My tip on how to fix almost anything. Plus a cat poop story.

I just had to throw a hunk of cat poo down the toilet.  It was stuck to my cat’s trousers.  That sort of thing happens when you have a long haired, fluffy bummed cat who is also a champion pooer.

This particular cat is also pretty skilled at smelling like puke.  Like you’ve never smelled anything as alarming as the blobs of gut death that are expelled from her innards.  It’s like I feed her the devil.

And then I had to remove the devil shit from her bum with some toilet paper and walk it to the bathroom.

The distance at which you hold something away from your body is directly proportionate to the disgustingness of that thing.  Everybody knows that.  Let’s just say if my arms were 3 feet longer than they are, I still would have been uncomfortable walking this toilet paper wrapped horror to the toilet.

Ernie’s (that’s her name) litter box happens to be in my office, which is where I spend 80% of my working day. That means I spend a lot of time with a sweater tied around my head trying to filter out the stink after she poops. Nobody gets a good days work done when they’re choking on a wool blend.  Every once in a while the smell lingers though. It seems to follow me around and then suddenly … it’s gone.  There is reason for that.

Occasionally, and I mean occasionally, the devil poop will liberate itself from her furry cat ass and drop right onto my bed.

 

cats

 

That is her.  That is the shit smuggler sitting at the foot of the bed.  She’s so cute.

One evening, not too long ago, cute little Ernie worked the poop off of her trousers right on my sheets, up near my pillow.  So let’s say exactly where my head was going to lay. There it was laying there.  Like a hotel chocolate.

Poop isn’t the type of thing you want hanging out on your sheets no matter where it comes from let alone the hellish bowels of Ernie, so at midnight I was forced to strip my bed and wash my sheets.  I’d dry them in the morning I figured.

Only when I went to make the exchange from washing machine to dryer things didn’t go very well.  I started the dryer up and began to walk away when it started to sound like it had the devil inside it too. I can’t really describe the sound the dryer was making and if I were a far better blogger than I am I would have thought to record it.  It was kind of like a really low pitched monkey howl squeal hiccup.

So I did what anyone would do.  I introduced myself and asked my dryer if it knew the Ikea monkey.  It did not. I don’t think … it didn’t answer so I took that as a no.

I couldn’t find any information about this particular sound on the Internet so I took the dryer completely apart and stared at it.  That didn’t do a thing.  I looked and prodded and tugged.  Nothing appeared to be broken, the belts were all fine, the thing I knew the name of when I searched about my problem on Google was good and there wasn’t any lint or anything else in the body of the dryer that could cause problems.

Bosch-dryer-guts

 

I have a really strong commitment to never calling a repairman because even in this day and age they tend to talk to me like “the lady of the house” and use hand motions when saying words like screwdriver or hammer in case I’m not familiar with such technical man terms. But I was exasperated and didn’t know what to do.  Finally, the only thing I could think to do was to find some motor oil for machines and grease ‘er up.

I squeezed little bits of oil onto all the moving parts I could think of.  Including this …

 

Fixing-bosch-dryer

 

Here’s a closer look at it, and before you judge tell me when the last time you cleaned the inside of your dryer was.

I cannot even believe you’d think to judge me on this.

 

Bosch-dryer-filter

 

I call it the Whirley McSwivel-bob.  And it was the culprit.  That right there, behind the circular looking filter is the howling devil monkey.

I’ve said this time and time again. If you can’t figure out why something isn’t working, take it apart, blow on it, then put it back together.  9 times out of 10 (completely made up statistic, much like Jennifer Aniston’s age) it fixes the problem.  In this case it took a little more than blowing, it took some oil.

That’s all.  A few tiny drips of oil.  Which doesn’t explain why after fixing the dryer my kitchen looked like this.

 

Fixing-dryer

I blame the cat.

 

133 Comments

  1. Ann says:

    I think I have developed a new level of appreciation for my 3 short haired, plain Jane old tiger kitties. No poo anywhere but their boxes and not bad smelling at all. Our litter boxes are on the sunporch and if it is really humid out, it may smell a little but where it is, I can just shut the door and keep the smell out. They have a nice tidy little kitty door of their own to go back and forth when I have to keep the big people doors shut.

