Dear men,
The ladies and I are going to discuss lady things today. And quite frankly I don't think you men are woman enough to deal with it. So please enjoy this video of a Monster Truck rally while we discuss Diva Cups.
Years ago I was wandering around my local health food store looking for cheese making supplies. The store is in a very old building in town complete with creaky wooden floors. It's the kind of place that, even though it isn't very big, you can't help but wander around. It feels serene, and calm and cozy being in amongst all the bins of coconut flour and raw nuts.
This particular day there was no music playing in the store and the only sounds were the shuffling of feet, the sound of scoops hitting the bins and those wonderful creaking wood floors.
And of course my screaming. My top of the lungs, tonsil revealing, primal screech.
You see, as I was wandering the aisle of essential oils and organic soaps I came across a site so shocking that a bunch of terror got all mangled and twisted inside of me until it forced its way out through my mouth in the form of a scream. A scream was better than a massive toot I suppose.
What I saw was the Diva Cup for the very first time. It had to be 12 years ago and these were not well known. I learned they were one of apparently many brands of "Menstrual Flow cups". Now, I had no idea these things existed and I can assure you my scream wasn't a scream of excitement. It was a scream of horror.
Table of Contents
What is a Diva Cup?
Staring me in the face was a clear silicone cup that was meant to be pushed up your hoo hoo and extracted when it was full of your womanly deposits. Basically you're turning yourself into a human Dixie Cup dispenser, only instead of water or Kool Aid the Dixie cup is filled with the blood of your menstrual flow.
It looks like the nipple of an overbred dog.
I immediately thought it would make a great post topic but couldn't bring myself to buy the thing. I just couldn't.
Fast forward to 2014 when I heard a couple of people, for some reason, mentioned they had used and loved the Diva Cup. I found this hard to believe, what with it being a silicone cup that held your period blood like a cherry cordial.
So I went out and bought myself a Diva Cup. I did so without screaming, all in the name of science.
The benefits of the Diva Cup are the low cost of $32 for almost a lifetime of use. They were $25 when I first tried it in 2014 by the way. So that's about the price of a few boxes of tampons/pads. Even though they're made from silicone which does not ever, ever biodegrade, the makers still claim it's better for the environment than flushing/disposing of the thousands of bleached tampons we go through in our lifetime.
Read this post on the only kind of toilet paper to use if you need a reminder on why you shouldn't flush tampons by the way.
Welcome to my menstrual Diva Cup adventure.
This is how it all went down.
Just days after buying my Diva Cup I felt that tiny little cramp in my gut letting me know I was a grown up lady woman.
Turns out I had just eaten too much Shepherd's Pie. But two days later the cramps were back and the main event was on its way.
Since inserting the Diva Cup involves pushing it into yourself with your fingers, I wanted to make sure I got in there before my fingers came out covered in uterine lining. So into the bathroom I went, armed with the Diva Cup, a full sheet of instructions and very clean hands.
How to Use a Diva Cup
To insert the silicone cup you roll it up until it's small enough to fit. There are two sizes. One for women under 30 and one for women over 30. The over 30 cup is bigger. I'm assuming the makers figure at that age we're so stretched out down there you could drive a train though us because these cups are BIG. Intimidatingly so.
But I rolled it up and got it where it's supposed to be. Once you get it up there you grab the base of the cup and twist it 360 degrees. This ensures it's fully open and suctioned to your insides. I managed to accomplish this on my first try and was desperate to tell someone about it but there wasn't anyone around.
I wasn't terribly worried about losing it up there but that seems to be a fear for a lot of women. Not to worry. It won't get lost.
So there it was. The Diva Cup. In my vagina. Wayyyy up in my vagina. Turns out the Diva Cup is actually more comfortable to wear than a tampon.
Why? Because it stays in place.
Have you ever noticed that after wearing a tampon for a while it tends to decide it'd like a good look at the world? It slowly starts working its way down towards the door until it's just a strong sneeze away from flying out of you.
The Diva Cup doesn't do that. It's obedient. The Diva Cup stays where the Diva Cup is put. More on that later. You really can't feel it at all. There's no itching, or pulling or attempts at escape.
So far so good with the Diva Cup. Did I mention it has handy measurements on the side of it you can see exactly how much fluid is in there? Because it does. Incredibly useful for anyone who likes to keep track of how many ounces of blood they shed a month. These are probably the same people who keep their scabs in a jar and have a laminated bowel movement chart.
