I’m Old. And I’m crotchety. Back away.
The No Soliciting Sign.

There was a knock at the front door.   The door that welcomes you to my home with a brick path flanked by day lillies, fluttering moths and lazy streams of sunshine streaking across the grass.  It’s the kind of house that seems to sigh, Come on in, with the falling of every rose petal.

My house and I are very different. I just want people to screw off.

If I know you, that’s one thing.  But if you walk up my pretty path looking to sell me, convince me, switch me or beg me you can either turn around and go away or prepare to get your ass kicked by a spinning and kicking tiny blonde blur.  This is my house, my home.  It isn’t a drop in centre for people who think I have money that I just don’t want anymore.   And no … I don’t make exceptions for charities.  I have my preferred charities and nothing makes me feel less charitable than you standing on my porch making me feel like an asshole because you aren’t one of them.

Also if I wanted to switch cable providers do you know what I’d do?  I’d switch cable providers, on my own, from the comfort of my binge watching couch at 2:00 in the morning after having problems bringing up the latest season of House of Cards. That is what I would do.

So finally, the other night after a particularly curious encounter at my door I said this is stupid.  I’m old.  I’m allowed to do things old crotchety people would do.  I already save tin foil … I’m halfway there to old person crazy.

I sat down and whipped up a No Soliciting sign.  It had lots of swear words and I guess if taken out of context could possibly have been viewed as a hate crime, but only towards people with fake laminated badges.  Something about strangling, and burying, and Kimchi, strangely enough.  I don’t know, I can’t really remember, I was in a bit of a state.  Luckily, just when I was about to laminate it up, I also sobered up and decided to take another, less aggressive crack at it.  I mean I’m old and crotchety, but I’m not that old and crotchety.

And this is what I came up with.

No-soliciting-canada

 Download one of the PDFs below to print your own

(Canadian spelling version)

(American spelling version)

 

no-soliciting-sign

 

And not to worry.  I still laminated the other one and put it in a shoe box.  As soon as I start getting annoyed with kids stepping on my grass or making a lot of “racket”,  I’ll know the day has come to crack it open.

Have a good weekend!

 

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161 Comments

  1. Mary W says:

    Your home surely does welcome people – but I don’t count salesmen as people. Your Daylilies are beautiful.

  2. Janet says:

    This is my favourite post on your entire blog.

  3. LaineyDid says:

    Sadly they don’t work. I tried several versions when I was going through chemo, not one eff is given by those people!!!!!

    • Karen says:

      There are a few people on my street who have them and when they saw mine they said they worked. I guess I’ll find out. And let me tell you this, if anyone came to my door when I had a sign out AND was in the middle of chemo I don’t know what I’d do. Yes I do. I’d punch them in the throat if I had the energy or if (fingers crossed) I felt sick, I’d throw up on them. All over them. ~ karen!

      • Julie G says:

        I think I love you Karen ❤️ I too am old and crotchety – late 50s which I like to think isn’t very old, but I AM very crotchety. I just ordered a bright yellow sign from an online retailer because I am so fed up with people wasting both my precious time and their seemingly limitless energy. I will NEVER buy, sign, agree, or even consider anything from anyone who calks uninvited to my home. They destroy the concept of our homes as a sanctuary. Love to you and yours x

  4. carol says:

    I really am old and crotchety! The plain old ‘No Soliciting’ sign doesn’t work in too many cases. Thanks for one that will prolly work.

  5. Auntiepatch says:

    In the US we call them Girl Scouts……just saying………

  6. Barbara Balkin says:

    Waahhhh! I want to see the FIRST sign you made. Pretty please? (You are too funny!)

  7. Mary Casper says:

    I’m old and crotchety too, however I am also mom to a 11 yo girl, with friends, who sell things, and probably don’t know what soliciting means. And I buy my Girl Scout cookies via Messenger from my Goddaughter. But I’m saving your post for when she gets older.

  8. Auntiepatch says:

    What? The boys “scout” the trail and then the girls “guide” old crotchety people to the cookies? Or do the girls guide the boys (think Lewis & Clark)? It’s too late; I’m going to bed. This is making my head hurt.

    Tell Cuddles Auntiepatch says “Hi!”