    The only time I had a dryer that really made noise is a cat related story for sure. This was back in the day when my daughter was a teenager, probably younger than her own daughters are now. She loved Converse hightop tennies and had many pair. When they needed washing they went right in the washing machine. But we always let them dry on their own in the sunshine outside. So I emptied the washer and left the shoes on top for my daughter to go take outside. I put the rest of the clothes in the dryer and turned it on. I walked away and a minute later here this big-thump, thump, thump. I couldn’t convince myself I took all the Converses out of the load so I went back to open the dryer and fix that situation. Out hops George, our very curious and very big yellow and white Tom cat. Thank goodness, I did not decide to let the shoes go a bit longer in the dryer!! Cause the shoes were really on top and the noise was my sweet boy being “fluff dried”. Not sure how I didn’t see him when I was putting the clothes in. Now I have stacking, which I detest, BTW, so I doubt any cat could ever climb in and go to sleep.

    And no, a cat does not need to necessarily ever go outside. I have never had an inside/outside cat live with me longer than about 5 years. Indoor only kitties I have had as long as 14. I choose the 14

    • Karen says:

      ~!!!!!! The poor cat, lol! I can only laugh because clear the cat survived, lol. Wow. And yes. That’s the problem with outdoor cats. They die. ~ karen!

    • amy watson says:

      Me too!!! All my cats have been indoor only, and that is how it should be, l only have one right now, my sweet gray tabby, Ginny….l keep her litterbix in the laundry room, with some good clumping litter that l scoop everyday, no problem…btw IRS Isee now why you are so grumpy, not having kids or cats because the don’t poop outside….you are missing something special by not having a cat, but you really shouldn’t because you would probably put it in the basement and just throw down some food once in a while….just sayin’ and it seems to me you don’t know much about rough linen.I have it on my bed and the more you wash it the better it gets, and yes my cat sleeps right up there with us on those sheets….

      • IRS says:

        I may not like kids or cats, but I adore dogs. I have spent my whole life around them, and always loved and pampered them. I don’t have a dog now because I travel too much, so it would not be fair to have one; perhaps my disposition will improve when I can have one again. But probably not, since there will still be so many stupid people in the world. I also know plenty about linen in general, including the fact that I would not want to spend $1000 on sheets, just to have them serve as a butt wipe for a poo ball-dragging feline. No matter how well linen washes. Then again, I am allergic to cats, so I would not want a cat on my bed even if the bed had the crappiest and cheapest of polyester sheets on it. And that illustrates the difference between cats and dogs: with a dog, you can have mutual respect, and can train the dog to stay off beds and couches if you like, although mine were welcome there. Not so with a cat. Anyone I ever knew who had a cat, admitted that the cat went where it wanted, no matter how they tried to train it. If the cat wants to shit on your bed, it will, and too bad for you. And don’t even get me started on little cat paws that tramp through a litter box full of cat poop and cat pee, and then hop up on the kitchen counter, where food is prepared. No thanks. I am a fierce animal lover in general, and would help any cat in distress (and have), but I have no desire to live with one. However I do understand the love that you cat people have for your kitties. I also understand the love that Karen has for little Cutlet, even though I would roast her the second Karen turned her back. :D

    • Nancy Blue Moon says:

      Been there Ann..that boy never tried to take a nap in the dryer again….

  2. Heidi Lee says:

    The term that you all seek for your long haired pet problem is. ” DINGLEBERRY”! Google the definition. It is comical.

    • Ev Wilcox says:

      Yes, it’s dingleberry! Alway was, always will be!

      • gabrielle duval says:

        I beg to differ. My childhood friend’s mother, who was the most wonderful mother I’ve ever known, R.I.P. Salina, used “dingleberries” to refer to the defining bodyparts on the rear-end of various male cats and dogs that lived in their home.. I no longer can recall a sentence that she would have used dingleberries in, but she had many names for things that were evocative and down-to-earth, so that you could talk about anything with her. She was the model for me when I raised my son.

  3. Sandra Lea says:

    This story just confirms why I am not a fan of cats.

