Dear men,
The ladies and I are going to discuss lady things today. And quite frankly I don't think you men are woman enough to deal with it. So please enjoy this video of a Monster Truck rally while we discuss Diva Cups.
Years ago I was wandering around my local health food store looking for cheese making supplies. The store is in a very old building in town complete with creaky wooden floors. It's the kind of place that, even though it isn't very big, you can't help but wander around. It feels serene, and calm and cozy being in amongst all the bins of coconut flour and raw nuts.
This particular day there was no music playing in the store and the only sounds were the shuffling of feet, the sound of scoops hitting the bins and those wonderful creaking wood floors.
And of course my screaming. My top of the lungs, tonsil revealing, primal screech.
You see, as I was wandering the aisle of essential oils and organic soaps I came across a site so shocking that a bunch of terror got all mangled and twisted inside of me until it forced its way out through my mouth in the form of a scream. A scream was better than a massive toot I suppose.
What I saw was the Diva Cup for the very first time. It had to be 12 years ago and these were not well known. I learned they were one of apparently many brands of "Menstrual Flow cups". Now, I had no idea these things existed and I can assure you my scream wasn't a scream of excitement. It was a scream of horror.
Table of Contents
What is a Diva Cup?
Staring me in the face was a clear silicone cup that was meant to be pushed up your hoo hoo and extracted when it was full of your womanly deposits. Basically you're turning yourself into a human Dixie Cup dispenser, only instead of water or Kool Aid the Dixie cup is filled with the blood of your menstrual flow.
It looks like the nipple of an overbred dog.
I immediately thought it would make a great post topic but couldn't bring myself to buy the thing. I just couldn't.
Fast forward to 2014 when I heard a couple of people, for some reason, mentioned they had used and loved the Diva Cup. I found this hard to believe, what with it being a silicone cup that held your period blood like a cherry cordial.
So I went out and bought myself a Diva Cup. I did so without screaming, all in the name of science.
The benefits of the Diva Cup are the low cost of $32 for almost a lifetime of use. They were $25 when I first tried it in 2014 by the way. So that's about the price of a few boxes of tampons/pads. Even though they're made from silicone which does not ever, ever biodegrade, the makers still claim it's better for the environment than flushing/disposing of the thousands of bleached tampons we go through in our lifetime.
Read this post on the only kind of toilet paper to use if you need a reminder on why you shouldn't flush tampons by the way.
Welcome to my menstrual Diva Cup adventure.
This is how it all went down.
Just days after buying my Diva Cup I felt that tiny little cramp in my gut letting me know I was a grown up lady woman.
Turns out I had just eaten too much Shepherd's Pie. But two days later the cramps were back and the main event was on its way.
Since inserting the Diva Cup involves pushing it into yourself with your fingers, I wanted to make sure I got in there before my fingers came out covered in uterine lining. So into the bathroom I went, armed with the Diva Cup, a full sheet of instructions and very clean hands.
How to Use a Diva Cup
To insert the silicone cup you roll it up until it's small enough to fit. There are two sizes. One for women under 30 and one for women over 30. The over 30 cup is bigger. I'm assuming the makers figure at that age we're so stretched out down there you could drive a train though us because these cups are BIG. Intimidatingly so.
But I rolled it up and got it where it's supposed to be. Once you get it up there you grab the base of the cup and twist it 360 degrees. This ensures it's fully open and suctioned to your insides. I managed to accomplish this on my first try and was desperate to tell someone about it but there wasn't anyone around.
I wasn't terribly worried about losing it up there but that seems to be a fear for a lot of women. Not to worry. It won't get lost.
So there it was. The Diva Cup. In my vagina. Wayyyy up in my vagina. Turns out the Diva Cup is actually more comfortable to wear than a tampon.
Why? Because it stays in place.
Have you ever noticed that after wearing a tampon for a while it tends to decide it'd like a good look at the world? It slowly starts working its way down towards the door until it's just a strong sneeze away from flying out of you.