  9. Amber says:

    Can you share your original sign with us too? Please please please!!
    Also, I must share a sign I passed just the other day that made me laugh out loud & take a picture of it. It read, accompanied by a picture of a rifle, “Do To The Increased Cost of Ammo, I Shoot First. Do Not Trespass”

    • Louise says:

      I have one of those signs! Lol I live in the country so they don’t care about the regular no trespassing and private property signs. THIS one they read twice!

      • Amber says:

        That’s awesome! lol I was thinking of getting one for my parents who live on 30 acres and are always dealing with “curious trespassers”

    • cheryl seals says:

      Amber, Snort Snort I love it ! Think i shall be making one of those , i’m cheap this way it saves money for more ammo !!!

  10. Suzanne says:

    You go girl. My favorite story concerning door to door solicitors: knock on the door, husband said” do you see the no solicitiors sign on the door”? Response; my mama told me I would never be a solicitor. I’m not a solicitor! I DONT SELL MYSELF.

    Ah. Language is a mysterious thing.

    Between the ” bible thumpers” and the others, I just let the dachshunds bark, till they go away.

    Please hold Tinker Kitty in your heart. He is very ill.

  11. Susan Hollier says:

    As a Girl Guide leader, I thank you for making an exception for us.

    • Karen says:

      For you and only you. 🙂 And I don’t even like the chocolate mint ones. bleh. The other ones are a okay by me though. ~ karen!

      • Teri says:

        Oh, Karen – the chocolate mint ones are particularly awesome when frozen. you could eat them while sitting in front of your redneck AC unit. YUM!
        mind you, I don’t think they go well with beer.

  12. Edith says:

    I put my “No Soliciting” sign on my front door and it reduced the solicitors by 90%. Those that still have the nerve to ring my doorbell get an earful from me.

  13. Laura Bee says:

    Awesome! You are ever so thoughful. Cookies are good.
    My bf has one somewhere. we had it at our old house. Something about “I am a biker, I don’t want what you’re selling…unless you are blind or cannot read, be sure if you knock on this door I will kick your ass.” Was fun to see the door knockers stop, read it & turn away.

  14. dana says:

    I hate the chocolate mint ones too, Karen. Bleck. I don’t like chocolate & mint paired together in anything.

  15. IRS says:

    Ha! I have finally beaten you to the punch – by at least 2 years. Between the real estate agents who want to sell my home out from under me, the early Saturday morning Jehovah’s Witnesses, and every unwelcome jerk in between, I made my sign as follows: The text of it is “No soliciting. ESPECIALLY RELIGION!!! Violators will be shot, cooked, and EATEN! Yes, this means YOU!” I bought a white ceramic subway tile at Home Depot, wrote my message on it in red and black Sharpie, and baked it for a half hour at 350 degrees to make it permanent. I then used Goop glue to attach strong magnets to the back, and then I put it on my steel front door, right beside my door bell. I have only had 2 violators. Both times I opened the door, pointed wordlessly to my sign – and closed the door. The sign goes well with my “GO AWAY” rattan doormat. I am going to to make another one (just for variety and shits and giggles) that will say, “No Soliciting. ESPECIALLY RELIGION! Violators will be introduced to my cranky, retired police dog.” Anyone on this comments page is welcome to steal/borrow/use my sign and instructions. Karen is definitely on the right track.

    • IRS says:

      I should also add that the sign is a more efficient replacement for what I used to do. For any non-religious pitches, I used to speak to the offender standing at my door only in an obscure, East European language that I speak fluently, while pretending not to speak or understand English. When the person reached his/her maximum dose of frustration, they simply left. For the religion solicitors (the ones I hated the worst), I would calmly tell them that I was a practicing Satanist, and depending on my mood, I would either invite them in to see my basement sacrificial altar, or to touch their Bible and have it burst into flames. I never had any takers, but they did move along quickly. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m going straight to hell and all that. It’s OK. I like a dry heat.

      • TucsonPatty says:

        Ha! I love both scenarios! My neighborhood put up signs at each entrance, still it doesn’t deter the ones that the rules never mean *them*, do they?
        We all have taken to just telling them we will be calling the Sheriff as there is No Soliciting in the neighborhood. Then we call and the Sheriff comes and helps them to leave…

      • cheryl seals says:

        IRS, Oh my I shall have to try that one next time ….Speak a little swedish, or alot depending on how long they stand there !!! My biggest pet peeve is campaign time….Don’t see hide nor hair of them till they want you to vote for them…..OH an speaking a differant language when a phone solisater calls may work also…..

