When I was 16 I got a spiral perm. A big, Twisted Sister, spiral perm that screeched out of my head like a car wreck. What hair calamity have you had?
How do I know you've had a hairtastrophy? Because even if you only have one hair, you've had a hairtastrophy. Either it curled, or fell out or kept pointing at someone sitting beside you on the subway. I've have several hair disasters, but for today I'll focus on this one. The spiral perm.
I was 17 years old and in high school. My room was still in the decorating style of Holly Hobby that my mother surprised me with when I came home from school one day in grade 6. I wanted a white and green room with spider plants. I had told her this. We discussed it. She screwed it up.
She decided a mini floral (not even a big, cool Laura Ashley one) in dusty rose and grey was a very similar look to the contemporary white and green theme my 12-year-old self had envisioned. I lived with that Holly Hobby chintz until I started University. I hated it. But not as much as the spiral perm.
I'm thinking back trying to imagine who I was trying to emulate with this spiral perm. I mean, I know it wasn't Dee Snider. Madonna? Julia Roberts? Molly Ringwald? I have no idea. All I know is I got a spiral perm, I did in fact look like Dee Snider, I attempted to straighten my hair with a drug store hair relaxer meant for not only people of colour, but also people who knew what they were doing.
And then I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Then I barfed. Here's how that went down.
A few days after the perm and the debacle of trying to wash it out and then applying a straightener (which turned my hair into candy floss) I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed. I barfed the moment I got home from the surgery, went to bed and woke up a day later with an abscess.
So now, not only did I have a spiral perm exploding out of my head, my face had swollen up like a watermelon going into renal failure. From this swollen head I had a mass of straight/curly/fuzzy hair not unlike Animal from the Muppets. I was winning.
I could have had all my hair cut off. It would have been less of an assault on the eyes to be bald, but I kept my hair. Because a) I, like most 17-year-old girls, spent more time with my hair than any of my other friends, b) I deluded myself into thinking it wasn't that noticeable and c) maybe it really did give me just an "essence" of Julia Roberts. Slightly disheveled Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts who'd been into the whiskey cabinet.
Years went by before my hair texture was normal from top to bottom. Let this act as a warning to you since perms have made a resurgence. No. Just no.
My sister Pink Tool Belt had a similar perm in the 80's. Her 5-year-old son looked at her newly twirling hair, burst into tears and told her it looked like a bunch of swear words on her head.
My family doctor - proving being school smart doesn't mean that you're hair smart - also opted for a perm when she was a young mother. Immediately realizing her mistake, she also figured she was smart enough to straighten her own hair. What she ended up with was (and these are her exact words) "A head full of pubic hair that stuck straight out from my scalp." She sheepishly went back to the stylist who gave her the perm and said she thought she'd like it cut. She said this while staring at her feet.
I imagine poor Dr. Woods standing in her hairstylists shop, with a halo of cotton candy surrounding her face, a small child constantly asking her to spin around while he sticks a paper cone into it.
I never tried to perm my hair again. I don't think that should come as a surprise to you. In fact, I didn't try to curl it again until a few months ago when I, again, inspired by one of the world's most beautiful women, Charlize Theron, thought with the twist of a lock, I could look exactly like her.
As I've mentioned, I ended up looking like Barbara Bush on crack at a hoe down.
What about you? What is YOUR hair disaster story? I know you have one. Don't be embarrassed. We've all been there. In fact, I've been there a few times.
Have a good weekend!
Wendy Heath
I've never done anything to my hair except iron it when I was 14 and cut it every few weeks. Curly has its own agenda. Any cut at all only looks good until the weather changes. Which it constantly does here on the far west coast. So I don't have to give myself a 'new look'. Ever. My hair makes all the decisions in that department!
