Nature’s Christmas Gift.

I was getting the backyard ready for Christmas the other day when a heavy, heavy dread settled over me. Like the hand of Father Christmas pushing me into the dirt.

It suddenly occurred to me that my readers might be getting sick of all the Christmas related posts. The Christmas crap, the sparkle and snow, the elf and the shelf.

And frankly, that’s really all I have scheduled from now until the big day.   Glitter, garland, evergreens, bows.   Glitter, garland, evergreens, bows.  It’s all I can think of.  Well, that and cheese.

I spent the majority of last week wandering around the house, outside the house, around town, trying to come up with post ideas that weren’t Christmas related. I was totally and completely unsuccessful. Although I did end up with another dozen ideas for Christmas related posts.

I went about my work outside digging in the backyard planters, getting them ready for a Christmas riot of sparkle, branches and evergreen boughs.   I worked in solitude, focused on my task, but still unable to shake the feeling that it was too much.  It was just too much Christmas.  I needed something else. A new idea for a post.  Something different.  Something completely unrelated to Christmas.

But with someone like me, who lives and breathes for Christmas at this time of year I knew the chances of coming up with another idea were grim.  It would require some sort of divine intervention.

It was a perfect day for doing the outdoor decorating, Christmas carols softly playing, the sound of church bells being carried on a breeze from down the street.

At the moment the very last church bell rang, I plunged my hand into the planter dirt to pull up some old roots.  What my hand came out with was the inspiration I had been looking for; I now had something for a post that had nothing at all to do with Christmas.

It was a gift from nature.  The very last sweet potato that had been clinging to life, just waiting for a warm hand to cradle it and bring it inside.

And not just any old sweet potato. It was a remarkable sweet potato.

In short, it was the divine intervention I’d been looking for.

 

 

sweet-pootato
 
Holy shit.

111 Comments

  1. Ruth says:

    By the way, did you make crap out of it? Or did you dump it? Pun totally intended. LOL! *dead*

  2. Ruth says:

    Crap! (and I mean that in the nicest ‘sweetpotatoey’ way)

    Oh dear Lord….

  3. Jen B says:

    This xmas I am feeling a little down in the DUMPs. That little sTURDprise was exactly what I needed. Thanks.

  4. Jody says:

    This makes me think of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Merry Christmas, the shitter’s full.

  5. Cindy G. says:

    A genuine LOL! And I seldom do that when there’s nobody else around to appreciate a good chuckle :)

  6. Marlene says:

    Oh man. Cracked me up. Also the funniest thumbnail image to ever grace my Feedly feed.

  7. Feral Turtle says:

    OMG that was hilarious!!! Cheers.

  8. Sarah says:

    1. I don’t mind the Christmas posts.
    2. I think my dogs have visited your yard, which is weird because we live in Oklahoma City.
    3. Please don’t eat that “sweet potato.”

  9. Debbie O Rourke says:

    That looks exactly like a Jack Russell poo right up to the little last sqeezed out tail snip!

  10. Debbie says:

    Um, it looked like a curled up snake to me! Love the post.

  11. Marion says:

    bahaha thank you!

  12. Lynne says:

    Laughed so hard I nearly spit my coffee across the room. Best non-Christmas post ever!!

  13. Peg says:

    THank you!!

  14. Anita says:

    Oh my gosh, I have tears running down my leg!

  15. Ella says:

    You’re so funny! And such a great writer!

  16. Doreen says:

    OMG that made me laugh right out loud!!! thanks for that!!!

  17. Jamie H. says:

    Oh Man! That made me laugh :)

  18. Shauna says:

    Ah, but I bet that doesn’t need Poopourri

  19. Kari says:

    Wow that is very authentic looking. Haha

  20. Lulu Lipshitz says:

    Holy Shit! If I were fortunate enough to have found one of those I would invite my MIL to Xmas dinner just so I could serve it to her… drowned in brown sugar & marshmallow of course… bwahahahahaha

  21. Kim from 3 peanuts says:

    Only you could manage to grow a poo shaped sweet potato, Karen! I think when you are up for canonization this will count as a Christmas miracle.