The Diva Cup doesn't do that. It's obedient. The Diva Cup stays where the Diva Cup is put. More on that later. You really can't feel it at all. There's no itching, or pulling or attempts at escape.
So far so good with the Diva Cup. Did I mention it has handy measurements on the side of it you can see exactly how much fluid is in there? Because it does. Incredibly useful for anyone who likes to keep track of how many ounces of blood they shed a month. These are probably the same people who keep their scabs in a jar and have a laminated bowel movement chart.
You can wear the Diva Cup for 12 hours at a time at which point you have to take it out ... and empty the reservoir. This is where the Diva Cup lost me. Removal was difficult. Very difficult. I'm sure it gets easier with time but it was slightly painful and kind of like pulling a turkey out of your nostril.
In fact, when it finally popped off I’m pretty sure my nose whistled.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was emptying the blood streaked cup of woman goo into the bathroom sink and rinsing it out.
I know this is where a lot of you will be thinking "How awful for Karen that she's so out of touch with her womanness that such a thing bothers her. A woman's period blood is a miracle of life to be revered and marvelled at.".
I know there are those of you thinking this because that's exactly how other women who reviewed the Diva Cup describe the experience as. They liked the cup dumping. It fascinated them. You know what fascinates me? Magic Tricks.
I couldn't bring myself to put the cup in again and instead put it back in the box and slipped it to the back of the cupboard.
The one other caveat to the Diva Cup that even those who love it say is an issue, is public restrooms. If you need to empty your cup while at the mall or your favourite local restaurant you'll need to dump the cup in the toilet, pull up your pants, get yourself back together with one hand because the other hand will be holding the blood stained Diva Cup.
Once you're back together you'll need to dart to the sink and wash out your cup in the public restroom sink, all the while your face getting hot and your pits getting sweaty worried that someone will wander into the bathroom to a horror show.
Is your cup rinsed? Good. Now it's back into the stall to reinsert the Diva Cup.
I just couldn't handle it. But I have to say there are many of you who will be able to handle it. You'll think it's great and life changing like the other women on the Internet. Like the 10,000 people who reviewed the Diva Cup on Amazon with almost 5 stars. The women who say they couldn't live without it.
To you I say, you're more woman than I. I have no doubt you also would have handled donating blood far better than I did. It's a bit blurry but as far as I remember my blood donation involved a prayer circle and a stretcher. You can read about that proud moment in my life here.
Do I recommend the Diva Cup? Yes. That probably surprises you but it just wasn't for me. I know it wasn't for me because I got gaggy and almost fainted. So there's that. I know that other women won't be bothered by it at all.
And to you women I have one more thing to say. Please don't try to change my mind. Please don't try to convince me I didn't give it enough of a shot. Much like Brussels sprouts, it won't matter how many times I try it ... I'm never going to acquire a taste for menstrual cups.
As luck would have it I am currently moving out of my Diva Cup years and into my coffee cup flying across the room and exploding into shards as it hits the wall because I can't sleep and am so tired years.
I resisted the urge to use my Diva Cup as a change purse and eventually threw it out.
I now buy my cheese making supplies online.
You are hilarious. So enjoyed this post. No diva cup here. Ablation was the best thing ever! But now I have a teen daughter who just started hers ---- sigh.
i've used mine for a couple of years now and have not looked back! i don't know what happened that it hurt coming out tho'...that shouldn't be happening. and the public washroom thing isn't even a thing...you dump it, wipe it and your hands, pop'er in and then use hand sanitizer that i always carry with me. even if you don't , you can open the door with toilet paper and then just wash your hands in the sink.
no wet tampon strings, no smelly tampons, it's awesome! although i am thoroughly fine with the fertilizer i currently use and that comes out of sheep butts :)
I. Cannot. Stop. Laughing!
I came upon your blog through a Pinterest post on your orb lights. And found this thread. When my husband got home I was howling with laughter and he just HAD to ask why.....
Oh. My. I need to find a Kleenex for my tears.
