How to make an introduction is the sort of thing that people would have known how to do years ago but like a lot of useful etiquette, we've kind of let the ball drop. Unless you're royalty. Then you probably know how to make an introduction AND cover up a scandal. Here's the proper way to introduce two people.
I have used the phrase "How do you do?" exactly once in my life. The year was 1989. I was on a cruise ship, somewhere just shy of Panama. This particular evening, all guests dining in the formal dining room were introduced to the ship's Captain. When it was my turn to be introduced to him, for some completely unknown reason, the phrase "How do you do?" popped out of my mouth.
It was as though for a moment I thought I was Gloria Vanderbilt being introduced to the Queen on the set of Dynasty.
The only time I remember something equally awkward coming out of my mouth was in grade 9, in the gymnasium of my highschool. As Duncan MacIntyre sauntered past me ... I said, Greetings. A word that normally ends with ... earth people and is only uttered by Mork from Ork.
Back to the matter at hand; introductions. The whole point of proper etiquette is to keep everyone at ease. They're like the rules of the road for social situations. So if you're having a New Year's Eve party this year or going to one, this little etiquette tip on how to introduce people might come in handy.
Over the years we've become quite casual about introductions. So casual that I have no idea how to do one. I can bumble through the introduction of 2 people if I have to, but I'm never sure who I'm supposed to introduce to whom. I'm not even sure if that's the proper use of whom. So I whipped out my trusty 14th Edition of Emily Post's Book of Etiquette and opened it up to page 1. THAT is how important giving a proper introductions is; the subject of The Basic Rules of Introductions is covered on the very first page of the book.
According to Ms. Post, it's all very easy. All you have to remember is the fact that introductions are based on who is more important than who. Or whom. For instance:
Women always rank above men "Unless the man is the President of the United States, the head of another country, a member of a royal family, a church official, or an older man in a high position such as a governor.". Translated into today's society I imagine that would also include any male cast member of The Curse of Oak Island.
An Older Person always ranks above a younger person. No mention of royalty here by Ms. Post. For instance, what do you do if you're introducing an older woman to a young member of royalty? Oops. My head just exploded.
A More Important Person always ranks over a Less Important Person. Emily does mention that this can be tricky sometimes. For instance a physician would rank over a garbage man. Unless a garbage strike was going on I imagine.
There are 2 ways to introduce people. The first involves using the actual phrase "I'd like to introduce you to ...". When this phrase is used, the "lower ranked" person is always introduced to the "higher ranked" person. As in:
Let's say I have 2 friends. Mark my boyfriend and Kathy my longtime friend. Mark may be more important to me, but Kathy is a woman, so Kathy gets the honour of being considered the more important person.
- Mark, I'd like to introduce you to my good friend Kathy. Kathy, this is my boyfriend Mark. (Mark being lower ranked, because he is a man and Kathy is a woman)
- Kathy, I'd like to introduce you to author, businesswoman, entrepreneur, star of the runaway but not cancelled hit television show Jersey Shore, Snooki. Snooki ... this is my good friend Kathy; she also drinks and falls down a lot. (It's also helpful after an introduction to mention something the 2 people have in common)
In this case both are women, but Snooki is "higher ranked" because she throws up on television. Better yet, she has people throw up on her, on television. Honestly. It's the truth. Watch Season 1 of Jersey Shore if you don't believe me. Emily Post would be startled by these people.
So when you use the phrase, "introduce you to", with "to" as a preposition, the most important person is mentioned last. Gosh. Ms. Post was right. This really is easy. Oops. My head just exploded again.
The other way to introduce people is by losing the preposition "to". In this case you say the name of the person who is more important first. As in ...
1. Kathy (highest ranked 'cause she's a woman) , I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Mark. Mark ... Kathy is my good friend.
2. Snooki (highest rank 'cause she's more important), I'd like you to meet my good friend Kathy. Kathy ... Snooki is a reality television star.
Most important to remember is when NOT to introduce people. As noted by Ms. Emily Post ...
So, basically, if you think one person might raise an eyebrow at being introduced to another person ... don't do it. If you think one person might punch the other person, don't do it. If you think one person might throw up on the other person, don't do it.
I know this all seems confusing. And it is. Which is why no one properly introduces anyone to anyone anymore. This basic downfall of society is also what led us to things like the Jersey Shore and throwing up on each other as a form of introduction.