  22. Liz says:

    break out the POO-POURRI !!!! hahah! thanks for the laugh :*D

  23. Beth says:

    Very funny – and I read this BBC article later in the day and thought of your post; wonder if you should send them a photo?
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-25330996

  24. Sally says:

    This reminds me of the cinnamon bun that looked like Mother Theresa. I think it’s still preserved under glass in a coffee shop somewhere.

    I enjoyed this poo break.

  25. Catherine Fairs says:

    It reminded me of a Christmas carol!

    On the turd day of Christmas……….!
    Your hysterical and so clever

    Cathy

  26. Bonnie G. says:

    Dr. Oz would like it’s shape!!

  27. gabrielle says:

    …may all of your levity be bright <3

  28. Carole says:

    You are too funny – love it. Hey, I don’t mind if you have Christmas posts everyday – I love your Christmas ideas.

  29. Pat Kichinko says:

    Karen, since I was sitting there, eating lunch when I read your post, I vote for going back to Christmas posts. I was eating a big bowl of orange squash as it was the only thing left in the freezer besides the ice cubes. I WAS eating. Not any more.

    Let’s go back to the Christmas carols…what are your favs??

  30. Cathy says:

    Speaking of poo–and I can only reveal this here and not suffer sideways glares — my pooch will poo a happy face, sad face and once he did an !
    Ain’t nature wonderful?!

  31. Patti says:

    Ok you happy now? Back to the Christmas-related posts please! Thank you.

  32. Bonnie G. says:

    Doesn’t it go something like this: stuck in her thumb and pulled out some caca and said,”what a good girl am I”

  33. Debbie says:

    Back to the swearing post. New meaning to Eat Shit.

  34. lori jones says:

    too funny!!!

  35. Irene says:

    You HAVE to serve that, on it’s own and on a silver platter with gorgeous garnish, when your Christmas guests come!

  36. Jeannie B says:

    Well, at least it’s not “steaming”! i’m trying to keep myself from choking. I’m also still mezmorized by the “Poo Pouri” commercial of the sweet young Britsh gal in her blue dress and frilly crinoline starring in it. So very funny! Love your sense of humour Karen.

  37. Sally A. says:

    I would like you to recreate the moment on video with the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” playing and when they get to the “…of the yeeeeaaaaar!” part at the end, I want the camera to start in close then pull away to an aerial shot of you with outstretched arms holding the poo in triumph. Sorry, pootatoe. And maybe spinning like Julie Andrews on the mountain in the Sound of Music.

    Classic.

  38. danni says:

    please please please, don’t eat that!

  39. Erica O says:

    NO WAY!
    It’s…a Christmas miracle!
    This post has EVERYTHING to do with Christmas!
    Are you going to preserve the pootato and hang it on a tree as an ornament? Because it’s a memorable piece of work!

  40. SuzyM says:

    First the poop odor remover spray, now this. Even though I’m Jewish, I’m voting for the return to all things holiday, please! Oh, yes, and a kitchen update might be nice.

  41. NikiDee says:

    LOL! Hilarious! Happy to have something non Christmas – even if it’s only to get my mind off of it for one moment…that moment is welcome. Hope it truly IS a sweet potato. Guess you’ll find out when you go to cook it up. Oh and as for other non Christmassy posts…. you answered your own question: There’s always a time to talk about CHEESE!

  42. Rondina says:

    Just to be sure, maybe you should use some poo-spray on it. Maybe send it to Elizabeth Floyd for a portrait of the pootato. She’s doing study’s on dishcloths right now.

  43. kari says:

    Always a “fresh” post with you Karen! Hi.lar.ious.

  44. Sandra says:

    Well, shit happens. It’s all in the way we handle it that counts.
    PS- I love your Christmas posts. One can never have too much sparkle!

  45. LeeAnne says:

    That was one shitacular post Karen! Keep pooping them out!

  46. Robin says:

    Funny! And you know what, I really do not like Christmas, but I AM enjoying your Christmas posts. I think you lighten it up for me, so thanks.

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