Did Aunt Jean get her iPad?

ipad-aunt-jean

Did Aunt Jean get her iPad?

Yes she did. In case you’re new around here or missed a few posts, Aunt Jean is  my Great Aunt.  In the past year she’s turned 100, lounged in the Cayman Islands and went swimming at Wasaga Beach.  She also recently started to invest in wrinkle cream.

Takeaway #1 from this post, don’t buy newfangled face products the second they come out.  Give them a century or so on the market before you invest your hard earned money in them to make sure all the kinks are worked out.

For her 100th birthday last year  all Aunt Jean wanted was an iPad and you all had a lot to say about that.  You too wanted Aunt Jean to have an iPad.  She got it for Christmas.  I think.  I’m not sure actually.  All I know is I went to see Aunt Jean the other day with Betty and she had an iPad.  She was using it the way most people would.  She was looking at porn on it.

Oh, I’m sorry I spelled baby photos wrong.  I meant she was looking at baby photos on it.  They aren’t photos of her baby in case you’re confused.  She’s pretty peppy Aunt Jean, but at this point she can’t make gravy let alone a baby.

Let me tell you how Betty and I came about visiting Aunt Jean this day.  Betty and I had to run to Lee Valley to pick a few things up.  I go to Lee Valley all the time so for me, going to Lee Valley means running in and heading to the check out.  Betty on the other hand doesn’t go very often which means she wants to look at every single thing in Lee Valley.  Every book, every door knob, every kitchen gadget, every wood working tool.  So an hour or so into this venture that was only supposed to take a few minutes we finally left with our purchases (some planting pots for me and a teeny, tiny rake for her).  I just wanted to get home and get back to work but when Betty is out on the town BETTY IS OUT ON THE TOWN.  Shy of giving her a livestock sedative, very little will  slow her down once she gets near stores.  About 2 km away from Ikea I knew she was going to pull a duck and veer right into the parking lot.  But she surprised me.  She didn’t.  She said, Maybe we could stop in and visit Aunt Jean.

I said sure, then pointed Betty towards the Ikea so I could pick up one of Aunt Jean’s favourite food items, The Ikea Hot Dog.

Takeaway #2 from this post, the key to longevity isn’t kale, it’s the Ikea Hot Dog.

I also got a hot dog for Betty and one for myself.  I also slipped one up my sleeve without Betty knowing, and ate it secretly whenever she was doing shoulder checks on the drive to Aunt Jean’s.  Betty wouldn’t care that I ate two hot dogs, she WOULD care that I got two and she only got one.

When we got to Aunt Jean’s room she was asleep on the bed having an afternoon nap.  We gently work her up at which point her eyes snapped open, she smiled and then, hand to heart, I swear to God, she sat herself upright by doing some sort of front somersault flip.  Aunt Jean’s legs don’t work well, but from what I could see she has the upper body and core strength of an Orangutan.

Mid flip, Betty screamed at the top of her lungs, afraid Aunt Jean was going to flip herself right out of bed and out the window.  She didn’t.  Everyone calm down.

I gave her the hot dog and then we proceeded to look at photos.  Both on the iPad and the old fashioned way, on a digital photo frame.

Plus we looked at photo albums which were filled with pictures of some young hot girl with big boobs she kept claiming was her.

We didn’t stay long but decided on the next visit we’d go down to the retirement home’s lounge and get drunk.  Only Aunt Jean doesn’t drink so she’d have coffee.  And I don’t really drink so I’d have coffee.  Which leaves Betty who really does drink but couldn’t do an orangutan somersault flip no matter how many martini’s she’d had.

Have a good weekend and I’ll see you on Monday!

 

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54 Comments

  1. lisa says:

    Amusingly, some months after my father passed away, I showed my mother pictures of Chris Evans in the first Captain America movie and her mood was greatly improved.

    Not sure I want to share what she’s done with that technology knowledge since then…..

    She’s only 74, no telling what trouble those young ones can get into.

  2. Sandi Fraser says:

    Wish we could all look that good at 100, she could easily pass for 65 !! I often have wished that my father could have lived long enough to see the ‘computer’ age, he would have loved it …..

