I’m Old. And I’m crotchety. Back away.
The No Soliciting Sign.

There was a knock at the front door.   The door that welcomes you to my home with a brick path flanked by day lillies, fluttering moths and lazy streams of sunshine streaking across the grass.  It’s the kind of house that seems to sigh, Come on in, with the falling of every rose petal.

My house and I are very different. I just want people to screw off.

If I know you, that’s one thing.  But if you walk up my pretty path looking to sell me, convince me, switch me or beg me you can either turn around and go away or prepare to get your ass kicked by a spinning and kicking tiny blonde blur.  This is my house, my home.  It isn’t a drop in centre for people who think I have money that I just don’t want anymore.   And no … I don’t make exceptions for charities.  I have my preferred charities and nothing makes me feel less charitable than you standing on my porch making me feel like an asshole because you aren’t one of them.

Also if I wanted to switch cable providers do you know what I’d do?  I’d switch cable providers, on my own, from the comfort of my binge watching couch at 2:00 in the morning after having problems bringing up the latest season of House of Cards. That is what I would do.

So finally, the other night after a particularly curious encounter at my door I said this is stupid.  I’m old.  I’m allowed to do things old crotchety people would do.  I already save tin foil … I’m halfway there to old person crazy.

I sat down and whipped up a No Soliciting sign.  It had lots of swear words and I guess if taken out of context could possibly have been viewed as a hate crime, but only towards people with fake laminated badges.  Something about strangling, and burying, and Kimchi, strangely enough.  I don’t know, I can’t really remember, I was in a bit of a state.  Luckily, just when I was about to laminate it up, I also sobered up and decided to take another, less aggressive crack at it.  I mean I’m old and crotchety, but I’m not that old and crotchety.

And this is what I came up with.

No-soliciting-canada

 Download one of the PDFs below to print your own

(Canadian spelling version)

(American spelling version)

 

no-soliciting-sign

 

And not to worry.  I still laminated the other one and put it in a shoe box.  As soon as I start getting annoyed with kids stepping on my grass or making a lot of “racket”,  I’ll know the day has come to crack it open.

Have a good weekend!

 

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162 Comments

  1. Mary W says:

    Your home surely does welcome people – but I don’t count salesmen as people. Your Daylilies are beautiful.

  2. Janet says:

    This is my favourite post on your entire blog.

  3. LaineyDid says:

    Sadly they don’t work. I tried several versions when I was going through chemo, not one eff is given by those people!!!!!

    • Karen says:

      There are a few people on my street who have them and when they saw mine they said they worked. I guess I’ll find out. And let me tell you this, if anyone came to my door when I had a sign out AND was in the middle of chemo I don’t know what I’d do. Yes I do. I’d punch them in the throat if I had the energy or if (fingers crossed) I felt sick, I’d throw up on them. All over them. ~ karen!

      • Julie G says:

        I think I love you Karen ❤️ I too am old and crotchety – late 50s which I like to think isn’t very old, but I AM very crotchety. I just ordered a bright yellow sign from an online retailer because I am so fed up with people wasting both my precious time and their seemingly limitless energy. I will NEVER buy, sign, agree, or even consider anything from anyone who calks uninvited to my home. They destroy the concept of our homes as a sanctuary. Love to you and yours x

  4. carol says:

    I really am old and crotchety! The plain old ‘No Soliciting’ sign doesn’t work in too many cases. Thanks for one that will prolly work.

  5. Auntiepatch says:

    In the US we call them Girl Scouts……just saying………

  6. Barbara Balkin says:

    Waahhhh! I want to see the FIRST sign you made. Pretty please? (You are too funny!)

  7. Mary Casper says:

    I’m old and crotchety too, however I am also mom to a 11 yo girl, with friends, who sell things, and probably don’t know what soliciting means. And I buy my Girl Scout cookies via Messenger from my Goddaughter. But I’m saving your post for when she gets older.

  8. Auntiepatch says:

    What? The boys “scout” the trail and then the girls “guide” old crotchety people to the cookies? Or do the girls guide the boys (think Lewis & Clark)? It’s too late; I’m going to bed. This is making my head hurt.

    Tell Cuddles Auntiepatch says “Hi!”

  9. Amber says:

    Can you share your original sign with us too? Please please please!!
    Also, I must share a sign I passed just the other day that made me laugh out loud & take a picture of it. It read, accompanied by a picture of a rifle, “Do To The Increased Cost of Ammo, I Shoot First. Do Not Trespass”

    • Louise says:

      I have one of those signs! Lol I live in the country so they don’t care about the regular no trespassing and private property signs. THIS one they read twice!

      • Amber says:

        That’s awesome! lol I was thinking of getting one for my parents who live on 30 acres and are always dealing with “curious trespassers”

    • cheryl seals says:

      Amber, Snort Snort I love it ! Think i shall be making one of those , i’m cheap this way it saves money for more ammo !!!

  10. Suzanne says:

    You go girl. My favorite story concerning door to door solicitors: knock on the door, husband said” do you see the no solicitiors sign on the door”? Response; my mama told me I would never be a solicitor. I’m not a solicitor! I DONT SELL MYSELF.

    Ah. Language is a mysterious thing.

    Between the ” bible thumpers” and the others, I just let the dachshunds bark, till they go away.

    Please hold Tinker Kitty in your heart. He is very ill.

  11. Susan Hollier says:

    As a Girl Guide leader, I thank you for making an exception for us.

    • Karen says:

      For you and only you. 🙂 And I don’t even like the chocolate mint ones. bleh. The other ones are a okay by me though. ~ karen!

      • Teri says:

        Oh, Karen – the chocolate mint ones are particularly awesome when frozen. you could eat them while sitting in front of your redneck AC unit. YUM!
        mind you, I don’t think they go well with beer.

  12. Edith says:

    I put my “No Soliciting” sign on my front door and it reduced the solicitors by 90%. Those that still have the nerve to ring my doorbell get an earful from me.

  13. Laura Bee says:

    Awesome! You are ever so thoughful. Cookies are good.
    My bf has one somewhere. we had it at our old house. Something about “I am a biker, I don’t want what you’re selling…unless you are blind or cannot read, be sure if you knock on this door I will kick your ass.” Was fun to see the door knockers stop, read it & turn away.

  14. dana says:

    I hate the chocolate mint ones too, Karen. Bleck. I don’t like chocolate & mint paired together in anything.

