It has been exactly one year since all hell broke loose in this household. Happy anniversary to me.
One year ago today right in the middle of me renovating out kitchen, without warning, without reason, the fella walked out the door and never came back.
The house was a mess, my life was a mess, and there was nothing I could do about it other than deal with it as best I could. And as the worst year of my life came nearly to an end, the fella's father died.
This year was a horror. It was a horrible, awful, tear and rage filled year and today it comes to an end.
If this year I am run over by a bus, have a spider lay eggs in my ear and get the gout, it will still be a better year than last year. So here's hoping.
One of the things I stopped doing this past year was make a weekly menu. I didn't do it because the fella wasn't here to cook for plus I didn't have a functioning kitchen or a real desire to cook. And even if the kitchen was technically functioning it was ripped apart, meaning my olive oil may have been in the mudroom, my big pan under my bed and the wood spoons somewhere I hope to figure out soon.
So this week, on this day, as a way to start my next year on a good note I've decided to (at least for myself) start doing weekly menus again. It's something I always loved doing. Making the menu and then making the food. I thought I'd lost my love for cooking this past year but once I took a look at my new kitchen I realized I hadn't lost it at all. It was just hibernating.
The kickstart was when I decided to make a true pie (apple, which happens to be the truest of the true) in honour of the fella's father this week. Making the dough and stirring the sugar into the apples, stirred something inside of me.
I WANTED TO COOK! And eat.
So I headed to the chalkboard and for the first time in a year I wrote down a weekly menu for myself. I can't guarantee I'll be posting the weekly menu here every week, but I will the odd time.
If you've been knocked off your rocker for any reason this past year, I hope this weekly menu might stir something in you.
Recipes
I look forward to a year of garnishes, greens and gout. And I wish the same for you.
Pat
You go girl! Reading that a women has conquered the crises in her life is always inspirational to me. Those who do it with humour - even more so. So thanks for that.
Love your menus but I have a quick question: you seem to make a new meal every day - no eating the same yummy food two days in a row? No creating a new meal with pieces of yesterday's dinner?
Karen
Hi Pat - Oh yes .. I definitely do that. But being the first week of real cooking in my kitchen I wanted to go full force. The tart for instance will be cut up and frozen for later use. Freezes great. But normally I'd skip a day then have it again. Or I'll make extra mashed potatoes, so I can make potato pancakes the next day.~ karen!
Tigersmom
I want to say the same things that Danni (comment 10) and Cred (comment 19) said.
The only thing I have to add is that I loved living alone, too. I think that is something that creative types really enjoy because you never know when a creative jag will strike and its always a tug at the heart when its interrupted by the day to day needs of others. I can grab a spoon of peanut butter for lunch and keep working on something, but I don't always get to these days. I wouldn't trade my family for anything, but sometimes I pine for the days of getting to create uninterrupted.
Cathy
It never ceases to amaze me how humans can return renewed, if not reinvented, from adversity. Over the last month mine involved changing roles from nurse to patient, and one surgery became four. But I notice my appetite returning as well as my desire to cook. Yup, slowly coming back to whatever the " new normal is", I'm just glad this wild ride is slowing down to its end.
Get that chicken. I can't imagine you'd regret it on any level.
Barb
Happy New Year Karen. It is going to be a good one because you deserve the best! To your blogging friends, I have had the good fortune of knowing Karen for many years. I love that she is able to convey who she really is to you. She is a kind, warm, talented, extremely funny woman who I am proud to call a friend.
Karen
Thanks Barb! And YOU were the very first person to have enough faith in me to give me a job in television. Which I will never, ever forget. ~ karen!
Louise
I have also been thru the hardest year of my life. My darling 17 yr. old son went truly and literally insane. I don't mean teenaged-insane; I mean locked-in-mental hospitals-at-least-30%-of-this-last-year-insane. His doctors and I are not sure if it was his seizures or the seizure meds, but he was incredibly violent, and anorexic to boot. I really thought he'd die. And all this year, I came here to escape the horror and fear - this was the little space where I could be myself at the end of each terrible day. You have no idea what an inspiration and comfort you've been to me. On the days when you don't post, I read posts in your archives and I always find something to make me smile. I thank you with all my heart for that!
And tonight, just before I came here, a miracle! I started him on a new treatment; medical marijuana (under the care of a brilliant doctor). Two little sprays into his mouth and he instantly stopped pushing and slapping at me (the precursors to something far worse), said "Ahhhh - I feel much better!" and lay down to go to sleep. Ten minutes later, he was up again saying he was hungry and ate a real meal for the first time in months!
I'm telling you this because I want you to know how much you've meant to me, how you have touched the lives of others in ways that you can't imagine. You have brought fun, amusement and knowledge to your readers. But you have also inspired, comforted and saved the sanity of others.
I also want you to know that the stars have lined up for this next year to be better - for all of us!
If this is too long or personal, I certainly understand if you want to hold it back.
Louise
I meant to say that it is perfect that my son decided to eat on the night you posted the menu. I'm going to try one of these recipes on him!