PegB
My very first date was my sophomore year Fall Harvest dance. My mom was a big fan of home perms, but my hair was finally corkscrew curly not frizzy. She took me to the local beauty parlor in our small town (think Steel Magnolia and Dolly Parton) to get a new do for the dance. Anna Mae, no really that was the beauticians name, did my hair up like Princess Leia with the buns on each side. Only I looked like a poodle with ears rolled up. I don’t know how she knew this in 1963, pre Star Wars, but she must have had a premonition.
jackie
my hair is dark brown/black, i dyed it blue black on my birthday every year. you really couldnt tell by my roots. one yer i decided to try auburn, no one told you cant go lighter only darker. needless to say, i ended up with 6 inches of very noticable red roots.
Kelly
My friend Becca and I got spiral perms in 6th grade. It was bad. Very bad. Massive head full of ginormous frizz bad - for both of us. Did they look good on anyone?
Renee Ryz
I remember when my daughter was in grade school in the 90s - the thing to do was use kool-aid powder on your hair. She never did, but quite a few girls had cherry red hair and got into trouble.
My son went through a mohawk faze, and dyed it many different colors. It was cool and fit his personality (he is in a punk band). That stopped when he got promoted to a manager at work - He always had the most beautiful wavy shade of chestnut brown hair. Sadly poor kid turned 30 and is thinning on the top big time.
Brenda
I have very thick hair and in the last 20 years have moved - A LOT! So I'm always looking for new stylists. My hair is so thick that nearly every new stylist comments - Holy cow you have a lot of hair! I now know this is a sign to run!!
I've had about every style that's been trendy since the 80s, including perms, which actually weren't really that bad. But I think my most upsetting cut was just a few months ago. I've had short hair and medium length hair, but never really long because it ends up looking like a Christmas tree. As I've aged, I find that the shorter hair looks better on me when it's trendy (aka Charlize Theron!) but when done badly - it screams 80s or 90s housewife which is my worst nightmare.
To make a long story shorter - I had a stylist in my last town that finally got me and my hair. However, I took a shot in cutting my hair short in my new location with someone who had been trimming my medium length hair just fine (and actually fixed a previously bad cut from the first stylist I tried here). Well, the "new" stylist seems to be great with medium-long hair, but when cutting it short, she had the sides less than 3/4" and the top about 5" - very much the way a guy's cut would be. With such thick hair, I looked like I was wearing a toupee on top of my already thick hair! I went back 7 weeks later to have her "fix" it and while marginally better, she just couldn't get it.
I finally scheduled an appointment with my previous stylist in my previous town, let my hair grow for about 2 1/2 months and then drove 8 hours one way to get it done right! I knew that even if I just let it grow for months, her cut would grow out just fine and it has. Now I will have to make sure our family visits back include time for a hair appointment while we're there!
I've been disappointed in myself that at my age I should know it's only hair, but when you aren't feeling that great about other parts of your life, that look in the mirror can make or break your day. I had to search the internet for other short hair horror stories just so I didn't feel so alone and depressed. Hair is important!
Muffin Cherry
Mine was a 4th grade disaster. Thought that the "Twiggy"
Cut would look fabulous on me. Completely overlooking the fact that I had brown curly hair and blue cat eye eyeglasses.
Needless to say, instead of a perfectly smooth blond sweep over my forehead, I had a brown spitcurl above my glasses.
To top it off, it was picture day. My mom forgot to iron my blouse so my picture shows me with bad hairdo in a hideous
Blue checked suit with a cheapo "chiffon" scarf used like an ascot through whivh you csn see my undershirt. On top of that, my dad called me "Harry" for 3 months.
Susan Alexander
First...I just realized the last email notice I received from you was about the herb drying rack. Seeing you appear on my FB alerted me of how very many of your articles I’ve missed! So, I reenlisted. Thought you should know.
Second...I read your headline incorrectly (mentally deleted a few of the letters between spiral and perm), but having read you for so many years, while it made me smile, it didn’t necessarily alarm me.
I read:
“So I got a sperm. What’s your hair horror story?”
Gaeyl Kanter
I am in my seventies and very pale . My mother chose to administer a home Toni perm every Easter . There I was the first Afro yes on a spindly tom boy with glasses. Her answer to birth control is my only response . Don't forget you couldn't wash your hair for three days so I had perm solution in the pillow until it was washed in the summer.
