I have a puppy. Holy crap. He's so much harder to take care of than sourdough starter. And yet - nobody mentioned that. Not a single person I told said, "You know it's gonna be harder than raising sourdough starter don't you? " What the hell, people?!
Listen, before we even get into this post with its assortment of terrible, blurry pictures of the 8 week old puppy, I have to wonder out loud - why didn't I get something easier to take care of? Like a soufflé. Or 17 babies.
At least when you bring a brand new baby home it just lays there. Yeah, it might scream for extended periods of time but you can eliminate that problem with a $2 set of earplugs and some Gin.
Speaking of elimination, were you aware that a puppy needs to eliminate every hour? Or maybe he doesn't. 🤷♀️ It's a game of risk ... and chance! Will he go? Or won't he? You could roll the dice and wait 2 minutes until you yourself have finished peeing while being stared at by a dog to take him out, but then you run the risk of having two messes to clean up.
Again. WHY people, why?? Just a little nudge and - Hey, remember that time you always kill your sourdough starter?
The First Week With a new Puppy
Is completely exhausting. There's no time to get showered or groceries and definitely no working. Your time is divided between making sure it only eats inside the house and only poops outside of it.
When I first started thinking about getting a dog a couple of years ago, I imagined me and my pup creating beautiful portraits together. Me behind the lens, he standing regally, staring directly into the camera with a certain glint in his eye evoking the spirit of his mentor Tyra Banks.
The reality of portrait taking with your new puppy evokes something a little more avant garde than your standard Vogue shoot.
You are not on mushrooms. These are the portrait shots of my dog ...
I'm quite proud of this one. I was taking a photo of his face. Yes, it's his ass, but it's *almost* in focus. A soufflé on the other hand will certainly move during a photoshoot, but in general is much better behaved.
Have I mentioned I ate a fistful of dog kibble by accident?
Instead of walking around with my phone constantly I am now walking around with a treat pouch. Dog does something good - I give dog treat. Dog doesn't attack my ankles - I give dog treat. He knows exactly what to do to make me give him a treat.
It is the Pavlovian response in reverse.
Near the end of the week I sat at my computer with the treat pouch on my lap, the dog at my side and a small bowl of mixed nuts beside my laptop.
I don't think I need to explain it any more than that but I would like to say that the treats were surprisingly fishy.
I'd like to really hammer down on the fact that I didn't just put the nut sized handful of treats in my mouth and spit them out. I chewed them. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Yup, this makes sense - nuts are crunchy, deduced my brain.
But they're not fishy.
Not wanting to waste food and feeling moderately irrational after the shock of it, I walked over to the dog's food bowl and spat the partially chewed treats in. I felt like a seagull feeding her young.
Oh. I didn't mention that? I thought I had. K. Moving on.
I can't say for sure, but from what I remember upon waking up from a terror faint, this was the exact moment he got the Zoomies for the first time.
We were outside for another supermodel photoshoot. The above photo is a very accurate representation of how that went for us.
The Zoomies last from approximately 6 - 7 p.m. and involve chasing imaginary scary things, biting the air, biting my pants, biting my feet, biting while doing somersaults, and generally terrorizing anything in his path.
That's right. Between 6 and 7 he becomes a predator land shark who trained with Cirque de Soleil at some point.
This is normal.
This is another shot from the Zoomie photoshoot. That's a leg. I believe. If I gave this one above a zippy title I could probably sell it to one of the more forward thinking art galleries.
In this next shot I came very close to photographing almost half of him.
In the end, over the course of 3 weeks I got one photo that I could use for identification purposes on a flyer if I had to. If, say, my puppy was carried off by a gaggle of little girls wanting to smooch and dress him up like Ariana Grande.
So that is the photo I have left to the end to introduce you to my new blue Standard Poodle ...
PHILIP
(Lip)
If you're fan of the show Shameless you probably instantly recognize the name Lip. That's exactly where my new puppy's name came from after a long list and several days of being called STOP THAT, You're so cuteeee, Hi Puppy! and OMG that reeks.
I didn't really want a human name for him but he ended up being Philip with the nickname Lip because it felt right. The same way saving a large handful of potato chips at the bottom of the bag so you can eat them tomorrow as a snack at 4 o'clock feels right.
I'll continue trying to get a good photo of him. Maybe one where he's actually looking at me for instance. I could take one while he's sleeping but that feels like cheating. Also it would be a terrible photo because being black, when he sleeps he just looks like a hairy snow tire.
Over the next 2 years his coat will clear from black to blue. I'll explain more about what a "blue" poodle is in my next post on Philip.
Philip's breeder ultimately selected him for me based on his personality and temperament. Aside from the Zoomies every night he's the calmest, nicest puppy I've come across.
After being home one week he could sit, lay down (with luring), wait and walk at my side.
And he requires a lot less feeding than sourdough starter.
→Follow me on Instagram where I often make a fool of myself←
Anne
Congrats! Enjoy his zoomies and the playfulness. If you are going to do any sports play a lot with him with toys including tug toys( not during teething). Love his name..and just think how great your photos will be in snow!!
