THE PENIS … THAT BIG OLE’ PURPLE THING.

The only time most women give their lady parts a second thought is when those lady parts start acting up.  This can happen in 1 of 3 ways and always results in a trip to 1 of 3 places.  If they itch, burn or bleed you’ll be heading to either the medicine cabinet, the drugstore or the doctor.  If they do all three you’ll first head to Google.  It’s spelled “gonorrhoea” by the way.  And if you need to know how to spell that, you’ll probably also need to know how to spell the words “subpoena” and “you asshole”.

Other than those few occasions when our lady parts speak up, it’s really as if they don’t exist.  I mean they’re pretty useful when the time is right and babies rocket out of them like nobody’s business, but for the most part our vagina’s are our silent partners in life.  We don’t talk to them, they don’t talk to us and the world goes around just fine.

Men are different.

If you’ve ever been pregnant or read a baby book you probably know that for the first 2 months or so in the womb, the fetus is really neither a girl nor a boy.  After a few weeks the fetus develops something called “indifferent gonads”, which will eventually become either ovaries or testicles, but for the time being, they’re nothing.  They’re indifferent.  They’re completely and totally loosey goosey about what sex they are.  They’re  just a few cells holding their place in line until they decide to either scream HEY WE’RE BALLS, or HEY WE’RE BABY MAKERS.

During the 2nd month of gestation …that’s when shit gets real.  At around week 7 or 8 stuff starts happening.  The Y chromosome, in an attempt to establish dominance, starts peeing testosterone all over the place and the “boy” is born.

It is my belief that this is also the exact moment all men name their penis.

So pregnant mothers be careful about everything you do when you’re 8 weeks pregnant.  Innocently whipping up a batch of Rice Krispie squares could result in your son referring to his penis as Marshmallow for the rest of his life.

Men admire, talk to, name, point out, play with, whip back and forth, dress up and even have lengthy, emotional discussions with their penises.  From, like, day 1 basically.  Oddly they don’t seem to need privacy for any of it.

A man is happy for you to watch him scrunch, move, stretch or ricochet Marshmallow from one side of his pants to the other, because even though he knows he is the proud owner of his very own penis, YOU might not be aware of his good fortune.  Think of it like a dog who loves to show you his toy.  He has a toy, he’s proud of his toy, and even if he’s going to run away with that toy right away, he wants you to know he is the lucky, lucky owner of that toy.

Like I said, men are different.

And so are the many names for their penis.  A few years ago on this very blog I referred to a man’s penis as a “dink”.  I didn’t think anything of it.  That’s what people round these parts refer to it as. A dink.  I mean not everyone, all the time; urologists still haven’t caught on for instance and only the hippest of them tell men they’re going to insert this garden hose sized tube into their dink.  Most of them still use official terminology, like ding dong.

In fact, it was through one of my readers that I learned her southern grandmother’s term for it,  “that ole’ purple thang”.  Which gives new meaning to the term colourful description.

I guess you know where this is heading don’t you.  I’ve done it once before, and I’m doing it once again.  Asking you for the terms you and your family use for “penis”.  Dink?  That ole’ purple thang?  Weiner?  What is it?

Let the world’s most entertaining comment section commence …

p.s. don’t forget to come *back* to this post later today to read the results!

274 Comments

  1. Chelsea Randall says:

    Tallywhacker!

  2. Lisa says:

    Never mind what I used to call it “that ole’ purple thang” is too perfect. Oh and dillywhacker. 🙂

  3. TONI says:

    WHOOJABADIDDLEPOPPER ……………….. !

  4. Bahahahahaha this is freaking hilarious! seriously was not expecting that and busted out laughing. My husband already knows i’m crazy so it’s all good.

    thanks for the laugh!

  5. Michelle says:

    I grew up with dinger and tallywacker but married the pink thing. Ummm red heads are not purple. I am the odd person who loves orange men. Lol

  6. Ellen in Illinois says:

    …that was unexpected……now tomorrow “dick” will come to mind often and unfortunately…. You are entertaining!!!

  7. Well, back in Germany the local term was Schnackel. Has a nice sound to it, don’t you think? Now it seems to be ‘willy’ which is pretty wishy-washy, if you ask me.

  8. Ella says:

    We called them dinks when we were growing up too!! (Yes, I am in Ontario too). Hmm, I call it his Bad Boy but the boyfriend calls it either Buddy or Mr Big.

    LMAO!!!

  9. Laura says:

    Growing up, it was called a wee wee. My husband calls it a wang. I call them UGLY

  10. MrsChris SA says:

    And you are very concerned about the varying names for a ‘schlong” (SA version – mainly for a rather large one) because why? Also another name – one eyed Cobra – that would petrify any woman!!!!

    Nudge nudge wink wink??????

  11. Gina Rose says:

    Cannot atop laughing. And once done forwarding to every cool woman I know, will expand your followers greatly.
    PS: had a guy who insisted on calling his “The Whopper.

  12. Jennifer Lee says:

    When I was 5, my Mom and I were visiting a lady and her son, also 5. The son was taking a shower. When the rest of us heard agonized screaming, we all ran to the bathroom. The poor boy had accidentally turned very hot water on. I later asked Mom what that “thing” was. Like a good, 1958 mother, she told me it was a penis, but either I misheard her or just refused to believe that “penis” could be a real word, because I thought of it as a “peanut” for maybe 5 years. Well, it DID look a lot like a peanut.

    • Nathalie says:

      My daughter also misunderstood us and called it a peanut! We thought it was cute and didn’t correct her until we saw the horrified look on her face when she heard someone talking about peanut butter.

      • Jenifer says:

        OMG! There is now coffee sprayed EVERYWHERE! Peanut butter! I will be laughing the rest of the day! 😀

      • Jennifer Lee says:

        Thanks for that. After all these years, now I don’t feel so silly! If she’s old enough now, tell her SHE’S not the only one, either. If she’s anything like me, it will make her feel better.

    • Diane says:

      This reminds me of a joke:

      Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother ‘Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!’ Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, ‘It reminded me of a peanut.’ Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s Mom asked, ‘Really small, was it?’ Sally replied, ‘No… salty!’

  13. Ron says:

    A friend of mine used to refer to it as a one-eyed trouser snake.

  14. marli says:

    Go out to the henhouse and find that Rooster. You know, the Cock. There ya go.

    PS: Hubby told me after I read your last post re: “the big old purple thing”, the difference between pink and purple is grip. So there ya go again.

    PPS: I love your blog.

  15. Gayle M says:

    A woman who I worked with frequently spoke about her husband James referring to his as “Big Jim and the boys.” In this household (hubby, 2 son’s, and 2 male dogs–man! Was i outnumbered!), it was just regular biological terminology–“penis” I know, boooooooring! But my men didn’t put up with any of my silly nonsense.

    FUN reading, I’ll say.

