Have a bottle of wine but no corkscrew? No problem. It's probably a twist off cap. But if it isn't ... here's how to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew using a shoe and a tree trunk. Kind of.
There you are. Sitting in the middle of the woods all alone, with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and no corkscrew. What's a gal to do? How do you open a wine bottle without a corkscrew?
According to the Internet you just grab yourself a shoe, head to the nearest tree and start whacking. In no time that cork will pop out and you'll be relaxing on a bed of pine needles with your forest friends as you drink your way to being the life of the party, great dancer, deep thinker that you and you alone think you are when you're obliterated.
The Internet is a big, fat liar. This has kind of been the mantra behind everything I do on The Art of Doing Stuff from day 1. I try to present practical information that I have first hand experience with. If things don't work I tell you. Like magnetic eyelashes. Which technically work, but instead of making you appear sexy and flirtatious give the impression that you have in fact gone mad. You can see me experimenting with magnetic lashes and looking like a lunatic here.
So in 2010, in the early years of this blog I was alerted to a Youtube video that showcased a rather distinguished French gentleman dressed in his fancy dress up clothes, with his fancy accent, standing beside his fancy car. Mr. Fancy Pants then proceeded to show how we can easily and in quite a poised manner, open a bottle of wine by sticking it in a shoe and smashing it against a tree.
This I assumed was for people who had recently stolen a bottle of wine and didn't have time to steal a corkscrew as well. I suppose perhaps, it could also be for the people who are on their 3rd or 4th bottle of wine and just can't identify a corkscrew anymore.
Either way, I was fascinated with this video. The ease! The quickness! The grace with which one can open a bottle of wine with a stinky old shoe and a dirty, bug filled tree astonished me.
I am usually only astonished by lies. (Hey Karen ... you look GREAT in those culottes! Hey Karen ... I honestly think spider veins are kindda sexy) That sort of thing.
So this got me to thinking. I wonder if this video is a lie? Could it really be this easy? Could I really look this distinguished while trying to open a bottle of wine on a tree trunk? I certainly hoped so. Because this would be the best party trick in the world, second only to dangling a teaspoon off the end of your nose.
I gave it a shot, and here's how it went.
How to Open a Bottle of Wine Without a Corkscrew
No Corkscrew? Opening a Wine Bottle With a Shoe.
You have a wine bottle with a cork but no corkscrew. If you have a shoe and a tree, you might, MIGHT be able to open it.
Materials
- Shoe
- Wine bottle
- Tree
- Luck
Instructions
- Place your bottle of wine with the base inside a hard soled, or sturdy shoe.
- Start whacking the heel of the shoe against a hard object like a tree trunk.
- Just keep doing that and checking the cork. At some point (maybe in 1 minute, maybe in 12 hours) the cork will slowly start to push out from the jarring pressure.
- Pull cork out once enough has popped out and enjoy your wine plus an extra glass because you've just burned 1,200 calories. You deserve it.
Conclusion: You literally need to manhandle the bottle of wine for this to work. It does not knock out with a few quick smacks on the tree as it did in the original Youtube video (which has long since been removed from Youtube). I'm not sure I ever could have dislodged the cork on my own.
For one thing, there's the underlying terror that the bottle is going to explode into razor like projectiles of glass. Which, although entertaining for a YouTube video or a Wile E Coyote cartoon ... is not nearly as amusing in real life.
If you're alone and trying to open this bottle of wine I suggest you run the streets looking for someone to help you. Someone with enormous strength or anger issues.
Your best options would be Godzilla or a woman who was recently criticized for her spider veins.
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Beth
SO funny!! I'll be smiling all day thinking about this.
Ann Marie
That was entertaining. Thanks!
Shauna Wobeser
OMG...ahhhh, deep breath!! My 7 yr old has come out twice during this video to tell me that I am laughing too loud for him to sleep!! Well great! Now what, I was going to try this at work this weekend in hopes of a big tip...so much for that!! I guess I will just do what all the other girls do and resort to a low cut shirt!! jk Thanks for the fun Karen!!
Yvonne
An absolute laugh riot, Karen! I love your blog. Have to admit though that I'm a bit of a skeptic re - the original video - the camera cuts away, then suddenly he comes back with the cork at the end of the bottle for him to remove by hand. At that point, look closely, I would say that he has an empty bottle in his hand as he lifts it to drink. I think it took him more than 6 whacks - if I ever have a bottle and a handy tree I'm going to try it.
By the way, you have gone International, I forwarded your post to my sister in Scotland,as a 'must read" - daily giggle. cheers
Erica J.
I like you! You're fun! I should stop reading/watching your videos where there are other people who aren't watching/reading with me. I look and sound a bit crazy laughing and saying "no way..." Yogurt tampon followed with a glass of wine sitting watching birds in my homemade bird bath wondering how long it will take for my tree to recover from it's recent beating.
Karen
LOL! Well, evidently you're fun too! - karen
Megan
I've been reading your blog for some time and I had to comment- you are amazing.
Thank you for testing out the validity of this- I want to figure out how to make this a party trick - if I can figure out how to do it quickly.
Karen
Megan! Thanks for supporting my blog. (by reading it ... not monetarily. You haven't sent me money have you? Did you send me money? A cheque maybe?) If you want to figure out how to turn this into a party trick I would suggest you start by increasing the size of your biceps by blowing into your thumb.
j.
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a Mrs. Fancy Pants or anything. ;)
Karen
LOL. I will now refer to you as Mrs. Frilly Pants ... distant relative of Mr. Fancy Pants.