Weird. I just heard about this and tried it last week for the first time too. Karen, just like you I used it once and then put it away. I could not bring myself to use it again. I'm over thirty and have two kids so I bought the larger one. I'm debating trying again with the smaller one, as my main issue was that it was just way too big for my *ahem* needs, but I would not dream of returning the one I already have, (to the lady who worked in a health food store, WHO DOES THAT!!) and I don't know if I want to spend $50 on a period experiment...
{Note to self...don't read your posts at work!} Trying to explain to the men around me why I am laughing so hard I almost wet myself is a bit difficult with this one! An I must admit, I likely would be a bit disgusted to see you washing out your woman fluids in the sink at a public restaurant. Thanks for the laugh...thank God for hysterectomies! One lingering question I have {because that is how my mind works} is if anyone has ever tried to return a cup after one use?
Just. So. Funny.
Strangely enough, I happened to think of your yogurt tampon research recently.
Thanks for sleuthing.
Me and my vagina are there for ya mayr. ~ karen!
Oh dear GOD, thank you for putting me thru full menopause 10 years ago!!!!!! Not that l would...could....or ever even consider trying this....it sounds totally disgusting and envolves way to much close hand to bloody vagina contact....oh hell no,
Thankfully I no longer have to deal with "the curse" as my mother used to call it. I used the Diva Cup for several years and loved it. It was always a hard sell to my friends, but those who did try it, still thank me.
It was one of those very very heavy days, and I was wearing white shorts. It was late in the afternoon and I felt I needed to empty it. I was in a public restroom, the type that only has one toilet and sink. I thought I had locked the door. Here I was with my pants around my ankles, waddling over to the sink. The mostly emptied Diva Cup was in my hand, and yes there was blood on my fingers. All at once the door opens and there stood a poor lady with the most horrified look on her face. I think I might have scarred her for life.
I didn't like it at first either. I used it once and then it sat in the cupboard for a year. (cleaned, that is). You are right - removal gets much easier with time. I also hold it upside down in the toilet so I don't have to see anything for a good 30-60 sec, then stuff it with toilet paper to absorb a fair amount. Then the rinse in the sink is much less...weird. I also now work at a place with multiple private bathroom/sinks, so for the most part I am safe for changing. If not, I wait beyond the recommended 12 hours.
I tried to read all the comments, but couldn't (there's 171!!!), so I'm sorry if someone already asked this.....what is the chance that your Diva cup will spill when u take it out? Like all over the Walmart floor....or will it spill when you tug and take it out and it flies out and spews onto the bathroom walls? Inquiring minds want to know.
I just saw your question- I've been using the cup for about a year. I would agree with previous commenters about the rarity of having to empty it in a public place. I suggest getting familiar with it at home before having to face the "public restroom dilemma". I found using the cup to be a quick learning curve and it's pretty likely you can use it without incident in a public place without spilling it. (that being said some folks are more flexible/ dexterous than others) but it's a pretty well designed system. None of the leaking nonsense of tampons and pads, no wet string, no escaping tampon issues. It's a great product. Hope this info helps.
Hilarity!!!
I think they'd make great shot classes for a bridal shower.
For me, a menstrual cup is way better than tampons or pads (or natural sponges . . . anyone tried those?) but since having kids I lost all squeamishness. (Before kids I couldn't even handle a tampon without an applicator - pretty much the only kind here in Germany!)
Hilarious!!! So glad you gave it a go.
Removing it in public restrooms is still an issue for me, but overall, I am still pretty happy with it.
As someone with a very long heavy cycle, I appreciate not having to buy a zillion tampons. Plus those things get heavy. For some reason, a full cup doesn't weigh me down as much.
Thanks for honestly reviewing it and spreading the word to your readers. I think it is definitely worth a try for many women!!!
I don't know which was better, your post or all the comments. Hilarious!!!! I was laughing so hard I nearly peed myself.
First of all, never. No, no, and no. I won't even use tampons, so there's no way in hell I'd be shovin' one of these things up my crotch. Just say no to foreign objects. Well, unless it's attached to another human.
Second, the first thing I thought of when I saw your post was this: http://www.butterfly.com/our-product
A girlfriend saw a print ad for it and had to show it around like we were giggly teenagers. And we turned into giggly teenagers. Um, now "knowing" you, THAT would make for the best product review ever.
