I want a goat.
Now, I realize that I can’t have one, but I’d still like to list the reasons I think it’s important for me to have a goat.
1. Because I really, really, really want one.
2. The Goat would keep the chickens company when I’m away.
3. Goat’s are cute. When you stand by something cute you automatically look cuter and more likeable. In Denmark, less attractive girls always bring goats to bars with them. It’s called Goat Cuteing. It’s been going on in Scandinavian countries for the better part of this century.
4. Having goats will make me exactly like The Fabulous Beekman Boys. Only I won’t be a boy and I won’t be gay. But I will like boys. And if liking boys makes me gay then I’m gay all day.
5. I could name the goat Clementine.
6. I could make goat’s cheese with my own goat. I would make her an apron and we’d spend a lot of time talking over coffee in the kitchen while we made our cheese.
7. I would have the most exotic pet on my street if you don’t count the lady up the street with the well groomed moustache.
8. Goat’s look funny when you put a hat on them.
9. I could get one of those goats that grows a beard and dress it up as Abraham Lincoln for Halloween. (see above reference to hats)
10. It’s important for me to have a goat because taking care of it will prepare me for taking care of a baby. Not my baby of course. If I were to have a baby at my age it would come out looking like E.T.
Which, come to think of it … is almost as cute as a goat.