You can wear the Diva Cup for 12 hours at a time at which point you have to take it out ... and empty the reservoir. This is where the Diva Cup lost me. Removal was difficult. Very difficult. I'm sure it gets easier with time but it was slightly painful and kind of like pulling a turkey out of your nostril.
In fact, when it finally popped off I’m pretty sure my nose whistled.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was emptying the blood streaked cup of woman goo into the bathroom sink and rinsing it out.
I know this is where a lot of you will be thinking "How awful for Karen that she's so out of touch with her womanness that such a thing bothers her. A woman's period blood is a miracle of life to be revered and marvelled at.".
I know there are those of you thinking this because that's exactly how other women who reviewed the Diva Cup describe the experience as. They liked the cup dumping. It fascinated them. You know what fascinates me? Magic Tricks.
I couldn't bring myself to put the cup in again and instead put it back in the box and slipped it to the back of the cupboard.
The one other caveat to the Diva Cup that even those who love it say is an issue, is public restrooms. If you need to empty your cup while at the mall or your favourite local restaurant you'll need to dump the cup in the toilet, pull up your pants, get yourself back together with one hand because the other hand will be holding the blood stained Diva Cup.
Once you're back together you'll need to dart to the sink and wash out your cup in the public restroom sink, all the while your face getting hot and your pits getting sweaty worried that someone will wander into the bathroom to a horror show.
Is your cup rinsed? Good. Now it's back into the stall to reinsert the Diva Cup.
I just couldn't handle it. But I have to say there are many of you who will be able to handle it. You'll think it's great and life changing like the other women on the Internet. Like the 10,000 people who reviewed the Diva Cup on Amazon with almost 5 stars. The women who say they couldn't live without it.
To you I say, you're more woman than I. I have no doubt you also would have handled donating blood far better than I did. It's a bit blurry but as far as I remember my blood donation involved a prayer circle and a stretcher. You can read about that proud moment in my life here.
Do I recommend the Diva Cup? Yes. That probably surprises you but it just wasn't for me. I know it wasn't for me because I got gaggy and almost fainted. So there's that. I know that other women won't be bothered by it at all.
And to you women I have one more thing to say. Please don't try to change my mind. Please don't try to convince me I didn't give it enough of a shot. Much like Brussels sprouts, it won't matter how many times I try it ... I'm never going to acquire a taste for menstrual cups.
As luck would have it I am currently moving out of my Diva Cup years and into my coffee cup flying across the room and exploding into shards as it hits the wall because I can't sleep and am so tired years.
I resisted the urge to use my Diva Cup as a change purse and eventually threw it out.
I now buy my cheese making supplies online.
Tanya H
Loved my Diva Cup until after baby #3. Think he wrecked me /:
Nancy
ewww...glad I don't have a uterus any more!
Debbie
I have one and have a love/hate relationship with it. I agree - the insertion and removal of it is really gross. But only having to deal with it twice a day is great, and they don't leak. Also, don't forget - if you pee, no wet string hanging around.
Erika
I have no words for how disturbing this sounds.
Kitten Caboodle
No. Just no.
kari
Great post. I too, have one in the back of my cabinet. Will try again, just b/c of you. Thanks so much for the laughs, I blew coffee when you wrote, "It slowly starts working its way down towards the door until its just a strong sneeze away from flying out of you". Good times!
Jacqui
OMG, that was a three snort read! I so enjoy that nothing is sacred to you Karen. Keep up the good fight to keep us informed. Love it
Louise
OMG, am I the first one to comment?! Is that because everyone else is cowering in horror? I guess that's because the rest of you are "so out of touch with (your) womanness that such a thing bothers (you)." Actually, this article, although PRETTY YUCKY, was very informative and I appreciate your courage, Karen, in conducting this experiment. I'm sure, because of the drawbacks you mentioned, I would have come to the same conclusion. But it's certainly more fun to read about YOU doing it! You are a hoot!
Louise
Ooops, I guess I'm NOT the first one to comment on this! I see what happened; I opened my window with this article, then wandered away for hours and hours. When I came back, the window didn't show any comments because it was still showing the results of when I opened the window. Sorry! (Hangs head in shame)
yipee
Me and Diva have been best friends for many years. Couldn't live without it. I've never had to do anything in a public restroom, you can keep it in for 12 hours people. In the a.m. when you get up, and then in the p.m. Why would you be in a public restroom at these times? I highly, highly recommend it. I even buy it as gifts for friends because they're too pussy to try it on their own. They always end up keeping and loving it.