  4. IRS says:

    I thought today was going to be another garden post, so I heated up a bowl of chili, and clicked on the latest post. Big mistake. Huge. Since we’re flinging shit around, in both literal and statistical form, there is a 92% chance that Karen’s posts will involve something putrid, therefore I must train myself to avoid food 100% of the time when reading them. That said, some additional musings:

    Since you spend 80% of your day in your office, and since your cat emits substances and smells that assault the olfactory sense worse than a pit of rotting corpses, why not move the damn litter box? Like to the basement. We’ve all seen your basement, and it is scarier than the one belonging to the serial killer in “The Silence of the Lambs”. Since that infernal feline insists on behaving this way, she deserves the basement.

    Next, I have checked out the site of one of your sponsors, Rough Linen. One of their sheet sets costs 1000 bucks. And not Canuck Bucks, but real US dollars. We know from your post on Oxiclean that you sleep on these sheets. AND YOU LET THE CATS NEAR YOUR BED?!!

    And lastly, any living thing in my house either shits in the toilet, or outside. This is why I love dogs, and dislike cats. It is also why I have never had children, since in their early stages they don’t know how to use a toilet, and I’m told that the authorities frown on leaving young children out on the lawn until they have emptied their bodily recesses. As for fixing the dryer, I would rather pay a repairman than have to look into the bowels and innards of the thing. I have had the same Swedish dryer since 1999, and it has only needed one minor repair, to replace the motor brushes. I can live with that.

    • Maria says:

      Man, are you grumpy or what?

      It’s 6:41 here in America, I’ve been up for two hours and I’ve never been this grumpy.

      Eat some fruit or something.

      Karen–why do you not move the litter box? Mine is in the bathroom where the exhaust fan will help with noxious odors created by any mammal. Your cats are very pretty.

      When our cat Jasper uses the litter box and you have to enter the room to turn on the exhaust fan. Husband will look at me with all the serious of a bomb technician entering a crime scene and say, “I love you. I’m going in.” It’s hilarious to us.

      • gabrielle duval says:

        Just wanted to take this opportunity for all cat people who read this – I’ve rescued and kept many many cats, and while poop never smells like flowers, if it smells really bad, it’s an indication that something in the diet you feed does not agree with the cats stomach.

        Kinda like your OWN poop, if you catch my drift.

        Gently transition to a feed that is more for gastric/sensitive stomachs and see if the smell improves. Or ask a vet.

      • Karen says:

        Hi Maria! There’s no room in the bathroom, or any other room for that matter. :/ And the office is furthest away from anyone who might be visiting me, lol. I can’t put the box in the basement, because I KNOW out of site, out of mind. I’d never clean the thing down there. ~ karen!

    • Karen says:

      It’s a shame you didn’t have kids, with your sunny disposition. ;) ~ karen!

      • IRS says:

        Hey, I’m a sweetheart! You should meet my sister. If I could give birth to puppies, I would have already had several litters, but little humans just grow up to be the big humans that generally annoy me.

  5. Cynthia Jones says:

    Don’t you just love a Diet Coke burp ! (there’s a can in her hand, guys….in the photo)

  6. nancy says:

    We call ’em klinkers.

  7. Pam'a says:

    It is one of the mysteries of the universe: How, oh HOW can such gorgeous creatures emit such horrendously odorific substances?

  8. Evalyn says:

    No cat poop story here, I have a dog, and that’s a whole different kettle of fish. But on the subject of your kitchen: it looks much like mine does after I do pretty much anything. I seem to be able to use up every item in my household to do the simplest thing. Cooking, repairs, sewing, watching TV – always with the same result. After studying your photo, I think I’ll add a can of beer and see if that helps at all.

  9. MissChris from SA says:

    Note to self: never read this blog whilst eating your breakfast!

    I have three cats, the baby is very furry and very clumsy with her toilet habits too – but thankfully never on my bed has she deposited a remnant!!

  10. Calliek says:

    And here I was taking a break from cleaning the cat litter box only to find myself reading about more cat poop, yay!
    And I’m glad Im not the only one who thinks there’s something fishy about Jennifer Aniston and her adjustable age. I’m pretty sure she was older than me at one point but now she’s apparently 5 years younger.

  11. amanda says:

    my cat, thankfully, will only have a really god-awful smelling poop about once or twice a week (not to say they don’t all stink, but I’m talking choking when you walk into the room type) and she gets very embarrassed about it. when she does it she will sit in the bathroom doorway (her litterbox is next to the toilet) and swat at anyone who tries to go in, and if you do go in, and mention the smell, she will run and hide for the next few hours.

