Do You Make a New Years Resolution?

I do not make New Years resolutions. I am opposed to them for a variety of reasons. Although I do sort of let a few things roll around in my head.

Making dinner for myself, at home, like always.  Ground beef. Not a cured meat.

Last year my big resolution “thought” was to book myself a restaurant reservation for one night every month of the year at 12 different really good restaurants. I was going to be a woman about town, with a year’s worth of dinner dates all booked up and could say things like “I’ve been there, they have a lovely foie gras.” or “I’m sorry I can’t go to the opening of the new Shoe Barn with you, I have a prior engagement.”

I envisioned the new me, my heels sinking into the sumptuous carpets of establishments that didn’t have ketchup bottles on the tables.  I might even have to start to say “How do you do?” when I met people, instead of  “How’s it goin’?” in keeping with my more sophisticated image. 

I didn’t go through with the restaurant resolution because my level of enthusiasm waned once I realized I’d have to actually do it.  

I’ve half resolved to do one thing this year but it’s pretty ridiculous. It’s the kind of thing that if I was sitting on the couch of a late night talk show and they asked me what my New Year’s Resolution was I couldn’t use my real resolution. I’d have to make one up. Like, I resolve to exercise more. Or I resolve to not think of stabbing people who walk too slowly in front of me.

Why would I have to make something up, you ask?

Because I’d feel like a knob saying “Well Jimmy, I’ve resolved to eat less cured meats this year“.

But that’s really the one thing that keeps popping into my head. It’s probably due to the fact that I currently feel like I have cured meat poisoning from all holiday charcuterie boards.  I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Karen is an extraordinary human being if the only thing she needs to do to improve her life is to eat less cured meats.”

And you’re right.  I, Karen, am extraordinary.  I am an extraordinary specimen of a woman with extraordinarily good eating habits, extraordinarily poor nail maintenance and extraordinarily wide feet that require I wear socks at all times so as not to alarm people.  

If you were a troll, and you were going to give birth while standing, you would want my feet.   Wide, solid, and with enough hair on the goink to get me through winter.

These shoes weren’t super wide to begin with but they were after I wore them for a few days.  My feet are pushy that way.

Yes, I, Karen the extraordinary, have troll birthing feet.

And I’m fine with that.  I’m fine with most things in my life which is why I have resolution troubles.  That and the fact that they’re really hard to keep.

I mean, really hard.  Have you ever tried to do anything you didn’t want to do for more than 5 minutes?  It’s stupid hard.  (work doesn’t count, because at least someone is paying you to do something you hate, and it gives you a reason to buy new shoes)

Oh my GOD!  I just came up with my resolution.  To buy more shoes.  There.  I’m done.  I’ve resolved. I might even do my feet a favour and after buying a pair of second hand store Manolo Blahniks will also purchase a pair of extra wide orthopaedics for my troll feet.

Of course if I buy open toe shoes I’ll have to shave the hair on my goink*. 

So now I ask you, did you make a resolution? And if so, did you already break it?

* goink (def): the space between the first and second knuckle on your toe; word and definition invented by karen, c. 1982

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  1. Karen Rains says:

    Now that I know what to call that part of my toe, I feel better. I have the pleasure of having “Flinstone feet”. My toes are extremely short on wide feet which come from starting the car so many times. We do not choose our feet…we are blessed with them!

  2. Amanda says:

    Everyone seems to have passed right over the cured meats resolution. Don’t do it. There is ALWAYS room for charcuterie. What would be next, cheese? Oh, my soul . . . .

  3. Marti J says:

    I made a resolution: to write 4 books and a knitting pattern in 2014. Four short books and a knitting pattern for a very smart scarf. Obviously, I’m all about the revenue stream. A small revenue stream, but there it is.

    Oh. And to nag you more often. ;) Happy New Year, Karen!

