New Years Resolutions. Let’s get some realistic goals shall we? Like home surgery.




As you may  have noticed, we have entered the New Year.

The fella and I personally, rolled into it fairly quietly as we normally do.  I, because I hate forced fun, and he because he’s not allowed to have forced fun without me.  So we sat around, played our yearly scratch and win ticket, laughed and complained about a variety of things while flipping relentlessly between a movie and Times Square coverage of ringing in the New Year.

We put a movie on and the fella started snoring immediately.     The most entertaining part of my night was when he tooted in his sleep then smiled like a baby.

I find New Year’s Eve very depressing really.   Sadly depressing.  Bring on the pills depressing.  You know that horrible feeling you got when you were little and home sick?  And it was weird to be home during a school day because talk radio was on and the television channels were filled with soap operas and their strange whisper voices and clickity clack heels?

No?  Well … anyway …  that’s the feeling I get at New Years.  And so I eat potato chips.  And kielbasa.  And Gingerbread cookies. And cream puffs.  I don’t even like cream puffs, but when you buy a suitcase full of them from Costco and realize they do INDEED have an expiry date, you tend to eat them.  Especially if it’s New Years and you haven’t grocery shopped since before Christmas and the only thing left in the fridge other than cream puffs is a blob of leftover icing from cookie decorating.  Which come to think of it, you ate for dinner last night.

So in addition to laughing and complaining, we discussed how I was going to get rid of the water wings that seem to have grown on my back.  My first thought was to do a DIY on cutting out back fat.  Preferably with something I could find in my kitchen utensil drawer.  Like a scalpel, or cleaver, or meat thermometer.  But that seemed unreasonable when I remembered the fella didn’t know how to sew, so I’d have no one to “close” for me.

The thought of trying to sew myself up by contorting my body and trying to glimpse myself in a mirror seemed completely ridiculous.

So nix that plan.

The only other option is to buy bigger pants.  Which is significantly more horrifying than cutting my back open and scooping the fat out with a melon baller.  So, as fast as my back fat appeared, the idea of getting rid of it as my New Year’s resolution disappeared.

Last year my resolution was to relax more.  Seemed like a goal I could accomplish.  And I did.  I wouldn’t say I became what you’d call an accomplished relaxer.  Like, I won’t be giving classes on it in a church basement anytime soon.  But, I did make a conscious effort to relax more.

The onlyyyyyy problem with my plan is the fact that I like working.  Which I confuse with relaxing.  I enjoy Photoshopping photos and doing research for posts on the computer and writing so my brain registers it as relaxing.  The fella.  Does not.  He gets sick of sitting beside me click, click, clicking away on my laptop on the couch every night.  Can’t really blame him, I guess.

So this year, my New Year’s resolution is to be a better relaxer. And part of that is to recognize that even though I enjoy my work, I need to set it aside and  make time for other things I like.  Like knitting. And reading.  And practicing amateur weather forecasting.

I only starting making resolutions a couple of years ago and I find as long as there’s only one of them, and it’s fairly simple, they’re totally achievable.

And you?  Yes? No?  What exactly do YOU resolve to do?

If it has anything to do with perfecting the art of home surgery using pot holders, turkey basters, and pizza cutters I’d love to hear about it.

Postscript:   By the way, I wrote this post on December 19th.  Yeah.  Over 2 weeks ago.  That’s how predictable our New Years Eves are.  Pizza, movie, scratch and win ticket, sleep, fart.  I *did* have to add in the part about the baby grin after the toot.  So I guess, we’re not completely predictable. Just remarkably pathetic.


  1. Pam'a says:

    To those who stay home on NYE (and I am one nowadays): Good on you.

    In the restaurant biz, NYE and other over-wrought holidays like St. Patty’s are referred to as “amateur nights,” i.e., they NEVER live up to the hype, and the only people partying are dopes who haven’t figured this out.

  2. Delane says:

    Reading all of these resolutions is really inspiring and gives me some great ideas!!