Tessa
Karen- you're blog makes me laugh everyday, this one had me crying. Commentary from all, including Mom Betty = priceless.
Karen
Tessa! Thanks for letting me know I've made ya laugh. Sitting here at home, I have no idea what people's reaction is unless they comment. I'm glad to know people aren't just staring blankly at the screen thinking "what the hell" ... this chic's dull.
Phyllis
That was stinkin' funny. Thanks for the laugh - what a great way to start the day.
I want to try it now, but it's early morning and I don't have any wine.
Karen
Thanks Phyllis!
amy
a well deserved "salut" - and your mom is too much!
Meghan
Your mom is a hoot! All that work to get the cork out and she say, "Oh, I don't want wine. It's not happy hour yet." Any hour is happy hour when you bust a cork out of a bottle with nothing but a tree. LOL!
Jenna
#&*(@Q. I am laughing so hard inside! lololol. At work, trying to keep it inside. Clearly, Mr. Fancy pants edited the crap out of his video. You should do an edited version too. Just the first and last tap - and the cork is popped.
Good work!
Karen
Jenna, OMG you're right!! I should have done a super-edited version. Boom, boom, WINE! Maybe I'll still do it. Just for fun! - karen
Robert
I can't stop laughing, you made my day! :)
Karen
Thanks Robert! Glad to have made ya laugh.
Langela
Your mother cracks me up! I don't drink so there's no need for me to try this, but I did wonder how many times your fella would have had to hit it to get it to open. I love these experiments that don't go quite as planned. Very funny!
Karen
Langela! I'm not what you'd call a drinker but I HAD to try this. Maybe I'll become a drinker. Drinker's always look like they're having so much fun. Until they throw up or pee themselves.
Langela
No need to start drinking. I think you have plenty of fun sober. Since you aren't afraid of doing things that might seem wacky, as a drunk you'd probably just sit there and mumble incoherently about someone's shoes.
Karen
Pftt. You're probably right. Better than yelling at someone's shoes I suppose. - karen
Susan
Okay, in the spirit of comparing apples to apples, I think a red wine (room temp) with a true cork cork might have come out sooner. Also I believe the man's shoe with a hard heel was key. That said, a girl should always have a little corkscrew in her purse which can be useful in many situations. Thank you for the funny video complete with family cameos.
Karen
You're welcome! Family cameos are a must with my videos. I'm quite boring without them. Dull even.
j.
I think the major difference between your cork success and the original is the cork itself. I've probably opened hundreds of bottles of wine (I managed a fine restaurant years ago) and when they began bottling wine with those plastic-type corks, presentation became a pain in the ass. The original CORK corks were softer, oh! And I believe the original tight ass guy was opening a Bordeaux, which is a red, which makes the cork even softer!
In hindsight, I think you should try your experiment again with a bottle of red wine that has an actual cork stopper.
But thank you for the entertainment and I LOVE your blog!!!
Karen
J. Yes. .. Um ... i won't be doing this again. Mr. Fancy Pants inferred this could be done with any wine, PLUS for the most part, most women drink white wine. Nope. No more bashing my tree for the sake of wine! :)
Hannah
I tried this last night. Well my roommate and I did. He's got a physics degree and currently teaches science, and thought it would be cool to test out. We used the concrete retaining wall outside the apartment as no large enough trees were around. All I can say is, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MEN'S DRESS SHOE FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH MALBEC, BECAUSE I HAVE!??! Funniest thing ever. The bottle totally smashed after a few hits. We did manage to move the cork a little bit, and nobody was severely injured in the process. The bottle didn't just crack on the bottom, it shattered really weirdly up the side. Anyway, the snow outside is a lovely wine color, and I owe Brian a new pair of shoes. Luckily it was only a cheap bottle, and we had more on hand for drinking. I have a hunch that the wine being so cheap contributed to it's breaking.
Regardless of our fruitless endeavor, laughs were had, and I suppose that's what counts.
Great blog, keeps a smile on my face.
Karen
Hannah - Hah!!! Thanks for relaying the story. ~ karen
Lori
Hahahahaha!!!! I love it. I posted that video on my blog last week and have been going around telling everyone about this fabulous way to open a wine bottle.
BTW, your video, by far, is more entertaining than the stuffy french man. :)
Karen
Thanks Lori! My video is more entertaining because it's always more fun to watch someone make an ass of themselves.
Jenn
*giggles heard from offstage*
Liz
How bizarre! I was just looking at a video of this on youtube the other day.
I wasn't nearly as sceptical as you. I was all filled with the bright light of optimism and hope that one day, when caught at a party with a bottle of wine and no corkscrew in the household, that i would be able to pull this off as a party trick.
I'm glad you've spared me the embarrassment.
Karen
That is bizarre. It's like we're psychically linked. Do you think we're psychically linked?
Liz
Definitely. I hear your thoughts all the time.
You should definitely start wearing a tin foil hat because there are some things i just don't need to hear...
Sandra Neights
oh darn i'm gonna have to try that now!
Karen
You might want to do a little training first. Push ups, pulls ups, shotput ... that sort of thing. :) - karen
Lynn
How that poor tree suffered for your wine! LOL
Jacqui
ohh!! as a science teacher i think this needs some investigation.. what about hammering on the wall.. or the ground? a fence post? Does cold wine v warm red make a difference?
of course i'd have to drink the wine after it was opened or it would be a waste...
*trots off to the shop*