I'll try and simplify things here. Just remember this, and you'll be O.K.:
How to Make an Introduction
Say the "most important" person's name first, followed by the "lesser important" person. Acceptable phrases are "like you to meet", "have you met", "do you know", and the most popular and simplest of them all ... a favourite of Ms. Post ... "this is". As in:
Mr. Prime Minister (most important because he's the Prime Minister), this is Member of Parliament Filomena Tassi.
Ms. Morgan (most important cause they're your boss), this is our latest Avon sales associate, Lisa.
Mom (older and a woman), this is my boss Mr. Jinglebottom. (since my mother doesn't work with me, she being a woman, ranks over my boss ... the man)
Michelle (older), this is my niece Kiki (younger).
(in business situations the ranking of women over men doesn't apply)
Quick reminder: If you're going to use the phrase "I'd like to introduce you to" ... all hell breaks loose and the names are reversed, with least important being first and most important being second.
So, like this:
Kiki, I'd like to introduce you to Michelle.
I find a damp rag, some Ajax and a clothing steamer is the best way to clean up an exploded head. In case you were wondering.
Thank you to Emily Post for her help. (Always thanking people is a sign of good etiquette. Even if their help wasn't very helpful at all.) I can't wait for your thank you's to start rolling in ...
→Reader? I'd like to introduce you to Instagram Instagram, this is my reader.←
Kirsten
Mark???
Gayle M
So... is it impolite thsn to interrupt a conversation to say, "And I'm his wife Gayle"? (After we walk up to my mil and her three cousins and she reaches past me to take him by the arm telling "I want you to meet my oldest son Mike" and she immediately engages them in conversation? First family reunion event.)
Just wondering...cuz I was taught not to be disrespectful to my elders.
Deb
I was most interested to see how you would make this confounding social conundrum funny - you did not disappoint!!! But, since I’m of the school that nobody is more “ important” than anyone else (‘Sorry, Miss Post), I usually choose the order of names alphabetically!😂. That is, if I can even remember both names!!!😱
Bethany Jones
I mistakenly read, “How to Make an Old Fashioned.”
Frankly, I could use a drink.
Cherie
And if you didn't need one before, you need one after all these rules.
LeeAnne Bloye
If there such a thing as a large Old Fashioned, I'd like two please.
:-)
Mia Pratt
So...when I leave the hermitage of my art studio to take my dog to the dog park, which is THE social center of our village...I must ask this; since my dog is a mixed breed rescue and many other dogs out there are purebred and pedigreed, I would assume I would have to say upon our encounter with a high-ranking dog, "Sir Raleigh" (since Sir Raleigh wears a diamond-studded collar), "this is Blanco; and I am his person, Mia." ...what with me being his humble person and Blanco being the star runner of the dog park, placing me below Blanco, and Blanco below Sir Raleigh of the Diamond-Studded collar; and to close out, I guess I would then say, "Blanco, this is Sir Raleigh." However, I still have one question...is it ever ok for lowly staff (like me) to introduce two-higher ups to each other? Or should one just remain in the background while butts are sniffed, with eyes diverted as per the scullery maid in Upstairs Downstairs when encountering royalty on the stairs, and allow the two social superiors to introduce themselves?🤣
Susan Alexander
😂😂😂👍
Marjorie Kramer
The blog is funny. But, I just tried to read this response out loud to my husband (who was wondering what I was laughing about.) I could not do it. I ended up laughing so hard, tears welled up in my eyes, but I think he got the gist of it. He's laughing now, too. Thanks for the belly laugh, both Karen and Mia!
Patricia
I think the most helpful part of your post (as opposed to Emily's Post) is to mention the more important person's name first. That is simple and I can remember that. For years I have known that you introduce the more important person, or older, or woman..... first, and I mentally could make arguments both ways as to how that would be accomplished. Thank you for examples!!!
Jessie
All I want to know is, WHO IS MARK?!
Robert
My wife (of fifty years - yes 50) and I have a practice if I can’t remember a person’s name but introductions are needed.
It goes something like this - “hi there, I’d like to introduce you to my wife Katherine”
Katherine, picking up the cue, extends her hand and says, “hi, I’m Kath” to which the heretofore nameless person responds with “hi, I’m Tom (Whomever)”, at which point bells ring in my head and I say something inane like, “hey Tom, how’s it going?” - thank god for wives! And all women for that matter!
Jan in Waterdown
And thank god you remember your wife’s name. 😏
T King
Oh my God, that"' what I do too!!!! I have a HORRIBLE time remembering names, and I am completely without etiquette because of that. I try to avoid introductions at all costs. Luckily, introducing my husband or friend saves me every time.