  4. Judy Beeksma says:

    My God Karen…you make me kaugh so hard! And I do love you choice of designers as well! LOL Have a gloriously filled, joyous and less cured meat 2014!!! And by the way, I thought I was the only one that had hair on the goink…Guess not!

  5. Janet says:

    I don’t think big feet are for troll birthing… I think it means you are a hobbit and live in a lovely little house with a big round colorful door! with chickens and gardens and butterflies galore!

    • kate-v says:

      Yes – that’s what I say, too! i have wide feet that are hobbit feet – I only wish my feet were hairy or furry like hobbit feet so they didn’t get so cold.

  6. Susan Preston says:

    I have fabulous clothes and when I have a bath I look fabulous…least everybody tells me that anyways. But my money, of which I have none, still spends the same if I’m in my yoga pants and tee shirt covered in flour or my glittery camisole and calf leather skirt and 6 inch heels! The chickens don’t care if I’m naked either just give over the goods. The dog on the other hand knows the difference between my work, going out clothes or my p.j. Everything but my p.j.s depress him!
    Oh and by the way I’m writing this from Austria today and all I have is ads on the right hand …all in German! And different companies too! Neat!! Nothing on the left side and I use an iPad. Have a great day. See you when I get back!

  7. Cathy says:

    I prefer goals to resolutions. Goal for ’14 is to toss/sell/donate 90% of my possessions and ready my sweet little cottage home for sale. This may take all of ’14, perhaps into ’15, but retirement looms and I need to get on with the next chapter.
    Damn!! When the hell did I get this old?

  8. Lesley Williamson says:

    I resolved not to make any resolutions, thus maintaining the tradition without actually having to do anything.

  9. Lyn says:

    Now that your boyfriend Idris has been nominated for best actor for Mandela you can wear some of your fancy clothes when he takes you to the award ceremony. He is taking you, isn’t he? Maybe he just doesn’t know it yet.

  10. Luanne says:

    I have hair on my goink, too. Actually, on all of ’em. All of my goinks.

    I usually shave them on the first day of flip-flop season. So…. at least, once a year.

  11. Gayle Kay says:

    I love it – I have hideously wide feet too – in fact I usually buy men’s shoes just to NOT be in pain and I have shaved my goinks for years. Yes I have frightened small children and I just grin and say “well didn’t you know that real witches have feet like mine?”

  12. Susan says:

    Please, the minute we saw your gold flats, many of us knew what you were hiding in your closets and drawers. No one who wears gold flats is NOT into fashion. Sometimes it’s absolutely dreadful fashion, which it was apparent from the outset was NOT the kind of fashion taste you fell into, and other times it’s wonderful fashion. I subscribed to W for years, combed through Ross for name label clothing, and had an incredible wardrobe that allowed me to pull together an outfit at the last moment for any occasion, almost none of which I ever got to attend. So some of your readers are with you on this one. Your taste is in everything around you. You’d have to be a real doofus for that taste to have been dysfunctional when it came to clothing, also. And, no, I don’t do resolutions. I just change whatever I think needs changing at the time I think that it needs to be changed, instead of waiting for a certain day to do it. I’ve never known anyone who kept a resolution they made at the new year. Maybe you’ll be the first.

  13. shuckclod says:

    No, I do not make a resolution. I only want to finish our outside projects in the next few months, so our house and out buildings can get painted. I never let the grooming go :)

  14. kelliblue says:

    hey Karen, happy new year! And you ARE extraordinary, I don’t care what anyone else says about you! I will be SURE to contact you if I have an urgent need for troll birthing. It’s so hard to get good help there. :) Hope you had a nice relaxing, blog-less, work-less week. You know we all missed you bunches! Now get back to work – all that ‘stuff’ ain’t a-gonna become art without your help, will it? :)

    No resolutions for me…too easily broken…at least, from past experience. :( However…well I did resolve to uh…put up a 2014 calendar. There. Done. WHEW. That’s certainly a load off. Carry on.