    • Rintin says:

      In our home, it’s “Big Jim and the Twins”. I can’t help but smile at that. Every. Time. … still!!

      We also use “schmeckel”, you know, when we’re talking about serious, grown up penis-related issues.

  16. Jennifer Lee says:

    I just realized how funny “indifferent gonads” is. As if they shrug. They couldn’t care less. Later, when they belong to a teen, they are no longer indifferent.

  17. Tracie says:

    Well, on my mom’s side of the family they always called them “LaLa’s.” Even as a greeting. “Hey Milt, how’s your LaLa?” When my younger sister had her son, she called it a “doo” for some reason, as in “don’t forget to wash your doo!” But really, most names sound pretty ridiculous in my books…;)

    • Wendy says:

      Most names do sound kind of dismissive of our men’s deep regard for their member.
      I think cock is the best.
      Cock. Cock. Yes, it confers respect and sounds sexy at the same time. To me, anyway!

      Love love love your blog, Karen!

      By the way Karen, it’s cock, not caulk!

  18. Melissa says:

    Holy Moly Guacamole…I almost put off reading this as I was heading off to bed…only to be captivated by the word “penis” in the headline.

    That thing, that silly ol’ thing…I just call it a penis, which makes my momma cringe. But I have a medical background, and daughters, and I just call it as I see it…P.E.N.I.S. And Vagina. Another word that makes my momma cringe (which is probably why she never had the birds and bees talk with me, she was scared of the words PENIS and VAGINA…which I love saying, just to see her cringe).

    Every once in a while, if changing a grandson’s diapy, I’ll say “Stop playing with your PeePee”, which immediately gets giggles and more playing with his PeePee. Geesh…boys.

    My sister called my nephews his “Whanker”…oh the horrors…I mean, Whanker?? Really?? He still calls it that.

    My husband will say his “Wein”…short I guess for Weiner….but, all I can think of is hot dogs at that point…not so romantic, I tell him.

    I do call people Dick Head a lot…does that count?

  19. TucsonPatty says:

    For oh so many years – pee-pee, as in “Baliff, whack his pee-pee!” Anyone remember that Cheech and Chong reference? I don’t recall any good ones (names, that is) but weiner, wienie, dong dong, and yes, penis. Not very imaginative, I’m afraid. Looking forward to new vocabulary words to learn to spell!

    • TucsonPatty says:

      Ding dong

    • Linda says:

      I remember that Cheech & Chong…one of my favorites, right along with “Dave’s not here”.
      With little boys, it’s mostly a winkydink although that’s kinda weird because it’s also the name for boxed macaroni & cheese. hahaha! For big boys I guess it’s just a dick but I may have to adopt some of the more interesting names here.

  20. Cynthia Jones says:

    “donger” in Australia (affectionate)
    “ol’ fella” (blue collars workers)
    “dick” (considered crude).
    “Schlong” ( large one).
    “cheerio” = cocktail sausage (small red one)
    “blue vein steak” (my ex husband’s term)

    Now I feel sick.

    In jovial moments, my husband says “Big Thomas and the Twins”. (he’s a darling but deluded).

    “lipstick” for the canine variety. Eg: “Ay, he’s got his lipstick out” in a drawl.

    I have never, ever heard of a “dink”. Cute.

  21. Nancy says:

    We sometimes refer to it as the ugly mushroom — that’s what my neighbor’s kid declared the wind-up penis to be that she found in my apartment (long story).

  22. Dana says:

    Bits, as in, don’t forget to wash your stinky bits. It’s really an all-encompassing term.

  23. Sue says:

    Another one from the US South. “Fishing worm” is what we used to call a child’s penis.

  24. Nicky CCD says:

    I have come across a few names through the years. One was “Wally”, and an Italian would call his “Batista”. For the French people the common slang name is “La Graine” or even “La Queue”

  25. dana says:

    You are hilarious, Karen! Hubby calls it his penis. I call it a peen. Even the most lovely of all of them looks like a carrot and two potatoes that should have been thrown out 6 months ago. Thats my opinion, of course. ?

  26. Teri says:

    My mother (Manitoba) used “dink”. Maybe a Canadian thing? Referring to, ahem, shrinkage, during our cold winters? Dinky toy?
    My ex called it the one eyed trouser snake. When my son was little I called it his pee pee.
    Now I just call it, and frequently it’s owner, a dick.
    I love me some edifying reading before bed. You never disappoint.

    • pat says:

      Dink seems to be common in Canada. I’ve lived in Saskatchewan, Alberta and B.C. and heard dink. Calling someone a dick head and pecker head aren’t unusual either.

      In order to keep my cousin (when he was a toddler obviously) away from my Grandpa’s pond, my Aunt used to tell him the resident turtles will bite his penis. “Don’t go down to the pond or the turtles will get your Flink.” Flink? Never heard that one anywhere else.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Before becoming intimate in our relationship, my SO referred to his as “Little Sir.” I asked him about the name and he said once he was old enough to be called Sir, he thought “Little Sir” was appropriate. I never thought to ask what he called it before that. Once I got to know them both I said I felt that was rather too formal so he changed its….. excuse me, “his” name to the “Little Guy.”

    Funny, I was just thinking about this the other day and had the same thoughts as you… it’s strange but ALL men do this and NO women name our body parts or treat any part of our body the way men do their penis.

    Since the “Big Guy” has an online presence I’m going to post this as anonymous. *smile*

  28. Deborah says:

    Girls parts are tweeters and boy parts are woofers.

  29. Robin says:

    My EX-husband (important distinction) named his Shamu, in reference to the famous and very large killer whale at SeaWorld years ago. He had quite a high opinion of himself…and inaccurate, I might add…

  30. Tami says:

    That’s what call hubbys thing-a-ma-jig.

  31. Stacey says:

    I grew up with high school boys referring inappropriately to their dink. Ontario thing?
    Just wondering though, how many husbands, other than my own like to do the twist naked after getting out of the shower? What is with that?

  32. Samantha says:

    I had a boyfriend who proudly made an entrance introducing his parts with the description “3 inches of pink steel”.

    • TucsonPatty says:

      I keep trying to decide if he was proud of 3 inches? If it was steel and only 3 inches at that point, poor you. Oops, did I just say that out loud? Funny .

  33. Jennifer says:

    I’m a nurse and my mom was a nurse, so it’s called a penis. My husband has no medical background so he calls it Mr Happy. Now that I type that out it sounds pretty silly.
    I hope you know you’ve brought the gift of laughter until the tears roll to hundreds of people this evening!

  34. Kristi Smith says:

    Weiner and dick are the most common terms in my family, used by/referring to adults. My nephew calls his “my pickle” which was very confusing at a smorgasbord once.