By the way, the sink? Really? Please tell me it wasn't your new shiny kitchen sink.
Hmm...periods are in my distant past, but it does sound like a good alternative to sanitary napkins or tampons. Next time BEFORE you to 'try' alternatives to personal products maybe you should ask your readers how such products work to get an idea of what to do and how to do it and what your expectations should be -- especially for a first time trial. Many of your readers have written thoughtful advise on what to expect and how to use the cup - so next time maybe it won't be and 'only' one try but an actual trial.
Hi kate-v - I was actually as informed as I needed to be to try the Diva Cup. I did my research and read up about it. I knew everything the readers had to say. It just wasn't/isn't for me. Nope. Not for me. I really felt that pouring a cup of blood into the sink/toilet was vile. Not objectionable for others .. I get that ... I just couldn't stomach it, lol. Nope. No ma'am. ~ karen!
I've been using them for 18 ish years. I would never use anything else. Public washrooms are not that big of a drama, due to the 12 hour thing it's rare I've had to empty it in one. I still use the smaller one, the big one used to be labelled for after child birth, but clearly my nether yaya didn't get that big so the big one is pristine in my bathroom cupboard in the Little House on the Prairie bag it came in.
I know you told me to go look a monster truck rally video but i just had to read this post, now i feel the need to ask if it's weird that I talked to some of my girl-friends about this? and if it's even weirder that i feel more comfortable talking about this than they are? because the general reaction of my 20 year old girl-friends was "gross", "I didn't knew that" and "why are we talking about this??"
I never went full monty and bought the Diva Cup, but I did use the Instead Softcup up until I had my ablation. The concept of sterilizing the Diva Cup at the end of my cycle wigged me out a bit, so I went with the one-time use Softcup. Its a silicone ring with a plastic baggy hanging from the bottom. Fits the same way as the Diva Cup though.
I loved the Softcup, right up until I moved and our new house "master suite" with a "water closet" with the toilet, and the sink was about 25 ft away. With no door between the master bedroom. Yea, not waling across the bathroom with my pants around my ankles every time I needed to empty the dang thing.
So, I started showering twice a day. Once in the morning, pulled out the cup, emptied and rinsed it in the shower. Once in the evening or before bed, pulled out the cup, emptied and rinsed it in the shower. Plus the looks from the hubby while I'm squatted in the shower digging at my girly bits are pretty priceless as well.
A few other notes - I had worse cramps on my first day while wearing my Softcup. But my uterus is cranky, so I may just be a special case. I couldn't feel it in there, but I could turn wrong and get a quick cramp. Similar to how I feel about my Fallopian tube plugs. I also wore a pad for the first 3-5 cycles after I started using the cup, just incase of any leaks, or if I didn't get it in there right. I still continued to wear a pad or panty liner on my 2nd day, because I preferred to stick to my 2 showers a day plan, and didn't empty between.
You can also learn to "burp" a Softcup. Basically you're pushing on your "pooping" muscles. It breaks the seal on the edge of the cup. Hold it, let it drain, and release. It'll seal back up on its own and you can continue on your day, with clean hands. Really handy for public restrooms. Just don't freak out if you hear the burp. That part is a little weird.
Also bonus - You can have sex with the softcup in. Fits just like a diaphragm does. I purchased mine on Amazon. Around $15 for a 24 pack. 1/month, for 24 months. Sounds like a good deal to me. No idea what I'm going to do with all the ones I have left since I no longer have a period.
Karen, this may be your greatest post ever. Ladies, your responses only augmented the laughter. I would never take the monster-truck bait, but I feel sorry for all the other guys who did. They're missing out on some of the greatest humour ever. I'll absolutely be sharing this with my girlfriend since I have no idea whether she knows of this or not and also to observe her reaction :P Anyway, if I was a woman... I think this post would convince me to give it a shot at least. I like the sound of not having to deal with leakage and inserting something dry inside me :)
-Chris in Blacksburg, Virginia