  12. Maggie Andrew says:

    Why doesn’t the cat go outside?

    • Cara says:

      Either it chooses to poop indoors even though it goes out (I had a cat like that once) or Karen doesn’t let the cat out, to protect neighborhood birds and bunnies.

    • Cara says:

      I do believe 72% of all statistics are made up.

    • Auntiepatch says:

      Do you know all of the dangers to cats outside??? If you love your cats, you don’t let them out.

      • Maggie Andrew says:

        Cats are meant to go outside (unless you live in a high rise building with no garden) mine is currently dozing in the flowerbed. I don’t let her out at night but she spends most of the day out and about.

      • Laurinda says:

        People can be assholes to cats, I’ve seen the damage that they can do. And for that reason, my cats NEVER go outside.

      • Karen says:

        Hi Maggie. Me again, lol! My one cat Ernie was a feral cat that I found on my porch in the middle of winter. After months, I tamed her enough to let me get close to her. Then finally the vet. Then finally inside the house. She wouldn’t go outside again if her life depended on it. My other cat Cleo is also an indoor cat because it’s safer for her. I’m on a fairly busy road plus my first cat, Prada, was an outdoor cat because he was a male stray and there was NO keeping him inside. However, because he was an outside cat he died years earlier than he should have because he contracted feline leukemia from fighting with other cats outside. I know cats like it outside, but it really can shorten their lifespan by a huge amount so from now on my cats will be indoor cats. ~ karen!

      • Nancy Blue Moon says:

        AMEN KAREN…here I am..praying to you again…..CATS DO NOT BELONG OUTSIDE UNLESS THEY ARE ON A LEASH!!!!!

      • Kerrill says:

        My vet told me once that there is such a reservoir of feline disease in our particular county that an outdoor cat won’t last two years around here………they all get sick and die young.

      • j says:

        Dear Maggie-There is no learning curve for a cat who comes in contact with a moving car. So if you love your cat keep it in the house. We also have coyote’s, and bob cats that visit suburbia and the same warning applies. Thanks for your recognition and acceptance of the needs of one’s pets.

      • sheila says:

        Amen, Sister!

    • Karen says:

      I don’t let me cats outside Maggie. ~ karen!

  13. Stephanie Hobson says:

    Our cat Sophie is long haired like your Ernie and occasionally a little poop turd will stick to her. She wanders the house and drops them off here and there, including on our bed. The other night she was running back and forth through our computer/tv room like a mad woman and slung one off! It was really dramatic. Made me wonder if she was trying to run away from it.

    • Karen says:

      My other cat Cleo does that! If she comes out of the litter box and then goes tearing around the house I know I’m gonna have to start the poo search. It’s actually really funny to see the cat fly around like that. ~ karen!

  14. Angela says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing! Very Funny!

  15. Kathy H says:

    1. Our first cat left presents of pee on our bed; then one time, as we were, as Mary W. says, going at it the cat peed on top of us…..laughing hysterically, crying??? I smushed his face in it….and he got over it. Never ever again befouled the marital bed.
    2. Neighbor had a toddler and thought the little guy had dropped a piece of brownie…..you can guess the rest…..diaper wasn’t tight….
    3. One month ago I took apart both dryers and cleaned out their innards…..removed about a hundred pounds of lint from one and found the piece of paper that went down the lint cleaning chute on the other
    4. Bless uTube for all the instructional videos!!! And, you, too, Karen darling, bless you for all you teach us!

  16. Becky says:

    I once had a dryer with the Whirley thing making God awful noises. turned out the bolt where it attaches to the other part had worked itself partially loose and then got jammed, and then stripped.
    Couldn’t put it back, couldn’t get it out. We ended up using the dryer, making that awful sound until it died, a few months later.

    If it makes you feel any better, my sisters puppy is still in the phase of “hmm, what is this, I wonder what it tastes like” so several times he’s had random objects hanging out of the “poop chute” that she’s had to retrieve them before he can be let back in the house… and in spite he pooped on her bed. ON PURPOSE.