  35. Sherry in Alaska says:

    Too funny! Sooo… I asked Google. What any reasonable person would do. Right? Well the listings of multiple names are staggering. So I just grabbed one and here’s the address for what claims to be the longest (Hmmmmm) ((Several others also claim this. Sound familiar?)): https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/PenisTesticlesSlang.pdf
    And I don’t believe I’m really the only woman ever to name my lady parts. I just don’t believe it! Fibbers! I named mine Milli (for the restaurant at the end of the universe – Milliways). Desirable and very farout…… Come on ladies, stop fibbing. Woman Up!

    • Karen says:

      Nope, lol. I’ve literally never heard of a woman doing that. You could be a trailblazer Sherry. ~ karen!

      • Karin in NC says:

        Me neither. We often call them things like “the girls” (for breasts) and “hoohaw” or “lady bits” for vagina, but I have never known a woman or girl who actually named them. Unlike men – all of whom I’ve ever known have named their penis.
        My mother was a nurse, so we went with the “real” names – penis and vagina. Some of the older ladies in the family were shocked when they would hear a four year old refer to her vagina!

        • nancy says:

          Me too, I’m a nurse and my kids are still mad they never got pee pee kinda names for their bits. Although my son adores “expelling flatus”.

    • Grammy says:

      No, you are not. Mine is Natasha. Haven’t called her that (or anything else) for at least 35 years, but the first few years my husband and I were married they were Boris and Natasha. Don’t know why, seemed like a good idea at the time.

      • Jennifer Lee says:

        I love Rocky and Bullwinkle. and the names are appropriate when you remember that their complete names were Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale!

        • Grammy says:

          That has to be it! I’d forgotten all about Rocky and Bullwinkle, but the Boris and Natasha have to have come from that. Now it’s going to drive me nuts trying to remember WHY.

          • Jennifer Lee says:

            There was a live-action movie about Boris and Natasha. It came out in 1992, was on Showtime as well, and did poorly. Any help?

            • Grammy says:

              Nope. We were married in the ’70s. I really can’t remember why we came up with those silly names, because it was a second marriage for both of us and our kids were way past cartoon age when we got together. Probably just some little inside joke we had that fell by the wayside long ago — but we’re still happily making up stupid jokes together, so there’s that.

          • Jennifer Lee says:

            Well, did you ask him? You guys are probably my age. I watched Rocky and Bullwinkle a lot, as a kid. Any way, as I mentioned, his name is basically “Boris Bad-enuff”, and she’s Natasha Fatale (femme fatale, eh?) That’s reason enuff for me!

            • Grammy says:

              He doesn’t remember, either. Only that we used the names and laughed. Rocky and Bullwinkle didn’t exist until we were adults.

    • Joan says:

      My husband named mine – I’m Mable, his is George. When we see the name Mable in public, we both crack up.

    • Magz says:

      I didn’t name mine myself, but she did become Jane when my husband called his Tarzan!

  36. Spike says:

    When my son was little he called it his “winkie “. Our daughter was jealous so she named her girl parts her “winkle”.

  37. Catherine says:

    Todger or winkle…..

  38. Rene Walkin says:

    In England it’s almost universally termed a “willy” Silly, really……………fun subject for a blog!

  39. Noelle says:

    My sister, (who doesn’t use the internet, so I’m safe here) , called her sons penises their “dingle dangles” but she refers to her own bits as her hoohaw sooooo…..

    • Jenny says:

      Hoo-ha is pretty common for vagina, I think. I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with a coworker who referred to her three daughters as “those hoo-ha’s” like “oh those hoo-ha’s were just total pains this week.” I was like, soooooooo, just FYI….you are calling your three daughters a very common slang word for vagina. She wouldn’t believe me until several other coworkers chimed in, then she was annoyed that no one told her sooner. ^_^

      My husband and I were just talking about this topic last night–we’re expecting a boy in the Spring and we’ll have to decide if we want to be medical or euphemistic. 🙂 It mostly depends on the situation and context. For example, a snowman in our neighborhood was definitely described as having a stick dick whereas if I have to refer to our 3-yr-old nephew, it’s “his business” as in “Our nephew had his hands all up in his business.”
      Despite being in medicine my husband uses a variety of terms including knacker, weiner, schnacker, dick, nutsack, etc.

  40. Elizabeth says:

    I think my 73 year old mom still calls penises “hoo hoos”.

  41. Marna says:

    Funny! I called my son’s their penis(3 sons), but I have heard so many names for the part, and from my hubby he said all men name their penis when they are little. I think the most common terms I have heard are: willy, dick, trouser snake, one eyed monster, peepee, weewee, weiner, hot dog, monkey, kielbasa, sausage, little guy, junk. I think younger women name their parts too, I have heard some call them by name, things like Thelma and Louise for instance.

  42. Meat and potatoes. (Duh.)

  43. Ella Johnson says:

    Pepe (not pronounced pee-pee, but peh-pay). Also, when I was little I was convinced that sex was “something pretty that you hang on the wall.”

  44. Mo says:

    “Peepee-er”. Lol!

  45. John M Campbell says:

    Am I the only guy answering? Should I be concerned? Nervous? Nervousness can lead to shrinkage…everyone here knows that, right? In our house we all had a ‘wee-wee’…difference by gender be damned.

  46. Jenny W says:

    Dink has been heard around theses parts also -N.B., Canada- But another hugely popular term used all over the East Coast is, wait for it… Bird! Apparently Cock is a little too harsh back here lol 🙂

  47. Leticia says:

    Ok, after the education I got in the comments I’ll have to give you guys a Brazilian Portuguese perspective. Pinto (chick) is one very common name – for a mid range sized one, not small by any means – weird, right? Passarinho (little bird) is another one, this for a small one – that could get you in trouble. For instance we (me and my brother) joke that old men smell funny because of the rotten tomatoes and the dead bird in their trousers – but never to their faces. Then there’s the obvious: linguiça (sausage) also works here, pênis (penis) is pronounced pretty close to the word in English and actually vagina is written the same just pronounced a little different.

  48. Amy says:

    I guess im gonna have to comment since no one calls theirs what my son calls his… we started with Penis and Vagina being all correct and all. At 9 it has evolved to “Penie”…..

    My stepdaughter is grown with boys and she still cant bring herself to call her vagina a vagina. She calls it a Lucy….dont ask me….

  49. Emie says:

    It’s a wackadoodle for sure!

    • TucsonPatty says:

      OMG – I call people (not to their faces) that are a little crazy, “wack-a-doodle”.
      I didn’t realise I was also calling them a dick. I forgot many names until I read all the comments. If it is a dick what exactly is a dick-head? I thought it was simply a jerk, but now I know that a dick-head also has feet!! ; )

  50. Debbie says:

    My mother was Scottish and she called it a Toorie. Which is defined as the tassel on a Scottish bonnet. Hillarious! She would call it the “wee toorie” when talking to my brothers.
    We’ve also referred to it as the shnorkey.