    Sandi, New Brunswick, Canada

    • Julie says:

      High-five Sandi…also from New Brunswick (Fredericton), and also wish my father had lived long enough to see the computer…

      • Sandi Fraser says:

        Hi Julie, I am also from Fredericton – this is the first blog site I have ever read, actually quite interesting !!

  3. Caroline Bedard says:

    I’m with Betty. I live in California. When I go to Toronto, I have to look at every single thing at Lee Valley, too. Never mind that TSA would probably steal any Lee Valley goodies from my checked bag, like they stole our steel pans from Paris. The sales clerk at Lee Valley said what they have is tool porn, and she is right. I know I can order stuff online, but that is not the same as seeing the goodies in the store. Oh and I have to go to MEC, too, since they have different stuff from REI.

  4. TucsonPatty says:

    My “Aunt Jean” is 95 1/2 year old Aunt Frances who is also a pretty amazing lady, although not quite as “remember-y” as she used to be. Aren’t they wonderful and aren’t we lucky to have them!? She looks beautiful!

  5. Tracie says:

    I think I love Aunt Jean, and Betty is one after my own heart. Which I guess means that I like myself a cocktail now and then, wink wink…plus I don’t get out much myself, and can relate to Betty’s looky-loo qualities. What I take away from your post is we should never, ever, stop learning and having fun. I’m working on my orangutan moves so as to be in shape when my family eventually has to visit me in a home…buggers better bring me chips/dips and wine!

  6. Grammy says:

    I am so happy that Aunt Jean got her iPad. And that she’s still looking so damned good. And that she has good upper body strength. I wonder if Aunt Jean realizes that you’ve actually made some of us turn into an Aunt Jean fan club. I hope so.

    As for Betty, I don’t know how she puts up with you. You would get two hot dogs for yourself and not for your mother? What a brat you can be sometimes. No wonder Betty has to drink. I’m more like Betty in that when I go to some place that’s got the kinds of things Lee Valley has, I need to look at every single thing they have because what if I missed something and later found out I’d have got it if only I hadn’t been rushed along. Then I’d need a margarita.

    Thank you for bringing Betty and Aunt Jean to us every now and again. Now have a good weekend yourself.

  7. Cynthia Jones says:

    I think you’re telling fibs again, about Aunt Jean being 100. I want her sweater. They just don’t make ’em so fancy anymore. I love that she has her lippy on and nail polish as well. What a classy chick. Life…how wonderfully mysterious it all is. Wear your best stuff, put in some effort and show off your gadgets….a good creed to live by.

  8. Turly says:

    I absolutely enjoyed reading this post about Aunt Jean, Betty and you. One of the comments mentioned an Aunt Jean fan club? – I’m in!

  9. Dagmar says:

    Aunt Jean is fantastic. And so is Betty. I love older people who aren’t afraid to try learning something new and keeping up with today’s ever evolving world. Plus they always have the best stories and aren’t afraid of being ” politically correct or taboo”. The older the person the more open minded – knowledge and life have a way of letting you be yourself! How wonderful !

  10. Elizabeth says:

    Oh Karen this has to be one of your funniest posts ever! I was actually laughing out loud at the thought of Aunt Jean looking at porn and then when you said she did a front flip I really lost it. Yah for Aunt Jean. I love reading your posts, keep them coming. X

  11. “she can’t make gravy let alone a baby”, luckily I didn’t have tea in my hand when I read this! So glad she got her iPad.

    Now I want to go to Lee Valley…it’s only a couple of thousand miles over an ocean!

    Have a nice weekend Karen!