  16. SusanR says:

    Something about living in a small village I guess, but I only get groups of ladies dressed in church clothes and hats who want to introduce me to Jesus. I refuse to confirm what they’ve heard about atheists having horns and tails, so I try to be nice, take their pamphlets and thank them. When I tell them I’m too sick to chat, they always say they will pray for me. I figure that can’t hurt. It hasn’t worked yet, though. Or, maybe it has. I’m commenting on your blog and not six feet under. It’s a mysterious Universe. I wish the Girl Scouts would come by. But, they never actually HAVE cookies. I’m not good at delayed gratification. And the damn things cost $4 a box now. Really? They were 50 cents a box when I rode around on my dinosaur selling them.
    I gotta print out the sign. Can you add, “And get the hell off my goddamn grass!”?

    • SusanO says:

      My mother was recoving from spinal menegitis when I was a teen. The religious people from her church came to the door and wanted her to join the ‘League’. She told them she was very sick and did not feel like talking. They told her that she probably got sick because she didn’t belong to the ‘League’. I know she’s in heaven now and not because she was in the league.

    • Karen says:

      LOL! I’ll see about updating my site. 🙂 Around here it’s mostly cable tv/phone providers. And pretend gas company people. ~ karen!

      • Kitten Caboodle says:

        Wow, I wish we had more than one cable company to come door-to-door to compete for my business. I really and truly do. In Massachusetts, there’s usually a single company that owns the lines in an area, so they have a total monopoly (despite laws to prevent such things) and they charge a FORTUNE! The only option is to switch to a dish company but they’re not much better price-wise and I don’t like losing my TV signal just because it’s raining.

        Ok, now you’ve got me all riled up. Get off my lawn!

  17. ralph says:

    Such signs have never done me much good.
    There are many who,I swear, do not see the sign right in front of them. Then there are the others who don’t understand the meaning of the sign.I do have such a sign and when it is ignored by some smiling git I sometimes get down on my knees and and with the broadest of Cheshire cat smiles say “Would you care to join me in a few moments of quiet thanks”? Mixed results,I must admit, but It amuses me at a time when I am ready to blow a gasket.

    • Grammy says:

      Ralph, I tried to read to my husband what you say to some smiling gits, but I kept giggling before I could finish. So finally he had to read it himself. We’ve decided that is the definitive answer to the scurrilous pests who think we want to be bothered in our own home. With Karen’s sign and your response to those who ignore it, we will probably look forward to the next hapless solicitor. Thanks a million.

  18. Judy says:

    I don’t have a habit of reading blogs, but I happened upon yours while surfing for recipes a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband you had moxie and were a hoot after reading about your commando garden building (even shared it to friends on FB) and this recent post of yours regarding the universally annoying solicitor solution was so funny I read the whole thing to my equally amused husband. Kindred spirit, you are, of this Alaska girl and your sharing these moments provides hilarity to my day. Thanks for sharing. . .

    • Karen says:

      Hi Judy! Welcome to my site. I do indeed have moxie. Out of curiosity what type of recipe were you looking for? I’m a very curious person by nature. Which is why if one of the solicitors ignores my warning I will cut them open to see what a real intestine looks like. ~ karen!

  19. Barbie says:

    I’m printing that sign out! LOVE it! HATE Solicitors!

  20. Karen too (I am also named Karen) says:

    If Jesus himself showed up, looking all hunky, I might just let him in, but nobody else. I’ve heard he’s kinda cute.

  21. Lori says:

    Awesome sign. I would love to see the first draft. I bet it’s great!

  22. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    Hmmmm…I suspected you were old and crotchety for quite some time now… at least you aren’t scaring little girls away yet…what happens if the poor little things have run out of cookies????..Down the creepy basement stairs with them I’m guessing..

  23. jkw says:

    Why would I want American spelling? Canadian spelling would lead them to believe a mean old English lady lives here. It is my firm conviction that just because someone rings my bell, I don’t have to answer it. Same for the phone. And believe you me, if I was having chemo, I would NOT answer.

    • Teri says:

      I had to open both signs to see where the differences were. it is the Girl Guide/ Girl Scout difference, not the neighbour/neighbor difference.

  24. Grammy says:

    Karen, you are not old. It’s just that because you’re crotchety you feel old. But there is nothing wrong with being young and crotchety, or even middle-aged and crotchety. If people are going to invade our private spaces, they’re going to have to realize that they’ve caused all the rest of us to be crotchety. They should go door-to-door apologizing.

