Have a bottle of wine but no corkscrew? No problem. It's probably a twist off cap. But if it isn't ... here's how to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew using a shoe and a tree trunk. Kind of.
There you are. Sitting in the middle of the woods all alone, with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and no corkscrew. What's a gal to do? How do you open a wine bottle without a corkscrew?
According to the Internet you just grab yourself a shoe, head to the nearest tree and start whacking. In no time that cork will pop out and you'll be relaxing on a bed of pine needles with your forest friends as you drink your way to being the life of the party, great dancer, deep thinker that you and you alone think you are when you're obliterated.
The Internet is a big, fat liar. This has kind of been the mantra behind everything I do on The Art of Doing Stuff from day 1. I try to present practical information that I have first hand experience with. If things don't work I tell you. Like magnetic eyelashes. Which technically work, but instead of making you appear sexy and flirtatious give the impression that you have in fact gone mad. You can see me experimenting with magnetic lashes and looking like a lunatic here.
So in 2010, in the early years of this blog I was alerted to a Youtube video that showcased a rather distinguished French gentleman dressed in his fancy dress up clothes, with his fancy accent, standing beside his fancy car. Mr. Fancy Pants then proceeded to show how we can easily and in quite a poised manner, open a bottle of wine by sticking it in a shoe and smashing it against a tree.
This I assumed was for people who had recently stolen a bottle of wine and didn't have time to steal a corkscrew as well. I suppose perhaps, it could also be for the people who are on their 3rd or 4th bottle of wine and just can't identify a corkscrew anymore.
Either way, I was fascinated with this video. The ease! The quickness! The grace with which one can open a bottle of wine with a stinky old shoe and a dirty, bug filled tree astonished me.
I am usually only astonished by lies. (Hey Karen ... you look GREAT in those culottes! Hey Karen ... I honestly think spider veins are kindda sexy) That sort of thing.
So this got me to thinking. I wonder if this video is a lie? Could it really be this easy? Could I really look this distinguished while trying to open a bottle of wine on a tree trunk? I certainly hoped so. Because this would be the best party trick in the world, second only to dangling a teaspoon off the end of your nose.
I gave it a shot, and here's how it went.
How to Open a Bottle of Wine Without a Corkscrew
No Corkscrew? Opening a Wine Bottle With a Shoe.
You have a wine bottle with a cork but no corkscrew. If you have a shoe and a tree, you might, MIGHT be able to open it.
Materials
- Shoe
- Wine bottle
- Tree
- Luck
Instructions
- Place your bottle of wine with the base inside a hard soled, or sturdy shoe.
- Start whacking the heel of the shoe against a hard object like a tree trunk.
- Just keep doing that and checking the cork. At some point (maybe in 1 minute, maybe in 12 hours) the cork will slowly start to push out from the jarring pressure.
- Pull cork out once enough has popped out and enjoy your wine plus an extra glass because you've just burned 1,200 calories. You deserve it.
Conclusion: You literally need to manhandle the bottle of wine for this to work. It does not knock out with a few quick smacks on the tree as it did in the original Youtube video (which has long since been removed from Youtube). I'm not sure I ever could have dislodged the cork on my own.
For one thing, there's the underlying terror that the bottle is going to explode into razor like projectiles of glass. Which, although entertaining for a YouTube video or a Wile E Coyote cartoon ... is not nearly as amusing in real life.
If you're alone and trying to open this bottle of wine I suggest you run the streets looking for someone to help you. Someone with enormous strength or anger issues.
Your best options would be Godzilla or a woman who was recently criticized for her spider veins.
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Ok so right in the middle of your “Materials” and “Instructions” was a pop up ad for how to effectively empty your bowels every morning with a model of the lower intestines and some random male finger poking around in them. Crikey! I thought.... Karen has either expanded her level of instructive expertise or totally lost it. I’m betting on the latter 😏
😂😂😂 THIS is the content we need more of, haha.
Hello there. While I did not actually watch the video, I take it that it wasnt a fast process. I just thought I would let you in on a secret I learned quite a while ago when I was still skydiving. We have cords that we use to close our parachute containers. We call them pull up cords but they are just ribbon or tough string that goes through a loop and you pull on it. At any rate, if you are stuck without a corkscrew, just push the cork all the way into the bottle, take a shoe lace or something to that effect, tie a knot in one end, push it past the cork so the knot is below the cork. just start pulling and the cork will come right out. Enjoy.