  12. Ev Wilcox says:

    Thanks for letting us “have” Aunt Jean, and Betty too. You are a lucky woman Karen! Though limited by health concerns, I too try to “keep up”. I don’t know how to act my age-never did. Got a 2015 Jeep Wrangler Willys, six-speed, in November. Love my Jeep! Recently got a decal to put on it “I don’t wear a red hat, I drive THIS”! Says it all. Thanks again. Ev

  13. You forgot to mention she has all her own teeth! Quite an accomplishment.

  14. Sharon Dore says:

    Thank you all for you enthusiastic comments about my Mom – I am Aunt Jean’s daughter – she really does all those things Karen says and more. Just to answer Karen’s question….. Her Ipad was a treat in the fall so she could add all the pictures from Christmas and look at them all year. She was a little upset when about 200 pictures of her great grand daughters were added – we now have reduced it to a moderate number so picture flipping is easier. She loves the ones of her swimming in the pool in Cayman – a great 3 weeks of fun with the family. By the way my name is YANA – Jean was Nana so when my granddaughter was born I could not be Nana – my daughter dubbed me Yana (young Nana) and the name has stuck.
    She just went with us for 5 days in the snow at the cottage – her goal was roaring fires and watching squirrels from inside. I remember going with my Mom when I was very young to pick up tree roots on the back roads so she could build a BIG fire – if it wasn’t blazing her to satisfaction she would throw kerosene on it – definitely made those flames jump up. She did the same with BBQs It was fitting that the old cottage burned to the ground in mid winter. The police called us (likely having heard of my mother’s techniques) but we were away in Cayman with Betty and pink tool belt so they looked further an caught a 12 year old arsonist trying to burn down the motel housing the extra police DUH!
    Jean does have lots of fun, my son and i are there almost every day – great group of residents and staff where she is – big day is Tuesday when my son helps her with Bingo. Her next big party day is this Saturday – great granddaughters 4th birthday – we are off to shop for presents and hope there is chocolate cake ! Maybe even hot dogs

    • nancy says:

      Oh Yana! Thanks for writing. I love the kerosene story. I got my Mom a kindle Fire and wifi a few years ago, she was 85 at the time. She threw a screaming fit, she likes to read, what a waste of time, on and on. Now, at 88 she’s thoroughly addicted, loves the National Geographic site and email. I want to get her an iPad cause the screen is so much bigger but she thinks they are too expensive and I can’t take another fit.
      Please enjoy your grandchildren an extra bit for me and write back any time.

    • Grammy says:

      Thank you for more on your awesome mom. Karen has the best family ever.

  15. Pat M. says:

    you are hysterical and make my day!!

  16. Sandy says:

    I love, love, LOVE your Aunt Jean! Wanna be like her when I grow up…

  17. Mike says:

    Funny, funny, funny!!! That’s as funny as my mom whispering something to me on the phone ’cause “the people who listen in on phone calls may hear her, and she didnt want them to” ?!? She’s 91, and I love her dearly. she gets around very well, but hasn’t gotten around to the computer age yet. She told me, “Someday, maybe”

  18. Tigersmom says:

    You go, Aunt Jean!

    She’s still awesome. Thanks for the update on her.

  19. Barbara H. says:

    Thank you, Sharon, for the additional information about your mother! I sure can tell you all are related to Karen. What a wonderful family! Loved this post.

  20. Heather says:

    When I walked outside this morning I was shocked by the (relative) warmth. For half a second I thought I was in Florida. Well, not really. Then I read this post and smiled. My mood has improved 110% since yesterday. Thanks for making my day.

    • Karen says:

      I was confused when I looked at the thermometer outside my window this morning Heather. Like *really* confused, lol. I just couldn’t register anything above 0 in my brain so it didn’t make sense. ~ karen!

  21. Donna says:

    Let’s hear more about aunt Jean—pump her for information. She looks fabulous and probably could keep us laughing with stories from her past.

  22. Jake says:

    I just love your family, and not in a creepy way. Such good fun.

  23. Mary Werner says:

    Happy for Aunt Jean and her I-pad, and her amazing flips and spunk! And her amazing face – does she pull up any extra wrinkled skin and tie it behind her head before you take a picture? Just wondering how she looks SO DANG GOOD. Betty buys woodworking tools? What does she make? Karen, today was a great post as is every time you feature your family. As is every time you post. Thank you so much for sharing in your own funny way.

  24. Susan says:

    I can’t believe you have a walk-in Lee Valley Tools!!! So envious!!!

  25. Haha Too funny Karen. I love Lee Valley which reminds me I have a gift card from Christmas burning a hole in my pocket! Cheers to Betty and Auntie Jean.

