As you know, I’m partaking in a Christmas Pledge. I have vowed to get the majority of the stuff I need to get done, finished before December 4th. If you read the original post you know that I said the first nice day there was, I was going to put up my outdoor lights and garland, even if it meant not having a post for you that day.
That day has come.
Sorry, but that’s the way it is. No post for you. Suck it. (I use that term because a couple of months ago someone emailed me asking me not to use the phrase “suck it” because they were offended by it because they were boring and stupid. I told them to suck it. I also may have spelled it wrong.)
It’s a balmy, “somewhere above freezing”, and it isn’t raining or snowing so I’m going to get out there before a vicious wind comes and frostbites my fingers off. I still have to wrap my presents and I pretty much need my fingers for that. I also need my fingers for pointing at people who are wearing ugly shoes.
The disaster of doing the outdoor garland and lights isn’t so much putting them up, it’s getting the huge Tupperware containers out of the basement and up the 18″ wide staircase I have. It’s running the extension cords, setting the timers, dragging out the ladder, redoing the bows, replacing the lights and trying to work in a snack or two. The snacks are kind of the most important part. Especially since I *know* I have pepper cheese and garlic crackers waiting in the kitchen.
Right there in the kitchen. Just over to the left of my shoulder. Creamy Boursin Pepper Cheese. In the kitchen.
O.K. I’m back. I’ll have to move onto the aged white cheddar when I need a mid-garland snack. The pepper cheese is gone.
So in lieu of an actual post today (which this seems to be turning into somehow) just for fun, today I’m gonna throw out a sentence and I’d like you to finish it. All 4 of you who aren’t partaking in the American ritual that is “Black Friday”. Which sounds about as festive as Yellow Bruise Saturday, or The End is Near Monday.
While I’m out struggling with ladders and garland and expensive cheese products I’d like you to finish this sentence for me …
And so none of us feel like selfish jerks, feel free to format your sentence like this …
“All I want for Christmas is world peace and a flat screen television.”
“All I want for Christmas is world peace and an Hermes bag.”
“All I want for Christmas is world peace and an antique wire egg basket.”
See? Like that. No one’s a selfish jerk. I love family, friends and the general warm feeling the holidays bring out in most people. Until they get in a parking lot. But there’s nothing wrong with liking presents either. There just isn’t.