  51. Judy says:

    ….One Christmas, my husband came out of the bedroom with a hard-on and a gift tag tied around his penis. It read, “TO: My Love, FROM: Herman.” Ever since then, it was called Herman. Believe it or not, I still have the gift tag after 50+ years. 🙂

    • Jen says:

      What a present! The gift that keeps on giving, but with sooooo much maintenance!

      • Judy says:

        The maintenance part actually isn’t a negative thing. I love being a wife and he loves being a husband…so it’s all good. After being together more than half a century, we’re like two peas in a pod.,,and continue to be “in love.”

  52. Thera says:

    When our sons were little it was twig and berries or wee wee, twig is still popular at our house but dick is thrown about here and there. Speaking of which, what’s up with this current trend of “dick pics”???

    • Julio says:

      The “dic pics”..is a mans ego response to.”Titpics”..
      Yes, I know.. A sad state of of sexual awareness! Lol
      But to continue:
      Loaded 45..
      JOY STICK..
      A ROD….
      Hoagie..
      Johnson..and my favorite!
      THE KRAZZY Snake!!
      (I attended five high schools)!)

  53. Marie Anne says:

    Lmao! I saidto myself *just read the post today or you’ll be late! ” of all days! thanks for the laughs! It’s a dick in my house, and occasionally” him”

  54. Trish ORiordan says:

    Piece. Like a gun.

  55. Karen Kay says:

    My husband and I were sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee when I opened my email, saw the post and started reading aloud. Reading the comments caused him to snort coffee through his nose. Literally. LOL! On his way out of the kitchen to the bathroom he pauses at the door, turns me and says” I have to go clean up, brush my teeth and hair, before you have to man the Torpedo”!

    • Karen says:

      🙂 Love it when these posts get read out loud. And especially love it when they result in coffee spewing. Hope you had fun. 😉 ~ karen!

  56. Beckie says:

    We go with *bits & pieces* for the most part.

    My young nephew has declared his his “area”.

    I’ve also used “tink” or “peeper” when telling a young one he needed to wash. It gets giggles & they generally will then comply lol

  57. Brett says:

    Can’t forget the Johnson.
    Fitting that Johnson outboard motors “benefitted” from this association and started seeing increased sales in their bigger, more powerful engines.

  58. Kelly says:

    We called it a “peter” as kids. Not that we were actually “allowed” to say it, but that’s what it was!

  59. Kelly says:

    Oh, I forgot, was twig and berries mentioned?

  60. holly says:

    Dodger Dog

  61. Danni says:

    ……….as a widow of 15 years now this has me wondering… I can’t say he named it, but I do recall requesting that he “bring that bad boy over here.” ….. a lot…. 😀 so Bad Boy I guess.
    And btw, “dork” which is used to insult intelligence? You WISH you were that stupid! Dork is a whale penis. (I think that has been discussed here in the past. Because this is a wide ranging and informative blog!)
    OH! And just had this conversation with my museum curator daughter…. All those ancient statues of heroes and statesmen with the tiny naughty bits? Deliberate! Back then having a big ‘ol porker was a sign of ignorance and crudeness. Yeahhhhh right guys You just keep telling the women that!

  62. Angela says:

    One of my friends refers to her son’s as his Business.

    We just say penis.

  63. Jen says:

    My mother had several words for this item. Among them: bird and, my favorite, “dooper-dapper”

  64. Dawn says:

    When my bestie was growing up (she has a brother) they would refer to it as your “bird” and now that she has kids it’s the same. No one seems to recall why.

  65. Stal Huo says:

    A baby’s arm holding an apple.

  66. Jen says:

    This reminded me of one of the funniest mini-scenes in Bridesmaids….

  67. Debra says:

    Younger women have now tagged men’s stuff as their “junk”.

  68. Beth says:

    Stanley, as in power drill. Obviously a man made that one up. Also winkus.

  69. Nicole says:

    I’m from Quebec. We say “kékette” in French. There’s a saying that goes: “Grosse Corvette, petite kékette” (Big Corvette, little kékette), for guys who are, you know, compensating.

  70. Katie C. says:

    My son calls his a “dooley” and refers to his testicles as “peanuts” because in his 7 year old mind that’s where the pee comes from.

    Growing up we called it a “pecker” (girls parts were a “cooter”).

    My husband refers to his sometimes as a “purple headed yogurt flinger,”

  71. Jenifer says:

    Johnson. It’s a Johnson. (I’m so surprised no one else knows this!) It can also be referred to as a dick in a negative context. However, when referring to a Johnson with my daughters, it is a penis. Ladies have hoo-ha’s or vajayjays…unless of course I’m speaking to my daughters and then they are vaginas.

    So there you have it…or not.

  72. Ohhh Karen, you crack me up!! I laughed out loud ! I listened to a CBC talk ages ago, and they said that most men only ‘head’ hahhahahaaha to the doctor is when something is wrong with his penis. I died laughing. I’m legit starting to think that’s true. Lynne xx

  73. Susan Claire says:

    Turkey neck and giblets. Well, LOOK at it! Just like the bag of stuff you pull out at Thanksgiving!

  74. L. E. says:

    Johnson. I think this is a fairly common name in the US.

  75. Brenda says:

    No gender differences here either … mom said “always wash as far as possible and then when you’ve done that … wash POSSIBLE”

  76. Donna says:

    The term around our house is ‘our junk’. Works for both sexes.

  77. dede says:

    Big Wally the Crippler.

  78. denise HOSNER says:

    Wiggle worm or wet noodle! My lady parts are called “my kitty” and the store Victoria’s Secret, I call Vicki’s Secretions!

  79. Johnson was used at times in our family

  80. Dawn says:

    I used the correct term penis while I was raising my three boys. However, with my canine children I refer to it as “winkie” as in stop licking!!!

  81. Joules says:

    Let’s see, on my blog and with friends I’ve gone with dingle-dangle, twig and berries, dangly bits and my personal favorite for lady or men parts…. undercarriage. Like, don’t forget to wash your undercarriage! Oh, but I taught my kid ‘penis’ so he knows what it is actually called. =)

  82. Tammy says:

    I have a girlfriend who told me she and her husband call their parts Elvis and Pricilla….

    30 years ago…when my daughter was a toddler she was watching me change her baby brothers diaper and she said “pony” instead of penis and that name was adopted until they started school.

    Many years later, I’m on my third marriage, so in order to be sure not to call out the wrong name I never did encourage personalizing his penis! Now I have literally forgotten what I called the other ones, as they just weren’t that memorable. Currently, it’s just a penis. Ho hum, huh?

  83. Carolyn says:

    Years ago my very young nephew was taking a bath. He noticed his erection, looked up at his mom smiling and said, “Mom, it’s happy!”

    Dingy as in thingy.

