Nature’s Christmas Gift.

I was getting the backyard ready for Christmas the other day when a heavy, heavy dread settled over me. Like the hand of Father Christmas pushing me into the dirt.

It suddenly occurred to me that my readers might be getting sick of all the Christmas related posts. The Christmas crap, the sparkle and snow, the elf and the shelf.

And frankly, that’s really all I have scheduled from now until the big day.   Glitter, garland, evergreens, bows.   Glitter, garland, evergreens, bows.  It’s all I can think of.  Well, that and cheese.

I spent the majority of last week wandering around the house, outside the house, around town, trying to come up with post ideas that weren’t Christmas related. I was totally and completely unsuccessful. Although I did end up with another dozen ideas for Christmas related posts.

I went about my work outside digging in the backyard planters, getting them ready for a Christmas riot of sparkle, branches and evergreen boughs.   I worked in solitude, focused on my task, but still unable to shake the feeling that it was too much.  It was just too much Christmas.  I needed something else. A new idea for a post.  Something different.  Something completely unrelated to Christmas.

But with someone like me, who lives and breathes for Christmas at this time of year I knew the chances of coming up with another idea were grim.  It would require some sort of divine intervention.

It was a perfect day for doing the outdoor decorating, Christmas carols softly playing, the sound of church bells being carried on a breeze from down the street.

At the moment the very last church bell rang, I plunged my hand into the planter dirt to pull up some old roots.  What my hand came out with was the inspiration I had been looking for; I now had something for a post that had nothing at all to do with Christmas.

It was a gift from nature.  The very last sweet potato that had been clinging to life, just waiting for a warm hand to cradle it and bring it inside.

And not just any old sweet potato. It was a remarkable sweet potato.

In short, it was the divine intervention I’d been looking for.



Holy shit.


  1. Ruth says:

    By the way, did you make crap out of it? Or did you dump it? Pun totally intended. LOL! *dead*

  2. Ruth says:

    Crap! (and I mean that in the nicest ‘sweetpotatoey’ way)

    Oh dear Lord….

  3. Jen B says:

    This xmas I am feeling a little down in the DUMPs. That little sTURDprise was exactly what I needed. Thanks.

  4. Jody says:

    This makes me think of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Merry Christmas, the shitter’s full.

  5. Cindy G. says:

    A genuine LOL! And I seldom do that when there’s nobody else around to appreciate a good chuckle :)

  6. Marlene says:

    Oh man. Cracked me up. Also the funniest thumbnail image to ever grace my Feedly feed.

  7. Feral Turtle says:

    OMG that was hilarious!!! Cheers.

  8. Sarah says:

    1. I don’t mind the Christmas posts.
    2. I think my dogs have visited your yard, which is weird because we live in Oklahoma City.
    3. Please don’t eat that “sweet potato.”

  9. Debbie O Rourke says:

    That looks exactly like a Jack Russell poo right up to the little last sqeezed out tail snip!

  10. Debbie says:

    Um, it looked like a curled up snake to me! Love the post.

  11. Marion says:

    bahaha thank you!

  12. Lynne says:

    Laughed so hard I nearly spit my coffee across the room. Best non-Christmas post ever!!

  13. Peg says:

    THank you!!

  14. Anita says:

    Oh my gosh, I have tears running down my leg!

  15. Ella says:

    You’re so funny! And such a great writer!

  16. Doreen says:

    OMG that made me laugh right out loud!!! thanks for that!!!

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