  25. Mindy says:

    Yes, yes, and yes. Can you make a sign that answers my phone, too?

  26. Cynthia Jones says:

    Great sign and necessary. I do think some will use their banter of linguistics to tell you that the sign cannot possibly mean them as they are not “soliciting’ anything, they are making you an offer or tryiing to save you money.

    This is why my sign says “No Door to Door Callers Are Welcome”. I softened it by painting the words in nice colours to match the house and painting twirling ivy around the edges. I also have a smaller sign on the letterbox saying “No Junk Mail”, which included community newspapers.

    I dont know if you guys have annoying people who set up in shopping centres (I think you call them malls) and try to call you over or suck you in by complimenting you on your hair. We do. This enrages me as all want is a clear path to the supermarket where I can beam in on some coriander/cilantro (jeez peoples, let’s get our words aligned) and a wheel of camembert and bugger off back out of there.

    This is when I try to get them to see the error of their ways and tell them that the law says they are only allowed to stand there and smile at me. Any further interaction or attempts at conversations that will lead to them encouraging me to give them my money is “Soliciting” , which is the same as prostitution and is not manners and not allowed.

    They usually argue, so I march off to the Centre Management Office and make my official complaint. It’s a mission I am on.

    On another note, my front gate is protected by my sign, but as I have a large frontage and a driveway the invisible, sneaky community newspaper deliverer assumes my driveways equates to another entrance and drops a community newspaper there every Thursday. I haven’t caught the bastard yet, though I wrote in four foot high letters in the dirt “Definitely No Newspapers” , he slipped me one.

    I am making a sign for the driveway this weekend. If this does not work I will sit all day Thursday behind the car and crash-tackle him.

    • IRS says:

      When the kiosk people at the mall approach me, I give them a big smile and say, “How nice! You’re the first person who’s talked to me since I got out of the isolation ward!” They quickly find a new target.

    • BethH says:

      Coriander is the seed of the cilantro plant.

    • Pam'a says:

      There was a company here who used to drop a completely useless paper on everyone’s yard once a week. I tried opting out several times, to no avail. Finally, I called them and told them the next time they threw one in my yard I was taking them to court for littering.

      That worked.

      As for solicitors, that’s what sidelights (those windows on each side of the door with lace curtains over them) are for– I can walk up, take a look, and walk away. No one’s the wiser.

  27. Sue says:

    I’m older than dirt and REALLY don’t like unexpected visitors to my door. Would love to see your first sign, because it sounds divine. It might replace the current one on my door that says
    “Trespassers Will Be Shot…Survivors Will Be Shot Again”

  28. IRS says:

    Speaking of old, I am ancient enough to remember the advice columnist Ann Landers (remember her?), who used to have a daily column in the paper (remember newspapers?), and who had perhaps the best, most direct, and most polite motto. It would also make a great sign. She said that “if you are uninvited and unexpected, then you are unwelcome”. To which I would add, “so don’t ring the f@&?ing doorbell!”

  29. Barb says:

    Our front door opens to an an atrium where we used to keep our talking cockatoo and parrot. Four other doors open from the atrium to various parts of the house. One day after the doorbell rang, I took longer than usual to answer it because I was at the far end of the house. When I opened the inside door, the delivery man was engaged in a frustrating conversation with our birds! I opened the outside door and he looked at me in distress. When he glanced past me and saw the birds, he laughed and said he thought he had been talking to a retarded person. I assured him that my birds were not retarded, but I couldn’t vouch for people who took their conversation seriously.

    • Lynn (really spelled w/ an "e", but somebody else already has that spelling on here) says:

      Laughed til I cried when I read your post!!

  30. Julie G says:

    I had a really miserable day yesterday and today wasnt shaping up brilliantly but then I got the email about a new pits and have been giggling ever since. I think I’ve found my peeps!

  31. Kim says:

    Hi Karen!….LOVE this! I was born with a crotchety old introverted soul so I completely understand. I grew up in the country on a farm where you’re nearest neighbor, usually a family member, was at least a mile away and even they called before coming over. I live in an urban condo now to be close to work so I very much miss the quiet of the countrysid. After I’ve spent my entire day dealing with dozens of people and all their drama I just want to be left alone in the peace, quiet and solitude of my home. There are some years I go so far as to turn off my porch light and take up my jack-o-lantern on Halloween, which is the epitome of old and crotchety LOL.