  84. Joanne says:

    wow, so many comments and so funny! I think we called it a dingdong, peepee, things like that, as children. I bought my first husband underwear that said, “Home of the Whopper”..(men do love that kind of thing). Yeah, he was also the one that called it a skin flute and blue vein piccolo (a musical theme). I am much more grown up and sedate second time around… probably just call it a penis.

  85. Steph H says:

    As the daughter of a mom who read a lot of historical romance novels, I learned the term “throbbing manhood” pretty early on…

  86. Mary Kay says:

    Hubby calls his Willy until he got married and then decided to call it the One Eyed Wonder Worm.
    His 81 year old mother from Germany calls them tallywackers – and ensues to giggle about it.

  87. Elaine says:

    My (late) husband called his parts “The Crown Jewels” then other times, when it was just the penis, he called it “Wee Willie”. I think he felt that by calling it “Wee” (instead of say, “Mega”) made it cuter somehow then, hopefully, it might get more attention from me!

    By the way, Karen, if he were still here, he’d be killing himself laughing!

  88. When I was training my boys to sit on the pot while they did #2, I would say tuck your peepee in so you don’t pee all over the bathroom. So I called it a peepee to the boys. When referring to men though, I just call it a dick or penis.

  89. Meredith says:

    East Coast U.S. I’ve used Bird, Junk, and regular old Penis. My husband calls it Little Bob.

  90. My step-dad refers to semen at 2 ball root juice. He is a nice guy…seriously. just very funny.

  91. Susan Whelan says:

    No names but I owned an ice cream store that was renowned for the size of the scoops. Somebody was looking at the size and price chart one day and asked me who on earth could possibly eat a 5 scooper. I told her (in front of her teenage son!) that only teenage boys ordered them because they were the only ones whose brains were down so low they didn’t have to worry about brain freeze. Thought she was going to wet herself she was laughing so hard.

  92. there is also Bumping “uglies”

  93. Kim says:

    Husband calls it a “Johnson”. No idea why……. I say “weiner”. As for lady parts my daughter, granddaughters and I call it our “coochie”.

  94. Elisa says:

    The pictures won’t load

  95. Ann says:

    A nurse I know calls it Mr Wiggles.

  96. Safetydog says:

    I used the proper terminology (penis, vulva, etc.) when my kids were little. Now that my son is a teen and refuses to talk about anything, I go out of my way to open dialog, so I use stinky bits, ying-yang, hoohaw, meat and two veg, dingle berries, etc.

    My friend told a story about her young nephews (cousins to each other). One was raised with medical terminology, the other, slang. One day at a picnic, a butterfly landed in one boy’s lap, and his cousin said, very matter-of-factly, “Look, there’s a butterfly on your penis.” The other boy freaked out and jumped up, frantically brushing his entire body, saying “Where? My what?”

  97. Kristy says:

    Best post ever.

    I called one Mr. Epileptic because it went into seizures and spit up everywhere, but as for the ‘unit’ itself… I can’t add to what’s already been said, but I really like WHOOJABADIDDLEPOPPER (even if I can’t pronounce it)

  98. Oh son of bitch that was the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile! !! So true.
    Thank you so much for making me laugh today. I needed it.

  99. Deenie says:

    Growing up in a house full of sisters, my father referred to them as TROUBLE!

  100. Cred says:

    Because I have a son and referring to their penis is required from the get go and onward, we use penis for normal reference. But our family is rarely serious so just goofing about penis seems too uptight. Dink is commonly used for lighthearted reference, as in, ‘Don’t forget to wash your dink while you’re in there!’
    And dick is used when referring to someone with disdain, like, ‘And he’s always just whipping his dick out.’
    And my favourite refrain when either of my kids or my husband is being mean to one another, ‘Don’t be a dickhead!’

    Good talk!

  101. Meg says:

    Twig and dingleberries!

  102. Kristina says:

    Am I the only one here whose family studiously avoided mention of any private part? Ever. WASPs all. But my dads name is Dick, which I found excruciatingly embarrassing as a teen. Plus, he had a personalized belt buckle he wore every day. Cringe.

  103. amanda says:

    When my first son was little he came up with the term ‘skeeper’. More affectionately, ‘skeepie’. It has stuck for 20+ years. It was a good call!

  104. Mary says:

    Nowadays it’s their “junk”. Used to be a penis or a ding-dong. Love this thread!

  105. Kate says:

    It appears that so far I’m the only commenter with Jewish family, because we often call it a “shmeckel”, especially in mixed company. My husband routinely says “dick”, and I prefer “peep.” My girls call their girly bits their “front booty”. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to correct them.

  106. Anna says:

    When I was younger we called it a weinerdog (or a dumbledore when we didn’t want mom to know what we were talking about). My cousin called his a doinger when he was little which still cracks me up.

    On another note, my mom told us our ladyparts were our “front-butts”. Me and several of my sisters were teased for throwing out that term in normal conversation as kids.

  107. Marlene says:

    Ok, these replies has been very entertaining!!! Love all the feedback!
    It seems us Canucks prefer calling it a dink, hubby also calls it Mr Happy … depending on the day ?
    When I was in high school …. way back when, us girls sometimes called ours a “cooch”.
    I use to work as a CSR and one of my clients last name was Kunntz. The ladies in the office always had an issue saying his name …. referred to him as Mike with the K!

  108. Marilyn says:

    Oh this is great reading I tell you. Well dink is popular and so is ding dong for my nephew. And my daughter and niece call theirs the queen Victoria.

  109. West Coast Nan says:

    On the West Coast of Canada I grew up hearing them referred to mostly as “dink”, and that included variations for weather related size; “shrink dink”, personality; “don’t be a dink”, and playfulness: “skinnamarinkydinkydink, skinnamarinkydoo”…(sorry, Sharon, Lois and Bram, but what were you thinking when you wrote that song?).

  110. Joanne says:

    When my son was a baby and my mother-in-law visited, she would sing this song when she changed him: “Don’t let your dingle-berry dangle in the sand, wrap it up in tissue and hold it in your hand”. He seemed to identify with this as he did walk around with it in his hand for quite a few years, causing me to quite often refer to it as his favourite accessory.
    These days it’s most often referred to as a willy, or bits and pieces.

  111. Carswell says:

    Well, I tend to go with the standard penis, or sometimes cock.

    However, I nearly had a stroke laughing one time when a female friend referred to the act of fellatio as “honking on Bobo”.

  112. Tiffany says:

    My four year old granddaughter is in junior kindergarten. One of her classmates told her he had a tulip and she had a peony. This house is very medical, so she was irate and told him he had a penis and she had a vagina. He argued the point until she dropped trou and said proudly ‘this is a vagina’. Teachers had a hard time keeping a straight face.
    I once mentioned dick to my husband and he told me that’s Richard to you!!!

