Because of the kind of person I am, my nails are rarely "done". Because of the kind of person I am this sometimes bothers me. I love clothing, love style, worship Issey Miyake and Tom Ford BUT ... even if I do my own nails or get them done they don't last longer than say .... 13.7 seconds.
I'm a bit of a mess that way.
It's a struggle of a life when you love looking like a runway model and building chicken coops. And I swear to you, the only thing keeping me from looking like a runway model each and every day of my life (even in my sleep with my mouth hanging open and my cats ass in my head) is the fact that my nails are never done.
I manage to keep on top of my hair because my friend Renee does it and last time I let my hair go too long between cuts she told me I looked great anyway. That kind of bold faced lie really makes you reflect on what a horror you must really be.
I have good intentions. I think I'll do my nails. But then I do something else instead. Like eat. Or sleep. Or powerwash the neighbourhood.
But when I saw the black matte and gloss manicure while I was Googling about how to do another type of manicure ... I was hell bent on doing my nails.
The other manicure I was Googling, by the way, was the quilted nails you see here ...
See quilted nail tutorial here.
This particular tutorial uses tape to create the quilting effect. Other tutorials say using a hand held dental floss pick works great to dent your nails into a quilted pattern. It does not. I repeat, it does not work great. At all. I know this becuase I bought those little hand held dental flossers for the sole purpose of quilting my nails. 'Cause it seemed so easy and all. It was not easy. At all.
It looked like a bird with warts on the bottom of its feet walked over my nails.
That's when I remembered the other manicure I came across while searching for a quilted nail tutorial.
The black, matte & gloss french manicure.
I love it with all of my heart for two reasons.
It's exactly my style AND it really is easy to do. Foolproof in fact.
The manicure is a copy of the YSL Tuxedo manicure which is in tribute to the classic black silk on wool, YSL tuxedo jacket.
What you need:
Base coat
Regular nail polish
Matte top coat.
Steps:
1. Base coat.
2. 2 coats regular, shiny nail polish over entire nail. (let dry)
3. 1 coat Matte top coat over entire nail. (let dry)
4. Paint tips with regular, shiny nail polish
(you can also use a clear, shiny top coat for the tip portion)
I would like to take a moment to advise you that there will be no more DIY blog posts including, but not limited to cooking, cleaning, home repair, building, chickens, cats, hammering, washing or scratching. Until I get sick of this manicure.
Join me here tomorrow when we'll just look at each other.
Sarah In Illinois
I love being girly. However, I sell auto parts for a living. Greasy dirty auto parts, in a greasy dirty store, with greasy dirty customers. So I can't wear nice clothes to work, I can't get a nice manicure to last any longer than your 13.7 seconds. Occasionally, I do take some time with my hair (as opposed to the normal ponytail) and a customer will comment, "Who are you?!"
I would love to be girly everyday. Maybe I could get a manicure and then wear gloves everyday? ;)
Melissa Leach
I am a bit taken back with this today's post...don't get me wrong, I love the post. You made me laugh out loud yet again, but info on manicures??? You never cease to amaze me with what you come up with. At least you didn't choose some girly, pearly pink color. I love the black on black!
While you are drinking tea and eating crumpets enjoying your manicure how about the coop cam as TC mentioned???
Karen
Coop Cam is still broken. :( ~ karen
Marti
Those look great, Karen. Well done! I barely do mani's because I like to do so many hard-on-nails things... I usually go bare, but do one coat only clear (so no one can tell when it wears at the tips) for life's bigger moments. but I do indulge myself on toenails. Black is my favorite color. (Although... Hot Pink this week is nice just to break up things up a little)
The black polish I have is glossy. What brand is that matte, please? I'm not sure I need a "french tip" manicure, but I could go for matte black toenails.
Karen
The matte is just a topcoat. Mine is Joe Fresh, but most nail polish lines now carry a matte topcoat that can go on top of any other polish to make it matte. ~ karen!
Marti
I had no idea that was "just a top coat."
So I could put that matte top coat on and have everyone think absolutely... nothing. Haha!
I wonder what flat black toenails would look like... probably... laziness! :)
JebberJay
Go clean your coop ... stat. I will not stand for a non-Karen post day tomorrow.
karol
this is why I like you... a chicken bone wreath and a classy black matte mani in the same week. An all around kind of gal who likes to be creepy and sassy classy at the same time.
jainegayer
I love it!! And I would love to try it but one trip to the barn and it would be chipped after mucking and doing buckets and grooming.
And it's OK about the DIY's. You just take it easy and enjoy that awesome manicure!
Erin Hall {i can craft that}
great now i got to go get matte topcoat.
Thera
Love the manicure, but I am the same way, I love to look/feel girly, but usually don't have the time, can't be bothered or it doesn't last due to the picking, digging, dishes etc.
Ev
Really nice nails. We should start a "how long before Karen does stuff and wrecks her manicure" contest! Here's my dollar, and I say 40 hours!
