The title of this post is lie number one of a litany of lies to be found on the Internet.
You are NOT going to learn how to rewire a vintage phone. You are not.
I know this from experience. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself as I am want to do when I'm in fits.
I have a number of oddities hidden in my basement. For instance there's this. And these.
Amongst the stuff is a collection of antique/vintage telephones. Some work. Some don't. You may wonder why I care whether or not a relic of a phone with an actual dial on it works or not. I like them. I like old phones. I like old things. And I particularly like old thing that can still be used. There's a certain nostalgia and sentimentality about using a big old handset. Plus if you're on it you can tell people you can't talk any longer 'cause you're stuck to the wall and you need to get things done. That excuse doesn't work if you're talking on a portable phone.
There's one in particular I've been wanting to get up and running for a long time.
This phone was in my grandmother's house in Renfrew, Ontario. It's not only in perfect condition, it's one of a couple of phones in my basement that have been part of my family for generations.
So some time before Christmas I decided to look up how to rewire some of my old phones with their vintage 3 wires ...
... to a modern phone line. One would think it's just a matter of attaching red to red, green to green and so on. But it's not. Sometimes this connection will get the phone to work to make and receive calls, but the ringer won't work. Or it'll make calls but can't receive them. Or vice versa. It's a messy business this phone wiring thing. They're like Fiats. Or Lindsay Lohan's brain. Nobody really knows how the wiring works.
I looked up a few tutorials on-line and a few videos on YouTube and one video seemed to have great potential. All you have to do is attach red to red, combine the green and yellow from the phone and attach them to the green of the phone jack line.
I'm not sure why I was shocked when it didn't work but it was the Opening a Wine bottle with a Tree Trunk all over again.
Around 3 hours into it I realized, this probably wasn't gonna work out for you folks. I would NOT be doing a post on how to make your vintage telephone ring.
But I wasn't giving up on mine. You see, I have that gene in me. That little slice of DNA that won't allow me to stop. I can't give up. I will get so angry and frustrated at points that I need to eat potato chips just to calm down.
Because of the Great and Stupid Paleo experiment, we don't have any potato chips.
So I got more angry and more frustrated and decided to work through it by eating a block of cheese. Which isn't very good alone in large portions so I also had some crackers. I'm O.K. with that.
You know why? That little respite from the stupid Paleo plan was enough to get me to settle down and figure it out.
I had another old wall phone downstairs that was wired properly so I dragged that upstairs and compared the guts. They were similar. Similar enough that I could figure out how to hard wire the new phone jack line into the old phone. It made calls and received them. No ring.
So I made some uneducated guesses moving wires and changing things and finally ... it rang.
The phone now holds court in the living room.
If I'd had a bag of potato chips around instead of just cheese and crackers I'm fairly certain I would have been able to resolve any and all conflicts in the Middle East.
And because you were kind of screwed out of any learning anything at all in this post, I have made for you this little video proving that my phone does indeed ring and work.
Vintage Phone ring
Proof of vintage phone working.
Yet another reason to love the olden day phones. No Skype.
Patti
Damn. This makes me want to get a landline!
Janet
Love the phone...it's darling. So's the video, BTW.
Any chance you'd know how to rewire my husband so he'd want to get the greenhouse recovered and the trees topped? Thanks for the blast from the past! I hated it when my Grammie decided to get one of those ugly Trim-Line phones. Part of the fun in visiting her was getting to see all the old stuff. Her included, of course.
Denise
Yes, Karen, CAN you rewire a husband?
mimiindublin
I'd have given up before I even started.
On the rewiring, not the video/hair/rouge.
Your Mother is going to kill you when she sees what "done" hair is!
Lynne
Ahhhh haaaaaa loved the video !!
Jeannie B
What a lovely old phone Karen. Just think of all the conversations that your gram had on it, over the years. Back in the '80's, I installed six extensions and jacks throughout our circa '50's house, in the basement and on the main floor. The wiring was old, coming into the house and it was a bit of a nightmare getting all the phones to work and ring. Trial and error mostly. I told the family, never to touch those "fiddled- with" connections, ever! Also lived in fear of ma Bell finding out. Doesn't matter anymore. By the way, my iPad is set to the "old ring tone". It rings when I get a new e mail.
Janet
Karen, I am so jealous! You rock!
Jennifer
How is it you can read my mind, I was just staring at the vintage phone that I put in my daughters room (because seriously 5 year old's need a vintage nonworking phone in their room) thinking I need to make this work prior to her being a teenager so she can truly experience having her own phone and twirling the cord in her fingers while talking to a friend on deep serious matters like what kind of potato chips they are bringing to a party. Because I wrote such a long comment and both kids saw the video, they dragged the phone out and said alright Mama get out the tools, guess I know what we are going to do today! Thank you.
susan w
Maybe they can commune with your hens
katrina
YOU ARE A GENIUS AND OH, SO, SO FUNNY!
susan w
The ring reminded me of Sesame Street's Martians encountering a telephone
Made me happy and in further awe of your brilliance and fanatical perseverance.
Kipper
Reminds me of an old comic..kid is rummaging around a room and says to someone not pictured "you know if they put cords on phones they'd not be so easy to lose".
That is a lovey ring!
Gigi
Almost went right to paying the bills and decided instead on a quick detour to KarenLand. Of course I should always trust my instincts, as I was richly rewarded with a plucky, save-the-world, in your face sucka, now I'm smarter than you-and a better dresser, morsel of genius. Thanks. I think I hear your phone ringing. It's your mom. She wants that sweater back if you are just going to let it sit in your closet and not wear it.
Laura Bee
Beautiful! (The phone, you & your jammies)
After having 2 or 3 cordless phones break or be lost, I gave up & went back to an old rotary. People asked to use my phone & the most common reaction was - half way through, they forget where they were in the number! The cat chewed the cord & I was afraid to rewire it, hubby didn'r like it anyhow, so I bought him a new corded/cordless combo Motorola. I hope that it won't break or that I won't lose it in a leaf bag or wherever the others went.
Cathy in Colorado
That ring brought back memories. Cute video. Congrats on figuring it out.
Debbie W.
Oh I am so jealous of your grandma's phone and with your patience (and smarts) to get it working!! I have a hard time helping my 6 yr old put together lego that has step-by-step directions!!
Natika33
I'm wondering the same thing as Cindy. I thought it wasn't possible to pulse dial anymore....
Lisa
Love the sound of that ring. Great job on fixing it! Cute video too.
Miriam
You never cease to amaze me. I must lack that gene: if it's too hard, I tend to give up and read a book.
DzynByJules
I have that exact phone, hoping to get mine up and running then you could call me maybe! Not really sure how to get it to ring though.
Jules
Langela
Lipstick and rouge-LOL! My kids heard the phone ringing and asked, "What is that?" With all the new-fangled ring tones, they didn't know what a ringing phone sounded like. I LOVE the sound of it.