  113. Carole says:

    My three sons when little called it their “buggy”. Such as when the car sailed over a hill and there was a little lift, the youngest proudly told us “My buggy jumped !” Now as adults, I don’t want to know what they call it.

  114. B-Cakes says:

    My very attractive boyfriend refers to his “schweiner”, which I find delightful! Well, yes I DO find both the object and its name delightful!

  115. Ellen says:

    I tend to use “gentleman parts”. Words used by one of the guys on Top Gear. It’s pretty silly, & not too coarse for general use.

  116. Bryan K says:

    We call my son’s as “Bait and Tackle” or “Pork and Beans” or “PeeNut” short for Pee-Pee and Nuts.

  117. Tris says:

    I occasionally heard my mother say in reference to my dad “Needle Dick the Bug F**ker”

  118. Carolyn says:

    From Tennessee and I call it a doololly. Had 3 sons and used it with all 3.

  119. Gigi says:

    Working in an MRI department of a hospital, means at some point you have seen and scanned every body part. Not myself, but our boss actually asked a man to move his “Captain” to the left without disturbing his men.
    I have also heard the nether regions described as “twig and berries”.
    However, my husband refers to his as Dick and nuts and it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.
    I have 2 boys and 4 girls, all grown now. Ironically, men and boys have no shame shifting, redistributing, maneuvering or manhandling said nether regions whereever they are or discussing all bodily fluids as if they were precious commodities. But just mention the word tampon, and you have assaulted their delicate sensibilities and they must take flight before being turned to stone.

  120. Linda in Illinois says:

    My sister calls them a “tallywacker” I call them a “winki” along with many other names all listed in your comments already. LOL

  121. Lois Baron says:

    When I was little, “goober” was the term. Then in third grade I heard the song “Eating Goober Peas” (which is about peanuts), and I don’t remember what we called it after that. With my son, I opted for “penis”–and then learned from his kindergarten teacher that he had shocked the class by using this terminology instead of whatever other kids were calling theirs (no recollection of any explanation of how it came up in the kids’ conversation)!

  122. Melissa says:

    Naughty bits
    Package
    Junk
    This post was the topic of our dinner conversation tonight. ? thanks!!

  123. Valerie says:

    penis aka The Stiff One Eye from ‘As Good as it Gets.’

  124. SusanR says:

    My parents were born in the very early 1900s, and were more formal than people are today. When we were growing up, reference to private parts was never made except in private to a parent, at which point it was referred to as “down there”. I guess I’ve lived a weird life, but I’ve never known a man who named his penis. In Hawaii, the penis is referred to as an Uli, and all the men there just referred to “my Uli”.

    For the shaking back and forth coming out of the shower, my ex would do that. I guess washing himself in the shower made him frisky or it just felt good to bang his wang left to right.

    He had an Uli that, when at its friskiest, had a hard 45 degree bend to the right in about the middle. I always felt during sex like he was trying to nail the woman in the next house, instead of me. It was as if I got its attention, but then it wandered off elsewhere, which is exactly what it did sometimes, in reality, and why he’s an “ex”. He also liked to hang a towel off it, when it was feeling strong. I was supposed to be impressed. I wasn’t. It’s not like they do exercises to make them stronger, it’s just the way they work.

    So, while I wasn’t intimate with any men who had a pet name for their Uli, I did date more men with odd nicknames than anyone else I ever knew. Digger, Babe, Whip, Pearl, Dibs, to name just a few.

  125. Grammy says:

    My mother always referred to my brothers (three of them) “tinkles” so that’s what I called my son’s when he was born. After a year or so I felt stupid saying that and called it a penis ever after. My son is in his fifties and I haven’t discussed it with him in a very, very long time. My grandson’s has been his penis from the beginning, but he’s picked up “weiner” at school.

    However, I’ve met many people over the course of my lifetime who refer to male genitalia as “Little and The Twins” and I have called them that many times myself. For example, if the owner of the appendage is Robert, then it’s “Little Bob and The Twins”, likewise if his name is Idris it would be “Little Idris and The Twins”.

  126. Michelle Gore says:

    Cock. Definitely cock.

  127. Sandi says:

    The cutesy name my great-aunts used was “bombolito.” When we got older, my brothers and I picked up “John Thomas” from Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life,” and that stuck forever.

  128. Mary W says:

    Today, here in the US we call a dick a trumpet! LOL After watching a TV show where the woman’s bits were called VaJayJay, I started calling the boy bits PaNEENEE. Love it. Naughty bits were common as well as Prick and Pecker. My daughter-in-law also call her son’s – his “privacies.

  129. Jan says:

    Coming from the veterinary field, when embarrassed male owners are trying to describe the area of concern; boy dogs stuff is referred to as “his mess”. When girl dogs are having some kind of issue, it’s “you know, down there” LOL! “Mess” relates well to the human equivalent of “junk”, and “junk” is what many of my cohorts refer to it as.

    What an odd blog post LMAO!

  130. Valerie says:

    RE: penis

    No matter how you wiggle
    No matter how you dance
    The last little drop
    Goes right in your pants.

  131. carolyne says:

    Dinky was what we as children called it. But being in a house of 4 girls, mother, grandmother and father, there were not too many around to comment on. (Also Ontario)

  132. Lynne says:

    I once overheard my husband telling his teenage son not to go “dipping his wick” without being sure it was completely consentual and to always use protection.
    Needless to say my stepson immediately told his friends about the conversation and as we were going out they all came to the door and told us not to worry there would be no dip wicking that night!
    They thought it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard and 15 years later it is still talked about.

  133. Jennifer Lee says:

    If any of you like the “Outlander” novels, or the TV series, you might be interested to know that the author, Diana Gabaldon, has written a book on how to write successful sex scenes. The title is “I Give You My Body”, and it includes an extensive list of names for the male and female genitalia. Some of the more amusing male ones are: beef whistle, drumstick, Excalibur, Frodo, fun stick, heat-seeking missile, and private eye.

  134. Sylvia says:

    No one mentioned “Peter”.
    Here’s a funny and very true story. My fried had a job interview with a Mr. Peterson. He is notorious for forgetting names so he tried word association. He walked up to Mr. Peterson’s secretary and announced that he had an appointment with Mr. DICKerson. He didn’t get the job!

  135. Kelli says:

    Story: when i was a teen, the word “dork” was in (as in “ch, you’re such a DORK!”). My dad would FLIP. OUT. every time one of us kids used it and leave the room. FINALLY my mom told me that when my dad was my age “dork” was slang for penis…and not in a good way, LOL. Of course, we then took insane pleasure to still say it as much as possible after that, but at least we now knew why he thought it was so disgusting. Hee hee. Poor dad.

    I had a boyfriend once who used “la la” for lady parts, and today, as a grown-ass woman, I use the term “peener” for penis. Sigh.