  15. IRS says:

    Ha! I have finally beaten you to the punch – by at least 2 years. Between the real estate agents who want to sell my home out from under me, the early Saturday morning Jehovah’s Witnesses, and every unwelcome jerk in between, I made my sign as follows: The text of it is “No soliciting. ESPECIALLY RELIGION!!! Violators will be shot, cooked, and EATEN! Yes, this means YOU!” I bought a white ceramic subway tile at Home Depot, wrote my message on it in red and black Sharpie, and baked it for a half hour at 350 degrees to make it permanent. I then used Goop glue to attach strong magnets to the back, and then I put it on my steel front door, right beside my door bell. I have only had 2 violators. Both times I opened the door, pointed wordlessly to my sign – and closed the door. The sign goes well with my “GO AWAY” rattan doormat. I am going to to make another one (just for variety and shits and giggles) that will say, “No Soliciting. ESPECIALLY RELIGION! Violators will be introduced to my cranky, retired police dog.” Anyone on this comments page is welcome to steal/borrow/use my sign and instructions. Karen is definitely on the right track.

    • IRS says:

      I should also add that the sign is a more efficient replacement for what I used to do. For any non-religious pitches, I used to speak to the offender standing at my door only in an obscure, East European language that I speak fluently, while pretending not to speak or understand English. When the person reached his/her maximum dose of frustration, they simply left. For the religion solicitors (the ones I hated the worst), I would calmly tell them that I was a practicing Satanist, and depending on my mood, I would either invite them in to see my basement sacrificial altar, or to touch their Bible and have it burst into flames. I never had any takers, but they did move along quickly. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m going straight to hell and all that. It’s OK. I like a dry heat.

      • TucsonPatty says:

        Ha! I love both scenarios! My neighborhood put up signs at each entrance, still it doesn’t deter the ones that the rules never mean *them*, do they?
        We all have taken to just telling them we will be calling the Sheriff as there is No Soliciting in the neighborhood. Then we call and the Sheriff comes and helps them to leave…

      • cheryl seals says:

        IRS, Oh my I shall have to try that one next time ….Speak a little swedish, or alot depending on how long they stand there !!! My biggest pet peeve is campaign time….Don’t see hide nor hair of them till they want you to vote for them…..OH an speaking a differant language when a phone solisater calls may work also…..

  16. SusanR says:

    Something about living in a small village I guess, but I only get groups of ladies dressed in church clothes and hats who want to introduce me to Jesus. I refuse to confirm what they’ve heard about atheists having horns and tails, so I try to be nice, take their pamphlets and thank them. When I tell them I’m too sick to chat, they always say they will pray for me. I figure that can’t hurt. It hasn’t worked yet, though. Or, maybe it has. I’m commenting on your blog and not six feet under. It’s a mysterious Universe. I wish the Girl Scouts would come by. But, they never actually HAVE cookies. I’m not good at delayed gratification. And the damn things cost $4 a box now. Really? They were 50 cents a box when I rode around on my dinosaur selling them.
    I gotta print out the sign. Can you add, “And get the hell off my goddamn grass!”?

    • SusanO says:

      My mother was recoving from spinal menegitis when I was a teen. The religious people from her church came to the door and wanted her to join the ‘League’. She told them she was very sick and did not feel like talking. They told her that she probably got sick because she didn’t belong to the ‘League’. I know she’s in heaven now and not because she was in the league.

    • Karen says:

      LOL! I’ll see about updating my site. 🙂 Around here it’s mostly cable tv/phone providers. And pretend gas company people. ~ karen!

      • Kitten Caboodle says:

        Wow, I wish we had more than one cable company to come door-to-door to compete for my business. I really and truly do. In Massachusetts, there’s usually a single company that owns the lines in an area, so they have a total monopoly (despite laws to prevent such things) and they charge a FORTUNE! The only option is to switch to a dish company but they’re not much better price-wise and I don’t like losing my TV signal just because it’s raining.

        Ok, now you’ve got me all riled up. Get off my lawn!

  17. ralph says:

    Such signs have never done me much good.
    There are many who,I swear, do not see the sign right in front of them. Then there are the others who don’t understand the meaning of the sign.I do have such a sign and when it is ignored by some smiling git I sometimes get down on my knees and and with the broadest of Cheshire cat smiles say “Would you care to join me in a few moments of quiet thanks”? Mixed results,I must admit, but It amuses me at a time when I am ready to blow a gasket.

    • Grammy says:

      Ralph, I tried to read to my husband what you say to some smiling gits, but I kept giggling before I could finish. So finally he had to read it himself. We’ve decided that is the definitive answer to the scurrilous pests who think we want to be bothered in our own home. With Karen’s sign and your response to those who ignore it, we will probably look forward to the next hapless solicitor. Thanks a million.

  18. Judy says:

    I don’t have a habit of reading blogs, but I happened upon yours while surfing for recipes a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband you had moxie and were a hoot after reading about your commando garden building (even shared it to friends on FB) and this recent post of yours regarding the universally annoying solicitor solution was so funny I read the whole thing to my equally amused husband. Kindred spirit, you are, of this Alaska girl and your sharing these moments provides hilarity to my day. Thanks for sharing. . .

    • Karen says:

      Hi Judy! Welcome to my site. I do indeed have moxie. Out of curiosity what type of recipe were you looking for? I’m a very curious person by nature. Which is why if one of the solicitors ignores my warning I will cut them open to see what a real intestine looks like. ~ karen!

  19. Barbie says:

    I’m printing that sign out! LOVE it! HATE Solicitors!

  20. Karen too (I am also named Karen) says:

    If Jesus himself showed up, looking all hunky, I might just let him in, but nobody else. I’ve heard he’s kinda cute.

  21. Lori says:

    Awesome sign. I would love to see the first draft. I bet it’s great!

  22. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    Hmmmm…I suspected you were old and crotchety for quite some time now… at least you aren’t scaring little girls away yet…what happens if the poor little things have run out of cookies????..Down the creepy basement stairs with them I’m guessing..

  23. jkw says:

    Why would I want American spelling? Canadian spelling would lead them to believe a mean old English lady lives here. It is my firm conviction that just because someone rings my bell, I don’t have to answer it. Same for the phone. And believe you me, if I was having chemo, I would NOT answer.

    • Teri says:

      I had to open both signs to see where the differences were. it is the Girl Guide/ Girl Scout difference, not the neighbour/neighbor difference.

  24. Grammy says:

    Karen, you are not old. It’s just that because you’re crotchety you feel old. But there is nothing wrong with being young and crotchety, or even middle-aged and crotchety. If people are going to invade our private spaces, they’re going to have to realize that they’ve caused all the rest of us to be crotchety. They should go door-to-door apologizing.

