The 10 Winners of the Earth to Table Cookbooks.

This is going to be a short post today because I’m working on a special project. Also I can’t be bothered to write.

That happens sometimes and I normally push through it in true Crossfit style. I did Crossfit twice, so I’m pretty much an expert and if you have any questions you can forward them to me.

But I just don’t feel like the struggle today. ‘Cause if I don’t feel like writing what eventually happens is I sit at the computer type out 3 lines, erase then, type out 3 lines, erase them, type out 3 lines, erase them. This goes on for 10 hours or so before I realize I’m starting to atrophy and may have soiled myself.

So. Don’t wanna deal with that today.

Last week I held a contest giving away 10, count em TEN copies of Jeff Crump & Bettina Schormann’s Earth to Table cookbook.

We (the fella and I) have selected the winners.

I based my winners on a random winner selecting tool I have on my computer. The fella selected his winners based on a series of discriminations like whether you use your child’s photo as your profile picture, if you have a name he doesn’t like or whether or not he thinks HBO could revolve a series around you. Information he gleans by looking at your one single comment and name.

If you don’t see your name among the winners, keep reading to the end of the post.  Because there *will* be consolation prizes!

Here are my completely randomly selected winners.  It took me 30 seconds.  They are …




What follows is a partial transcript of the fella picking his 2 winners.  It took him an hour and a half.


814 comments??!   Assholes.

O.K.  gimme a second here to scan whether my Crossfit friends John or Russell entered.

Me:  You’re going to pick based on if they’re you’re friend?

Fella:  Why else would I agree to do this?

Me:  Well, I figured you liked doing it.

Fella: I do.  ‘Cause I can pick my friends.  I never said my picks were gonna be random.  That’s your deal.

Me:  I don’t think they entered so just start reading the comments and picking.

It doesn’t say where they’re from. I wanna go by distance and perhaps by funny accent.  Heather T.?  Where is she from?

Kay,  Sharon Hart?  She’s out ’cause she didn’t capitalize the letters in her name.  OUT.  You deserve a capital Sharon, because it’s the English language and that’s what you do with a name.  Oh SHIT!!!  She’s talking about me.  She says I’d love to be picked by the fella.  (fella laughing hysterically now)

OH boyyyy.  O.K.  I’m gonna have to scan the comments first.  She uses an emoticon too.  I don’t like those.  O.K. for the next time use capitals and no emoticons Sharon.

And no website.  If they have a website they can contact a publishing company and hold their own raffle.

(many names go by that the fella just doesn’t believe are real names so they’re dismissed)

(Fella referring to comment  “I’d love one”.)  Well no shit.  You entered the contest.

I like it when they have pictures.

Me:  I taught them to do that.  It’s a Gravatar picture.

Fella:  You taught them to do that??

Me:  Yes, but ..

Fella:  Nevermind.  They listened to you.  That’s good.  I like it when they have pictures and they listened to you.

RUUUUUUUUUUUUSSELL!  I FOUND RUSSELL!  You said he didn’t comment!

Me:  I didn’t think he did.  Honestly.

RUUUUUUUUUUUSSEL!  O.K.  Russell wins because he’s my friend and he does Crossfit and he’s training for the Around the Bay Road Race too.

Me:  You can’t pick Russell.

Fella:  Can too.

Me:  Keep picking.

Fella:  O.K. but we’re down to one winner so the stakes are pretty high now.

Centi! I like Centi.  I’m excited about her being from Germany.

This one has a nice poem but she talks about drinking.  Not everybody drinks.  I don’t drink.  She’s out.  I enjoyed her poem though.

Fella mumbles.

Jen in BC.  Sorry Jen, you’re not far enough.  Hmmm.  Hmmm.

Oh!  This one says the fella has kickass abs.  But she uses an emoticon. I don’t like those.

Me:  You mentioned that.