    Thanks! I’m still working on mine!

    homes for sale McKinney TX

  3. Anemone says:

    Every time I cut those darn things off they just grow right back.

  4. taria says:

    well if you can figure out how to do home surgery my dog has yet another lump that needs removed. at $600 a crack removal is getting prohibitive.

  5. Ellen says:

    just HAD to write this…….many moons ago I went to a movie and got a “scratch and sniff” card that went along with the movie.
    Ellen, Slipcover Queen

  6. Happy 2013 Karen!
    Dublin had a big firework display and a concert, so we decided to break with tradition and go in to “town” (=city centre). Got the times wrong, so fireworks had finished when we got there, and we didn’t fancy being squashed while standing for 3 hours at a concert, so came home and watched the concert on tv, while drinking champagne.
    NY resolutions…hate them! Have more fun is the only resolution I ever make!

    • Karen says:

      LOL. I can’t believe you make it into town then turned around and came home. Ah well. At least you got some champagne into you. ~ karen!

  7. Christie says:

    “I wouldn’t say I became what you’d call an accomplished relaxer. Like, I won’t be giving classes on it in a church basement anytime soon. But, I did make a conscious effort to relax more.” This made me actually laugh out loud.

    I find birthdays to be NYE-level depressing. I usually try to skip town (and, preferably, the country) entirely so I can avoid people who know it’s my birthday.

  8. Stephanie says:

    It’s a sign that we are old that we no longer find NYE depressing! We caught up on Dr Who reruns and forgot to switch over to watch the ball drop. Hubbo loves to listen to the police scanner and make fun of the partiers. Perhaps you should use some permanent markers and draw new tattoos on the fella? Being annoying is the fastest way I have found to him leaving me alone. hahahahahaha

  9. Chris says:

    No resolutions here, if I’m not motivated enough to just do it then making a special rule at the begining of a new year isn’t going to mean anything.
    It’s not pathetic that you knew how your Nre Year was going to go two weeks in advance, it’s called a relationship. Heck,if Mr.L ever changed his routine I’d begin to wonder what/who was going on. Other than who was farting and smiling (here it was the cat) our New Year was just as exciting.

    Chris =]

  10. mia pratt says:

    Haha, sounds lovely to me!!! I like to cook on New Year’s day. Get up in my pjs and make sausage and “perfect eggs – the kind with runny yolks and perfect white ovals. And coffee with unwhipped whipping cream right out of the carton. And fat chunks of hand-sawed honey wheat toast with black cherry jam. And that’s just breakfast. As for going out on New Year’s eve, forget it. I prefer my final indulgence, chocolate mousse, at about 10:00 with a little glass of champagne and Chambord. The ironic thing about this is that I own a restaurant in Mexico, and on my day off (and a holiday no less), I like to cook!

    Is there some 12-step program I can enter for this problem?

  11. Ellen says:

    This year I have made a totally fun & do-able resolution—- to make soup once a week. I love soup,& I love having it in the freezer for times I”m too lazy to make supper. Started off last week with cauliflower-walnut soup – deeelicious… Probably carrot soup next week, maybe yours…
    It’s sort of self improvement (I argue) cuz I’ll be eating more healthfully & cheaply… That’s my story & I’m sticking to it.

    • Karen says:

      LOVE soup! We had that very carrot soup last night! And later this week it’s gonna be curried caulifower soup! ~ karen

  12. Barbie says:

    …..and again…..this is why I love you and your blog.

    “And it was weird to be home during a school day because talk radio was on and the television channels were filled with soap operas and their strange whisper voices and clickity clack heels?”

    ….it’s that moment that just makes me throw my head back in laughter in recognition over the sense of the ridiculous. The hilarity of it all.

  13. Sarah In Illinois says:

    I did make a few resolutions. I lost 20 pounds in 2012 and I have 20 more to lose in 2013. But the best resolutions I made were to: 1. Clear clutter from my life including countertops, tables and closets and 2. to BREATHE DEEPLY!

  14. Glad I’m not the only one who finds NYE totally depressing. Seems we may have been at the same “party” because you more or less nailed our activities that night.