  25. Mindy says:

    Yes, yes, and yes. Can you make a sign that answers my phone, too?

  26. Cynthia Jones says:

    Great sign and necessary. I do think some will use their banter of linguistics to tell you that the sign cannot possibly mean them as they are not “soliciting’ anything, they are making you an offer or tryiing to save you money.

    This is why my sign says “No Door to Door Callers Are Welcome”. I softened it by painting the words in nice colours to match the house and painting twirling ivy around the edges. I also have a smaller sign on the letterbox saying “No Junk Mail”, which included community newspapers.

    I dont know if you guys have annoying people who set up in shopping centres (I think you call them malls) and try to call you over or suck you in by complimenting you on your hair. We do. This enrages me as all want is a clear path to the supermarket where I can beam in on some coriander/cilantro (jeez peoples, let’s get our words aligned) and a wheel of camembert and bugger off back out of there.

    This is when I try to get them to see the error of their ways and tell them that the law says they are only allowed to stand there and smile at me. Any further interaction or attempts at conversations that will lead to them encouraging me to give them my money is “Soliciting” , which is the same as prostitution and is not manners and not allowed.

    They usually argue, so I march off to the Centre Management Office and make my official complaint. It’s a mission I am on.

    On another note, my front gate is protected by my sign, but as I have a large frontage and a driveway the invisible, sneaky community newspaper deliverer assumes my driveways equates to another entrance and drops a community newspaper there every Thursday. I haven’t caught the bastard yet, though I wrote in four foot high letters in the dirt “Definitely No Newspapers” , he slipped me one.

    I am making a sign for the driveway this weekend. If this does not work I will sit all day Thursday behind the car and crash-tackle him.

    • IRS says:

      When the kiosk people at the mall approach me, I give them a big smile and say, “How nice! You’re the first person who’s talked to me since I got out of the isolation ward!” They quickly find a new target.

    • BethH says:

      Coriander is the seed of the cilantro plant.

    • Pam'a says:

      There was a company here who used to drop a completely useless paper on everyone’s yard once a week. I tried opting out several times, to no avail. Finally, I called them and told them the next time they threw one in my yard I was taking them to court for littering.

      That worked.

      As for solicitors, that’s what sidelights (those windows on each side of the door with lace curtains over them) are for– I can walk up, take a look, and walk away. No one’s the wiser.

  27. Sue says:

    I’m older than dirt and REALLY don’t like unexpected visitors to my door. Would love to see your first sign, because it sounds divine. It might replace the current one on my door that says
    “Trespassers Will Be Shot…Survivors Will Be Shot Again”

  28. IRS says:

    Speaking of old, I am ancient enough to remember the advice columnist Ann Landers (remember her?), who used to have a daily column in the paper (remember newspapers?), and who had perhaps the best, most direct, and most polite motto. It would also make a great sign. She said that “if you are uninvited and unexpected, then you are unwelcome”. To which I would add, “so don’t ring the f@&?ing doorbell!”

  29. Barb says:

    Our front door opens to an an atrium where we used to keep our talking cockatoo and parrot. Four other doors open from the atrium to various parts of the house. One day after the doorbell rang, I took longer than usual to answer it because I was at the far end of the house. When I opened the inside door, the delivery man was engaged in a frustrating conversation with our birds! I opened the outside door and he looked at me in distress. When he glanced past me and saw the birds, he laughed and said he thought he had been talking to a retarded person. I assured him that my birds were not retarded, but I couldn’t vouch for people who took their conversation seriously.

    • Lynn (really spelled w/ an "e", but somebody else already has that spelling on here) says:

      Laughed til I cried when I read your post!!

  30. Julie G says:

    I had a really miserable day yesterday and today wasnt shaping up brilliantly but then I got the email about a new pits and have been giggling ever since. I think I’ve found my peeps!

  31. Kim says:

    Hi Karen!….LOVE this! I was born with a crotchety old introverted soul so I completely understand. I grew up in the country on a farm where you’re nearest neighbor, usually a family member, was at least a mile away and even they called before coming over. I live in an urban condo now to be close to work so I very much miss the quiet of the countrysid. After I’ve spent my entire day dealing with dozens of people and all their drama I just want to be left alone in the peace, quiet and solitude of my home. There are some years I go so far as to turn off my porch light and take up my jack-o-lantern on Halloween, which is the epitome of old and crotchety LOL.

  32. billy sharpstick says:

    I saw a sign once that said “Night shift worker lives here. Every third salesman will be shot. The second one just left.”
    My dad got tired of the local cult members knocking on our door and met them at the door with his shotgun once. Apparently they keep track of those kind of things. They never showed up again over thirty years or so.
    As for girl scout, etc. cookies, you’re better off just giving them a dollar. The bakeries that they get the cookies from are seriously ripping them off. Unless you really really like those cookies and have trouble making little girls cry. Or their mothers you work with.

  33. Edith says:

    This is hilarious, the post and the comments. You guys are great!
    We live across the street from a high school, and the kids that are too young to smoke in public hide in our back yard and spit and throw the butts all over the place. Husband says they spit all the time, because that is what you do when your a beginner.
    I think I should come up with a sign, too.

  34. Janis says:

    I did the exact same thing a few months ago…..I’d just had enough with the knocks…..and don’t you HATE that “I’m a friend just popping by to say hello” knock some of them do! I even had one in the pitch dark at 9:45pm…..are you kidding me….do they really think that is going to end well! So I grabbed some of my kids markers and the back of something or other and scratched out a similar sign, right down to the Girl Guide cookies(those I never say no to). But yours is nicer and will be on my door ASAP, thank you for being crotchety!

  35. Kim says:

    Awesome post as usual! So glad I found you and all your hilarious minions! Have a great weekend!

  36. Beckie says:

    Well, now I know where the “Girl Guides” from the prayer we said at the end of Girl Scout meetings were at!!

    I guess my house doesn’t look welcoming…I don’t get any solicitors. I used to get some religious folks, until I said they could come in and talk, as long as *I* got to talk about my beliefs for the same amount of time. No one ever took me up on that. Kinda interesting.

    I hope your sign works!

  37. maggie van sickle says:

    I live way out in the country on a winding road sort of in the bush and our street does not even show up on a GPS. which is a good thing except when friends from home are trying to find you for the first time or even the 2nd and 3rd time. We have to give them written instructions. I love it. We live on Buckhorn Lake and it is not easy to find by water either. I guess you need to move up here Karen we have lots of garden space and no sales people. Just sayin.

    • Erin says:

      Sounds like our place, too! Not so great when you are expecting a delivery of kitchen cabinets, but otherwise does tend to weed out the run-of-the-mill salespeople. On the other hand, we have had several lost hikers show up over the years.

