If you have EVER stood in front of a mirror while pulling any part of your skin back, up or sideways - this little experment is for you.
Getting older is gross.
I'd love to say I think growing old gracefully is the way to go but I'm not so sure about that. There isn't anything very graceful about an ass that hits the back of your knees.
But at least you can improve your ass with a good pair of jeans. We can disguise flabby arms with long sleeves and bad hair with hats and ponytails.
But what do you do when you're having a bad face day? Botox and fillers are an option but they can lead to frightening results if they aren't used properly plus there's the whole issue with not being able to show your spouse that you're angry that they just farted next to you on the sofa.
So what's a gal to do when she wakes up one morning and realizes the face staring back at her is the very same one she had in high school. Only melted.
The buckle up into their face corset. Otherwise known as instant face lift tape.
That's what.
Yup. A couple of elastic bands and some super strength tape.
You too can have the face of your youth by wrapping your head in the packaging from a Barbie doll box.
Think plastic surgery for women is complete vanity? Yeah probably.
Why do more men decide to age gracefully than women?
My guess is it's because when men get wrinkled they look more manly, whereas when women get wrinkled they look more manly.
But what do I know? I'm just a young, fresh faced lass of 17. Sorry, that was the elastics speaking.
Dr.(ish) Karen Bertelsen
phD, BSc, oLd l.a.DY
The Instant Face lift sells for $16 on Amazon and gets a rating of 3.5 stars out of 5. The most brilliant stupid thing I've ever seen.
Anna Starner
I'm not sure what was funnier, your post or some of the comments. I was laughing so hard I couldn't finish reading the comments. Had to take a break and come back. Loved this !!
christine
Well even though I am as vain as the next 50 something chick, I just couldn't be bothered! Or maybe I am afraid of it slipping, sliding, strings hanging etc. Ack.
Trivia factoid .. Lucille Ball did this for years as she was terrified of surgery.
deborah k
so when that lets loose does it go FWAPPAFWAPPAFWAPPA?
imagine the horrified look from the observer .....
Auntiepatch
OMG! FWAPPAFWAPPAFWAPPA? I just sprayed Lemon Tea all over my screen!!!
Cynthia@OrnamentalStyle
OMG! I need to buy this right away so I can remember what I used to look like! Oh, no. Wait. That would be too depressing. Here's to aging gracefully. Kicking and screaming the entire way.
Linda S. in NE
Well, thanks a lot! Now I have hot cocoa and mini marshmallows all over my keyboard. A month or so ago, (it was the elephant ride), it was hot coffee. I hope I don't have to give up reading your blog and the comments following your posts because I can no longer afford to buy new keyboards!! Keep up the good work!
jeannie B
Very interesting to see the results on her momma. And the Aussie film was so funny! My personal solution is just having healthy long hair that I wear up, in a high bun. That and " bangs" , which I've always worn and when the time comes, a BUCKET of make-up. Cheers!
Sherri
I just got my hair whacked off last Saturday so I'm not a good candidate for this method of looking more youthful. Nebraska has wind...a lot of wind. We are on The Plains, after all. Seems there were a lot of suicides among the early female settlers in the 1800's, which historians attribute to the unrelenting wind. Having lived in Nebraska most of life, I believe it may also have something to do with living in a sod house without central air and heat, the spiders and snakes living in the walls and a ton of resentment toward their menfolk for dragging their asses out to this Godforsaken part of the world. But above all, I attribute the high rate of self-harm to having their long hair blowing in their eyes and mouth. Worse than a plague of gnats, really. That's my theory. Plus, I look better sporting a cute, short hairstyle.
Feral Turtle
lol love the comments on this one!
Kari
Wow. I read somewhere that Lady Gaga tapes her face on the regular. I heard it can really mess up your face though. I would only do this if I looked like the before.
Nancy Blue Moon
I..like Beckie above..have an adhesive allergy so I guess I just have to live with the wrinkles..Also..like Ruth..I'm about to pee my pants from the comments..Thanks everyone..!
Lynne
This reminds me of those infomercials for male baldness where you sprayed a bunch of grey or brown silly string like stuff on your bald spot. It was supposed to look like hair. I think it looked more like a dirty spider web - but what do I know?
Suzanne G.
A really tight ponytail would work too...if you've got long enough hair...
ha
Karen
So funny! Be sure to watch the VIDEO in the reply #23. Really sums it all up.
I do enjoy your blog a lot. Thanks for the laughs today!!!
Joanne
I saw something like that on TV once and it gave me nightmares. The woman stood in front of the camera, released all the elastics, and her face fell so quickly it was soon a mass of wrinkles and sags. But it might be worth a try, LOL!!
MelissaM
I'm getting a headache just thinking about wearing that for 2 minutes! Sheesh!
Ruth
Right now, I would be more over the moon about a cure for endometriosis than anything else, but after menopause - when all the endo drama ends - I may actually look into this.
Then again... I have comment #12 to consider, so.... maybe not.
kathleen
might want to wear a medicAlert bracelet if you're wearing this scaffold- if I saw half a face let fly I'd be calling for an ambulance to take you to a stroke ER. the deductible alone might cost more than a real facelift.
Blandine
OMG this is so strange - a friend just sent me the link to a great short Australian movie and this strangely connects to this post! Take 7 minutes to watch, it's well worth it!
http://dailypicksandflicks.com/2014/01/18/makeover-funny-short-film-by-don-percy/
Nancy Blue Moon
That was so funny Blandine..I think they are trying to say it's better to just be yourself..lol..Thanks for sharing it!
Suzanne @ Le Farm
I prefer duct tape as the universal tool for everything...
Reg
I haven't laughed so hard for a long time. The Face Corset and all the comments are priceless. Elastics pinging everywhere.
A close second to the Face Corset would be Duct taping "the girls" up. A friend of a friend did this when she wanted to go braless in some kind of dress. She had to go to the local ER when she removed the tape, ouch. I would have loved to see the look on the admitting persons face.