In honour of these creatively chic chicks my sister crafted I am going to write this entire post using only words that begin with the letter “C”.
Clearly crafty city chics carefully create countertop chicks ’cause constable confetti clapping cretin clarinet. Crap.
Kay, this isn’t working.
Let’s try again using the letter “F”. Wait. No. Bad idea.
I’m getting a bit bored lately with my regular writing style. I’m playing around with the idea of writing all of my posts backwards from now on. For one thing it’s fun to start a trend, and obviously backwards writing is something that would probably catch on and for another … it’s been scientifically proven that aliens can’t read backwards on account of their eyeballs only moving one way. So I’d never have to worry about alien bloggers stealing any of my material. Win, win.
But for now … I’ll keep things dull and write the way I always have. Boooo.
A few weeks ago one of my sisters called me up to ask if my mother had mentioned the knick knack she’d seen and liked. Nope. She did not. She did however go on about a Tic Tac. Something about it being made out of metal and costing $400. Hey. Waiitttttttt. Maybe she did mention a knick knack. Was it mint flavoured and only one calorie?
Apparently this knick knack was in some store, my mother saw it, and she loved it. It was a sort of sculpture made of metal penguins that sat on your windowsill. Thankfully she didn’t buy it, for one thing because it was a $400 penguin decoration and for another, it would have robbed my sister out of the joy of making the Dollar Store version of it for $12.
As soon as she could, my sister pranced her way into the Dollar Store dripping in diamonds, Chanel sunglasses, and vibrant pink nailpolish. Pushing people wearing their p’jamas and buying full brief underwear out of her way she made her way to the “random ugly things you’d put on a shelf” aisle.
O.K. She didn’t really push anyone, it just made the story dramatic. I figured you’d know I was embellishing when you read the part about the “full briefs”. I’ve never seen anyone in the dollar store who wasn’t wearing a thong. Pulled right up past their waistband. Which generally hits around the top of their pubic bone, and around 1/3 of the way down their ass crack.
Back to the craft. She grabbed up 5 ugly birds at a cost of $2 each, brought them home and started painting.
The early bird version (pre-paint)
Come to think of it the birds weren’t all that hideous. All she had to do to make them a little more presentable was paint their backs black instead of the blue, green or brown colour options the Dollar Store offered, and then dry brush them a little with some taupe paint.
She then got a piece of wood from her basement (you may have to spend $2 to buy the wood), painted it to match my mother’s black windowsill and glued the birds on.
And all that my Internet friends, for the price of a few Tic Tacs.
I brought it home to photograph on my windowsill because … well … it’s just easier to take pictures in your own home. Without your mother asking you to fix her vacuum cleaner.
What I want you to pull from this post are 2 things. If you can copy it for cheaper, do it. Also, just because you can’t copy something exactly, doesn’t mean you can’t make it great. You may not like chickadees for example. Fair enough. Take the general idea of this and do the same thing with monkeys. No, that’d be hideous. Try cats, or shapes or Christmas trees. Anything you’d like.
Most importantly. Just try it. And for $12, even if you only use it and like it for one season, who cares! Throw it in the basement, donate it or use it as a weapon when you’re sick of it. The cross eyed aliens will never see it coming.
Can’t create calming countertops coyly cumber-bun.
Nope. Still not working.