      • This is our place too. Moving to the country is the best way to avoid door-to-door soliciting. However, we did have one very determined religious group find our place and drive all the way up our driveway. After I sent them on their way, they couldn’t figure out how to turn around to get out, and they ended up crushing the solar lights we had edging our driveway. We now have a gate at the bottom of the driveway, and it’s pretty much always locked.

        (BTW, love Buckhorn Lake. We used to be on Balsam. That’s such a great spot of Ontario).

        • Lifesart says:

          So good to hear! We just moved to a slightly more suburban setting, but we are at the end of the road, with a long driveway and “No Trespassing” “Private Property” signs by the road. So far, so good, though it’s only been a month. At our old home, the preaching people were prevalent, and I’d usually tell them my ankle monitor wouldn’t allow me to open the door! Then we put up a “No Soliciting” sign and the yutzes would say “I’m not soliciting” and I’d hand them a piece of paper with the definition printed on it. That got old pretty fast. So glad to have left that part of the world!

  38. Nicole says:

    I have a metal sign above the gate entrance that says “Family, Friends and Girl Scouts Welcome”. Occasionally, I still have to explain to people that they belong to NONE of those categories but,generally, it works pretty well. I might still print out your sign,though.

  39. Tigermom says:

    This is a hot button for me (and many others, apparently). My home is my sanctuary and I make it a policy to never purchase anything from anyone who bothers me in it by either ringing the doorbell or calling me on the phone.

    I finally made a sign one evening after we had a fifth roofer knock on our door in the space of an hour and a half after our neighborhood had recently been hit by a major hailstorm that meant everyone needed their roof replaced. (That was a noisy summer.) I was pretty crazed so I think my psychotic scrawl helped scare them away. I do remember one idiot who failed to heed the sign. Thinking back now, he may not have been able to read. I managed to make may my point to him verbally.

    I wish I could prevent the survey takers and politicians from calling. We apparently fall in to some demographic that makes our opinion of great interest these people. I cut them off and tell them that we are private people and don’t give out our views and ask them to please remove us from their list. And when we got our current landline number around four years ago we didn’t realize it was the former number of some deadbeat named Timothy Martin (that’s right, I’m putting his name out there!) so now, every time his unpaid debt gets sold to a different collection agency we start getting collection agency calls for him. I explain to them the length of time we’ve had this number and ask them to tell him I said to pay his freaking bills if they ever find him.

    I don’t even buy girl scout cookies anymore. They quit using any butter to make them or something and now they’re just nasty to me. : /

    Thanks for the opportunity to rant. Apparently I needed to vent.

    • IRS says:

      Oh, TM, I feel your pain. About everything, but mostly the collection calls. And I have very bad news for you. It never stops. “Our” deadbeat is named Victor Boateng, and I doubt he ever actually had our number, but just gave out a fake one, which happens to be ours. (It’s easy to remember, which is why we chose it.) We have had the number since 1999, and Victor’s creditors only started calling in 2008. Yup, 7 &@$?! years ago! We can’t make it stop. We have tried ignoring the calls, but there are so many, we can’t keep track of all the numbers on the caller ID. That mostly just leads to nasty messages on the answering machine, plus they call from very early to very late. We have tried answering the calls, and telling them that we have nothing to do with Verminous Victor, as we have taken to calling him, but they either don’t believe us, or if they do remove us from their list, 3 other debt collectors quickly take their place. This guy has managed to run up debts at every bank, credit card, store and cell service provider on the continent, by the sound of it. I have told these collection agencies that if I knew where Victor was, I would club him over the head with a cast iron frying pan, hog tie him, and personally deliver him to their offices. We even considered changing our number at one point, but with our luck, the new number would be used by an even bigger deadbeat. Just another reason why I am perpetually surly, snide and sarcastic. People suck, and dogs rule.

  40. Melissa in NC says:

    Made me laugh. You, old and crotchety!

  41. Suzanne says:

    I had a sign made in savannah, Georgia. It says no solicitors and then has a skull and crossbones next to it. I wish I could post a picture of it. I think you’d laugh!

    • Karen says:

      OH, that sounds like a good one! I may have to make an alternate sign for myself. ~ karen!

      • Allison says:

        You need a sign with your cleaver on it. I bet that would have a similar effect!

        • Suzanne says:

          Yes! A sign like that with a cleaver! That would be perfect. I would just like you to know that even though I had the wooden sign with skull and crossbones right next to my front door… People still tried to sell me stuff or their religion or whatever… The Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, however, stayed away. Which bummed me out since they are they only ones I’d buy from.

  42. SuzyMcQ says:

    So, if all the brilliant people in the world are reading your blog, Karen, and, I know they are, and these interlopers are the scourge of the world to each of us, why do they persist? Who is buying their stuff and/or their special brand of religion? Hmmmm………..

  43. Linda says:

    No sign needed–125 lb Shiloh Shepherd makes ’em fall off front porch.

    • Allison says:

      Linda, I agree! People ring our door bell and then see eye to eye with our 150 pound Great Dane as she announces their arrival. One of the delivery men that drops things at our house practically throws the package on our porch and then runs the opposite direction.

      Little do they know, Waffles would probably just lick them and then go back to napping.

      • Linda says:

        Allison, I don’t even have to answer the door–her bark is ferocious and she doesn’t back down until we tell her to. Licking is optional and only after you’ve been invited in and received her approval 🙂

        • Allison says:

          We don’t answer either. We have a vertical piece of stained glass that she and they can see through. Sometimes she stands on her hind legs and they are literally looking her in the eye. It’s fantastic!

          I’m with you on the bark as well. She sounds even bigger than she is when she barks. I love my big pup.

      • pat says:

        Ha! I heard that if you want an easygoing lap dog, you should get a great dane. You are confirming this? A gentle giant, I love that.

        • Allison says:

          Absolutely, if you get an older one. We adopted ours at three years old, so she was out of the puppy stage. Danes aren’t fully mature until somewhere between 2 and 3 years old. Ours also appeared to have been used as a backyard breeder and then dumped so she is especially mellow with our kids. She could care less if they crawl all over her.

          I like to call her my 150 pound house cat because all she does all day is lay around and take naps. She would be an excellent apartment dog, believe it or not.

          My recommendation is always work through a rescue because they can match up the temperament of the dog with your family and lifestyle. 🙂 Often rescues won’t adopt Danes to homes with younger kids like ours because the kids get knocked down by happy tail wags, but our rescue knew that Waffles loved kids and was extremely mellow so she’d be a good fit for our family.