    Perhaps a new years resolution that would be great would be to teach your fella to sew so he could assist you in home surgery attempts ;-)

  15. Susan says:

    We went to bed at 9pm NYE, which is our usual pattern. We’re old geezers, and proud of it. “See you next year,” kiss kiss and we were both zonked out, no doubt drooling, before the TV turned itself off half an hour later. As for resolutions, they are for those with resolve, and the only Resolve I have is a bottle of carpet and stain remover under the kitchen sink, which would better have been named Dissolve, don’t you think?

  16. Amy in StL says:

    I had a NYE party with a few friends, so I spent the next day cleaning up. My only resolution this year it to give up sweets until I lose at least one pants size.

  17. JebberA says:

    I always keeps my resolutions simple and they do change my life. One year it was “don’t swear” (I had become a potty mouth). One year it was “no clothing on bedroom floor or chair by bed time” (I had become a clothes mound maker). This year i have TWO .. “strengthen my abs” and “no iPad in bed”. I’m back to reading myself to sleep as I used to (bliss) and headed towards a 6 pack! (a girl can dream)

  18. Heather says:

    Sounds like NYE at our house for the last 12 years. I’m giving up Coca-Cola…again. The caffeine headache isn’t as bad as anticipated, but still, I’d really like one. Also this year we’re using your chicken coop as a jumping off point for our own. Happy New Year!

  19. DianneT says:

    New Years-an early movie and light dinner out with another couple. Stayed up until after midnight! Totally enjoyable and no forced fun! As for resolutions…I haven’t made many in the last few years but this year I am making up for it! I am working on several pages of personal goals morphing into to-do lists! I’m very optimistic-no longer a procrastinator!!

  20. Jeannie B. says:

    My resolution for 2013 , is to learn one new fact each day and write it down in a diary. The new resolution that I made yesterday, is to repair or replicate a lovely old, hand made quilt, that I gently washed by hand last evening. It must be close to 80 years old. Now it’s in really bad shape. Falling apart! The fabric is disintigrating. Must repair it and it might take me the year to fix it. Or, I could throw it out.

    • olequiltbat says:

      I love the idea that you’re trying to save an old quilt. If you can’t repair it..then try and cut out
      a few pieces big enough to make some cushions with the more stable areas. can do a whole new crazy quilt using some of the old quilt and joining the pieces to make something even more lovely. Never throw out an old quilt or the pieces from it if at all possible. And once you put your old quilt back together some how…be sure to make a label for the back, so the next generation will know who made it. Happy sewing.

  21. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    Resolutions..Don’t make um..Can’t break um..As for home surgery..I hear it is going to be the next big trend..Therefore..I will gladly come to your house to practice on your back..I will need the Fella to assist me..Preferably with no shirt on..Yeah..Don’t know if it will do you any good but it will definitely make my day happier!!

  22. Janet says:

    I was snoring by 11:30 on the 31st. Hubby came into the bedroom at midnight to kiss me on the cheek and wish me a Happy New Year. I grunted something.

    It’s really pathetic that my kids stayed up until 1:30 playing board games, and their mother couldn’t even stay up till midnight. I TRIED. But I’m a morning person. I wake up between 5 and 6 am. No midnights for me.

    I love that you edited your post to include the baby grin after the toot. :D

  23. Jaimee says:

    I never make New Year resolutions. That just sets my whole year up for failure. Have a wonderful year and thanks for the many laughs! Love your blog.

  24. Auntiepatch says:

    We went to bed at 9 pm, read for about 1 hour, and then crashed! My kind of New Year’s!

  25. Brenda J. M says:

    I decided to no longer where the Crown of QUEEN PROCRASTINATOR…. I also decided I would start tomorrow.

  26. Gale says:

    Oh Karen…how I have missed you!

