Nature’s Christmas Gift.

I was getting the backyard ready for Christmas the other day when a heavy, heavy dread settled over me. Like the hand of Father Christmas pushing me into the dirt.

It suddenly occurred to me that my readers might be getting sick of all the Christmas related posts. The Christmas crap, the sparkle and snow, the elf and the shelf.

And frankly, that’s really all I have scheduled from now until the big day.   Glitter, garland, evergreens, bows.   Glitter, garland, evergreens, bows.  It’s all I can think of.  Well, that and cheese.

I spent the majority of last week wandering around the house, outside the house, around town, trying to come up with post ideas that weren’t Christmas related. I was totally and completely unsuccessful. Although I did end up with another dozen ideas for Christmas related posts.

I went about my work outside digging in the backyard planters, getting them ready for a Christmas riot of sparkle, branches and evergreen boughs.   I worked in solitude, focused on my task, but still unable to shake the feeling that it was too much.  It was just too much Christmas.  I needed something else. A new idea for a post.  Something different.  Something completely unrelated to Christmas.

But with someone like me, who lives and breathes for Christmas at this time of year I knew the chances of coming up with another idea were grim.  It would require some sort of divine intervention.

It was a perfect day for doing the outdoor decorating, Christmas carols softly playing, the sound of church bells being carried on a breeze from down the street.

At the moment the very last church bell rang, I plunged my hand into the planter dirt to pull up some old roots.  What my hand came out with was the inspiration I had been looking for; I now had something for a post that had nothing at all to do with Christmas.

It was a gift from nature.  The very last sweet potato that had been clinging to life, just waiting for a warm hand to cradle it and bring it inside.

And not just any old sweet potato. It was a remarkable sweet potato.

In short, it was the divine intervention I’d been looking for.

 

 

sweet-pootato
 
Holy shit.
 


111 Comments

  1. Gwen H. says:

    Now that was a funny post.

  2. jsparrish says:

    divine intervention=holy shit
    best line ever

  3. Call Me Patty says:

    That’s exactly what that photo looks like……..a handful of shit. Sorry Karen 😉

    • Karen says:

      Well, yes, lol. That’s what it’s supposed to look like. It’s a sweet potato that grew into the shape of well … shit. ~ karen!

      • Call Me Patty says:

        LOL…..a little slow on the draw there. I guess I should have read the post carefully before scrolling down to the picture. HA!

  4. Kathy says:

    Aaack! I don’t think I will ever be able to eat another sweet potato in my life!
    Pretty please bring back the Christmas posts!

  5. Laura Bee says:

    Holy Shit Karen….? Are you sure that wasn’t a parting gift from Sugarlump the stray cat?
    You kill me.

  6. Cynthia Jones says:

    Well, we’ll know for sure when she wraps it in foil, bakes it in the oven and serves it up with a drizzle of sour cream.

  7. Claire says:

    Please please please make a “shit”-something out of it! Surely Shit-soup, or Shit-potato wedges, would (s)hit the right button. How many shit related jokes can we come up with……..

  8. Barbie says:

    OMG! Second time tonight that I am laughing loudly while hubby sits opposite me feeling left out! I had an eggplant that grew something like that…but it was purple….so it didn’t look as shitty as yours!

  9. Edith says:

    Oh Karen, I really should know better than to read your post while my hubby is trying to fall asleep next to me. He just doesn’t like it when suddenly the bed starts to shake like crazy while I try to muffle my belly laughs.

    You’re a hoot.

  10. Dee says:

    Okay, maybe you can get an extra post out of this poo-tato if you video yourself eating it. Yum!

  11. Bre says:

    Glitter spray and voila!!!!

  12. Therese Bourne says:

    It’s still a Christmas post Karen. Do you watch Southpark? Have you heard of Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo?

  13. Marti says:

    Crap! It’s all so appro-poo!

  14. Rhonda SmartyPants says:

    What a shitty post. And so close to Christmas, too. First a post on Poo-pourri or whatever the shit that stuff is called, and now shitty wads of old, dried up root vegetables. I’m rather surprised you actually washed your hand for the picture. I’m even more surprised you didn’t run a yard of garland around it and sprinkle a pound of glitter on it and light it up from within to glow with the rest of your shitty-looking cloches. I mean, really, Karen, it’s Christmas for shit’s sake. Try to stay in the shitty spirit of the season for another 10 days or so.

    Shit, I don’t know what else to say except – shit.