Hmm.  Kiwi Kat.  Put her down.  She’s obviously from New Zealand.  That’s far away.

Moe.  I like Moe.  Put her down.  She doesn’t have a website, she has a picture, and has a nice little story. I like Moe.

WAIT!!!  HOLD EVERYTHING.  This one’s from Madagascar!  Plus she says we can visit.  I don’t really like strangers but … add her to the list.

Hold everything! Kathryn.  She’s from far away, has a picture, doesn’t have a website and talks about me.  Put her down.  She’s on the list.   Wait.  NOOOOooooooo.  She didn’t capitalize her name!  Nooooooooo.  She can’t win.  Nooooo.

Me:  Um.  Well that’s a rule you just sort of randomly made up.  You can change it if you like Kathryn.

Fella:  Who am I if I don’t abide by my own rules?  Nothing. I am nothing.  No.

mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter

Fella:  I’m sick of this.   Chippy!  This woman has Chippy as her Gravatar!

(raspberry sound with a hint of foul language underneath it)

I’m sick of this.  I don’t care if any of these people get a cookbook now.

Lorraine.  She’s from Tasmania.  That’s good. Put her down.

Why do all these people want a cookbook?

O.K.  I’m getting hot and sweating. This is mindnumbing and I have to go to bed.

814 comments?!  Seriously.  Assholes.  Alright.  I’m done.  I choose …




The fella’s two winning  comments read as follows:




Wednesday, 23 January, 2013 at 8:14  |  Edit

I’d really like a copy please Karen!

And, just in case the forces of fate & general randomness aren’t with me, I have studied the form in detail and would like to mention that: I don’t have pictures of my children anywhere on the internet, let alone as my avatar; I live far, far away in Leicester UK; I love pickles – but have never eaten dill pickle potato chips; I don’t own your local bakery; the fella happens to be an awesome, hot stud; and my favourite pie is awesome, hot stud pie. Just saying. In case it’s of significance to anyone. Ahem.




Wednesday, 23 January, 2013 at 6:31  |  Edit

I want one!!! And… you wouldn’t have to ship it – I can pick it up!!


Congratulations to all 10 winners!  Send me an email at with your full name and address to claim your prize!

As a consolation IF the fella mentioned your name in the diatribe above, he has a special small gift for all of you.  What is is will be announced on Friday, but in the meantime we’ll also need your full names and addresses!  He must mention you by name, not just  reference  your comment.

This is the end of my short post.  Cough.


  1. heather t says:

    Michigan! I’m from Michigan! Too late… crap…

  2. heather t says:

    also uncapitalised (but using the ‘s’ spelling in deference to your canadianness).

  3. Kim McM says:

    Awww, I liked the feel up until now. I didn’t know there was going to be judging of comments. Or did I? I don’t remember now, I suffer from “internet brain,” which means I have the attention span of a gnat from being bombarded with imagery, information, etc. from the internet, where I spend more of my day than I care to admit. Often in the pursuit of “swag,” such as cookbooks and other fun stuff. Oh well, there’s always next time.

    P.S. Just kidding about the not liking the fella part. He’s all right. I don’t much care for his friend Russell right now though.

  4. Sarah says:

    BLARG. Out of the TWO Sarahs who entered the contest, I wasn’t the one who won.

    I must admit, I got all excited because the fella kept listing all of those exciting places and I thought, “Maybe he’ll think Oklahoma is an exotic place, too!!!! MAYBE HE’LL PICK MEEEEEE!” Nope.

    Oh, well, I still think gardening in OK is a myth, so you probably saved me months of frustration and anguish this coming growing season.

  5. Laura Bee says:

    I truly thought Madagascar would be a hands down Fella pick. Clearly I had no clue about his criteria. Yay for the winners!

  6. Kim McM says:

    Fella! I meant to say fella! Not “feel.” Jeez….
    I proofread that before I posted it, just not well enough. Sorry. I’m going to bed.

