So I was walking down the street the other day (which is unusual in itself ... I usually skip or moonwalk down the street) and something very odd happened. I was crossing the road at a non designated crosswalk when a car came speeding around the corner straight at me. Clearly it was my fault I was about to be killed. I should have moonwalked across the non designated crosswalk. I'm a much faster moonwalker than regular walker. Other than the Electric Slide there are very few dance moves I can think of that can move a person across a road quicker than the moonwalk.
Plus it's such a dazzling sight that most people stop what they're doing (even driving) to watch.
So this car is careening towards me and just like they say, everything went into slow motion. I held my hands straight up in front of me because for a split second I thought my arms were definitely strong enough to stop a Buick, the #1 car choice of the elderly.
I'd say the car was maybe a hummingbird's breath away from my shins when I sneezed. I SNEEZED at the exact moment I was about to lose my life to a blue haired scribble of a woman in a brown Buick with a snappy velour bench seat.
It was because of that sneeze that I can't tell you exactly what happened next. In the moment of the sneeze I closed my eyes, as most people do when they sneeze. By the time I'd opened them , Scribble and her car were gone and I had 17 birds on each of my arms, flying me to safety across the road.
True story.
Kind of.
It's actually a complete lie. I wanted to start this post with an interesting story but I didn't have one so I made one up. So sue me. I *am* an excellent moonwalker. That part was true. And the old people driving Buick's thing? Also true.
Perhaps I felt the need for an exciting introduction to today's post because the subject matter is so subdued. It's my porch. Just a porch. But I love it.
Because I work from home the porch is also my break room for 3 seasons of the year. From April until November I wander out there a few times a day to get some air and see actual people.
If I want to talk to people I can give a wave so they see me. If I don't ... I can hunker down in the chair with my coffee and go unseen. Like a ninja. An invisible ninja. A transparent invisible ninja wearing an invisibility cloak of invisibleness. Unless I wave.
I can peer out from the hanging green beans to see what's going on in the neighbourhood yet still feel like I'm kind of in a room.
That's what I like about porches. You're outside ... but you're inside. There's no better place to be during a rainstorm. Except maybe in Costa Rica. Or in the arms of a Costa Rican.
The porch has also become my pantry. It's where my onions and garlic cure. It's where I set the tomatoes I've picked and where I weigh all of my potatoes. I'm weighing my potatoes as I pick them this year so I know how many pounds in total I got for the season.
I take my work breaks a little more often than I did a few months ago.
I've forced myself to stop and smell the garlic. I've taught myself to relax.
I also taught myself the electric slide. Just to be on the safe side.
Maryanne
No wonder that kitty found your porch. It would be my choice to take a nap.
PS Did the kitty find a new porch?
Michelle H.
You are so funny! Reading your intro on this post makes me wonder if you should consider writing short stories as an additional career?
gogothrift@etsy.com
love ur porch wish i could come and have a cup of coffee with you. Then again, if we met in person you may not like me and i'd be devastated. Never mind.
Tari Harlan
What a wonderful way to wake up! Click on the computer, still in a sleepy haze, and see the beginning of your blog, OH NO! I had to read more, to make sure you were alright, then I began to grin, and then giggle, and out and out laugh. and as I went through the pictures of your beautiful porch, I began to daydream about what I could do to my porch. So now I'll finish my yogurt, and go start to rearrange it abit, and practice being an invisible ninja. Just one more thing, where can one get their hands on an invisibility cape?
Karen
Ebay. ;) ~ karen
Maggie V
The porch sure looks inviting Karen keep up the good work.
Penny
I just recently 'found' you and have added your posts to my email addy so I'll never miss them. I wish you lived in NE Ohio - I SO would like you to be my new bestie!!
Your posts are always filled with humor and your writing is delicious!! With the exception of chickens, I've enjoyed everything you write! (That was in error - I've enjoyed the chicken talk, just don't have too much interest in the little feathery morsels.)
A little aside about your newish status: As a woman of a certain age, I can tell you that life without a man is really the more natural, happier way to go. Sure, it's nice to have a 'friend with benefits,' but unless you're planning on raising a family, life without a member of the "Tribe Of The Peni" is far better for most women. As you know, women are far more capable than the majority of men, and except for getting things off the upper shelves, they are really quite unnecessary. (I have several step-stools, ladders and re-chargeable NICAD batteries to take up the slack.)
Thanks for your wonderful posts - I look forward to them each day!
Cathy
It's a medical fact that no human can sneeze and keep their eyes open....trust me, I'm a trained medical person.
Elizabeth
Your porch is fantastic, it's a great relaxing get away. You always put a smile on my face and several hoots!!!
Laura Bee`
Other than a spare room (which we had until we had our child) the only thing that I would really add to our home is a front porch. I have sat in the carport to listen to the rain on the tin roof.
And cue the ad for Costa Rican real estate. Tempting. Hubby & I once discussed selling the house, maxing out the cards & running away there. Never to return!
mia pratt
I love your porch, too<:}
Carolyn
You are out of control.... 'Dancing In The Street" I would love to see that blue haired lady drive by, stop her car and get out and dance with you....
Melissa Leach
You are such a hoot. Thank you for greeting me each morning. I, too, enjoy the solitude of my front porch. I don't have to worry about the FBI showing up though.
SuzyM
Why does the counter say 33 comments when there are actually only 3, now 4? I'm guessing either the governments of Canada or the US has something to do with it!
Nice onion braiding or tying, by the way. Also, are you selling your produce or is the chalkboard just a tease? Perhaps a way to get attractive, unattached men up on your porch?
marilyn
scribble of a woman...love it! lmao...thats something i will never be....a scribble..too funny!
Mary Werner
I want to take a break and sit on your porch minus the wave and talking. It looks so peaceful and alive. Loved all the pics.
beth
love the cockscomb peaking up out by the street... perfect plant for you!
Pamela Bates/Mercantile Muse
beautiful spot to watch the world go by, or cuddle with the costa rican. either way.
Kim
Your photography rocks -- props are freakin amazing too. Did you REALLY grow those tomatoes?
Karen
Hi Kim - Yup, LOL, I grew the tomatoes. And the props aren't really props, it's actual stuff I use. (I don't like having things that are only for decoration) I did make sure their placement was pretty for the pictures, but everything's generally where it would be on a regular day. ~ karen!
peggy
I'm getting a good picture now of your porch. You are near the front sidewalk, you have foot traffic, and you must have sun, do you have shade to sit in and drink your coffee? Or are the green beans your shade? Sorry to be nosy, just love the idea.
Su
You can do the electric slide??? super impressed... more so than the moonwalking ability :)