Oh dear!
I’m about to get shot.

Oh dear.  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

I’ve really gotten myself into a mess this time.

Through a series of events that happened so quickly I can’t even really remember them, it appears as though um … my, um … my house is going to be in a decorating magazine!! For people to look at.  And judge.  Oh dear.  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

It all started when I was working on a television show with the Editor-in-Chief of a magazine.  I had my laptop with me and she glanced at a picture I had up of my front hall.  Within seconds she asked if that was my house, and told me she’d like to feature it in the September issue of her magazine.  Duh … uh … huh?  Or something equally eloquent came out of my mouth.  Then I dribbled a bit of spit and developed an eye twitch which I haven’t yet been able to shake.
Style at Home Magazine!  Yes.  A real, bonafide, glossy decorating magazine that people actually subscribe to.  I LOVE Style at Home magazine.  Which makes this all the more stressful.  Eep.

They didn’t tell me much, but  nobody mentioned anything about my house being a “before” picture.    They wouldn’t do that to me would they?  Are decorating magazine editors notorious jokesters?  I don’t think they are, but who knows.  What the hell do I know about the inner cerebral workings of design magazine editors.

It’s kind of ironic, when you consider the fact that until about a year ago I couldn’t even open up a decorating magazine because they made me silently cry inside. My house was filled with stuff I found at the side of the road.  And most of that was stuck together with gum and a wink.  After the most minute of breakdowns,  I proceeded to ditch or sell every single thing I owned and start all over again.  IT FELT GREAT!  The purge had the added bonus of making perusing decorating magazines pleasurable for me again.

Barring the possibility that my house is being featured in Style at Home as the punchline for some wacky decorating improv troupe, I had a lot of work to do.

I mean, my house was fine … I love my house, but it wasn’t what you’d call magazine ready.  I mean have you ever looked at the houses in magazines?  Things sparkle  ‘n shit.

So, I had a lot of work ahead of me.  I started with compiling a list of things that needed to be done around this dump before they came to shoot my house in exactly 2 weeks.  Yes.  I got 2 weeks notice.  I realize that sounds like a lot but … trust me … it’s not.  If a decorating magazine ever says they’re going to feature your house in their magazine.  Tell them, GREAT … I’ll see you in 3 years.   Oh dear.  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

To be continued ……