  32. billy sharpstick says:

    I saw a sign once that said “Night shift worker lives here. Every third salesman will be shot. The second one just left.”
    My dad got tired of the local cult members knocking on our door and met them at the door with his shotgun once. Apparently they keep track of those kind of things. They never showed up again over thirty years or so.
    As for girl scout, etc. cookies, you’re better off just giving them a dollar. The bakeries that they get the cookies from are seriously ripping them off. Unless you really really like those cookies and have trouble making little girls cry. Or their mothers you work with.

  33. Edith says:

    This is hilarious, the post and the comments. You guys are great!
    We live across the street from a high school, and the kids that are too young to smoke in public hide in our back yard and spit and throw the butts all over the place. Husband says they spit all the time, because that is what you do when your a beginner.
    I think I should come up with a sign, too.

  34. Janis says:

    I did the exact same thing a few months ago…..I’d just had enough with the knocks…..and don’t you HATE that “I’m a friend just popping by to say hello” knock some of them do! I even had one in the pitch dark at 9:45pm…..are you kidding me….do they really think that is going to end well! So I grabbed some of my kids markers and the back of something or other and scratched out a similar sign, right down to the Girl Guide cookies(those I never say no to). But yours is nicer and will be on my door ASAP, thank you for being crotchety!

  35. Kim says:

    Awesome post as usual! So glad I found you and all your hilarious minions! Have a great weekend!

  36. Beckie says:

    Well, now I know where the “Girl Guides” from the prayer we said at the end of Girl Scout meetings were at!!

    I guess my house doesn’t look welcoming…I don’t get any solicitors. I used to get some religious folks, until I said they could come in and talk, as long as *I* got to talk about my beliefs for the same amount of time. No one ever took me up on that. Kinda interesting.

    I hope your sign works!

  37. maggie van sickle says:

    I live way out in the country on a winding road sort of in the bush and our street does not even show up on a GPS. which is a good thing except when friends from home are trying to find you for the first time or even the 2nd and 3rd time. We have to give them written instructions. I love it. We live on Buckhorn Lake and it is not easy to find by water either. I guess you need to move up here Karen we have lots of garden space and no sales people. Just sayin.

    • Erin says:

      Sounds like our place, too! Not so great when you are expecting a delivery of kitchen cabinets, but otherwise does tend to weed out the run-of-the-mill salespeople. On the other hand, we have had several lost hikers show up over the years.

      • This is our place too. Moving to the country is the best way to avoid door-to-door soliciting. However, we did have one very determined religious group find our place and drive all the way up our driveway. After I sent them on their way, they couldn’t figure out how to turn around to get out, and they ended up crushing the solar lights we had edging our driveway. We now have a gate at the bottom of the driveway, and it’s pretty much always locked.

        (BTW, love Buckhorn Lake. We used to be on Balsam. That’s such a great spot of Ontario).

        • Lifesart says:

          So good to hear! We just moved to a slightly more suburban setting, but we are at the end of the road, with a long driveway and “No Trespassing” “Private Property” signs by the road. So far, so good, though it’s only been a month. At our old home, the preaching people were prevalent, and I’d usually tell them my ankle monitor wouldn’t allow me to open the door! Then we put up a “No Soliciting” sign and the yutzes would say “I’m not soliciting” and I’d hand them a piece of paper with the definition printed on it. That got old pretty fast. So glad to have left that part of the world!

  38. Nicole says:

    I have a metal sign above the gate entrance that says “Family, Friends and Girl Scouts Welcome”. Occasionally, I still have to explain to people that they belong to NONE of those categories but,generally, it works pretty well. I might still print out your sign,though.

  39. Tigermom says:

    This is a hot button for me (and many others, apparently). My home is my sanctuary and I make it a policy to never purchase anything from anyone who bothers me in it by either ringing the doorbell or calling me on the phone.

    I finally made a sign one evening after we had a fifth roofer knock on our door in the space of an hour and a half after our neighborhood had recently been hit by a major hailstorm that meant everyone needed their roof replaced. (That was a noisy summer.) I was pretty crazed so I think my psychotic scrawl helped scare them away. I do remember one idiot who failed to heed the sign. Thinking back now, he may not have been able to read. I managed to make may my point to him verbally.

