Me: Hello Mr. Floor Refinisher, I'd like to get a price on refinishing these floors.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Which floors?
Me: The pine in the living room, the maple in the foyer and the oak in the dining room.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: I see you've revealed some pine under the foyer floor.
Me: Yes. I can't decide whether to go down as far as the pine. It's a dilemma.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Well if you do, you might as well go down to the pine in the dining room too.
Me: Huh??!!!!
And that is where this particular story began. An innocent enough call to a local floor refinisher which subsequently had me Googling DIY recipes for Ativan.
I'd asked him to give me a price on sanding the 3 different floors on the main floor of my house. You may remember (because it was only a week ago), I discovered an original pine floor under the maple floor which was under a new pine floor in my foyer. You can read about that fiasco here.
When Mr. Floor Refinisher walked around my house inspecting the floors to see how they'd react to another sanding he squatted down in the dining room and declared the oak flooring had probably been sanded by a DIYer because it was uneven and had sanding marks all over it.
He told me the oak in the dining room *might* not be able to be sanded again. It was already very close to the level of the tongue and groove. He could try to sand it but because it was so thin, the wood might splinter and break apart.
That's when he pulled out my heat register, looked inside it and said that pine was running under the dining room too.
Oh shit.
Ohshitohshitohshitohshit.
Why would he tell me that? I mean why would he say out loud, ever so casually that "there's pine under those floors"?
This poor guy obviously had no idea the meltdown that sentence would lead to.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: So, I'm not sure I'd recommend the pine either because it ...
Me: WAIT. STOP, HOLD ON. SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING. THERE'S PINE UNDER **THIS** FLOOR???
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Well, yeah. I thought you'd know that.
Me: No. I did not know that. THAT IS NOT SOMETHING I KNEW.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Are you O.K.? You're twitching. You weren't twitching when I walked in. Did your eyeball just fall out?? Listen, I'll get back to you with a price, I should be going ...
Me: STOP RIGHT THERE. O.K. Hold on. Don't you move. You're telling me there's pine under this floor like the pine in the foyer and the living room. How do you know that? I mean just because it's over there under the heat register doesn't mean it's through this whole room does it? This house is old, it's been added onto, things are wonky, there could be anything under this dining room floor.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Well yeah, there's probably a lot of bugs under it.
Me: We need to rip some of this floor out. Now. Right now. I'm going to rip it out right now so you need to get out of my way. Do you think I can just smash it?? I'm going to just smash it. With an axe. There's an axe in the backyard. Can you Google if there's any way I can make my own Ativan?
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Yup. I'm sure your eyeball just fell out. That's it rolling under the dining room table right now. It has cat hair on it.
Me: Whatever. I need to rip this floor up now so - if you could just ...
Mr. Floor Refinisher: I can take up a piece if you like right now. Then we can see if it runs the whole length of the dining room.
Me: Do you want to use my axe?
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Thanks very kind of you to offer, but no, I have my own way.
Me: O.K. But I have an axe. It might be faster.
Mr. Floor Refinisher: Done. Take a look and see what you think.
And here I've sat for the past 4 days. Unmoving. Holding a piece of oak flooring, searching fruiltlessly for my hair covered eyeball under the dining room table.
Still no decision. But I'm leaning towards a simple mixture of aspirin, catnip and cough syrup.
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I just made an appointment with my chiropractor for lunchtime...your pain is my pain...oh the joys of homeownership!
I find your pining about this goes a little against the grain. I suggest you branch out, get a second opinion, and try to get to the root of the matter. Personally I feel a little stumped and it leaves me in a state of wonderment to think that you may be barking up the wrong tree. All this worry is going to leave you totally sapped so I think you should leave it alone for a while. Your blog is very poplar and I wouldn't want to think that this issue is going to grind you into pulp. As I lumbered on through your dilemma I kept thinking, "Wood I be going to all this trouble?"
You really committed to setting up that punchline didn't you, lol?! ~ karen!
😂😂😂
I saw this and was floored by your wit!
Clever Jack!
Jack, you're witty!
Why does this decision paralyze you? Why do decorating decisions paralyze people? It’s not like you can’t change it again if you hate it. You dislike your current mishmash of floors (I personally loathe floor changes and have the same floors front to back, including the kitchen and powder room on the main floor and everywhere upstairs except the bathrooms). What’s the worst that can happen now? Refinish the pine. You’ll either love it, loathe it or be indifferent but at least you will have a cohesive look. If you really loathe it, you can just cover it up with a single layer of something else again.
But don’t just sit there. Do something!!
Um, because if I make a mistake it has the potential to cost me well over $10,000 for a new floor. ~ karen!
I say just cover the whole thing with wood-look sheet vinyl - cheap, easy, practical! j/k (sort of)
ELLA WINS!
Hey Dan. I've been meaning to ask you. Do you have $10,000 (give or take) I could have? Not borrow you understand ... have. ~ karen!