  136. Kelli says:

    P.S. I’ve always wondered what it says about Bill Gates that he named his company (yeah sure…his “company”) MICRO. SOFT. Things that make you go…WTF? Oh, and poor Melissa.

  137. Shelly says:

    Thanks for the laugh this morning! Still laughing. I unfortunately kicked my little brother you know where when I was 11 or 12 and he was 6. He doubled up in pain and hit the floor, just like Hollywood. My mom came running and told me you don’t ever kick a boy where his ‘thing’ is. My first introduction to the ‘thing’! As a grownup, I say You Know What. Lol. I’m 52, divorced, empty nester. Yeah, I’ve had some experience with You Know What! Sorry, I guess I had a sheltered life!

  138. Holly says:

    My mother-in-law referred to it as a pony tail. Very confusing for my husband when he was growing up, because his sisters wore their hair in pony tails.

  139. Ev Wilcox says:

    Needed a laugh so much today, and I thank you all! Just asked my spouse of 50 years what name he “thinks” and he had to think about it for a few minutes. He ended up with “schwansel”, which I have heard him say through the years. I have heard some women refer to their breasts (my word!) as “The Girls” or “The Ladies”. I guess the other area would Be “Hoo Hah, but I’ve never named mine!
    Thanks Karen, for yet another engaging post!

  140. judy says:

    I raised 3 sons and when they were little their penis’s were their DeeDees-why I don’t know- must have been some name I heard when babysitting and it came back when I had sons of my own

    Husband had little to no input with his sons…his Father ran away with the Circus when he was 7..and I Mean that literally. He had Kiddy rides and worked in the Cook House as a Chef. My Spouse loved spending summers with him especially peeking in the tent where the Ladies took off their clothes.

    AnyHoo when they got old enough to find trouble I began referring to private part as their UNIT,
    Unit was not to contract any disgusting drips,inflamations or generally behave in an unethical mode as in-do not exchange romantic lies for a couple of euphoric pulsations.

    Also do not make any small people you don’t intend to support for a couple of Decades. Said support will not involve any part of your Father’s paycheck-I can guarantee.

    Units excitement will cool,the consequences of Units actions are long long term. THINK!

    Got lots of very dirty looks,but they never had any of the difficulties I lectured against and some of their buddies did.

  141. Chrissi Vergoglini says:

    Growing up, my mom would refer to our vaginas as “drappersnappers” & men’s penis as “tallywhacker”. I taught my son’s to use the real medical terms. I married into an Italian family & a penis was called a “peesh”! Later in their teenage years my boys & their friends always talked about their “bird”. It’s a mystery to me! Now that I’m older I call my vagina my”fah fah”& I have no idea where that came from, unless it means an area that hasn’t been used for years!
    Thank you for the funniest blog ever!
    Chrissi

  142. judy says:

    I raised 3 sons and when they were little their penis’s were their DeeDees-why I don’t know- must have been some name I heard when babysitting and it came back when I had sons of my own

    Husband had little to no input with his sons…his Father ran away with the Circus when he was 7..and I Mean that literally. He had Kiddy rides and worked in the Cook House as a Chef. My Spouse loved spending summers with him especially peeking in the tent where the Ladies took off their clothes.

    AnyHoo when they got old enough to find trouble I began referring to private part as their UNIT,
    Unit was not to contract any disgusting drips,inflamations or generally behave in an unethical mode as in-do not exchange romantic lies for a couple of euphoric pulsations.

    Also do not make any small people you don’t intend to support for a couple of Decades. Said support will not involve any part of your Father’s paycheck-I can guarantee.

    Units excitement will cool,the consequences of Units actions are long long term. THINK!

    Got lots of very dirty looks,but they never had any of the difficulties I lectured against and some of their buddies did……oops

  143. My Mom Told me this joke and proceeded to laugh herself silly.
    There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except his ‘thing.’ So, he decided to do something about it.
    He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried in the sand, except for his ‘thing,’ which he left sticking out.
    Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the ‘thing’ sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, “There’s no justice in the world.”
    The other lady asked what she meant.
    “Well,” said the old lady,
    “When I was 20, I was curious about it.
    When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
    When I was 40, I asked for it.
    When I was 50, I paid for it.
    When I was 60, I prayed for it.
    When I was 70, I forgot about it.
    Now I’m 80, the damn things are growing wild on the beach!”

  144. Angela says:

    Living in a house with 3 boys, 5 if you count the dogs, I’ve heard quite the variety. One that I haven’t seen mentioned yet is penoid or just noid.
    And on this day in the US, such a timely topic! Karen, you are the best!

  145. Diane amick says:

    My b-i-l taught ny nephew to call it his Bobbie-do. No idea why…

  146. Dan says:

    Courtesy of Monty Python….(probably NSFW, if you work anywhere with a real HR department)….

    https://youtu.be/p9PiqCeLEmM

  147. Cindy McCammon says:

    When my younger brother arrived on the scene, with all his parts, my mother referred to his dooflicker or his dingleberry. Because I was a modern mother, I called my son’s dooflicker a penis. My daughter named her vulva after her favourite Sesame Street character…Snuffleupagus. Snuffie, for short.

  148. Trine says:

    In Denmark it is a ‘Diller’ – not so bad term ‘commonly’ used. The more personale naming I have only heard of. Never known a man who named it.

  149. Lesley says:

    Guy I used to work with (traffic cop) used to call it “the big rig”. He’d announce pee breaks by saying “Just going to bleed off the big rig”, like you’d bleed off the pressure in semi-trailer air brakes. My working life was 30 years of kindergarten, I swear.

  150. TucsonPatty says:

    Karen, I have read and then re-read all (now up to) 216 comments and laughed and have enjoyed seeing all the commenters coming out of the woodwork. You know how to get us engaged! I’ve been talking about this at work and my gay male co-worker said, no he had not named his as a kid, but he quickly named it on the spot! “Blanche. Blanche Dubois.” Of course I asked and he said yes, he had “…always depended on the kindness of strangers.” I cracked up! Thanks for the laughs!

  151. Allison says:

    “business”

  152. Jody says:

    Dink! For some reason I get the giggles when I hear ball peen hammer.

    Is this your only blog post without photos?

  153. Cindy McCammon says:

    The only thing better than these blog posts would be these blog posts accompanied by the laughter of everyone who’s reading them.

  154. Carol Hogan says:

    My grandsons call their penises and testicles their dangly parts.

  155. Victoria says:

    When I was first married, my Scottish mother-in-law ranted about having to wash out pecker tracks from her husband and sons’ underwear. It’s been a pecker to me ever since, and I hate washing pecker tracks too. I live in Ontario as well.

  156. Jani says:

    Well several names come to mind. My parents referred to my brothers and grandsons as Dinkie”.
    Then there was the sarcastic “williewhacker”. As in… Anybody see Jim…. Yeah he’s probably whacking his Willie.
    I called my grandsons “nutter butters”. This is actually bringing tears to my eyes as I am laughing my ass off right now.