  7. Jean in BC says:

    drat, I was just an “A” away… gotta love your fella!

  8. Centi says:

    Fella mentioned me! I’m in heaven, cookbook or not.

    • Karen says:

      Don’t forget to email us your address so we can send your small consolation prize! Congrats and I’m sorry all at the same time. ~ karen

  9. Toronto Boy says:

    Hey, I was surprised to learn that Kathryn lives in Leicester UK! Leicester is such an awesome city and often travel there to visit family. Coincidentally, I’ll be flying there in about a week’s time to meet my God daughter for the first time!

    Anways, congratulations to the winners!

  10. Erika says:

    I visited New Zealand once and the shipping costs to the US are cheaper! Thanks for the contest, hope I have better luck next time! Erika

  11. Sia says:

    Sniff. Broke my heart Fella. My 2 and 4 year old will have to settle with out of season meals. The husband will not be happy with relocating to Christmas Island (cuz Greece was not far enough) just so I can get more “distance points” (and cool name points, right?).
    Yes you can visit.
    Dang that Russell! Does he even cook?
    And see how I put a capital on my name? That’s huge my friend… HUGE!
    Waiting for more contests!!!

  12. KiwiKat says:

    I didn’t win but I got a mention – woohoo!!!

  13. J9 says:

    Worth reading even if I didn’t enter!

  14. Alissa S says:

    Thanks Fella!! I’m just stoked that we got mentioned here in Madagascar! And by the way, Fella and Karen, if you come all the way to Madagascar to visit… you’re no longer a stranger!

  15. kATHRYN says:

    that was an emotional rollercoaster!
    i’m in!
    i’m out!
    i’m IN!
    i’m thrilled, will email you in a mo Karen. thanks the fella, with no name and no capitals! and thanks Karen, for teaching us how to add Gravatar pics, not to mention for your constantly entertaining & informative blog!

  16. Alissa S says:

    OH CRAP!!!! You didn’t mention me by name… just Madagascar!!! Damn! I jumped the gun and got ahead of myself. You’re still invited for a visit to this island nation.

  17. Alixandra Bouchard says:

    Awh poop.

  18. HILARIOUS! I see you have your hands full with the Fella! Cheers to the winners.

  19. Miriam says:

    I have no website, I own nothing but my dogs (yeah, I’m sticking with that. I. Own. Them. not the other way around. The cats on the other hand…we all know cats just use you to open cans and reupholster the furniture they destroy)…where was I? Oh, I didn’t enter the contest because I honestly hate cooking, but if someone would like to cook for me, I will happily peel, mince and otherwise prep and do the dishes afterwards.

  20. Kitten Caboodle says:

    I have to tell you, the fella is lucky he looks good. His rules are just exhausting!

    I had a website – TO A CHARITY! To which I was donating the cookbook. I put the link so you would be able to verify that I was not BS’ing you.

    And he gives one to a friend instead?!?

    No, the 814 commenters are not the assholes, Fella.

  21. Mary Kay says:

    Congrats to all – and geez not one reference with my name?? I mean does the fella live under a rock?? who hasn’t heard of Mary Kay cosmetics?? (I am not THE MK) but if I had a nickel……

    • Shannon V. says:

      Ha Ha. My sister-in-law’s name is Mary Kay & her childhood best friend’s name is Mary Kay. They only lived a few houses away from each other. Great name!

      • Mary Kay says:

        I was the “only” Mary Kay I knew outside of Mary Kay Ash the cosmetic lady. So I always thought I was pretty damn special LOL (not). How odd to have two Mary Kays living so close to each other and to be best friends!!! Thanks!

  22. Brenda J. M says:

    Hi to Kathryn in Leicester, I’ve cousins there and my Dad was born in Mount Sorrel.
    Do some wonderful cooking Ducky with your new book.

    Congrats to all the winners, even those that normally N-E-V-E-R comment here. Naw, I’m not jealous. Not much huh?