Barb
1961, 6th grade picture day...double whammy...home perm given the night before PLUS had just gotten "cat-eye" blue framed glasses. Horror show that was captured on film!
pat barford
I let a friend trim my bangs the summer I was fifteen and heading into grade 11. Big mistake. Not only could she not get them straight, but she just kept trying, so.....mini bangs. Then there was more trying to make the rest of my hair suit the bangs bacause it all ended up being out of sync with the bangs. Bad, bad, bad. And as a teeneger and never knowing when to stop...more fixing followed. The solution, the aforementioned Sun In, of course. The result - crooked bangs, totally lopsided short cut in a fabulous brassy, Sun In yellow. That haircut is still proudly on display in my grade 11 school photo. Only years later did other friends confess that it was totally the worst ever.
Sarah Padron
Miss Karen! I had beautiful long wavy brown hair that went done to my waste most of my childhood. In the fifth grade before I switched schools, I wanted to look older and get my hair cut to shoulder length. I thought it would make me look older. What ended up happening is the stylist cut my hair to my ears and my hair went from wavy to an Afro reminiscent of Whitney Houston but nowhere near as nice! I felt I looked like Albert Einstein but with brown hair. Needless to say I cried everyday until I went to school and put on a brave face. I have photographic evidence not uploaded on my phone as I’m trying my best to block that horrible experience but now, I tolerate my hair and just leave it alone. I also tried relaxing it but I gave up on that a long time ago. I’ll keep the crazy hair and make the best of it. Thanks for posting this and I understand
Jacquie Gariano
As a very young girl, my Mom put my hair up in rag curls at night for curly hair the next day. I still remember the pain of trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. But my real hair disaster was when I was about 35 (old enough to know better...LOL) I, on the suggestion of my husband, I died by hair blonde. ( I had been dying my own hair an ash blonde for several years with OK results) Anyway, he though my hair should be blonder, so no paying attention to the directions on the box, I dyed it again within 6-8 hours. It became a awful white and orange. It also fell out in clumps. (Needless to say I divorced the guy) Anyway, I went to a "real" hairdresser and it took many, many visits to her and treatments to fix it. It took over a year of care. Needless to say I never did my own hair myself again........not even to trim my own bangs....LOL
Dana
Mine was also a spiral perm in the 90s. My mother had basically given me a complex with so many comments about my hair being “stringy” (still not sure what exactly that meant—but she suggested the perm?!??). The hairdresser who applied it may have left it on too long or maybe it wasn’t right for my hair and it broke my bangs off at the root. I had little spikes at the front of my head for months. It was mortifying. And my hair texture has never been the same since.
Lydia Martinez
I have had many a hair- tastrophy in my 66 years of life. I have thick, wavy hair. Why would I want a perm? It was 1979 and for some reason, I wanted loose bouncy curls. My hairdresser used the largest perm rods she had. My hair really "grabbed" the curl! Yikes! My hair was identical to Little Orphan Annie! Yes, indeed it was a "hard knock life" until my hair grew long enough to get all the curls (which, btw, never relaxed at all!) cut off. There have been so many self inflicted assaults on my hair, it is amazing it is still so thick and wavy.
The worst was when I decided to see what I would look like with red hair, just temporarily. I bought a wash out color, and put it on my bleach blonde hair. It turned my hair "Ronald McDonald Red!" I must have shampooed my hair at least 10 times with no success.
I will never forget the shocked look on my kids' faces when they woke up and saw me. My 6 year old son and his 8 year old sister pleaded with me to let them walk to school that day! They didn't want their peeps to see their crazy mom with the Ronald McDonald hair.
I had to call my Mom to come watch my 3 year old while I went to my hairdresser to "fix" me.
It took 8 hours! He had to strip out all the color. I told him I wanted him to tint my hair a golden blonde. Well, lets just say I came in with bright red hair and left with canary yellow hair! I had to live with it for about a week before he could fix the fix. To this day, my "kids", who are now all in their 30's, will not let me live that one down!!