  44. Old but not crochety yet! says:

    Did you know that post walks are calculated by the number of linear feet a postman has to walk? My lawn is “attached” to my neighbor’s lawn, and it seems the postman and whoever else goes door to door think it is okay to cross the lawns, step through flower beds, to get to my door. So, when they get to the door they are already in the line of fire! This entitlement attitude of theirs goes well with the cashiers who never say please nor thank you but just “there you go!” When I say thank you to a cashier (to show that I have manners) I get the reply “No Problem!”

  45. ally says:

    Too funny! We had a guy come to the door the other night, wanting to sell us driveway sealing. We were not interested and hubby tried to get rid of him by saying we’re not interested now but you can leave a business card. He said “I don’t have business cards, I just have the name of my company on my shirt”. I looked at his shirt and burst out laughing – it was so beat up that more than half of the words and numbers were gone. Ya, that seems really legit, buddy. Oh and he came back last night because I guess the “one day only deal” was extended and/or he forgot that he had already hit up our house. One sign needed post haste! Oh, and being a GG leader, I’m pleased that you are open to GG cookie sales. 🙂

  46. Sarah in Illinois says:

    I don’t have a problem with people coming to my door (we have a Lab and a German Shepherd) but can you do something about the ones that call me on my phone!????

    We need a Karen-suggested response to those calls! 🙂

    • Jan in Waterdown says:

      We’ve been getting a lot of phone calls (from outside North America so they don’t give a rat’s a$$ about the do not call list) to have our “ducts cleaned”. But it always sounds like “ducks” so I just start quacking until they hang up. Lots of fun! They probably think Canadians are weird.

    • Gordy says:

      Time is money for the telemarketers. I just pretend to be interested, turn my hearing aids off and inject the occasional really?, Wow! Please tell me more into the conversation until the caller gets tired, figures me out or gets mad and hangs up. Seems to cure the re-callers too.

      Have a great day

  47. Sara S says:

    (First, I love your blog. It brings joy to my day to read something that isn’t sugar coated or filtered like many of the blogs that feature topics I want to read about.. Many times when I get home from work I corner my boyfriend and read it to him. He says it’s only torturous when I get an idea that will turn into a month of extra work for him.)

    Regarding the soliciting sign, when I bought my house two years ago it already came with those handy stickers on my glass doors. I never took them off. I’m in my late twenties so I think being “crotchety” has nothing to do with age, it has more to do with how “ballsy” people have gotten and our lack of tolerance for it. However, it hasn’t always worked. So my next step is to get a “Guard Goose.” Those vacuum peddling teenagers will be in for a big surprise….

  48. Old but not crochety yet! says:

    As for irritating calls the best I’ve heard is when the call comes in you bang the receiver on a table and yell “hello, hello!” in the ear of the caller then pretend you are yelling to someone else in the house “Didn’t you fix that phone yet?” and proceed to bang it again and again…. You will soon get off the list! Or, if you do not want to irritate the irritater, just ask them to hold the line and wait until they hang up.
    Have a great weekend everyone and share more laughs.

    • Jenifer says:

      OMG! I LOVE this one!! FANTASTIC!! I am actually looking forward to my next sales call. (This is fair warning Sirius Radio!)

      THANKS!!

  49. LazySusan says:

    I’ve scared the religious ladies so badly, they took our address off their visitation list. The people who want to clean my carpet in one room for free, however, don’t get nice from me. I know they want to a) convince me to have more done, or get a “donation” from me for their hard work on my behalf, and b) case the joint for goods worth stealing. I think I’ve scared them away, too, now. The only other solicitors we get are the extremely rare child raising money for a school trip. I always buy their seeds or candy or raffle tickets or whatever the kids are selling. I sold Girl Scout cookies door to door, and know it takes bravery to sell door to door as a kid. And they’re always so happy. It makes my day to see the relief and happiness on their worried little faces after I say, “Of course!” So we don’t need a sign, at the moment, but if it ever comes to needing one, I’ve downloaded yours. Thanks!

  50. SusanO says:

    Laughter is the best medicine. I have just had my daily dose. There is so much freedom of expression on this blog. I love it. We have also moved north and the solicitors have vanished. Who wants to wander in bear country selling things. The phone calls are another thing. Is it rude to just say no thank you and hang up.

    • Allison says:

      I generally ask if my listening will affect whether they get paid. Apparently some have to give their spiel to get paid. If they have to give it and I’m feeling nice, I’ll just say, I’m not buying, but give me the spiel. If the spiel has no effect on them getting paid, I say no thanks, and hang up.

    • ElizabethNC says:

      my understanding is that you have to say it three times “No, Thank you.” And you can do it all at once, or you can say that after every syllable or sentence they manage to voice. It’s some kind of rule in the world of telephone solicitation. They are required to back off at that point.
      Also, if a phone solicitation comes in and you say “hello”, just say it once. Those automatic calling machines will send you to a salesperson if you say “hello” more than once. I think this may be COMMON knowledge, but just in case this is an enlightenment portal of sorts….

    • LazySusan says:

      It’s no ruder to hang up on them, than it was for them to call in the first place. So it’s a Rudeness Draw.

  51. Ha! I love it! Your sign is much more creative than mine. I made one about 5 years ago, which is placed right next to the doorbell, that says: “No Soliciting, No Proselytizing, No Politics” It actually works! We haven’t had a salesman or Jehovah’s witness in years.
    -M Vlasic, the Year of Living Fabulously

    • Linda says:

      Marie, I’m betting most solicitors are fearful that Proselytizing means something way darker than they want to mess with 🙂

  52. Jani says:

    When I would get phone calls solicitating cable, dish or cell phone carriers I would tell them that my Dad is president and CEO and I get my service free. Silence they didn’t know how to respond!!

  53. Lesley Williamson says:

    Love this, although it’s perhaps too polite for me. I once had a sign that read Shift Worker Sleeping. Wake Me Up – Lose a Limb.

    I also once chased an ADT alarm salesman down my driveway after he enraged me by suggesting that I was particularly vulnerable to break-ins being a “woman living alone” and that although the police would come they may not come in time. Being both a woman living alone (and how did he know??) AND the police I didn’t take that well.

  54. Twyla says:

    Amen Sistah! As I was reading your post, I thought, “I can’t post a sign with check spelled like that …” but of course, you have thought of everything and made us Americans our own version. I just had this conversation with a friend two days ago. I do not hire my service people or cable company based on who walks to my door! If anything, it makes me hate their company more. Couldn’t agree MORE with you on this one!!