Debbie
Your story and your love for your son is not too personal. It is inspiring. You are an strong woman.
Karen
Hi Louise. Oh I don't hold much back. :) I loved your comment. People (especially in social media) tend to put their best face forward. No horrors, no mistakes, no heartbreak. I'm sorry about your son. Mental illness is the hardest for everyone to deal with. Doctors, the family and of course the person with the illness. Good luck and I hope the marijuana continues it's magic. ~ karen
Kim from 3 peanuts
Louise,
I have teen sons and I can only imagine your pain. You and your son will be in my daily prayers. Hang in there.
Kim
Louise
Thank you - we can use all the prayers we can get!
But this new med (mj ;-) ) gives me hope. It's just a matter of charting every step and figuring out what works best.
BTW, I'm putting out there about med. marijuana because I hope it can help other people with seizures or aggression. So spread the word!
Janet
Honesty is the best policy.
Su
Ditto what all the readers above said.
Why is it that so much of the love of cooking is tied up with the love and care of another person? The food we share with others is a way of sharing ourselves. Even if it is PBJ or a warm soup that simmers all day. I've been married with kids and a full house, lived alone and now am fortunate (so he tells me :) ) to live with a pretty great guy. All of them have their lovely wouldn't trade it for a second moments, and their gee this bites one too..... thank you for sharing.....
jane
Thanks Karen. I remember your post last year. Felt like a punch in the stomach. Though you have not mentioned it, I know Chris has a son, and you were his stepmother for 11 years. You were someones Mum Karen, and he and you and your family lost a child. If we let it, life reasserts itself. You've done that and forged ahead. Congratulations.
Sherry (BTLover2)
A year? Wow, Karen. A lot has happened in that year but look at you -- you've come so far!! You've shown us how to handle rejection with dignity and how to move the f*ck on. You've taught us that we can survive the unexpected and come out even better on the other end. And though I may sound like a broken record, you are an inspiration and real role model for how to handle life (or at least pull yourself up when life is crappy). Now let's eat!! Hugs, woman!
Karen
Sherry! I've missed you! Where've ya been? :) And thanks. ~ karen!
Sherry (BTLover2)
I'm around, toots. I spy on you :)
Carol Hogan
I know just what you are talking about. When my world fell apart, I felt like I was at the bottom of a trash can with all the trash on top. For I while I had to just lay there. Then bit by bit and piece by piece, I began tossing the trash and climbing out. I am awed by how well you have coped this past year given your challenges. You've continued to be funny, informative and inspiring. I am glad that you've turned the corner AND I love your menu/recipes, so I'm happy for me too :) (The overused smiley face - just for you.) Now get cooking!
cassie
i am new here, so i didn't know all of this.... wow! i am wishing you the best in the year ahead, full of good food. and i hope the only spiders you see are those that are eating the real pests.
Heather
Yay Karen!! Sometimes life is about endurance. Hopefully the fact that you have had the suckiest of sucky suck years will make this year bright and beautiful. Life is relative--right? you have been in the dark all year, coming back into the light will hopefully make it brighter than ever. Don't forget your sunglasses xox
P.S. Wish we all were near you so we could bring you out for a welcome back night on the town. You deserve some sort of celebration after enduring all that and coming back out!
Maureen Locke
Happy "New" Year Karen. The fella left the way my ex did. Just one night.. out the door, no explanation, reason, nothing... My world fell apart. I lived my life to take care of my husband and three children. After 20 years of marriage, he ripped my life away. It's not easy to recover. Especially with 3 kids, two of them teenagers... but I did. I became so much stronger every day and now I live life for me. I'm always learning new things and you've helped immensely in that direction. I'm now very happily married to my "Harlequin Hero". hehe I was addicted to stupid silly Harlequin novels until I met Mike. He's my soulmate, my best friend, a partner in life who accepts me as I am and loves me despite it. I do as I please, always with the thought of not hurting my love, but he's so easy going and understanding that I don't know what I could do that would upset him, except be unfaithful That is what broke up his marriage and left him a single father. I'm rambling and need to get ready for work. I guess I just wanted to let you know that there's lots of hurt in this world and you have helped many of us deal with it. I found you through the yogurt tampon video and have loved you/your blog ever since. Thank you for sharing your life with us and all the other cool stuff. xo
Sally A
Like a Phoenix from the ashes is our Karen! Wow. Has it been a year? I just realized that I have read everything that you've posted for that year (and who knows how long before...I can't remember when I started reading your blog) I look forward to it every morning...except weekends of course, when you so selfishly take time for yourself. Rude. I don't think I've done anything consistently every day for a year except eat and pee. TMI? Thank you for doing your blog. I really enjoy it and learn so much! I look forward to your next giveaway where it most certainly will be one of those refrigerators. You are very generous. :o)
I hope you have a very happy anniversary and end up with a full tummy and a full heart. Those of us who "know" you, care about you and wish you all the happiness! You deserve it!