Melody Madden
I laughed so hard I cried when I read this post ...... Big thanks Karen
Ev Wilcox
These things were around years and years ago. The were so hard that is was next to impossible to squeeze them small enough to insert! I did think it was a great idea, but not for me! And it hurt, coming and going! it was messy and awful. When you pulled them out, of course they spilled and ewwww! I imagine they are better engineered now. Gives me the shudders though! How brave and modern of you to share, Karen!
Claudia
I thought it's an interesting product to consider, especially bearing in mind all the waste we produce... So, a few years ago, I thought I'd give it a try. Being over fourty and having given birth I thought I needed a "normal", not a small size. And I thought that I HAD rolled the damn thing quite as small as a tampon. But it didn't feel that way and I discarded it at once... (Maybe I should've tried the small size, but, well, I hope I won't have to cope with THAT problem for very much longer...).
BTW: Hilarious intro, Karen!
Susan Whelan
Oh. My. Gosh! I'm so happy I don't have to even think about stuff like this any more. The doctor asked me if I wanted hormone replacement and I asked if I'd still get my period - the answer was yes and I said, "not bloody likely." I'm kinda removal-challenged to start with. Tried contacts for several years and had no trouble getting them in but the only way I could get them out was to flush my eyes with eye drops and squish my eyes in every direction until I wrinkled the contact into a removable ball. So I can just imagine the contortions involved with removing a dixie cup from my hooha.
This post and the comments had me alternating between scaring my dogs with my shrieks and being slightly grossed out. You rock, Karen.
Missnicoleo
"not bloody likely" ahahahaha
I totally thought they were gross too, but all these comments have changed my mind! Thank you TAODS readers!! and Karen for being the guinea pig.
erin
Kudos for being braver than I! Did you know they make DISPOSABLE cups? If the whole Diva Cup argument is "yay, saving the environment from your tampons!" then WHAT'S THE POINT? (They're called Softcups. I don't get it. Do you throw them away with the Dixie cups at the water cooler, or in the bathroom? Also, they sort of look like stretched out condoms. Yup - I'm confused.)
Christina
For me, it's not so much the environment, but putting nasty, nasty chemicals directly on (and in) the most chemical-sensitive part of the body. The Softcups make me squeamish, but not as much as sitting on BPA and BPS and who knows what else for 5 days straight.
I have a feeling if the law gets passed for companies to have to disclose what is in sanitary products, that Softcup and Diva Cup sales are going to go through the roof.
erin
And this is why I love the Internet. I have no idea why, but I've never though of it this way. I try to be conscious of what I put on/in my body otherwise...must research this. Thank you for the perspective!
Terrt
Hilarious read to start the day, thanks for the chuckles
Teresa
When I saw the title of the post a huge smile grew on my face because I get to tell you this story. I used a Diva Cup successfully for a few years and really liked it. Except for the first time. I put it in. After wearing it for a couple of hours I started to worry about what it might be doing in there (specifically had it wiggled its way up into my uterus - yes I realize how stupid that sounds). I tried to remove it but I was so panicked and tense that I couldn't relax the muscles enough to get my fingers on it. At all. Much to my horror I had to enlist the assistance of my husband. And pliers.
~takes bow~
Carolyne Darimont
and did you try it again???
Erica
Hey Karen, now you have something to hold yogurt in lieu of the yogurt tampon LOL.
Darlene
All of these comments are just TMI for me -
CheekyMomma
Thanks for doing this, Karen! I have wondered about the Diva cup for a while now...I might actually try it! I actually used Instead cups for years but after my daughter was born they didn't fit so well...what was that about trains again? In any case, the Instead cups are disposable but the same concept. That part would at least eliminate the public restroom washup issue. If you were so inclined. And forgive me if someone above commented on Instead cups - I didn't read all the comments.
Karen P
I used Instead cups for years too until I could no longer find them in stores. Guess they just didn't have enough sales. I would totally try Diva Cup because I think it is healthier for the hoo hoo than tampons, and I like that I don't have to worry about changing it out as often as with tampons. With Instead you could have sex while it was in and your partner wouldn't even notice, but it was more like a cap than a cup. Danni (#48.) says you can have sex with these too... so that would sway me to try it out right there even if I hadn't used something like it before ;-)
CheekyMomma
They now apparently go by the name "Softcup." Again, if you were so inclined to begin again. ;)
http://softcup.com/
Kim from Milwaukee
Ok, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have sex with one in because I'm sure he would ask me what that FANG was that poked his wang!! Maybe you all cut off the stem but I never did since it helped to pull the cup out....
Mary Kay
OMG - ummm NO!
Reg
Very funny, but I wish I had opted for the Monster Truck rally.