My 75 year old mother is slowly but surely learning how to navigate her way around her laptop. She has spent the past 4 years seriously dedicating herself to understanding the nuances and intricacies of the Internet.
In that time she has learned how to Google. In that time she has not learned how to turn the computer on or off, compose and send an email, type in an actual web address or find the backspace key.
So with all her Internet saavy my mother recently forwarded me an email extoling the virtues of WD-40. Otherwise known as Water Displacement 40 (meaning the 40th attempt to come up with the formulation) She can’t compose a message but for some reason, my mother immediately understood the concept of “forwarding”.
The email lists 43 uses for WD-40 that you may not have known about. For instance, it’s ability to take the sting away from bug bites. Well not bug bites in general, but ant bites in particular. ‘Cause you know … ant bites are a constant nuisance with most people.
Reading this email made me think there wasn’t anything WD-40 couldn’t do. Need to perform an underwater vasectomy on a hermaphrodite? Give WD-40 a try. Need the Gulf of Mexico oil spill resolved? Spray a little WD-40 in the air. It’ll stop, clean up after and reverse all damage caused by the leak. Previously dead fish will be swimming and smiling and all those involved will be shaking hands and inviting each other to square dances.
Speaking of fish, the email also says that WD-40 is quite a healthy concoction made mostly of fish oil. It claims there’s nothing in WD-40 that could hurt you and it’s actually quite edible. And that is the statement that made my suspicions peak and my “The Internet Is A Big Fat Liar” detector go off.
Let us observe the can of WD-40 shall we?
According to various (more reliable) Internet sources, WD-40 was never patented in order to keep their ingredient list a secret. However due to pesky laws about people dieing and stuff, the label clearly states that whatever IS in this can could kill you, set you on fire or make you explode.
So now that I’m all riled up and lookin’ for a fight I’m about to take on this stupid email and whoever originated it in the first place. I haven’t even got to trying out the first thing on the list of 43 things it can supposedly do and it’s proven itself to be a big false, fakey. And dangerous. Saying something isn’t harmful when clearly it is, is an irresponsible and obnoxious use of the Internet. Bet ya didn’t know I could be so passionate.
So tomorrow … experiment number one. Can WD-40 remove lipstick stains from a white tee shirt? The email says it can so I’m pretty sure it’ll work. I have to go now. I’m awfully thirsty from all this riled upness. Anyone have a can of WD-40 handy? I’d love a big swig of that.