  55. Jacqui says:

    Hahahahahahaha. Snort! Brilliant, I will give it a try!

  56. Bols says:

    The people coming in person don’t bug me that much (there are not that many, in fact) – if I don’t expect anyone, I simply ignore them. Fortunately, I can see from the LR window (it requires a lot of squinting but it can be done) who is at the front door . Or, if I can’t see I wait till they leave and then if it’s someone I am interested in I can open a window and holler.
    If only I could create a digital No Soliciting sign. Just last night, Care Canada called. Now, this is not an annoying company like your fly-by-the-night driveway sealers etc. but still. They called me because I donated through their site when the earthquake struck Nepal. Now the monsoon rains are coming and the work is not done and would I like to donate monthly by having regular withdrawals? Sorry, but no. I already have my charities that are getting monthly donations and here and there I also make one-time donation when I hear of some particularly bad case, like when the Foundation of Benjamin Mehnert (in Spain) is overflowing tortured, half-dead or “just” abused galgos.
    I wish companies targeted the people who have NOT donated.
    But the main reason why I said no is because the company I work for just fired 5% of employees, among them people who have worked here for over 20 years and in one case, a colleague of mine who was less than 2 years from retirement.

  57. Connie says:

    Karen,

    Whew! Such a relief not reading about rotted shrimp, maggots or seeing zoomed-in photos of drowned flies floating in the Mason jar of death. Not that they don’t deserve it, but…..does anyone else eat breakfast while checking emails and reading Karen’s (mostly) awesome blog? Just curious.

    Instead of making a sign for uninvited and unwelcome visitors, you should TIGHTLY screw the lid on your jar and leave it in front of your door!

  58. Christy says:

    How many cats do you have?

  59. Jillian says:

    I totally resonate with your post Karen! After moving into my new home in 2011, it seemed I was being solicited constantly. (and it seemed they were knocking on my door when I had company) There was one particular group “Clean Water Action” that would knock on my door every couple of weeks even after telling them to not come back. I called up their boss and she told me that they were not soliciting and that it was their first amendment right to go door to door.

    So I did some investigating. #1 the definition of “solicit” according to Merriam-Webster “to ask for or try to obtain (something) from someone. It does not say solicit means to ask for money! Secondly, here in the US, we do have 1st amendment rights for freedom of speech….however, not on private property. The US Supreme court ruled in favor of Jehovah Witness saying they were allowed to go door to door, but, they also said if there is a “No Solicit” sign they are to honor it. I sent all of this to “Clean Water Action” all the way up to Washington DC. I have not been bothered by them this summer at all. Yay!

    Now, since many “Sales People” do not know the definition of “Solicit”, a “No Solicit” sign is futile in many cases. BUT, a “NO TRESPASSING”, means stay the F off my property!!! In every state, city and township this is the law and if someone comes onto your property without permission (except Utility workers because of utility easements), you have every right to call the police and have them arrested. I am sure No Trespassing laws are on the books in Canada.

    With all of this being said, I took down my “No Solicit” and put up “No Trespassing”. This summer a woman and 2 men came walking up my driveway while I was in my side yard, working. She tried to tell me her cousin was looking for a job. This set off the rock in my gut that says “something is wrong here” since people looking to rob you will keep you engaged, check out your stuff then have someone slip in and steal, or wait to come back later…living in the Detroit area has its perks! lol I fiercely said “Did you not see the no trespassing sign? Get the F off my property or I’ll call the police”. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. Really?? You rudely walk pass my no trespassing sign and then you roll your eyes at me???? WTF? Needless to say, they did not come back nor have I had any other unwanted visitors this summer.

  60. Gordy says:

    Karen, you have moved from interesting blogger find of the year to hero status with this! I have tears running down my face with laughter and a sign I’ll soon laminate, after I find a laminator of course.

    Well done and wishing you peace and tranquility.

  61. Liz says:

    I enjoy the arrow haha! Just a slim and elegant symbol saying “that waaaay…. not this way”

  62. Lisa says:

    How timely! After several encounters of our own recently with young men who just don’t seem to take “no, I’m not interested.” as an answer (seriously, it seems like I can’t even keep the porch light on in the evenings anymore, it draws them like moths!) I made a no soliciting yesterday myself. Sheesh, I felt old and crotchety too. Thankfully, I’m old enough not to care too much about the feelings of uninvited, unappreciated callers. Good for you!

  63. SusanR says:

    SusanO, very sorry about your mom. Sounds like the people who came to her door might have been from the Westboro Baptist Church. Do folks in Canada know about them?

    Karen, I don’t know the average age of your readers. But judging from the number of woman named “Susan”, I would guess you have a lot of baby boomers. I always say that 4 out of every 3 women my age are named “Susan”. There were always at least 3 in my classes at school.

    • IRS says:

      Oh yes. Westboro. They are the assholes who come to the funerals of dead service members, carrying signs that say things like “God hates dead soldiers”, because they truly believe that homosexuality (and society’s increasing acceptance of it, and of same sex marriage) makes God angry, and that is why He makes bad things happen. These wing nuts are mostly from one large, inbred family, and their patriarch, the preacher of their church, recently died. I hope he is roasting someplace. Although Canada has its own whackadoodles, speaking as someone who spends at least a quarter of every year in the south eastern US, I can honestly say that there are more crazies per capita there than here. Maybe it’s because we as a nation are far less religious than our US neighbours.

  64. Gail says:

    I LOVE it!! Printed out 5 of them ASAP! You must read my mind- here I am, sitting on the front porch, minding MY own beeswax, sometimes in PJ’s and up the steps comes some uninvited *&^%#$)&&*. You know what I mean. This sign is going up right in front of them on the glass door! I should have enlarged it, so they could see it before even starting up the walkway…… sigh.

  65. jainegayer says:

    LMAO

  66. Kelli says:

    In another life we’d be besties, ah swayer. I too am getting older and crotchetier (that a word? is now). Plus I’m single. And I have a cat. And I still rent. So, hey, you’re a step up. 🙂 Love the idea of a ‘no soliciting’ sign but here’s what I’ve found out: people don’t know what that means, and it doesn’t work. I sit in the front office at work and we have a lovely no soliciting sign on our door, but does that stop ’em? Nope. Everyone thinks they are a special exception. Maybe I need to take Julian’s advice, and put up a No Tresspassing sign instead!