  26. Katie C. says:

    There’s a LEE VALLEY STORE!?!? Oh my goodness. I can spend hours with the catalog so I can’t imagine being in the store. You should take pictures the next time you go!

  27. Heather Eggert says:

    Crap. Upper body strength of an orangutan. Witty, witty, witty. My grandpa passed away last year at the age of 100. He couldn’t do any flips… but 100 is such a feat! What a great post! Thanks for a laugh to start the day out right.

  28. Cheryl says:

    Katie C., there are actually Lee Valley Stores (as in plural!!!!). We have one here in Halifax on the East Coast and I am like Betty when I go in-must look at everything they have. I usually leave with more than I planned to buy as well cause sometimes they have things that are not in the catalogs (strategically placed right by the cash registers).

    • Jan in Waterdown says:

      Stuff by the cash registers? It’s all a plot! I used to work at the Burlington store and my husband wept when I quit . . .

  29. Sandy says:

    I was at Lee Valley the other day. There was a good looking, clean shaven, guy dressed in an expensive suit standing next to me at the counter buying an axe. Not your usual profile for an axe murderer but that was the first thing that popped into my head so I quickly planned my exit route.
    I had a great aunt just like Jean. She died a couple of years ago at the age of 96. She lived in her own condo until 95. Women like them rock!

  30. Sherry says:

    And… I was away for awhile, but glad to come back and have a really good chuckle … thankyou… I too use my ipad for looking at baby pictures, I mean porn! LOL Happy weekend to you too.

  31. Lynn (really spelled w/ an "e", but somebody else already has that spelling on here) says:

    Hi Sharon, nice to meetcha! You know, I never wanted an ipad until I saw this great pic of Aunt Jean with one. I enjoy reading about everyone in this wonderful family! XO y’all!

  32. Laugh out loud funny. That is all. Have a great weekend, Karen.

  33. Anne says:

    Off the subject: Where do you get the Black Marons? My brother has a few ckns and wants to also add Black Marons, but not the 25 or 30 that he is finding as a minimum order. Back on subject: I love all your posts, it’s the first thing I go to in the morning, if I didn’t stay up past midnight to get it.

    • Karen says:

      Hi Anne – I got my Black Cooper Marans and my Blue Copper Marans from a local woman around here (Toronto area) that breeds a few different interesting breeds. If you’re looking for just a few of one breed (you can buy a single pullet, but can never buy single chicks) your best bet is to look locally. Kijiji, Craiglist, local farms … ~ karen!

  34. Yana and Jean says:

    Mike and I (Yana) just showed Jean the post from Karen. She is so happy that people find her entertaining but it is just her. She loves to hear from all of you – makes her day to read all your replies – Thank you for sending your comments
    Aunt Jean, Yana AKA Sharon and grandson Mike

  35. Sabins says:

    Rock on Aunt Jean! Fond memories of Wasaga Beach too Karen!

  36. Ella says:

    Aunt Jean rocks! And so do her perfectly painted pink nails!!

  37. Kari says:

    LOL This neeeeds to be an snl skit. I’m loving the visuals. Hilarious.

  38. marilyn says:

    aunt jean…my hero

  39. Rondina says:

    Would Aunt Jean show us one of the photos of her when she was a teenager?

    I was going to say when “she was a hot young girl,” but that sounds creepy coming out of my mouth.

  40. Pingback: The art of doing stuff, and great Aunt Jean and her ipad | Brick Road Creative Studios

  41. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    It is so good to hear about Aunt Jean..and Betty again..Thanks for sharing them!

  42. Vanessa says:

    I have a great Uncle who turned 100 this year, needless to say he had to renew his dirver’s license. When the clerk asked him what year he was born and he said “1915” she looked at him very sweetly and said “Not this year, the year you were born.” “Yes, 1915” “But Dear, you can’t have been born in 1915, that would make you 100.” Yes Dear, I am in fact 100.” The look on her face was priceless. And he is the best driver I know. 🙂

  43. Bonnie says:

    I love Aunt Jean! I want to be Aunt Jean–just 37 more years to learn that flip.

    Bonnie

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