Love it! You made my day!
Betty's laugh is the BEST!
If you do try it with red (because who needs to drink white so badly they whip off their shoe to hit it against a tree)... I think you might find it easier if dressed appropriately; in a ball gown. That's obviously what was missing here. Although now I'm wishing I had a bottle to try this with. Anything to make today different from yesterday in the quarantine life.
No kidding! ~ karen
We once had the dilemma of not having a corkscrew at home. What we did was got that doo-hickey that stops the door from hitting the wall. We unscrewed it from the baseboard and screwed it into the cork. It worked!
LOL! Well that was an ingenious solution. ~ karen!
Blast from the past! :)
Watching this again, I wonder if you shook the bottle of wine first, if that would speed up getting the pressure built up inside?
I'm asking for a Do-Over ;)
Ha! ~ karen!
I will see your shoe, and raise you a Napoleanic sabre! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCp9-tEHa8U
Karen, I was feeling down today and I remembered how much this video reminded me of 0ur crazy family and how it made me laugh....so I watched it again....twice! Thanks for brightening my day lol
This is a topic that's close to my heart... Thank
you! Exactly where are your contact details though?
Here is my web-site; schooler schooler classic hi
I realize how old this is, but I saw the same trick on a rerun of Modern Family recently and it got me thinking about it. Just wondering, did you chill the bottle of wine beforehand? I noticed Mr. Fancy Pants used red wine, and they also used red in Modern Family. If your bottle of white was chilled, it could have affected how well this works!
I would've given up long before that!
Lol, yeah, I'm tenacious. ~ karen!
You are hilarious. We're so glad it finally opened. We were about to put a wine opener in the mail.
Cheers!
LOL. Thanks! Yeah, it took a while. Probably not the most practical of wine openers. ~ karen!
These links that you post on updated blogs are so useful. Thanks. Sucked up 8 minutes of government-paid work time this morning.
And so useful... for a non-drinker. Ha!
Had you not seen the wine bottle video?! ~ k
I was laughing too hard at the frozen yogurt tampon to make it on to this one, I guess... ? :) Happy Monday!
Well, that was hilarious! Just ran across your blog today (while looking for skillet seasoning directions), and will be spending some time perusing your past posts. Thanks for the entertainment!
BTW, speaking of wine, did you know that you can float wine glasses in a pool when filled about 1/2 full of wine? Pretty cool, and can be romantic to swim around with a special someone with wine glasses floating around ready to enjoy whenever you want. The stemmed versions are a bit more stable, but the unstemmed versions work, as well. Just makin' my contribution...
Kerry. Well thank you! And no, I did NOT know that about wine glasses. Very interesting! Welcome to my site! ~ karen
I love learning survival skills like this one. Now I am reassured that if I am ever caught in a desperate life or death situation with a nice pinot noir and no corkscrew, I could make it out alive, or not care if I made it out alive. With the strict travel regulations that don't allow gals with corkscrews in their purses to board airplanes, information like this is very important. One question, if caught in that life or death situation, it is unlikely I would have a wine glass. Do I use the shoe? That might destroy the delicate flavors of the wine... I'll look for a post on this, and how to find truffles under the tree to go with the wine...
Just stumbled across your blog today and I am LOVING it! I started with your video of how to light charcoal and could not stop giggling. After that I just began watching all your videos. I have loved every single one. You girl are hilarious! I have loved the videos and every blog entry I have read thus far. Thanks!
Thanks Kasey! Glad you found my site. Now go tell all your friends about it. ;) ~ karen
Lmao! I found my way here via a Pinterest post about your glowing orb lights & I'm so happy I did. This video just made my day. :) You guys crack me up & this is so something my mom & I would try.
Hey Lisa! We did it again at a pool party she had last summer. All her old friends drunk on wine trying to smash a wine bottle on a tree. When I said it wasn't going to work, one of them said "Oh that's O.K." and pulled a corkscrew out of her purse! ~ k
lmao!! you guys are nuts (in a really fun way). wow.
Janey - Wait'll you get to the "folding a fitted sheet" video, LOL. ~ karen