Kipper
1. The Tonette perm at age 11. Mom saying I looked like Shirley Temple which would have been a compliment if I’d been six and it was 1940, but it was not.
2. I trimmed my bangs at age 7, angled about 40 degrees. The hairdresser had difficulty trimming it so it looked good. The little girl who lives next door to me now has trimmed her bangs TWICE like that.
3. Self applied Sun In at age 18, lived with an orange circle on the back of my head for quite a few months, the rest of my hair was light brown. Blending SunIn evenly appears to be important.
4. I still remember a fourth grade classmate whose mother gave her the most ghastly short uneven lengths haircut..shorter than any of the boy classmates. She was a tough kid but cried the first few days of school. No one ridiculed her, we all felt sorry for her. We all figured out that her mother had a drinking problem and her home life wasn’t the best.
Jan in Waterdown
I remember spraying Sun In on my forearms in attempt to lighten what I thought were the hairiest arms on the planet. I guess teen girls have raging hormones and lots of body hair growth..... now? Not so much.
Jan in Waterdown
Betty is a very brave lady. In that photo, you look like you want to get up and rip her face off, if you only had the strength. And those cute pudgy cheeks. Oh my!
My mom was very thrifty aka cheap and gave me Toni home perms back in the 1950’s. Her idea of wringing every last bit of value from a product was to leave it on my hair waaay longer than the instructions. Thankfully for some reason, she didn’t perm my crooked too short (cut by her of course) half moon bangs. I ended up with a super frizzy brown halo around my wee head. We have home movies of my sister and I in our Easter suits and white gloves with our Sunday-go-to-meeting hats perched precariously on those hideous now hilarious perms. To this day, I wear my bangs below my eye brows and nobody cuts them but me!
Beth Kolle
I always wished for straight hair, since short hair gave me that Harpo Marx look and long hair scared the wildlife. My hairdresser blew it out once with a roller brush to straighten it temporarily, I set off to pick up the kids at school and hang a bit with my mom friends there - and no one recognized me!
Back to curls, yes, blond spiral ones whether I like them or not, turning to wild frizz on misty days. It turns out people know me by my hair.
Aside: a woman asked me once where I got my perm. I said I’d never had a perm in my life. She looked affronted and snapped, ‘You can tell me, it’s not some big fat secret, is it?’
Penny
Hi Beth
your story reminded me of the time when I went shopping with my mum. Her hair was short and had gone very grey at the front, almost white, while the top, sides and back were a dark, steely grey. A woman came and asked mum, sotto voce, "Who does your hair, it's just the look I've been after?"
Mum's reply? "Father Time."
Needless to say, the woman didn't believe her and stomped off in a major huff.
Ei Con
Right after I graduated high school, I was going to visit my father in Florida for three weeks. After my mother left for work, (she would not have approved) and before I left for the airport, I decided to put some Sun-In in my hair. This was the early 70s. I had medium brown hair to my waist. Boy did it turn red! I was convinced my Dad would have exploded and called my mother but no, he didn’t even seem to notice.
Two days before flying home I bought a box of permanent dark brown dye and ruined my fathers bathroom rug.
Mom was not fooled. The upside was that the dark brown dye slowly faded to the perfect shade of honey blond. My mom’s best friend was a hair dresser and suggested mixing a capful of hydrogen peroxide with my shampoo every other time I washed my hair and I did that for years. Worked like a charm.
Eileen
I have thick heavy hair that has a mind of its own. As a teenager with hair past shoulder length I decided I needed a perm. I went to the beauty school I used for hair cuts - had a first thing in the morning appointment because I had to go to work in the afternoon. They pulled up the perm cart and started putting my hair on the rods. And ran out. Got another cart...and ran out again. Had to wait for another client's perm to finish to get more rods - twice. This was taking a looooooong time. Finally had to call my mother and have her call me in sick. Eventually got my hair all done and lo! Roseanne Roseannadanna to the max. My hair stood up around my head in inverted pyramidal glory....now to explain to my boss/co-workers how my sickness had made my hair go all weird....