Karen
Thank you Sally. :) ~ karen
Melody Madden
Karen, thank you for this post. Although my breakup is still so raw and fresh - 12 days today - this at least gives me hope that I may find myself in a better space at some point in the future . Any space is better than the one I've been occupying lately .. Sprawled out on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. Your posts put a smile on my face everyday and for that I am so very grateful.
Sally A
Hi Melody! I remember your comment before, 27 years? I feel your pain and have been there. For me I remember crying and wandering aimlessly about the house like a crazy person. Asking why and how it could happen. Feeling scared and alone and feeling like a robot inbetween the ugly-faced sobbing...mechanically showering and getting dressed...realizing i hadn't eaten in 3 days and choking down a piece of toast (I did lose 40 pounds that I needed to lose though!:o)) Anyway, the point is I am happy now, and you will be again too! One day you'll hear someone laughing and realize with a start that it's you! I'm so glad you found Karen's blog! She is good medicine. Hang in there!!
Melody Madden
Sally, I feel so grateful you took the time to comment on my situation. Thank you for your kind words.
Karen
Oh Melody. I'm so sorry. If you can smile at anything you're already doing better than I was a year ago. And sob all you want. And sleep all you want! Sobbing and sleeping is what heals us. ~ karen!
Turly
Hi there! I am new to your blog and had no idea about your lousy year. You are so inspiring.
Thanks for wishing your followers well but I'll give the gout a miss if I may - my husband has it enough for both of us!! More power to you!
Susan
After my life altering experiences , divorce, poverty, major fire just name a few, people ask me how I can keep smiling and keep going. 'Cause we do! Sometimes I want to just crawl into my rabbit hole and not come out again. Sometimes I am so frustrated by the pettiness of others over trivial things that I lose it. Lots of times I wake in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep so I play a game on my computer for hours, read a book, stare at mindless T.V. or go to into work at an ungodly hour. Lots of times I have no desire to cook, clean or even get dressed but the sun always comes up and life goes on. I still enjoy my own company but get a kick out of good friend's and family's company too. It's what we do! Kudos to you for surviving this year. And best of luck for getting thru the next one! You're strong, smart and full of love! You have a good family and a large network of friends close to you. After the fire I got myself a few chickens, at about the same time you got yours. I felt the need to have new life to look after, something different to look after and think about. People thought I was crazy...really lost it this time. But funnily enough those goofy chickens kinda gave me a new lease on life. I enjoyed feeding them, holding them and having them waddle after me in the garden holding up their little wings wanting to be picked up and cuddled. I have a Newfoundland dog that also gives me much love and needs attention too but for some reason the chickens were what I needed at that time. One of my favorite girls died this week in my arms. I shed a little tear, buried her in the garden where the impatience will be planted but I didn't fall apart like I might have a couple of years ago. I started to think about the flowers I should plant instead. I thought about my grandchildren and what to tell them about Jemima and I thought about what kind of chickie I should get to replace her. Or even if I should replace her at all. I find myself looking forward now and not backwards nearly as much as I used to. When I saw your post tonight and your menu board I laughed to myself. I have never in my life made a menu up for anything. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl...(old broad) but I knew your rabbit hole must be getting smaller. Love ya, Karen. You're the best!
Karen
Aw, thanks Sue! :) And I'm so sorry about Jemima. I know she was one of your favourites. Poor girl. But yes. You will get a new one to love. ~ karen
Grammy
Being happy with yourself and having the inclination to try new things and become proficient at many of them is the best kind of life. It's exhilarating to buy what you want, try what you want, and know peace within. Now that you have come through this past year you will just be better equipped for everything to come in your long and zany life ahead.
And how is this for weird? Right after the local news this evening, a rerun of The Office came on TV. It was the episode where Idris Elba came in as the regional manager who was going to whip everybody into shape. As soon as he came on the screen I thought of you.
Auntiepatch
"Find something under the sofa cushions"! Snort! LOL!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: you are a genius and we all would love to live next door to you!
I'm sorry that you have had such a bad year but please know that we are right there with ya. =^..^=
Janet
Could I just say something here that's been on my mind for awhile? I just really really want to say that I'm a bit pissed off at the fella. There. I said it. Now it's off my chest. Oh, I suppose I could extrapolate just a bit.... but let's not. Onward and upward! Thanks for this opportunity to vent.
Karen
LOL. Yeah, well I'm pissed off too. Not so much anymore but ... still ... it's there. ~ karen!
Sue
This past year was an evil beast of a year. I have never encountered more people all at once who have had to handle multiple, sudden, hard losses-me included. Friends losing husbands and then fathers, losing mothers, losing jobs, ending relationships, losing multiple pets, you name it, this past year was horrible.
Yay you for getting through it and helping all the rest of us laugh and making it easier to get through our own grief while healing yourself. I didn't comment when I saw the fella's one true father was gone, but I was very sad to hear. (I've mostly stopped baking but I will bake a true pie in his honor this year. )
I'm happy to see you're cooking again, I hope you will inspire me to cook more with your oh so well planned menus.