Karen
I'm not sure I'll ever get a great photo of him! ` karen
Mary Ann Conner
Your posts are always hysterical...you have a knack but sadly not for capturing a poodle puppy. Our standard is white (never heard of blue) and just turned a year. He’s curious, funny and sooo smart but not smart enough to drink from his bowl, if you get my drift😁 Happy times are ahead and congratulations.
Our pup is Baxter. We wanted a Maine name, since that’s where we live. Baxter state park...a gorgeous place!
Karen
That's a great name! I didn't know if I'd be getting the white or the blue poodle. I would have been happy with either. It'll be interesting to see his coat change over the next 2 years. ~ karen!
Wendy
Best decision, he will live you unconditionally for as long as he can. Then he will break your heart. Spoken from experience. 🥰
Joyce
Love all the comments about moving all things precious out of Lip’s reach…but what about porch furniture and the porch, picket fence, rose bushes? Yeah…
We have three month old Aussies, two of them. Two keep each other busy and have less time to harass the cat and old dog.
Bon chance! Your gonna love the ride
Karen
The front yard has been quite a challenge! ~ karen
Jane W-T
Here's the rest of what nobody mentions - (1) poo obsessions - you will spend a lot more time than is reasonable discussing it (2) trying to work out what THAT bark means (3) Making up rules and then immediately breaking then - no dogs on the sofa - no dogs upstairs - no dogs on the bed.... (4) Furniture with chew marks (5) Rubbish bins emptied and chewed through (6) No comment on this but - keep dirty knickers well and truly out of reach - at best chew marks at worst you will be pulling their remains from the dogs butt (sorry but true). (7) Mahoosive vet bills (get insurance) (8) Laughing with at and because of something you saw, did, happened (9) Learning to take detours and/or huge steps over/around so as not to disturb the dog. There's more sooo much more but I don't want to deprive you of the joy of discovery....As long as you are aware you have now given your heart away and will have days of worry (mostly over nothing). All that (and more) and I love mine to bits - enjoy - we've had a blast (and a damn too) since Marvin arrived more than 12 years ago....
Penny
In response to 6;
I was a veterinary nurse for many years. I have removed a pair of tights, 20 denier, (pantyhose for the yanks) one foot then the leg, the body and finally the other leg, from the smelly end of an Irish setter. I have also picked up a heavily patterned pop, passed by a corgi, that turned out to contain a little girl's embroidered sock.
Karen
Marvin! Great name!! And thanks for the info, lol. ~ karen
Linda in Illinois
Philip is a gorgeous pup. Congratulations
Andrea
Smart and handsome just like Lip. Congratulations !
Monica Berens
Congratulations!! on your new love of your life. Standards are beautiful, loving, wicked smart and have a warped sense of humor. Get him used to being handled! Play with his mouth and feet. Hold him still (I know, impossible, right?) and lift his lips, massage his face. Hold his feet and lightly squeeze each toe. Don't make it a chore, just a few seconds if that is all he will tolerate. It will help immeasurably when he has to go to the groomer, or the vet (both are inevitable). When you brush him, brush from the skin out to he ends of the hair, not from the outside of the hair down to the skin. It will make his life easier when he needs grooming. (About every 6 weeks is a good schedule for standards) He is old enough to be trained, with love and common sense. You can train him to come by using his food. Just say come every time you put his food down. It will become an ingrained pattern for him to come without fail.
Karen
Oh we've been on a training schedule since the moment he got into the house. :) He's very smart and good. And yes I've been squishing and touching him all over. He's not a huge fan of having his mouth opened wide, but I do it a few times a day to get him more tolerant of it. Plus I trimmed his nails which I was far more nervous about than he was. :) ~ karen!
Sara DeSeno
I loved this post! Be consistent with your training (sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job with that already) and you’ll have a calmer and more well adjusted to the “yesses” and “nos” of his new home friend in no time! There is no greater way to enrich a life than to love and be loved by a wonderful dog. Congratulations. Your writing style and humor always bring a big smile! Thank you for that!
Sara in south Alabama USA
Karen
Thanks Sara! I'm trying! And he's trying! We're both trying.😂 ~ karen!
Rhonda
Like you I just got a puppy this summer and know that I was never meant to raise children.
OMG it's exhausting for those first few months but it does get better.
Stuart is now 6 months and we are growing together each day and he is a crazy loveable boy who is a celebrity in the neighbourhood.
Karen
I thought I knew all of my neighbours but it's amazing how many come out of the sidewalk cracks when you have a new puppy, lol. Hi to Stuart! ~ karen
Vicky
I've got a 2 yr old airedoodle (airedale-standard poodle). She still gets the zoomies but only in the house, not the back yard I just paid a fortune to have fenced in for her. When Diva hit 2 she calmed down A LOT (like magic).
I'm happy for you. Dogs create life around them. I love my cats, never lived without at least 1 but dogs are ........well, dogs.
Karen
Like a baby I love him the most when he's sleeping, lol. He's just so exhausting! He's lucky he's hilarious. ~ karen!