  67. Irene says:

    Reading all these comments, I have to say that I kinda envy you guys. Here, in Johannesburg, South Africa, we don’t get solicitors coming to our front doors because we ALL have some or all of the following:
    Enormous walls, razor or barbed wire, electric fences, motion activated beams, large guard dogs, panic buttons, armed response, 24 hour security guards etc etc, and the armed f*&%*!rs still get in and beat up and / or shoot little old ladies for their electronic goods and such.
    I miss the days when we had no tall walls and where people respected our boundaries. :'(
    My country is beautiful and the majority of people are warm and friendly and smile a lot. It just takes that evil element, and we are the prisoners.

    • Lez says:

      Irene, I feel your pain. As a fellow South African I also envy the commenters their problem! We ARE prisoners in our own homes in our beloved country. And as against the people writing here that they feel better living in remote areas, it is the complete opposite here. There is a Genocide going on here that the world doesn’t seem to know about. One white farmer killed on average every 39 hours in the past 3 years is an horrific statistic. Once the farmers are all gone, our country is lost. So very sad.

  68. Kim from Milwaukee says:

    If they come in your gate, ignoring your sign, you could always lob some rotten tomatoes at them from a hidden spot on your lovely porch….they won’t soon forget to avoid your house.

  69. Shauna says:

    Done. Printed and laminated! I have simple but pretty ‘no soliciting’ on my door, but the charities still knock . And, when I point to the sign, they have the nerve to tell me, ‘oh, we’re not soliciting, we’re a charity’. I reply, ‘in the eyes of the law and city code, you are most certainly a solicitor.’ Grrrr, what makes them think a grumpy person with that sign will want to give them money…especially when they decide to argue with said grump?

  70. kim says:

    Karen, I read this post this morning while having breakfast & you made my day! So did the comments I saw before work! I need to make the sign for the guy who is trying to sell me vaccum cleaner bags, really, doesn’t every one have bagless vaccums like me?

  71. Debbie says:

    How to avoid solicitors: Live on a long dead end street that most people don’t know exists. Have a lot of land between said street and the house. Have a wonderful neighborhood where there is a dog at every house who will back incessantly at any stranger coming to the door. No signs needed. Not a single trick-or -treater in the three years we’ve lived here and the trash collectors take time out to play with the dog. And we are twenty minutes from the border of a large city. I love where I live! I am also crotchety and I love your blog.

  72. Mothercarol says:

    This is my fave for phone solicitors. “I won’t be able to take advantage of that because I’m beginning a ten year sentence for mail fraud later this week. I don’t want to make any commitments until after I’m released”

  73. Miriam says:

    When I get calls from the duct cleaners I make sure to ask them which company they are calling from and get their details. Then I tell them I am on the Do Not Call list and will be reporting them. They hang up on me.
    As for those coming to the front door (which is, unfortunately, clear glass), I just let my Malinois hurl herself against it, and make “sorry, dog is nuts” motions.

  74. Pam says:

    Well, I guess there are advantages to living in an apartment building ’cause solicitors cannot get in and go door to door. (Of course that also means I can’t buy Girl Scout cookies from the comfort of my home. And I do like the Thin Mints.) Being in the first apartment, however, delivery folks and others do often ring my bell. I guess when the intended person isn’t home they ring my apartment hoping I’ll just buzz the building door open. (I don’t!) It’s kinda annoying so maybe I should make my own variation of your sign just for that situation. Now to figure out the perfect wording….

  75. Jeffrey Mathews says:

    I find myself in a minority here, It is not that I like solicitors or am lonely for company. But I seem to have some appreciation that there are in fact human beings on the other side of the door and I would imagine that cold calling of any sort is truly a tough way to make a living. I cannot imagine most people who do that enjoy doing that but perhaps it is the only job available to them and they need to keep a roof over their head and food on the table.

    I tell myself that there but for the Grace of God, go I and extend to anyone who knocks for whatever reason a certain minimal standard of humanity, care, and concern. In the end we cannot know what it was that brought that human being to that job and to my door. I’d like to think I would balance that obligation against mere personal inconvenience or distractions to myself.

    And, no, I have never had any employment that required this kind of cold contact. But I do know others who have had to do this and I have heard how hard and discouraging this is to do.

    All of you; class acts all the way.

    • Karen says:

      Oh Jeffrey. I’m sorry you feel that way about this post. You’re right. We’re all a bunch of classless assholes and you’re probably better off somewhere else because you’ll find nothing but more of the same on this site. ~ karen!

    • Karen says:

      p.s. I notice you’ve been a subscriber since 2013 and yet the one and only comment you’ve made on this site is one that is negative. I think that is more telling than anything else. ~ karen

      • Jeffrey Mathews says:

        Your site; your rules. However as I approach my 70th year, I have found generally that what goes around, eventually comes around.

        As it happens, I am a professed and believing Roman Catholic by conversion so having strangers who have a different understanding of our faith knock on my door might seem to pose a problem. Nevertheless, I do invite them in, take their literature, and thank them for stopping by.

        As I said, it does not take much courage or decency to be crude or ill mannered in return. And I hardly think asking whether better ends are served by putting oneself in another persons shoes is in any way negative. It is perhaps, only an application of the Golden Rule.

        My family, by the way, moved to Louisiana right after the American Revolution in which they fought. My ancestors were with the Colonial Scouts on the Plains of Abraham and at Louisbourge (sic) a decade earlier. There is a story that all good Southern men are told at the feet of their grandmothers about Robert E. Lee.

        When Lee and the Army were moving through Maryland, in one town a “free man of color” saw Lee and took off his hat and bowed to him. Lee stopped, dismounted from Traveler and came up to the man. Lee then bowed and put out his hand and shook the hand of the astonished Marylander. When some of the staff commented about this action, all Lee said was that: “This gentleman was kind enough to pay me a complement and I returned his kindness with my own. I should not like anyone to think he were more a gentleman than I.”

        My family goes straight back on my mothers’ side to the first 104 at Jamestown: My fathers’ to 3 on the Mayflower. Not once in 4 centuries have the men ever forgotten that they were gentlemen. And I hope and trust when my time comes, those that I leave behind will remember my as such a gentleman.

        • Karen says:

          Yes Jeffrey I get it. You’re a good person the rest of us are not. You’re going to heaven, we’re going to hell and are bad people for putting a lighthearted sign on our gates. Got it. ~ karen!

          • Jeffrey Mathews says:

            My belief ma’am is that in the end we shall all be judged by the actions that we did not take, the goodness we did not do, and the kindness we did not show.

