You’ll have to excuse me if I seem a teensy bit distracted during this menu dissertation. You see I’m watching Miley Cyrus on the Much Music Video Awards and she isn’t wearing anything. Which is fine, she looks good.
I’m perplexed because she seems awfully calm to be wearing only her underwear. The only time I’m only in my underwear is in one of those dreams where you look down and see you’re only wearing your underwear … and are justifiably mortified. She’s living my dream/nightmare and is nowhere even close to being mortified. Oop! Now she just dry humped the air.
See? I’m completely distracted. I am also mildly distracted because I didn’t sleep last night. My neighbours had a kid’s birthday party. Which degenerated into a grown up party. They broke out the bongos, tambourine, guitar and moonshine apparently around 8 p.m.. By 2 a.m. they were in the 6th hour of scream-slur-singing every other word to Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam I say. I don’t even want to hear Pearl Jam sing Pearl Jam. Unless it’s Crazy Mary, which I quite like.
OMG get focused Karen! O.K. Here we go … this week’s menu.
MONDAY – Cold cut Snookie Sandwiches on great big crusty buns w/ garlic mayo, Potato Salad, Broccoli Salad
How does a Snookie sandwich differ from a regular sandwich? Uh … it’s served with a pickle on the side. Double duh.
TUESDAY – BBQ tenderloin, Broccoli, Sliced Sweet potatoes on BBQ, Beet & Goat’s Cheese Salad with Orange Dressing
This is the perfect meal. Not necessarily nutrition-wise, although I think it’s pretty darn good in that department. No … this is a near perfect meal due to it’s colour. You have seared meat, bright green broccoli, orange sweet potatoes, sparkling red beets and crisp white goat’s cheese. DAZZLING! I love all that colour on my plate. My sister (the painter) and I have always had an aversion to all-beige meals. Say a plate with chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes and a piece of bread. It’s like eating prison slop. Watch out! … I’ll skink ya … skank ya … shank ya? Whatever I do, I’ll be awfully slow moving from all the beige food in my system.
WEDNESDAY – Spicy Flank Steak skewers, Spring Rolls with hot Thai sauce, Brown Rice, Roasted Red Peppers
Flank steak ain’t cheap. It just isn’t. Which I can’t figure out ’cause it’s a really tough hunkka meat. Like, raccoon-jerky, tough. Tasty though. Boy is it tasty. Raccoon-jerky tasty. To make flank steak edible you have to freeze it then slice it thin against the grain. Or cook it for 6,582 hours slowly. I usually opt for the thin slicing. If it’s especially warm out I’ll cook the skewers in advance then chill them and serve the slices over a butter lettuce salad. Actually I serve them over whatever lettuce I have in the fridge, but butter lettuce just sound so gooood doesn’t it? Sometimes I do have butter lettuce, so it wasn’t a total lie.
THURSDAY – Linguine with milk based Pesto (Basil, Parsley & garlic), Garlic Croustini
This is one of those recipes that’s easily one of my absolute favourites. I grow my own basil, parsley and garlic so the only thing I have to buy is the pine nuts. It’s a variation of a tradition pesto where some olive oil is replaced with milk. It makes it kind of like an Alfredo sauce. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. The point I’m trying to make is I LOVE this recipe and my fella is convinced it made him sick once. So he will not eat it. It did not make him sick. For such a big, strong man my fella has an absurdly delicate intesitnal tract. Any number of things could have made him sick. Finding out he doesn’t have any clean socks is enough to make him sick. I am finding out this is the case with many men. We girls talk you know. So what’s the deal with tonight? Well … he can suck it basically. I’M HAVIN’ PESTO!
FRIDAY – Slow smoked BBQ Ribs, Red Peppers, Corn on the Cob, Baked Potatoes
The success of this recipe depends on whether I think I can afford to buy a smoker this week. Truth is I will not be able to afford a half decent smoker unless between now and Friday I am able to start selling my cat’s poop for profit. My heart is set on a Big Green Egg. Barring that … a Weber smoker. Realistically, I will be building one out of a garbage can and chicken wire.
SATURDAY – BBQ sausages, Jalapeno Perogies, with onions sauteed in butter. An alarming amount of butter.
You haven’t had a Jalapeno perogie? Go get some. Go on … I’ll wait.
SUNDAY – Tofu Macaroni & Cheese, Caesar Salad
This recipe is a hacked Dr. Oz recipe. Yeah … I know. His original recipe had tofu, cheese and soy milk. I ditched the soy milk. Soy milk has a sweetness to it. I’m not a fan of sweet macaroni and cheese even if it is for “health purposes”. I mean, it’s macaroni and cheese. You can put a hat on a chicken but … it’s still a chicken. And if it’s a birthday hat … well … look out. And for God’s sake don’t give that chicken a guitar. No one’ll sleep a wink.