    I wish I could prevent the survey takers and politicians from calling. We apparently fall in to some demographic that makes our opinion of great interest these people. I cut them off and tell them that we are private people and don’t give out our views and ask them to please remove us from their list. And when we got our current landline number around four years ago we didn’t realize it was the former number of some deadbeat named Timothy Martin (that’s right, I’m putting his name out there!) so now, every time his unpaid debt gets sold to a different collection agency we start getting collection agency calls for him. I explain to them the length of time we’ve had this number and ask them to tell him I said to pay his freaking bills if they ever find him.

    I don’t even buy girl scout cookies anymore. They quit using any butter to make them or something and now they’re just nasty to me. : /

    Thanks for the opportunity to rant. Apparently I needed to vent.

    • IRS says:

      Oh, TM, I feel your pain. About everything, but mostly the collection calls. And I have very bad news for you. It never stops. “Our” deadbeat is named Victor Boateng, and I doubt he ever actually had our number, but just gave out a fake one, which happens to be ours. (It’s easy to remember, which is why we chose it.) We have had the number since 1999, and Victor’s creditors only started calling in 2008. Yup, 7 &@$?! years ago! We can’t make it stop. We have tried ignoring the calls, but there are so many, we can’t keep track of all the numbers on the caller ID. That mostly just leads to nasty messages on the answering machine, plus they call from very early to very late. We have tried answering the calls, and telling them that we have nothing to do with Verminous Victor, as we have taken to calling him, but they either don’t believe us, or if they do remove us from their list, 3 other debt collectors quickly take their place. This guy has managed to run up debts at every bank, credit card, store and cell service provider on the continent, by the sound of it. I have told these collection agencies that if I knew where Victor was, I would club him over the head with a cast iron frying pan, hog tie him, and personally deliver him to their offices. We even considered changing our number at one point, but with our luck, the new number would be used by an even bigger deadbeat. Just another reason why I am perpetually surly, snide and sarcastic. People suck, and dogs rule.

  40. Melissa in NC says:

    Made me laugh. You, old and crotchety!

  41. Suzanne says:

    I had a sign made in savannah, Georgia. It says no solicitors and then has a skull and crossbones next to it. I wish I could post a picture of it. I think you’d laugh!

    • Karen says:

      OH, that sounds like a good one! I may have to make an alternate sign for myself. ~ karen!

      • Allison says:

        You need a sign with your cleaver on it. I bet that would have a similar effect!

        • Suzanne says:

          Yes! A sign like that with a cleaver! That would be perfect. I would just like you to know that even though I had the wooden sign with skull and crossbones right next to my front door… People still tried to sell me stuff or their religion or whatever… The Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, however, stayed away. Which bummed me out since they are they only ones I’d buy from.

  42. SuzyMcQ says:

    So, if all the brilliant people in the world are reading your blog, Karen, and, I know they are, and these interlopers are the scourge of the world to each of us, why do they persist? Who is buying their stuff and/or their special brand of religion? Hmmmm………..

  43. Linda says:

    No sign needed–125 lb Shiloh Shepherd makes ’em fall off front porch.

    • Allison says:

      Linda, I agree! People ring our door bell and then see eye to eye with our 150 pound Great Dane as she announces their arrival. One of the delivery men that drops things at our house practically throws the package on our porch and then runs the opposite direction.

      Little do they know, Waffles would probably just lick them and then go back to napping.

      • Linda says:

        Allison, I don’t even have to answer the door–her bark is ferocious and she doesn’t back down until we tell her to. Licking is optional and only after you’ve been invited in and received her approval 🙂

        • Allison says:

          We don’t answer either. We have a vertical piece of stained glass that she and they can see through. Sometimes she stands on her hind legs and they are literally looking her in the eye. It’s fantastic!

          I’m with you on the bark as well. She sounds even bigger than she is when she barks. I love my big pup.

      • pat says:

        Ha! I heard that if you want an easygoing lap dog, you should get a great dane. You are confirming this? A gentle giant, I love that.

        • Allison says:

          Absolutely, if you get an older one. We adopted ours at three years old, so she was out of the puppy stage. Danes aren’t fully mature until somewhere between 2 and 3 years old. Ours also appeared to have been used as a backyard breeder and then dumped so she is especially mellow with our kids. She could care less if they crawl all over her.

          I like to call her my 150 pound house cat because all she does all day is lay around and take naps. She would be an excellent apartment dog, believe it or not.

