Karen Answers: How’d Ya Get Those Abs?

Ask Karen Question:

Hiiiii Karen!

I thoroughly enjoy your blog. I am a die hard fan as of two hours ago. :D. My question is, referencing the pic of you holding the fish, ummmmmmmmmm, can you do a posting on how to get rock n roll abs like yours? You could file it under everything else.

Just curious!
Thanks!

Laura Rae

Karen Answers:

Dear Laura,

Thanks for the question!  I actually get a lot of comments on that picture.  So in answer to your question here’s what you have to do to get abs like mine:

1. The first thing you have to do is get a 4 year old picture of yourself.

Cottage 2006

2. Then, fade the colours a bit and photoshop out any weird wrinkles on your forehead.  It’s hard not to have a wrinkled forehead whilst holding a Pike.  Besides if you have wrinkles on your forehead, people’s focus will be drawn away from your 4 year old rock n roll abs.    Decide this isn’t working and think of some other way to make the picture look better.

Cottage retouch #1

3. Convert everything over to black & white.  Everything looks better in black & white!  That makes the picture look all cool, like it’s from the olden days … as if I just plunged my fist into the water and pulled up a Pike!  You know, like in the olden days, before they had fishing rods.  But yet, had Tiffany’s necklaces.  Oh!  And make the picture smaller.  Smaller seems better for some reason.

Black & White

4. Then hand everything over to your web designer, in my case  the brilliant Courtney, who makes the picture even smaller making imperfections even HARDER to see.  She also  does some weirdo thing with the contrast to make it look even better.

And there you have it, Laura.  The secret to my rock n roll abs.

Plus I rode horses throughout most of my childhood and teens.  I think the muscles just kindda stuck with me ’cause lord knows … I don’t do anything anymore.  ‘Cept wield a hammer.  And a clever.  And the occasional stubborn jar of pickles.

Quite frankly, I keep asking my web designer how I can change this picture because it actually sort of mortifies me.  It’s a bit “look at me! look at me!” for my taste.

THIS is the “Ask Karen” I wanted to use.  It’s me in my trusty onion chopping goggles.  Got ’em at the Dollar Store and I never chop an onion without them.  I’m pretty.

Me in my Onion Chopping Goggles.

 

19 Comments

  1. karin says:

    round two for me of browsing your old posts.

    you never told anyone what those 3 penis looking things are. so, what are they?

    • Karen says:

      The green things, lol? They’re green penis’, penuses, peni of course. No. They’re green penguin Christmas decorations from Ikea. ~ karen!

  2. Liz says:

    I used to use onion goggles until someone taught me a trick! when you start to pull out ingredients and prep, throw your onions in the freezer for about 10 minutes before chopping. No tears!!!

  3. Julie says:

    Please please do tell us what they are 🙂

  4. Susie says:

    Wow – you know, at first you in the onion goggles was what I focused on….now I’m trying to figure out what those 3 (gasp) penis-shaped things are in the left of the picture??!! They look….interesting!

  5. Alisha says:

    I have onion goggles too! No word of a lie. I stole them from my brother’s bedroom when I was 14 cuz my mum was making me chop onions and they literally make my eyes roll into the back of my head. Combined with the burning and tearing, I can’t handle it, so 15 years of onion goggles has treated me well. 😀

  6. Jenna says:

    You are hilarious. New favorite blog. Of all time, ever.

    • Karen says:

      Thanks Jenna! I am kindda hilarious. Did you hear the one about the … um … ach … I can never remember jokes. Nevermind. Not so funny afterall. Thanks for the compliments! I appreciate it a great deal. – karen

  7. Langela says:

    Karen, just making it back thru the archives. I love your onion goggles. Never heard of such a thing! But it doesn’t surprise me that you were the one to bring it to my attention. A quick story about my youngest daughter. I was cutting onions one day and she came up to the counter. I told her she might want to stay back cuz onions can make you cry. She decided she would stay and take the chance. A minute later (and every time since) she cries out very audibly, “Boo hoo! Whaaa! Onions make me cry!” She has yet to tear up, just fake a loud bawl. She would look adorable in onion goggles and would be one to carry out wearing them until she is old.

  8. Liezl says:

    You rock my casbah. It is insane, I also have a pic of myself donning onion goggles, ‘cept I am like 10 years old! hah!

  9. You are awesome. I love the onion chopping goggles.

    • Karen says:

      O.K. I went to visit YOUR house for a change (oonafeystl.blogspot.com) and I still couldn’t comment. And my comment was really witty and clever and funny and touching, all at the same time! It was Steel Magnolias in a comment box.

      Like the cafe curtains! 😉

      karen

      • Your comments are always funny! Ok, well that may be because YOU are always funny… I saw your comment on Design Sponge about that ladies antique table and didn’t look at the name , just the comment, and laughed my butt off. Then I realized it was you and I’m all “Of course it’s Karen’s comment”…

        Thanks!

        • Karen says:

          OMG I have no idea what I even said. Now I’m gonna have to go look it up to see the hilarity that is me. I’m guessin’ I won’t think I’m as funny as you do!

  10. Liz says:

    Darn it, i wanted to ask that question of you but my question was more pertaining to your arms. Amazing arms. Arms i would have liked photoshopped on to my body in my wedding photos. Although probably not holding a fish.

    It’s a good picture though. Don’t change it. And your goggles made me laugh (out loud at work.)

    • Karen says:

      Oh I’m sorry, did I forget to mention I photoshopped my arms on? ‘Cause I photoshopped my arms on. I just jokin’. Seriously tho … you need to get your own pair of onion goggles. Maybe you could wear them to work! All casual-like. Think of how much fun that would be. Hah!

  11. Tricia Rose says:

    I don’t think you are associating with the right class of onion.

    • Karen says:

      I know I’m not. Other than a shallot I met a few months ago, every onion I’ve ever encountered has turned out to be evil.

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