Have you ever had your screen door slam too hard and too quick? It's a relatively easy fix as long as you have some time on your hands. Here's how to do it!
Materials needed: Chair, Screwdriver.
Total project time: 3 ½ hours, 30 seconds.
This is a reenactment of my actual experience ...
Look at front door and remember the slamming screen needs to be fixed. Resolve to fix it immediately.
Head on over to take a look.
Notice movies on front hall table that need to be returned.
Quickly run to stick those in your purse.
Head back to front door to fix it and notice that bunch of stuff always sitting by the basement door. Figure you should probably pick it up and put it in the basement once and for all.
Head back to front door.
Discover cat vomit on cowhide rug. Mutter, swear, then clean it up.
Grab the screwdriver you know you'll need to fix front door. 'Cause you're proactive like that. Peer outside and notice something that needs to be dealt with.
Immediately.
Take down Christmas wreath. Seems a bit early, but better to get it done with.
Return inside and actually make it to the front door. Stare outside longingly waiting for spring to arrive. Do this for approximately 15 minutes, then realize a watched pot never boils. Spring will come when you're not looking. Remember door needs to be fixed. Head to kitchen to grab a chair to stand on to fix door.
Notice messy kitchen. Resolve to ignore messy kitchen. Door needs to be fixed.
Tidy up kitchen.
Make it 2 feet from kitchen table then have a snack. Most people do a better job of fixing doors when they've had a snack.
Arrive again at door.
Without chair. Get chair.
Notice Christmas tree on front porch. Again ... a little early but should probably take it down.
Pitch it just far enough onto the front lawn that I can't see it from inside the house.
Ready to fix slamming screen door! Stand on chair and assess "closer".
Reach for screwdriver in back pocket, which is not there because you left it in the dining room when you took down the Christmas wreath. Go back to cupboard to get screwdriver.
Discover a bag or rats in cupboard! Wait. No. It's hair extensions from a television show you hosted several years ago. Model them for yourself. Contemplate the fact that even though hers cost $7,000, your $100 hair extensions look exactly the same as Kate's from Jon and Kate Plus 8.
After at least half an hour of ponytails and braids, return to fixing door. Take a look at the "closer" of the screen door. That's the black tube hydraulic looking thing with the screw on the end of it.
Insert screwdriver.
Turn screw clockwise a smidge. Door fixed. No more slamming too quickly.
If your door closes too slowly ... turn the screw counter clockwise.
Prep time ... 3 ½ hours.
Work time ... 30 seconds.
Total time required ... 3 ½ hours, 30 seconds.
If this interested you, you might also be interested in How to Cut a bunch of Spring Tulips if You Have a Minimum of 17 Hours on Your Hands.
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Britt
Hooray! You have saved my roommate and I from calling our landlord and looking like helpless, know-nothing wimmin-folk. Screen door fixed - no more slamming! This whole post is great. :)
Karen
Glad to hear you probably accomplished it in less time than it took me! ;) ~ karen
Jaimie
This was hilarous! I found you while literally googling "How to keep my screen door from slamming". :) The line about hair extensions made me laugh out loud :)
Karen
Hi Jaimie - Welcome to my site! Hope ya keep reading. ~ karen!
Tricia
So my door slapped me in the rear when I was carrying my 21 day old son in his car seat into my mom summer house for the first time, my husband and I are really the only one that use this door. Can't tell you how many times it has happened since then, what I can tell you is I have had a second child and we are celebrating my son's (the one who was 21 days old when it first happened) 9th birthday in 2 weeks. Guess life gets in the way.
Melida
This my be one of the funniest things I have ever read! I was tired of my screen door slamming 3 separate times at 6:38 every morning when my 3 oldest girls get on the bus. I knew there had to be a solution when I looked this morning and here it is. When I would take 3 1/2 hours and a chair I was perplexed and intrigued at why it would take that long. Now I'm ticked pink and so glad I'm not the only one living in 3 hour simple task mode! I literally laughed out loud at your Kate Plus 8 hair extensions.
Karen
LOL. I forgot about that! Glad to be of service. :) ~ karen
Lesley hart
You and I are living parallel lives and this is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Thanks for fixing my damn door and for making me laugh harder than I have in months.