Jeannie K
Oh, CONGRATULATIONS, 'Lip is the perfect name! And, makes sense especially for a Standard....Lip is a beautiful being, thoughtful, always looking at everyone/thing while studying it, and sometimes makes poor choices.
May your days be filled with happiness!
From Mother of Dogs, whose birth name is Gallagher. 💜
Karen
You get it. :) ~ karen!
Katie Hughes Murphy
My Mama got me a Standard Poodle/Golden Retriever mix when I was 12 years old, right after my brother had died (I'm almost 67 now). Winnie was the most amazing "Puppster" in the world and I still miss her to this very day. As a matter of fact I was singing about her yesterday, thanking the Universe for our time together ❤. We'd shave her in the Summer (Virginia heat was too, too much) and she had soft waves the rest of the time. You can do no better than a Standard Poo, the most loyal, intelligent, trainable dog in the world! Count your blessings to have Lip, not many people will ever be as loved as you!
Karen
Thanks Katie! For the moment he loves me as a treat dispenser and occasional head rest, lol. karen!
Hilary Gibbons
When I was still a dog groomer I had a ´client´named Andrew. He was a blue standard Poodle and he always wore a large silver medallion with his initials (ARS!) on a chain around his neck. He was a true gent. Have many happy years with Philip!
Karen
Ars! Well now I have to look into medallions. Maybe something from the Flavor Flav collection. ~ karen!
Bev
You can still change your mind…
Karen
LOL, no. I'll keep him. ~ karen!
Jenny W
YaY You!! Lip is gorgeous, I think lol!
You can not go wrong with any Poodle/Poodle mix breed, they are so darn smart!
I am currently owned & managed by Oliver, a GordonDoodle. Mom is a Gordon Setter & Dad is a Standard Poodle - Best Dog Ever :)
Just wait until he's full grown and gets the zoomies, in your house, at Christmas lol!!
Karen
It's O.K., he won't have far to run in here at that size. I suspect he'll probably learn to bounce up and down for his full grown zoomies in the house. Like Tigger! ~ karen
Carol Davis
I have an (almost) 7 year old Labradoodle who is often called "Tigger". He is still full of energy but super smart and more fun than a child (I've had 3- children, that is). You will probably enjoy him more than you can imagine.
Karen
He's smart and stubborn which will make a highly entertaining combination I'm sure, lol. ~ karen!
Grammy
Philip is a beautiful boy. I would call him Phil, but if his mom wants to call him Lip, that's who he is. Since you've been a cat and chicken person for so long, this is going to be more of an adventure than you've imagined. I've been owned by so many dogs over the course of my long life, and yet every new one brings something completely new and different to me.
My current boy, Frank, is a red labradoodle and he is a perfect combination of all the worst and best traits of both his parents. Super smart, hilarious ball of crazy. He's six and finally beginning to settle down a little.
Philip is going to teach you more about yourself than you wanted to know, until you know it and then you will be grateful to him. He will also eat things that are precious to you, so keep those things out of his reach until he's past his puppy stage. I so look forward to more posts about your wonderful boy. You two are both lucky to be embarking on this love affair.
Karen
Thanks Grammy! So far we're both moderately suspicious of each other. I'm thinking of locking myself in the crate and just letting him do what he wants. ~ karen!
Linda Weber
Grammy you always have the most kind and informative comments. I look forward to them and just wanted you to know.
Grammy
Oh, my! Thank you.
Karen
Me too! ~ karen
Gail
The blurry photos gave me a laughing start to my day. 🤣
Benjamin
It's Lip's house now... He'll probably end up with his own blog and social media following. You got a really handsome dog there Karen. Congratulation dog mom !! 🐩
Karen
Not until he learns to photograph and write himself because I certainly don't have time to help him with it. ~ karen!
Karen but not that karen
Never seen Shameless….I think Philip is a fantastic name…and you can always tell people like me who don’t know anything about the show or Lip, that you named him after the late Prince Philip…because of course he the dog will be a prince…PS. How is Ernie doing with the Prince?
Karen
Ernie is doing well! She's not a fan yet but she isn't anxious or upset so that's very good. ~ karen!
Chris
I am reading this at 2 in the morning...can't sleep - too much on my mind and my list - and here I come across your email, your real, down to earth email. Your photos are life! Out of focus and ass first - it sums it up beautifully!! Thank you for being real - for being human - for showing your true side! I can totally relate!
As a pup mom of 2 Doodles - Enjoy, embrace, count to ten, take stock in paper towels and good dog treats!
Philip - Can't wait to "see" more of you and hear about your adventures!
(Great book about a Standard Poodle..."Travels With Charley" - I highly recommend!)
Karen
Thanks Chris! I've had many recommendations for Travels with Charley so once I have time - in 3-4 years - I'll read it. I'm hoping it'll coincide with having time to eat and bathe. ~ karen!
Sharon Croucher
Beautiful baby boy☺ can't wait for updates as he grows up.
We just got a wonderful little puppy that has been with us for two weeks and she is a great addition to our family!
Karen
:) Good luck with your puppy!! ~ karen