  157. Marti says:

    I really didn’t see this coming. You coul almost teach 9th grade Health with some parts of this post, couldn’t you? I must say I’m a little surprised that only one person posted a photo. That’s sortof amazing, isn’t it? Did you censor?

    • Karen says:

      NO! I didn’t censor. I was waiting with a coffee and a danish for some good pictures. They never came. Some people. Humrph. ~ karen!

  158. Carolyn says:

    I think we all should watch “The Meaning of Life”. Eric Idle has a whole song about the subject.
    I’ll use any excuse to watch Monty Python. 😉

  159. Kristina says:

    Wanker, his wanker is showing

  160. Keelea says:

    My guy and I call his “T. Boone Dickens” because it looks like a wealthy Texas oil tycoon.

  161. Lisa K says:

    Tollyflocker, penis, wee wee, turtle, schlong, weener, hoo haw…ummm, I have two teenage sons and two male dogs plus a husband. Sigh, I’m sure I’ve missed a 100 or more names that have been used in this house. Oh yah! James and the twins.

    • Karen says:

      Tollyflocker? That sounds very flamboyant. Like it wears a feather boa during daylight hours. ~ karen!

      • Lisa K says:

        There was debate in our house about a feather boa for many years. It may still show up! In the meantime, he has re-named his Jeff. Still watching for feathers LOL!

  162. Shelagh says:

    My mother once told me what she thought was a dirty joke; what do you call a penis that has been circumcised by a pair of pinking shears? A ” frilly dilly” !
    I also live in Ontario and dink is quite familiar but then so is cock, dick, rod, and wanker. You make me laugh Karen….keep up the good work.

  163. Cussot says:

    But do they come when you call?

  164. Gillian says:

    My four year old’s is called his “beard”. I’m pretty sure this is a mix of “pee-er” (from me) and his Dad’s “bird” (it’s a Newfoundlander thing, I’m pretty sure). I think “beard” is hilarious!! Can’t wait for the “growing a beard” conversation that we are likely going to have some day. hehehehe

  165. Tiff says:

    I kid you not, he refers to his “thunder muscle” as Dr. Hector Beelinbector. It’s all I can do sometimed not to ask if the doctor is “in”…

  166. Margaret says:

    My daughter has taken all the fun out of having grandsons. Along with eyes, ears, nose they have a penis and testicles.

  167. Maureen says:

    LOL, I’m another who has named her va-jay-jay: mine is called Iris, after some of the Georgia O’Keefe paintings I fell in love with in New Mexico, in my early 20s. My hubby’s name for his is “Willie,” but when we use a generic word for man parts, it would be schlong or cock (or for little boys, schpeckel or pee-pee).

    Thanks so much for this thread, it’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day!

  168. Robyn says:

    Here in northern Minnesota, we call ’em by lots of different monikers….dink, ding-dong, shlong, Mr. Johnson, dick, prick, sweenie, wiener (my daughter once had my husband and I almost kicked out of a restaurant when she loudly declared to every one within earshot that her daddy had a “wiener” and the more my hubs and I tried to shut her up, the louder she would say it!)
    As far as lady parts, no names but have used “Highway of Love”, Tunnel of Love, Lady Garden!

  169. Diane Wong says:

    When I was a teenager my family of all girls decided they should all be referred to as “dangling participles”! I also have had an “Egore”, which should have told me right there that he was a wierdo.

  170. Maggie says:

    I dubbed my boyfriend’s Mr. Winkie because you can make it wink at you and, well, mister was obvious.
    The most annoying name he’s had for my girls is fun bags. They may be fun but I don’t really want to think of them as bags.

  171. Mary says:

    When my son was born and I had a need to address it , we called it his “winkie”. I don’t think he calls it that today but at the time we thought it was cute. As for my man, I was more accustomed to calling it a “cock” as that to me had more of a sexual meaning.

  172. Alicia says:

    I’m sorry to report that it’s not very exciting in my house. I have twins, a boy and a girl. So we just go with “penis” or “boy parts”. When they were 2 or 3 there was a lot of concern at bath time that she hadn’t yet grown one of those, and he wondered when his would fall off and look like his sister…so I explained that boys and girls simply have different parts, and those were both exactly as they should be…go “Boy parts” and “Girl parts” is what we say…and sometimes penis, which now at 8 years old my son misspells as “penus”

  173. Teresa says:

    What about Johnson? As in “you don’t have to call me Johnson, you can call me Johnny, or you can call me John, but ya doesn’t have to call me Johnson”! Mr. Johnson to the uppity men!

    I’m a little late getting on the train but my lawrd!!! I’m laughing up a storm! Thanks Karen.

  174. Jasmine says:

    Coming from a family with three girls and a Hungarian mom, our vaginas were referred to as ” Poonsie”. My brother-in-law has been known to call his wife that in the grocery store, from two aisles over.

    My two grown sons will call each other “Choad”. This being a derogatory term for a short, fat penis.

    I had an ex-boyfriend refer to his as a heat-seeking moisture missile. Idiot.

  175. Suzanne says:

    Well, after having 3 girls…..my Dad was so very proud to have finally ‘made” a boy with a “DONKLE”….NOW where that came from I don’t know. Now that we are in our 60’s, I think I will ask him does he still call that thingy a Donkle? haha

  176. Phylicia says:

    We call it Ed

  177. Lynn says:

    We’re pretty insistent that our kids use correct terms, but when they’re not present the “mature adults” often refer to the “Twig and Giggle Berries”. Also “Ball bearings and a stick shift”. We are very mature.

  178. Susie says:

    My DH used to call it Big Java. Didn’t see that in here, so thought I’d contribute. We call my grandson’s a wee wee. Loved reading the comments. That could make me very weird. But that’s ok! I fit right in! LOL!

  179. leslie says:

    Penis: One-eyed Wonder Worm, Twig n’ Berries, Mr. Happy, Trouser Schnauser, Zizí (French).
    One of my favorite terms for vagina is “Foufoune” (also French), although we (my daughters and I) use to call it “Pootie”.

  180. Darcy says:

    Sorry I’m so late, but have to tell you my middle daughter when very young called “It” a chicken burger!!!

  181. Doria says:

    My husband called his ‘Herbie the love bug.’ While out for a Sunday drive and hitting a dip in the road my young son said “that tickled my peonies.” How adorable is that?

  182. L says:

    In the south, “Johnson” is a favored name…. or the more generic “wanker”. LOL

  183. Josephine says:

    My hubby calls his “Dr. Johnson” or the “Doc”, i.e. the doctor is in. 😉 I affectionately call my hubby Big Fella. 🙂

    We discovered a couple years ago that the work “dork” is actually a penis term. So next time you call someone a dork, you can be sure it’s in the proper context.

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