            • Karen says:

              Jeffrey? That’s enough. We all get it. We all understand you’re the good person here. You’ve told us over and over again. Which by the way, a gentleman rarely does. ~ karen

  76. Rose says:

    I’m speechless Jeffrey. Gotta love a “Gentleman”, but I think you’re living in the past. I get very uncomfortable when a strange man comes to my door and tries to come in uninvited. Like the one who came to my door at 9:00 at night, it was dark and he wanted money for his sick wife. I said no, he went to my friend’s house next house and I called the cops.

    • Jeffrey Mathews says:

      Respectfully Ma’am, under those circumstances, you d the right thing IF this happened in a country where there is a social services network as we have here in the States or Canada.

      I do not deny that there are evil people in the world. I was a Public Defender right out of law school and my brother was a homicide detective with a very large urban police force on the west coast.

      I know evil when I see it and apply Edmond Burke’s admonition from his essay “Reflections on the Revolution in France (1792):

      “In the end, the only safety for good men is in believing all possible evil of bad men.”

      • Cynthia Jones says:

        Jeffery, Get your own blog. There is an obvious need to be heard and you will enjoy it immensely.

        You have a lot to say about yourself, judgement, religion, damnation and your family history.

        It will be very rewarding for you, keep you busy and you get to be the boss of it.

        • Cynthia Jones says:

          Jeffery, Anyone who follows a statement that implies they are taking responsbility for a wrongdoing with the word “However” is not sincere.

          It shows they have not respected the boundaries of the person who has told them they are crossing a boundary.

          You are crossing boundaries on someone else’s site. Show some respect.

  77. mariah says:

    Dear Karen,

    After visiting my house where I have begun to grow veggies in my front yard (in addition to my community garden plot) a friend suggested that I should read your blog. She didn’t even mention that you are a fellow Canadian (I am a transplant in America)! I admit that I had a serious crush on you after reading just a few posts. Now, I think I might be in love…. 🙂 Thank you for writing a blog that is informative, interesting, well-written and full of snark (along with gardening, my hobbies include proper grammar and swearing). Ok, now off to read your most recent post before I finish building our chicken coop!
    🙂

  78. Monique says:

    Hi..just found your blog…Pinterest..Harvesting Garlic..
    It’s my first year and ..well..so many different opinions..so I did it..this morning..so excited..wish I had planted twice as much..
    Thanks for the tips..
    I am like you..but strangely enough.the door rang IN my screened-in porch..no one does that.. adorable thirtysomething girl selling CDs..she had a rock version and a soft version.I actually bought her CD as she was irresistible..and an artist.
    But the soft..was rock…imagine the rock;)

  79. Cindy says:

    My sides hurt because I am laughing so hard!!!! Think I want to read the original though. There would be some great content in the gut reaction of that first draft. When I am home…I am home. Unless I share a last name with you or have professed great love for you…call first!!!!! I am not a fan of drop in visitors.

  80. kipper says:

    Maybe you could add something to deter people pushing political causes and the people who leave pizza coupons and business advertising too. Robocalls….another pet peeve but apparently there is no way to stop them, unless you stop having a phone.

  81. Marlene says:

    So glad I came across this wonderful blog when I was on Pinterest and happen to see your dollar store garden LED lamps… I loved watching you on OMNI TV a few years ago by the way, so lovely to see your witty and sarcastic brand of humour here ont his lovely and smart blog!
    After binge reading several of your posts today and reading literally every single reply (yes, even Jeffrey M’s, sheeesh dude), I think I love you… just sayin…

    Peace from Marlene in Toronto 🙂

    • Karen says:

      I’m glad you found my site Marlene! I’ve been here a while now. 🙂 And don’t worry about Jeffrey. He’s better than us. ~karen!

  82. Pingback: PROPS | Sprouting Balance

  83. Catherine says:

    I’ve got this one, all Martha Stuarted up in a frame even!
    If you ring this bell….
    We will not believe it,
    Buy it, vote for it and,
    We will not tell you what we think about it.
    However, we will tell you
    what gauge shotgun we have.

  84. taria says:

    I am looking for a sign that says ‘no sellers, no savers, not thieves’. Those religious kooks make me crazy. If people would quit opening their doors to these guys it would help us all. Oh, don’t buy anything on the phone either. That just encourages them. If nobody bought from phone solicitors they would go away too. Funny post, Karen.

  85. cheryl says:

    KAREN, this was a good post ! Glad i’m not the only one who hates these door knockers ! So I have one for you all, I was home one day sick with the flu ..At the time we were living in a single wide on our property building our new home…So i had just settled in after a coughing fit to sleep an Bang Bang Bang on the tin trailer door, I peeked out blinds an saw a bunch of them..So I try’d to ignore them..Nope Bang Bang Bang again soooo I got up knowing one of them was standing on the top step of the door where by the way was a no solisting sign was..I knew something they didn’t the door opened out !! Soo very quietly I unlocked the door an flung it open knocking the person off the step ! haha Then I looked at them all before the one on ground could recover an said ” First of ALL maybe you peeps should go back to school so you can learn how to READ ! An second of all your tresspassing on private property !! The road you came up all us 6 neighbors OWN an the next time I see you an your merry gang of preachers the SHERIFF will be here an haul you all off in SQUAD CARS then where will you be ? OH that’s right you peeps can’t read !!! Neighbor guy saw them jump into their preacher wagon an go back to the main road, he called me an said I don’t know what you said to them but they flew outta here GOOD…We never had trouble with them again, so i think they keep a journal of bad house’s !!!! HAHAHA

  86. Lyn says:

    An acquaintance of mine said that a well known religious group, known for coming to peoples doors, came to her home and she pretended to be deaf. She faked sign language and pointed to her ears and spoke with a deaf accent (don’t know what else to call it, but you know it when you hear it). They went away but sure enough, it wasn’t many days later that they came back with someone who spoke sign language. I don’t remember what she did then, but that was hilarious.

  87. Penny Mitchell says:

    Love this site! I, too, am old and a crabby old bat into the bargain; crotchety ain’t bad enough to describe me. I used to get a lot of Mormons turning up on my doorstep but I think they’ve taken me off their list since I asked if it was true that they have special underwear requirements due to their religion and had to take a bath only in the dark. I’m pretty sure that they don’t, they just believe in a slightly more ridiculous set of crap than, say, buddhists, but it maybe convinced them that I’m some sort of pervert, batshit crazy or both.
    As for those annoying people who ring up to get me to answer their stupid survey questions, if I’m busy I just put the receiver down. If I’m in the mood to have a little fun, though, I put on a little old lady voice, keep mentioning that I’m 83 next month, ask them to repeat everything because I’m hard of hearing, until they’re bellowing down the ‘phone, then ask them to spell it and I answer all their questions with “Ooh, I don’t rightly know, dear”.

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