          My recommendation is always work through a rescue because they can match up the temperament of the dog with your family and lifestyle. 🙂 Often rescues won’t adopt Danes to homes with younger kids like ours because the kids get knocked down by happy tail wags, but our rescue knew that Waffles loved kids and was extremely mellow so she’d be a good fit for our family.

  44. Old but not crochety yet! says:

    Did you know that post walks are calculated by the number of linear feet a postman has to walk? My lawn is “attached” to my neighbor’s lawn, and it seems the postman and whoever else goes door to door think it is okay to cross the lawns, step through flower beds, to get to my door. So, when they get to the door they are already in the line of fire! This entitlement attitude of theirs goes well with the cashiers who never say please nor thank you but just “there you go!” When I say thank you to a cashier (to show that I have manners) I get the reply “No Problem!”

  45. ally says:

    Too funny! We had a guy come to the door the other night, wanting to sell us driveway sealing. We were not interested and hubby tried to get rid of him by saying we’re not interested now but you can leave a business card. He said “I don’t have business cards, I just have the name of my company on my shirt”. I looked at his shirt and burst out laughing – it was so beat up that more than half of the words and numbers were gone. Ya, that seems really legit, buddy. Oh and he came back last night because I guess the “one day only deal” was extended and/or he forgot that he had already hit up our house. One sign needed post haste! Oh, and being a GG leader, I’m pleased that you are open to GG cookie sales. 🙂

  46. Sarah in Illinois says:

    I don’t have a problem with people coming to my door (we have a Lab and a German Shepherd) but can you do something about the ones that call me on my phone!????

    We need a Karen-suggested response to those calls! 🙂

    • Jan in Waterdown says:

      We’ve been getting a lot of phone calls (from outside North America so they don’t give a rat’s a$$ about the do not call list) to have our “ducts cleaned”. But it always sounds like “ducks” so I just start quacking until they hang up. Lots of fun! They probably think Canadians are weird.

    • Gordy says:

      Time is money for the telemarketers. I just pretend to be interested, turn my hearing aids off and inject the occasional really?, Wow! Please tell me more into the conversation until the caller gets tired, figures me out or gets mad and hangs up. Seems to cure the re-callers too.

      Have a great day

  47. Sara S says:

    (First, I love your blog. It brings joy to my day to read something that isn’t sugar coated or filtered like many of the blogs that feature topics I want to read about.. Many times when I get home from work I corner my boyfriend and read it to him. He says it’s only torturous when I get an idea that will turn into a month of extra work for him.)

    Regarding the soliciting sign, when I bought my house two years ago it already came with those handy stickers on my glass doors. I never took them off. I’m in my late twenties so I think being “crotchety” has nothing to do with age, it has more to do with how “ballsy” people have gotten and our lack of tolerance for it. However, it hasn’t always worked. So my next step is to get a “Guard Goose.” Those vacuum peddling teenagers will be in for a big surprise….

  48. Old but not crochety yet! says:

    As for irritating calls the best I’ve heard is when the call comes in you bang the receiver on a table and yell “hello, hello!” in the ear of the caller then pretend you are yelling to someone else in the house “Didn’t you fix that phone yet?” and proceed to bang it again and again…. You will soon get off the list! Or, if you do not want to irritate the irritater, just ask them to hold the line and wait until they hang up.
    Have a great weekend everyone and share more laughs.

    • Jenifer says:

      OMG! I LOVE this one!! FANTASTIC!! I am actually looking forward to my next sales call. (This is fair warning Sirius Radio!)

      THANKS!!

  49. LazySusan says:

    I’ve scared the religious ladies so badly, they took our address off their visitation list. The people who want to clean my carpet in one room for free, however, don’t get nice from me. I know they want to a) convince me to have more done, or get a “donation” from me for their hard work on my behalf, and b) case the joint for goods worth stealing. I think I’ve scared them away, too, now. The only other solicitors we get are the extremely rare child raising money for a school trip. I always buy their seeds or candy or raffle tickets or whatever the kids are selling. I sold Girl Scout cookies door to door, and know it takes bravery to sell door to door as a kid. And they’re always so happy. It makes my day to see the relief and happiness on their worried little faces after I say, “Of course!” So we don’t need a sign, at the moment, but if it ever comes to needing one, I’ve downloaded yours. Thanks!

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