  27. Pati says:

    To FINALLY lose the weight !! I lost 45 lbs (& only had 12 lbs to go to reach my goal weight) yr before last but gained back almost all of it last year. Starting this Sunday, I will be in the process of losing it ALL…and will be down to 125-130. I thought about your idea of home surgery but by the time I can “contort” I will have almost lost it all so what’s the fun in that ???? ;o)))

  28. Sue H says:

    Agreed, New Year’s Eve IS depressing. I think it’s because there is so much hype surrounding it and if you aren’t out partying, your’re a looser. However, I too prefer hanging out at home, eating, drinking and falling asleep on the couch before midnight.

    My number one “goal” for the new year is to stop procrastinating and just do it. If I can just accomplish that one, I’ll feel successful!

  29. Tigersmom says:

    Hmmmmmmmm. I couldn’t help but notice that this post includes a mention of a (gasp!)REFRIGERATOR!

    You wouldn’t be so kind as to mention what kind, and perhaps when it was purchased,for those of us with an inexplicable burning curiosity about such things, would you?

    And I know I’m not the only one who wants to know!

    Thank you and Happy New Year.

  30. Janie says:

    Karen, My usual resolution/prayer is to wake up pain free. My new one is ‘any day above ground is a good one.”

  31. Jodi T. says:

    Hey Karen! Our NYE was uneventful too! Except when I made cherry turnovers, and my 5 year old jumped on the coffee table and started singing and dancing…… for 30 minutes. *Note to self: never give kids cherry turnovers right before you are ready for them to GO TO SLEEP. :)

  32. Diana says:

    Hi Karen,
    our eve was all the same, had a ben stiller-film a good meal and a really quite night. till our neighbor came along and stayed till 4 in the morning…
    I prefere to stay alone and always always someone comes and ruins my night. If they would toot at least,but no!
    I planned – for the next year…….TATARATA
    Go to bed at 23.55h and put earplugs in.
    All the best for you and your family

  33. Mary Werner says:

    Get to 2014 is my resolution! Thanks for some laughs and some great buys and some great ideas! Why is it that every time I go on Pinterest I think of you – seems everyone is building or pinning cute coops or chickens. What have you started? You should invite people to pin on a Coops for my Peeps board. I bet it would fill up fast!

  34. Mary Kay says:

    Not pathetic Karen, I think a lot of us rang in the New Year pretty much the same. Eating whatever we could find in the kitchen, watching tv, and some incredible napping! Happy New Year and good luck with the relaxing!

  35. Tracy says:

    Relaxing is over-rated. It’s just not worth the effort it takes to relax.

  36. Ruth says:

    Happy New Year, Karen!

    I’d offer to sew you up, but I am too far away… that, and the fact that I suck at hand sewing. Hmmmm…. could we fit the fold of flesh under the presser foot on my sewing machine? Hahaha! Have a great 2013!

  37. Moe says:

    No resolutions for me. I make them all year long and still manage to break most of them. However, this year on Jan 06, I’m making some “lifestyle changes”. It’s my Moms birthday on that day and she’s been gone almost 10 years. Hopefully picking this day will help to make these changes stick so I won’t need the turkey baster, pot holders and pizza cutter.

  38. aiyana says:

    funny and true! new years so often tends to be disappointing although for me this year it was super amazing!

  39. Jan says:


    I have a problem. Lovely home made Christmas wreath pyracantha berries got tracked in and ground into my carpet. Have worked hard to get stains out but telltale pink still remains. Grrr. No more berries on future wreaths. Any ideas?


  40. Violet says:

    There are two types of people: New Year’s Eve people and New Year’s Day people. I’m definitely a New Year’s Day person. I’ve never had a non-depressing New Year’s Eve in my life. Not one. But New Year’s Day always seems shiny and bright and filled with possibilities and hope.

    The only resolution I made this year was, “Do better.” It seems broad on the surface, but considering how difficult the past few years have been for me, it might actually be achievable. Then again, I have the worst luck in the world, so I’ll have to wait and see.

    • Lisa says:

      My resolution is equally broad. I think of it more as a theme. So the theme for 2013 is “Try Harder.” Cuz I can always give a little bit more.

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