    (Okay, you do know I’m joking here. Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit, but it is Christmas and you matter enough to me to be sure my dry humour is not too dry – like a Bond martini, stirred not shaken or is it the other way around?)

  15. Grammy says:

    I love when my vegetables remind me of other things by their unique growth, but I’ve never had a shit potato. Not sure if I’m disappointed or not. But I’m glad you shared yours with us.

  16. Elizabeth says:

    Priceless! That really made me laugh.

  17. Jcrn says:

    This is a so eerily coincidental that it shivers up and down my spine ( or maybe that’s due to the minus 10 degree temps outside) . First there were the poo pourri posts. And now a sweet potato which brings those posts to mind. The world is a amazing .

  18. Louise says:

    I was thinking you should make a shit-like craft out of it, like a shit . . . Oh heck, it’s just perfect the way it is!

    Maybe you could make a “shit sandwich” with it – I hear a lot of U.S. politicians are eating those these days. But then you would be covering up the innate magnificence of this specimen. I know! Sneak it into a Christmas party and drop it next to a chair and then wait for the screams! Fa la la la lah, la la la la!

  19. Natika says:

    ha ha ha!!!!!

  20. magali says:

    that is incredible!!! you must have really lost your shit when you found it!

    I am A-ok with all the Christmas, keep it coming!

  21. JennyW says:

    Ummmm, are you sure thats not just frozen shit? A long lost gift from a neighbour’s Poodle? 🙂

  22. Farquist says:

    At least something grew out of your shitty year.

  23. Suzanne @ Le Farm says:

    What a way to start my day…
    you and Mother Nature are my favorite people today…

  24. Diana says:

    Karen,
    you are the one who is able to wake up any christmasfeelings in me.

    When Wham is playing for the 100000000000th time so I want to take an ax an play Friday 13th,
    when stupid people ask me to remove the pricelabels before I pack their Gift- I`m trying to dream away to the place, where decoration (gets done with all heart) is still alive.

    And now get your ass off the couch and decorate your basement, your toilet and the neighbor`s house too!

  25. Danni says:

    Whoa!!! I can just see that perched on a nest of tiny twinkle lights under glass…..

  26. Jody says:

    It seems to me not all your recent posts have been about Christmas. There seems to be another theme emerging–Shit. Poo-pouri and now shitty sweet potatoes.

  27. Holy crap, what a great post. You have a shitty series started, with the pooh-pouring.

  28. Kelly says:

    true talent to grow something like that. i’ve had penis shaped carrots, but never a shitty potato

  29. Tigersmom says:

    Bazinga!

    Oh, you totally got me with this one. I was all caught up in your sincerity and then a sweet poo-tato. Divine intervention gives you holy shit. Holy shit is one of my favorite phrases.

    Thanks for the morning guffaw with my coffee.

  30. Cindy says:

    …now that WAS different–I see a theme here–‘poo spray…holy poo…(bought some, by the way)

  31. Sue says:

    Best post ever!! Priceless!!

  32. Zoe says:

    Are you going to eat it?

  33. The Mrs. says:

    You’re a great writer and that was FUNNY!!!!!

  34. Charmaine says:

    This lines up nicely with your poo-pourri post, which BTW was also not Christmas related, so you’re still doing a great job!

  35. Kathy says:

    Karen, you are one funny woman!

  36. jainegayer says:

    Yuk! LOL

  37. Reg says:

    No more sweet potato fries for me. Is that the equivalent of a coal in your stocking?

  38. Tara says:

    Best. Christmas Post. Ever.

  39. Melissa in North Carolina says:

    LOL, and I did! Holy shit!!!

  40. marilyn says:

    bring back the glitter….please?

  41. Mandy says:

    ahahahaha!

  42. Sherri Hanigan says:

    This is one shitato that you won’t be peeling!

  43. theresa says:

    The tears from laughing rolling down my face! divine indeed

  44. Carol says:

    Laughing like a crazy person!

  45. Ev says:

    Sort of magical, plucking that little jewel right after the “PooPouri” article, don’t you think?! Maybe nature is trying to tell you something. Maybe you’re supposed to take a poopy path somehow! Just sayin’….

  46. Kat says:

    Too Cool… and by the way love your cleaver snowflake!

  47. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    If that is what divine intervention is giving out..I’ll pass thanks..lol

  48. Jake says:

    Are you absolutely, positively, without a doubt, 100% certain that is not cat shit? Keep the Christmas stuff coming, I’m with you on the loving the time of year thingy.

  49. Jamieson says:

    That is totes nast.

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