    Look forward to 250 more days full of everything and anything you throw at us in 2014! Wheeee…

    p.s. question 4 u – how do i make that floaty share-bar thingie on the left side of the page go bye bye?

    • Karen says:

      kelliblue – I’m afraid there’s no getting rid of it. Send me a screen shot of it will you? On all of my computers and devices it isn’t intrusive at all. It doesn’t even come near the text, so I’d like to see what it looks like on someone else’s computer. Thx! ~ karen!

    • Lyn says:

      There’s a small gray arrow under the floaty bar thingie that when you click on it it hides it.

  15. Call Me Patty says:

    Heh Karen, that’s a REAL resolution if you ask me. I know what that’s all about. I’ve been out of work for a while now, and it’s so easy just to slip on the same outfit that I’ve worn for the past week. (clean underwear though) I mean whose going to notice, right? It’s a drag. I, too, love nice clothes. So I’m with you, I will endeavor to dress better. But shave my goink????? I don’t know, that sounds like it could be painful.

  16. Yvonne, the other one. says:

    No, don’t know it out here on the West coast. Must be an Eastern Canada expression.

  17. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    Are you drunk Karen The Extraordinary?? No resolutions

  18. victoria says:

    1. dance more, clean less. 2. drink more wine and tea, less coffee. 3. get chickens 4. do more yoga
    BTW: I have exceptionally wide feet too, along with big ankles on an otherwise pretty small frame..It’s what i refer to as childbearing-workhorse-in-the-dirt -honest-rooted-feet! It’s a Scandinavian thing! wear them proudly! gunk hair and all..

  19. Valerie says:

    I made a resolution but I am not going to share it because if I do then I know something will happen that will interfere with my keeping tha resolution…..fate.
    If you are about to embark on a clothing resolution, given the life you lead, may I make suggestion? Make 3 work aprons – the type that carpenters wear with a wide deep pocket that stretches across the front. Make them from stretchy denim. If you are going to dress to the nines while you do the variety of things you do then the clothes will get destroyed without the aprons. I constructed a one piece apron with separate neck and waist ties. I cut the one piece twice, turned right sides together adding in the ties before I sewed and then turned it inside out. Upon completion those 2 pieces allow for a reversible apron, sometimes needed when things get messy. Denim is forgiving where stains are concerned. The pocket across the front is great for storing gardening implements such as a small hand shovel or cultivator during planting season.

  20. Leslie Zuroski says:

    I did. It was to not drink wine every single night. So instead of not drinking wine at all, I poured wine for myself, well, not immediately, but at 6:30, instead of at 5, or around 5, or just after 5. Yup, at 6:30 when the gumbo was about ready for dinner. I’m sad because I failed, I’m glad, because it is an improvement! Happy New Year!

  21. Kat says:

    did not read your post sorry thing on the left was in the way and it is getting longer to read your posts so exited

    • Karen says:

      I didn’t really understand that comment completely. ~ k!

      • Barbie says:

        I have that thing on the left too….it’s really irritating I can only read a few lines at a time….it’s so I can post to Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, a plus sign to add all the others!

        Glad to see you back Karen….I have resolved nothing…because I always break it…so I resolve to try to do better at all things I usually don’t do well at! LOL….so I guess that is kind of a resolution huh?

      • Karen says:

        O.k. I’m going to leave it up until someone can send me a screen shot and tell me what it is they’re viewing the site on. That way I can try to solve the issue. ~ karen! p.s. feel free to send me a scree shot if you know how!

  22. TC says:

    Your words are a sight for sore eyes. I totally get it. Maybe we’re all like you – part tomboy & part froufy girly girls. Because seriously, what isn’t there to like about Prada. And yes, Carolyn Bessett Kennedy was fabulous and she had the nerve to make it look effortless. You have great taste . Now when can we see your feet?

  23. yvonne says:

    Never heard of goink in the US…is this just a term used in Canada? Lol.

  24. Kat says:

    no way notta

  25. Sharman says:

    I hate to sound stupid but …. What’s a goink?

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