  17. Jane says:

    Cat poop story for ya….someone brought a tiny kitten over to my house and it was crawling all around my head and neck as kittens like to do. She left and I smelled cat poop….searched everywhere, but seemed like no matter what room I went into, it was there! Accidentally looked in the mirror while in the bathroom and saw that the kitty had pooped in my hair!! That’s why I smelled it everywhere I went…yuck!! Nothing worse than cat poop….and I always have a cat.

    • Louise says:

      OMG! Thank goodness you didn’t go outside to get the mail or answer the door before you found out! I’ve done that with melted chocolate on the back of my pants so it looked almost as disgusting, but if anyone had asked, I could have had them smell the chocolate! Yeah, that wouldn’t have been weird!

  18. Mary W says:

    My cousin had a dog many years before she got married and of course the dog slept with her. Well the first night that she and her husband were – well going at it – he stopped and asked her if she passed gas, then when she said no, she asked him. They both looked for the smell and found out the dog had left her idea of a wedding present on the pillow next to them. First time ever – but I guess she wasn’t impressed with their performance. Those two have had funny things happen their whole marriage – it may be that they just laugh a lot at not so funny things and can tell a good story. This was one of the best after almost 45 years of laughing. Good night!

  19. Auntiepatch says:

    Oh. My. God. I almost choked to death on my meatloaf! Have you ever had meatloaf gravy come out of your nose? I didn’t know that it was possible.

    I, too, have a long-haired cat with the same problems. The only think I can do is have my husband hold her down while I shave her butt. So I truly know what you’re talking about! But I couldn’t have voiced it as well as you. Thanks for the great laugh. Like a hotel chocolate!!! OMG!

  20. Debbe Van Ness says:

    Soooooo, think that would work for a sewing machine that has a wheel that seems glued? It just sits on the shelf looking woefully lonesome. Ever taken a sewing machine to a repair shop for cleaning/oiling/tuneups? Holy crappola!! (Yeah, I have 2 other machines, but this one and I have a bond, now literal….well, I’m not bonded in THAT way….shutting up….I’m babbling).

  21. Cynthia Jones says:

    I really thought you were going to say that you scooped the cat up with the sheets and she was in the dryer.

    It seemed logical to me at the time.

    I have a $25 Rocket trimmer (in red) to give my pomeranian ”reverse Brazilians” for this very reason. Poop dags.

    I love how Americans pronouce it pooop. I dont know about Canadians. Australians pronounce it POOP the same short sound as the word PUT.

    Just like the word ass is pronouse arse in Australia.

    Just wanted an excuse to do more pooop talk. Toilet humour. Ark Ark.

    • Aspasia says:

      We pronounce it the same as Americans. But I think I might adopt the Australian pronunciation now that I know about it–somehow makes the whole thing seem more entertaining :)

  22. Rachel San Diego says:

    I can’t believe how much you just poop-shamed Ernie.

    Nice going with the dryer. You should patent the blow and oil method.

  23. KiwiKat says:

    As the owner of a cat who excretes his own body weight in, well, excreta, each day – excreta that smells like week old bowels of hell (woboh) – I understand. Thankfully my cat is short-haired, so it doesn’t stick. He does, however, love coming and producing while I am in the shower, as his box is in the bathroom. Nothing like woboh in a steamy room to make you get out of the shower fast. Bleurgh.
    Congratulations on fixing the dryer, too!

    • BamaCarol says:

      Mine does the exact same thing. Comes from a deep sleep to poop while I am showering. Must be a cat thing.

      • Carswell says:

        Luckily I don’t house a litter box in my bathroom. I do have a cat who joins me in there every morning – she sits on the toilet seat and completes her morning ablutions while I do mine in the shower – and she’s not the first cat I’ve had who does that.

        It’s definitely a cat thing.

      • Colin says:

        I note with interest that each morning “your cat sits on the toilet seat while you do yours in the shower.”
        Of course, this is a free country, and we thankfully have no restrictions on what we do in private.
        But in deference to the practicalities of hygiene, may I be permitted to suggest that the roles really do need to be reversed. Besides, it must be so difficult to keep your shower base clean

  24. Cheryl says:

    When in doubt, oil the crap out of everything moving! Coconut oil actually works well for hinges and smells nice.
    At least you have fresh cut flowers in your kitchen…..

  25. Paula says:

    If I wasn’t a cat person before, I am definitely not one now. Congrats on the dryer repair – well done.

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