How to arrange a dozen roses.
If you were reading my Tweets last week you heard that I got a dozen hot pink roses. Just for bein’ cute. ‘Cause I’m cute. When I’m not on a rampage. Truthfully I’m not cute very often. At least my rampages are entertaining. They usually involve a power tool, some sort of adhesive and maybe a frog.
Arranging roses used to elicit a fairly good rampage from me. But not anymore. Because now I take drugs for those rampages. High quality ones at that. O.K. I don’t really take drugs. But if I did they’d be high quality ones that make household tasks easier.
As far as flowers go, roses are considered to be the cream of the crop. Personally, I think they must have a really good PR agency because in truth … they’re difficult to arrange.
You need a startlingly large amount of roses to fill up any sort of conventional vase. They inevitably end up just sort of leaning around the outside of the vase with nothing in the centre. Unless you choose to use the ridiculous, single stem of baby’s breath that comes with the roses. In which case you end up with a circle of roses around the circumference of the vase with a teensy piece of baby’s breath sadly leaning on one of the roses like a drunken friend professing their love for you after an all nighter.
But it doesn’t need to be this way. The trick to roses is definitely finding the right vase. Roses either need a vase with a very small neck to keep them from flopping or you need to cut the stems down so the heads are almost level with the opening of the vase so you just get a mound of flower heads the same height as the vessel. A low vase usually works best for this.
The biggest mistake I used to make when arranging roses was NOT cutting the stems enough. The same gene that makes us afraid to hammer nails into our walls, has been scientifically proven to be the same gene that instils terror when we attempt to chop off a rose stem. I think.
So for your viewing pleasure … how to arrange a dozen roses.
1 dozen roses
1 low vase (can be bowl shaped like mine, or square or round)
1 or 2 leaves from the garden (I bought 2 mini Monstera leaves)
Bunch your roses together in a roundish mound and then secure them with an elastic band a couple of inches below the flower heads. Not too tight, not too loose. Just enough so they keep their shape without flopping.
Cut the stems all the same length so that when you put them in the vase the mound is right at the top of the vase. Just cut the stems a bit, put them in the vase and gauge how much more you have to cut them. Keep doing this until the stem length is right.
I would MUCH prefer this arrangement in the gold Ethan Allen Vase but I don’t own one. And I’m too cheap to spend the $189 to buy one. If you have one, and you’re sick of it … lemme know.
‘Cause it would look astoundingly good on my end table here.
The truth of the matter is … if I had been buying roses for myself I wouldn’t have bought hot pink. In fact I probably would have scowled at them a little as I reached for the pure white ones. Like I always do. When it comes to flowers I always pick white. I shouldn’t. Something just compels me to.
I’d make a bet it has something to do with that gene ….