Marilyn Majalca
THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA! I better talk to my husband to arrange this. Thanks!
Tricia Rose
For a while my husband thought it very sophisticated to introduce me as "Tricia, my second wife." He stopped when I just once introduced him as "Stefan, my first husband."
Karen
LOL!! That's a great memory. :) ~ karen!
Christine Hilton
I also liked to introduce people to my "first" husband and signed cards to him from your "first " wife.Thankfully he got the hint and we went our separate ways.
Von
If I were going to introduce the president of the United States to someone...well, I just wouldn't. I wouldn't give that p.o.s. the courtesy of introducing him to a zucchini.
In any other situation, I am happy if I can remember both person's names. I think I usually say the name of the person I've known longer first, then the other person. Mum, {name} this is my neighbour {name}, then I repeat both names, while waving my hand between their faces for some reason. It's the thought that counts.
I'm a short-time lurker. Your blog post came up when I was Googling which salt and pepper shaker had which number of holes. I use grinders for both, but a friend had sent me piggy shakers because I collect pigs. I'm enjoying your blog, and am currently making my way through the Archives. My finding a new enjoyable, informative, and funny blog seems to be the kiss of death. Please stick around.
Peter Oster
Please leave U.S.A. politics out of this Canadian blog.
Wendy
Please leave ALL politics out of this delightful blog. ;-)
Patti H
Thank you.
Alena
Please keep referring to the current president of the US as a p.o.s who is not worth of being introduced to [any] zucchini (we don't want to offend the zucchini).
I am thoroughly enjoying this.
Cussot
Yes, vegetables are much more important around here.
Dana Studer
My husband always accidentally on purpose forgets to introduce me. We've covered this topic many, many times in our 29 yrs. He never remembers names-even
coworkers-so that is why he rarely introduces me. I'm not sure what to do so I stand there like a potted plant. "Coworker, I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Potted Plant" doesn't sound good. Does Ms. Post address what to do if one cannot remember names?
Kat O
As someone who's also horrible with names and mortified during introductions, the best thing you can do for your husband is introduce yourself! You say, "hi, I'm so-and-so" and they say "hi, I'm so-and-so" and your husband is grateful because now he's been reminded of their name as well, and he says "I'm so sorry, I'm terrible with introductions!" and everyone moves on.
Benjamin Hepple
🤯
Jackie
Miss Post would certainly be left clutching her pearls if she ever saw an episode of Jersey Shore!
Jaimee
Somehow post-2016 this seems more quaint and hopeless than ever. Thanks for the social history, though.
roy
Can we perhaps, make this a lot easier by following a General Rule, that Women ALWAYS rank higher than men, business or otherwise? I think this should be 'the rule' not just in conversation but also in any situation. For instance man should open door for a Lady, draw chairs for her, listen very patiently her views (even if they are wrong), have conversation in a pleasing manner so that it gravitates about her interests and desires. In presence of Wife, always rank her the Highest, no matter, who is sitting next in the row, can be any man, president or high official. Only exception to this rule would be for mother,sister,cousins or any female relative for that matter.
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I appreciate reading your site. Thanks!|
Bre
I think I shall make a point of asking "How do you do?" at the next opportunity. And I shall enunciate. If I can remember. And should I be asked that same question, is it rude to answer with, "Charmed, I'm sure" or even better, "Enchantée"? If I can remember.
Bonnie
Karen,
Two things about introductions:
1. My problem is not the formality. My problem is that as soon as I start to introduce people, I experience a mental block and forget their names. Even if they are people I have known for a long time! Like, "I'd like to introduce you to my sister,___________." Awkward! There must be a name for this disorder.
2. Just so you know, if ever we are in a room together with anyone cast member of the Jersey Shore, I do not want to be introduced. And, I am feel that they would feel "Mutual, I'm sure."
Sherry
Thanks Karen, this was fun... I love Bridgette Jones Diary version of the introduction - always make me laugh
I would also like to know the etiquette on introducing x's - you know like at weddings - like my daughter's wedding coming up next year... ugh! She's worried I'll make a fool of myself, but I say, just don't invite them :), I'm a woman and by far the most important!
Sandra D
I just say this is "(name of daughter)'s" father. They'll get the message.
Although, I agree it would be more comfortable not to have to introduce him.
Stephen
There was an Avengers episode where a very British assassin wouldn't kill someone (probably with a tightly rolled umbrella) until they'd been properly introduced.