But....wouldn't the pine have been built over for a reason? Like to hide the blood stain or something less scary but equally hideous and unfixable?
Get all the way down to the pine and then hide that hideous and scary bloodstain with a nice thick coat of primer and two coats of white paint!
Nothing is ever easy in these old houses. A friend needed a new plug put in for their new stove....so, of course, they had to renovate the whole 1st floor.
All that mystery and possibilities aside. If it were me, I'd just put that piece back where you found it, all of the other pieces also, get up off the floor before you ruin your knees and call the floor refinisher back and say "re-do it, oak is nice, call me when you are done!" There comes a point where some projects are not worth the angst and you don't want to wind up losing both eyeballs over it either! That's coming out of the mouth of a person has been scraping a HUGE deck for several weeks of 20 years worth of paint! Now that's really nuts!
Yes....what do you do with those built in shelves? Will you have to move them? OMG. I would put those floor boards back and never think of it again.
Normally I just smile as I read your "diary" but today was a laugh out loud day (twice) when your eye popped out, rolled under the table and unfortunately picked up a cat hair along the way. You are too funny. Good luck deciding ...
:) ~ karen!
I WISH I had something fabulous under my sh*tty contractor grade floors. They would be up and out the front door in a heap quicker than my neighbors could say "wtf is that crazy woman doing NOW!?".
I'm just wondering.... where did you find the time to pull yourself away from the fall garden and all the cooking, freezing, canning, dehydrating that needs to be done?! I can't even begin to think of random bizarre obsessions until the last garden plot has been put to bed for the winter.
I'm not sure how you roll, but I gave up sleeping and bathing years ago. Saves time. ~ karen!
Here's what you do:
Go out and buy yourself a new pair of "Nike" sneakers
Come back home,
and "Just Do It"!
( maybe they will sponsor the post :) )
IF. I say. IF, you go down to the pine in the dining room, what happens with the beautiful bookcases? Do you stop at the edge of them....... or WHAT? Scary. If I concentrate on it I'll be twitching too..
That was my question too. That’s probably why she hasn’t moved. Should we try to feed her?
Yes, the bookcases are built in. I would have to cut the flooring along the edge of them. Then possibly add a piece of trim to the bottom to extend them slightly to meet the floor. ~ karen!
A sign of life! You have been considering the cost of the why nots. I'm so excited for you since I chose the original pine way back last week.
Here’s what you do, tear it all out, every room, down to the last layer of every room. Sit on it for about a year and a half. Decide to sand it yourself and paint it. Seal it. Listen to your family bitch about the mess, the color, the smell. Finally, get mad and call the floor guy back and cover it all back up with a new floor - whatever the fam wants and sulk about it for years to come. That’s what I’d do!
Yeah, that sounds like what I'm afraid I'd do!
What good is having a nice shiny new floor if you can hardly see it because you lost an eye?
Only one eye. The other one is still there, plus I can hear the floor creak which is obviously the most important part. ~ karen!
Do you need my help? I am full of rapid-fire questions, I scribble notes that no one else can read and I’ll take a quick glance at it all. Bake something delectable (like caramel pecan sour cream cheesecake) (baking put my thoughts in order) and can give you an answer. And it’s usually the right answer!
But ... but ... I don't like sweet stuff. Just the name "caramel pecan sour cream cheesecake" makes me feel a bit nauseated. No offence of course. I know any sane person would think it sounds delicious! ~ karen
Oh! How about a garlic/artichoke dip with baguette? And crab stuffed mushrooms?
Much better choice!
At this point, if you DON'T rip up the floor, you will be sitting in that spot forever. Just do it now and save your knees.
I'm so sorry, and so excited. I'm glad it's you not me. I would be dithering for months if not years. I know you will make a quick, with not to many nightmares, decision then we, your loyal followers, can watch the amazing process of whatever you choose, become a beautiful floor. Good luck......
As an aside, have you moved the cane love seat that I covet back into the living room?
Again, I hope your decision process is not to painful or long.
Lynn
Hi Lynn! Ohhhhh the cane loveseat. That's a whole OTHER story. There's been a development. ;) ~ karen!
Tell, tell!
If you decide it still needs a new home, all you have to do is strap it on the top of your car and drive west for days and days and days. Take a left when you get to Vancouver and you'll be in Seattle in 3 hours. See, it's easy.....
Go for it, Karen!
More specifically, have SOMEONE ELSE so it. That will REALLY save some angst ;) (though we all know that someone else is not part of the name of your blog.)
No it is not, lol. The ripping up doesn't scare me. The results underneath does! ~ karen!
The lack of knowledge of what's underneath will haunt you if you don't. Every time you look at the floor, you'll wonder, "is there lovely flooring under there? Is it papered with the Hoffa files?"
Oh, just do it. You know you're gonna eventually anyways, so just save yourself the angst.
That's amazing! Wow, lucky you :)