuppa?” Very funny!

  4. marli says:

    I have a bra purse, if that counts? Black lace, it’s very nice. Although ‘had’ is more to the point. I let my daughter use it and haven’t seen it since. Hmmmm…

  5. Gayle M says:

    Here in Grand Rapids MI, someone was making little (well, maybe not with DDs) change purses or evening bags out of them, adding beads, feathers, etc (if that tickles your fancy). Very cute, too. But, Karen, great uses for otherwise useless (to you) items!

    • Melissa says:

      I had never considered trying to re-purpose or upcycle a bra. But between the planters and the coin purses—- well, whaddya know?

      Now, with furrowed brow, I’m contemplating how they might factor into my kids’ Halloween costumes…

      • Robert says:

        That’s actually a very old joke in Mexico “¿cuál es el monedero más pequeño del mundo? Un brasserie porque solo le caben dos pesitos” which means “what’s the smallest coin purse in the world? A bra because it can only hold 2 breast /nipples” “pesitos” being a diminutive of peso (our currency) but also being a modified version of the word pezon=nipple and also of the word pechos=breast.
        As for the costume idea look no further than Lilo & Stitch where Stitch puts on a bra on his head and wraps a towel on his neck and suddenly becomes a very colorful Batman.

        And Karen, making me chuckle in the middle of the street while many people go by is not fair

  6. Jane Wolfe says:

    Love it! You certainly always make me laugh!!

  7. TucsonPatty says:

    Or even “…a massive bag of massive bras…” would have worked, sounds like!
    Kinda of cute in a very wierd hillbilly way, yeah?

  8. Ambet says:

    You are killing me here (along with, I suspect, all your large bosumed friends.)

    Big cute bras are hard to come by, and PRICEY. What sadist puts dirt in them and puts them outside?

    Unless you really are thinking a mere DD is ‘massive’? (And what band size? A 34 DD is a smaller cup than a 40 DD)

    • Julie says:

      Seriously, I said the same thing! Am I in denial DD is massive? I honestly don’t want to know. Its a true 4/1 joke!

      • Catherine says:

        Nope, Js are massive. I know ’cause I’ve got em. They go: DD/E, DDD/F G, H, I, J, K Stupid boobs. I could raise veggies in my re-purposed bras. Large crops that could feed small villages.

  9. Barb says:

    Wash’em up well and you’ll have a good supply of ‘yogurt strainers’ (I use coffee filters) but I’m sure they’d work… and look interesting in the fridge. Maybe one ‘cup’ at a time. hehe

  10. Kate says:

    I can’t think of a better way to start off the day – reading your entertaining blog post with a cuppa and having my first laugh of the day! Thank you for 2 of the 3 – I take credit for the tea. 🙂 Some of your followers leave comments that are very entertaining and I enjoy them, too.

  11. marilyn meagher says:

    For a second there I was thinking “has Karen lost her mind!” Thank God you haven’t ..not completely anyway.

  12. Maggie Van Sickle says:

    Bahaha used to wear those large not so pretty bras but not anymore. Surprising what surgery can do. I did not however make planters out of mine they went out along with 3 lbs of flesh . Good riddance to both
    Just sayin

  13. Michelle says:

    Hilarious! Wicked humourist.

  14. ronda says:

    funny! I am missing a bag of bras that were headed to Valu Village. But, from the sound of it, these are not them.

  15. Patsy Lortie says:

    Now I have all sorts of ‘cup’ songs in my head… Why don’t you fill me up,… buttercup!
    Too funny, perhaps I will hang some up close to where I have my Blundstone boot planters in my garden. Eventually, will have an outfit, I suppose..ha, ha.
    Thanks for the inspiration

    • Gayle M says:

      Wow–great idea for an artistic looking scare crow out in the garden. Thanks, Patsy. I wonder if Karen has any other relatives wanting to deliver bags of unwantables so she can “create”? She has such a creative imagination!

  16. Kim says:

    You know it’s not April 1st, yet, right?