Karen
Lesley - You're very welcome. Wait'll you read my post about changing a lightbulb. ~ karen!
DanaR
Haha! Thank YOU! 2 summers later.....it's fixed! .
Dana
Haha! Thank YOU! 2 summers later.....it's fixed! Can't believe it was Sooo simple.
Karen
Hah! Well, that's much longer than the day it took me. You're welcome. ~ karen
patricia A
thanks SO much for this article--it really came in handy. one thing i might point out, and which might cause you to revise the ENTIRE article, is that it took an additional hour for me to fix my screen door. to my horror, i discovered that the pneumatic hydraulic thingy on my door has a PHILLIPS screw and not a slotted screw like on yours. please note this very important distinction. not all of us will be able to deal with the unexpected challenge of encountering a situation that varies from what was depicted in your blog.
LOL! all the best. :)
creature
Hello lovely: You are hilarious! For some weird reason I thought I was the only avid, [somehow] successful DIYer with a 30-second attention span, and you proved me wrong. Thank you. ;D
Apart from your brain, I also really like your tutorials. Most of them are things I need to do... and hey, now I know how to do them right. Biiig hugs!
Karen
Thank you ma'am! Sir! Whatever kind of creature you are. ~ karen
Gino
Hilarious. Sexy, funny and informative. Thank you.
Lynn
Just found this on Pinterest. After laughing over the procrastination, which is how I do things too, I grabbed my screwdriver and fixed our screen door! Woohoo! And my husband wanted to buy a whole new door........ha!
trinity
we had one of these. pneumatic pump screen doors, my ass.
http://www.cabinlife.com/en/DIY%20and%20Advice/Projects/2007/04/How%20to%20Keep%20Screen%20Doors%20from%20Slamming.aspx
janet
Though I already knew how to fix the screen door problem, as I have "fixed" mine in the past, I felt the need to read this anyway. I laughed at a couple of other articles you put out there, yet found this one to be the most hilarious. Karen, I do believe you, Em and I were triplets separated at birth! Ha! Thank you for the well-needed laugh! Keep doing what you are doing, girl!
~Janet
Karen
Thanks Janet! Glad you found the blog. ~ karen
jake
you are cute, and that was an awesome tip to turn the screw on the pneumatic pump a little bit clockwise... easier then breathing. another easy tip for creaky hinges is quickly spray a little wd40 on each hinge, and it fixes those squeaks in a snap, just a little smelly for abt 24 hrs. cheers.
Stephanie
Hey Karen,
Where do you buy your cowhide rugs??? I'm looking for an off-white or really light beigy cowhide and I finally got the "ok" from my mr. cheap to buy one. Ikea has some, but not in the right colour range for me! Where else should I look?
Karen
Stephanie - Ikea is where I got mine! I wouldn't look anywhere else. For the price you're not going to get anything better. In fact, even for 3X the price you won't find anything better. Just keep going back to Ikea and checking. They get new hides in, in different colours all the time. Just be patient! ~ karen
RRDH
This is exactly how I get so much done at home. Unfortunately this is also how I start about a 100 things and then seem to have 96 of them unfinished.
I did laugh. I did cry.
I did stop doing what I was doing - then tried to keep working - then kept reading - then working - then reading - then working - then writing.
Connor
First off, cute top! Second, did you like Black Swan? Cause it's seriously my new favourite movie!
Grace Rodich
Perfect timing on this post.
BTW, I really like the back of your hair. Super cute!
Karen
Thanks Grace! I'm actually due for a cut. It's been 9 weeks since I got it cut/bleached to within an inch of its life. :) ~ karen
Grace Rodich
I'd go short but I have a funny shaped head.
I have about 3 hours to go on my screen door project.
Karen
:) Good girl. Keep at it. You'll get it done.
em
OMG - are you my twin?
Thank you so much for the belly laugh girl!
EM
American who must fix her screen door before another child gets hurt. And guess what? It doesn't even have that hydraulic thingy.
It's that old. Ugh
Karen
em - Ugh. :) ~ karen
Traci
I love that you are only just now taking down Christmas stuff! LOL!!