Barbie
Yes, and you did that "cure a yeast infection with a frozen yogurt tampon" so well! I think that was one of my favorite posts....that and how to open a package of spaghetti!
I totally love the matte vs gloss look a lot! Not so much the quilted one ....mostly because when I wreak it 10 minutes after it's done I won't feel like tearing someones head off part! Which is always my dilemma too!
Is that color you have there brown or black...can't quite tell. Looks maybe dark brown?
Karen
It's a version of black Barbie ... Chanel Diabolic. ~ karen!
Danica
Where did you buy the matte black polish???????? By the way, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who can't have nail polish last longer than a day.
Karen
The matte is just a top coat Danica. Most nail lines now offer a matte top coat as well as a shiny one. You just paint it over whatever nailpolish you have and it turns it matte! ~ karen
magali
you can also turn a regular top coat into a matt one by mixing in a little bit of corn starch :)
also Karen, I started panicking halfway through the sentence about there being no more DIY on cooking! I thought you had gotten sick of doing step by step pictures. I should know better than to react before I finish paragraphs on this blog!
Susan Preston
I use my hands and have a manicure! Over 8 years ago I started getting gel nails where a bio gel is painted on my nails and the polish is applied over that. The polish stays great for three or more weeks unless I stick my hands in paint thinners or turpentine. Chicken crap doesn't affect them. Even worse is cleaning out my rain gutters. All that does is stain my cuticles because I live under horrid black walnut trees. But my nails look fabulous almost all the time. In my business I like to have halfways decent looking hands and neat polished nails help that. Besides it forces me to sit for an hour every two weeks while somebody else does something for me.....
dana studer
LOVE IT!! Where did you get matte nail polish?! I have never seen it. My nails are cut as short as I can get them. If they are any longer I fear theres nasty bacteria under there. ew..
Shavavian
1. My first thought after reading was, "this is hilarious. Who is this? I need to subscribe." The last part "join me tomorrow when we look at each other", pure comedy. B. I LOVE the matte look. I never paint my nails for the same reasons you don't, but want to. That matte look would be perfect and classy for me. Thanx!!
Karen
Thanks Shavavian. Welcome to the site! I typed that with my nose by the way. ~ karen
Valerie
Your french black manicure is quite attractive.
My manicure story:
I once bought all of the fixings to do a proper french manicure. I recall the entire box of fixings as being rather expensive. Everything came together with a lovely picture on the front of a completed Genuine French Manicure. Unfortunately I was unable to get the white nail end tips to resemble the way they appeared in the picture in the instructions utilizing their product to create the white tips. As you already are aware, I am a fan of "white out," the typewriter correction fluid. ( your previous salad bottle entry) I used the white out for the nail end tips and the finished manicure now looked exactly like the instruction pictures. White out even comes with its own brush.
The pursuit of beauty knows no limits.
Toronto Boy
Quick! call the internet police! Someone has hijacked/hacked Karen's account and is posting girly manicure tutorials (Yuck, yuck, and double yuck!)! Don't chu worry Karen! I got your back sister!
(((Grabs power drill and begins hunting for the girly hijacker!)))
<<>>
Karen
LOL. Let us not forget Toronto Boy that one of the first posts I did here was on how to cure a yeast infection with a frozen yogourt tampon. It clearly doesn't get any girlier than that. LOL!! ~ karen
Toronto Boy
Karen that revelation is making my poor eyes bleed! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Elisa
There's even a video!! Check it out!
Emily
Was taking a bite out of my biscuit this morning as I read the line " cure yeast infection with a frozen yogourt tampon" LOL
Meg
hahaha LOL
Amie Mason
I've been a nail-biter since I was a kid. But having (adult) braces for the past year my nails have shot off and I am loving actually having feminine nails for once in my life. I am now addicted to Butter nail polish. I've given the quilted look a good and I found electrical tape works the best - but you need to leave the base colour for 24 hours before trying the pattern.
Love the matte vs gloss - will be giving this a go asap.
Karen
It's good because it's quick to do so if you wreck it you don't have a heart attack and swear at everyone and everything for existing. Well, you might do that but it isn't completely warranted. ~ karen!
Raymonde
My nails look like crap, they always do and even if I work hard at looking as cute as I can, I don't care!
The few times I wore nail polish, I had the strange feeling that my fingertips were really heavy...
I also felt like I couldn't do anything with my hands... No scraping at paint with my thumb, no digging in the dirt without gloves, no picking at something stuck, you know what I'm saying...
Karen, how is it even remotely possible to do anything with a manicure? Inquiring minds want to know! ;-)
Karen
Oh it's not. It's not remotely possible. This is my way of getting out of working for as long as the manicure lasts. :) ~ karen
Pati Gulat
It looks great, Karen, but the REAL question is what do the chickens think about it ? After all, it's THEIR opinions that REALLY matter and that is as it should be. ;)
TC
Nice job Karen. Looks great. Enjoy being extra girly. The coop cam would be handy now.