  17. Dana says:

    Hilarious! My hubby would DIE if I hung one of these on the front porch. What keeps the dirt in the cup? Not that considering it. Actually, I might use this as an April Fools joke on him! Yes. Thats what I will do. I’m going to show him this post and try to play it seriously, serious face and all. 😂😂😂

    • Karen says:

      I wondered that too, I have no idea how the dirt doesn’t fall out Dana. What a ridiculous thing, lol. ~ karen!

  18. judy says:

    Ya know that bend that we all see far off in the misty distance of Life? Well Karen,Dearest…you have gone round it-never fear-back away from the boob bags and come back to us. We need more Encyclopedia of Eggs and how to look perfect while accomplishing perfection in one’s garden-home etc. Those things are scary……

  19. Bobbie says:

    I’m wonder what my Amish neighbors would say/think if I hung these on my porch? They’d have a time explaining too, to their school children who walk by on their way to school, hahaha!!
    You always come up with such great ideas to make me laugh; thanks!

  20. Mary W says:

    I dropped a new red t-shirt into my husbands “whites” wash and ended up with pink everything. Back in the day I used a line to dry my clothes and when he came home and saw ALL his stuff died pink, I almost died laughing at his face. He was a carpenter and worked with “men” that would never have let him on the job had I not rewashed and bleached them. I wish I had seen your post back then (way before computers were born) and hung a bra planters on the front porch. It has been 24 years since he passed and I can see his face clearly right now and am laughing since I know exactly how he would have reacted. THANK you for such a great morning. I’m thinking a small cactus garden would be appropriate for those items of torture. The day I retired I through out my heels and my bras! and the alarm clock. It’s my time, now!

  21. Eileen says:

    Whenever I have to venture into the “lingerie” dept all those things hanging there just make me shudder. I refuse to wear anything that has more construction than my kitchen cupboards.

  22. ronda says:

    wait just a minute there missy. I’M missing a bag of bras that were headed for Valu Village!! I wondered what hadr happened to them!

    • ronda says:

      ah crap. Thought my first post had died, no matter how many times I refreshed my screen. And there it is. So IGNORE THIS ONE! (yes, I meant to yell lol)

  23. Rosie Walsh says:

    I’ve been seeing pics of bras being hung stretched out, cups facing down, attached to trees branches and filled with bird seed. Whatcha think?

  24. Alena says:

    Last year, I think it was towards the end of summer, I was returning from Home Depot and instead of taking the expressway I used a local road that has a bridge crossing a river. I almost had an accident because both sides of the bridge were covered with bras flapping in the wind happily. Only later I found out this was for a “Free the Titties” day.

    I regret that I did not stop to take a photo. It was quite a spectacle. 🙂

  25. Liz says:

    Just no. Maybe for a farmer’s staguette or bridal shower? That’s the only occasion for these. Are you taking them to the women’s shelter?

  26. Jan in Waterdown says:

    Classy. Very classy. So I’m thinking your town may allow chicks in your yard but not chick cups on your verandah!

  27. Jody says:

    I was particularly enthralled with the photo of the moldy bra hanging on the clothesline or perhaps it was moss. Either way, too much moisture there. And the men’s blue tighty whitey next to the moldy bra–were they growing cockscomb or red hot poker in that gitch?

  28. Ann Brookens says:

    I giggled all the way through this post! Too funny!

  29. Annie says:

    This post has been tagged on Facebook after someone posted a bra bird feeder.

  30. Ev Wilcox says:

    Snowwomen?

  31. kelli says:

    I must be laughing, cos my boobs are a-jiggling.

    You are a riot! Happy April Fool’s day to my favorite on line “fool” (and I mean that with LOVE!) 🙂

  32. The bras are one thing, but I’m afraid I may never be able to unsee those y-fronts. I now have an unaccontable urge to grow something in them, but can’t decide between potatoes or cucumbers. What would you recommend?

  33. Marna says:

    Awww, cute!

  34. Safetydog says:

    I have friends who participate every year in the 3-day walk to fight breast cancer. They have decorated and repurposed colorful large bras in clever ways. These bras are worn outside their clothes, and are covered in jewels, bangles, boas, you name it. Each one has multiple pockets to hold their cell phones, snacks, bandages, whatever the team might need during the walk, and each bra has a special purpose, for example, the “first-aid tit”.

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