    Cheers from Oshawa Ontario. Where no one cooks and never will… now!

  23. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    “Congrats to all the winners, even those that normally N-E-V-E-R comment here.”..You mean that never comment here unless there is a contest Brenda..I agree with the Fella “814 comments – assholes” Fella – It’s a good thing Karen decides what you’re having for supper cause if you had to decide there wouldn’t be any time left to cook it..Thanks for the laughs muscle man..

  24. Theresa says:

    Loved the fella’s dialogue and how he based his decisions. I’ll remember those rules for next time! Thanks for always keeping it fun, Karen!
    Gratz to all the winners!

  25. Miriam says:

    What is a Gravatar and how do I get one so The Fella (it’s a name, so it’s capitalized) may consider me next time there’s a contest?

  26. Lin N says:

    Well my day is ruined. I am so depressed that I’ll have to struggle outta bed and begin to consume everything in my fridge. My heart was set on being a cookbook winner…now my heart is broken. I’m climbing back into bed with a boatload of food to drown my misery. Yes, me and the cat and maybe to dog can lay here and have our revenge on the fella for picking a friend. I’ll become a hideous jiggling 300 pounds of revenge to seek and destroy…..and oh yeah congratulations to the winners! Until the next give-away……

  27. Lin N says:

    Oh….how do you attach a picture to the blog commenter?

  28. Trish says:

    He mentioned chippy, does chippy count?! No?, no probably not, but worth a try right?!

  29. Violet says:

    Note to self: Whenever the fella is picking contest winners on TAODS, just go to the vendor’s website right off the bat and buy the dang thing myself.

    Second note to self: If the site were named “The Of Art Doing Stuff,” the abbreviation would be “TOADS,” which is way more awesome than “TAODS.” I’m going to call it TOADS anyway, because if there’s one thing the fella has taught us (and his father, too — it clearly runs in the family), it’s to make up random rules.

    Third note to self: If I ever am stupid enough to enter a TOADS contest where the fella is picking, change userpic to a laser gun and type with a Martian accent.

  30. Charity says:

    Yes, my name REALLY is Charity and I am from Savannah, Georgia. You are welcome to come visit, although, you won’t find a bit of Paleo happiness in southern cooking. HA!

  31. Bonnie says:

    I can’t believe the fella didn’t pick me. I mentioned him and I used capital letters. I guess it was because I didn’t mention that I am from Jakarta and I didn’t include my website. OK, I’m not from Jakarta. I haven’t even been there, but I am from New Orleans. Maybe it was those nasty remarks I made about the Paleo diet. Well, that’s okay. I’d rather eat what Charity from Savannah is cooking.

  32. Barbie says:

    …..So? What’s the fella got against websites? Have my own contest? OKIE DOKIE! There will be 2 contestants LOLOL

  33. Wendy says:

    Congrats to the winners! Hope you send the girl who won a bag of dill pickle chips along with her cook book! I’m also posting as I read your gravatar instructions and want to see if it works.

  34. marilyn says:

    yippee yippe yipee yippee i won !! i love you karen i love thefella and i know i will love my new cookbook!!

  35. Natika33 says:

    *sniff* *sniff* Japan wasn’t considered far enough?! Promoting Canadian culture not a good enough reason to even be mentioned?! (T_T)

    (That was an emoji not an emoticon.)

    So yeah, I don’t have a picture. And I was probably comment 565. OK. I’ll just go buy the book myself…

  36. sharon hart says:

    bit harsh, don’t you think? first time i EVER entered a contest.

  37. Kim says:

    OMG I laughed so hard reading the fella’s diatribe and then reading the comments of the winners he picked. He’s a special guy, that fella of yours.

    PS I came across this post because I was searching for that long-promised post about Chippy. I’m on tenterhooks after you, rather cavalierly I might add, mentioned a tragic incident involving him. So-o-o?

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