As you may know last weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. You may know that because a) you're Canadian or b) you read my post a week ago about setting my Thanksgiving dining room table.
It all looked so idyllic. Like something from a magazine where guests arrived with pies in hand, sipped apple cider and playfully threw straw at each other. There may have been a before dinner game of touch football in the backyard where no one's hair got messy and grass stains and bloody elbows miraculously disappeared immediately.
I think we all know that's not how things went. So I thought it would be a nice treat for all of you to see how Thanksgiving actually went in this series of photos I took the liberty of taking throughout the day.
Because as perfect as the Thanksgiving table looked, that's pretty much where the perfection began and ended.
The night started off like any other Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had, with the guests arriving exactly one hour late claiming starvation.
I should probably apologize to them or send out a fruit basket because every room in my house must have been filled with ghosts or entities or a bad smell because without saying why, each and every one of them refused to venture out of the kitchen. Maybe there were snakes. The other rooms could have been filled with snakes. Yeah, I should send out fruit baskets for sure.
By 7 o'clock the buffet was served even though it wasn't a buffet.
Like a pack of snarling jackals, guests were clawing their way to the carcass, quickly turning on each other in an attempt to show their dominance. Soon the pack had been thinned out, all of them terrified to get in the way of the sharp toothed head of the pack ...
… Betty. The most courageous, dangerous and martini filled of all the jackals.
Within seconds all the others had left the kitchen, presumably to feed on whatever else they could scavenge in the other rooms. Snakes probably.
Feeling safer with the other animals at bay, the Betty, put her martini down. This allowed her the use of both her paws for tearing at the turkey skin.
Armed again with the martini and a fistful of carnage, the Betty becomes visibly more sedate and approachable, slinking out of the room to devour her prey in the dark corner of a room.
Want more STUFF like this?
Get my posts emailed to you daily.
Several hours late and 2 guests short (they arrived near the end of the meal) it was on. The free for all of eating, scarfing, snorting and laughing. It was around this time that the kids spilled chocolate milk all over their table, which I was wise enough to cover with a pure white, antique linen tablecloth. 'Cause I'm smart like that.
As you can see, by the time dinner came around I couldn't even be bothered to put the mashed potatoes in a bowl. They got served in the pot they were cooked in, just out of reach of the Betty, who you can see is eyeing them proprietarily.
After dinner some guests stayed at the dining room table while other wandered into the living room to watch the hockey game even though I hid the remote control. I do that every year so no one will watch television. Every year they find it. They're like raccoons.
Found this in my laundry closet. No idea how or why. Once I realized it was the roasting pan from the turkey it all made a little more sense. My family was insane.
Here's a quick timeline of how everything went down this Thanksgiving of 2014.
4:30 p.m. - It's a beautiful sunny day with a slight chill in the air. Light a fire in the pizza oven outside for everyone to sit around with snacks prior to dinner.
5:00 p.m. - Stand at door with smile plastered on anticipating the arrival of guests at scheduled time.
5:20 p.m. - Smile waning.
5:35 p.m. - Scowling begins.
5:59 p.m. - Guests arrive, blow past the beautiful outdoor fire, head into the kitchen and set up some sort of family refugee camp around the cooked turkey.
6:00 p.m. - Bikram Yoga niece begins to experience slight signs of cat allergies.
6:02 p.m. - Bikram Yoga niece is writhing on the floor itching, coughing and oozing. Eyes are watering, mascara is running, head seems to have swollen to a bizarre proportion. In a turn of luck, only the exposed portions of her skin are covered in hives.
6:23 p.m. - Get punched in the vagina by one of the children. Overall the night includes approximately 5 vagina punches.
6:50 p.m. - Lock up the vodka and vermouth.
7:00 p.m. - Roll Bikram Yoga niece over and drop some nuts into her mouth in a gesture of goodwill. Since she's lost most of her motor skills, proceed to hold her chin and slam it up and down to mimic chewing, then rub her throat to help her swallow.
7:01 p.m. - Remember Bikram Yoga niece is allergic to nuts.
7:30 p.m. - Serve dinner that took 3 full days to prepare.
7:35 p.m. - Burp and then stare at the carnage.
8:00 p.m. - Realize I forgot to put the radishes out during dinner and try to push them on people during the dessert portion of the evening.
8:15 - midnight - I have no idea what happened during this portion of the evening because I was stuck in a constant state of yawn, which resulted in my eyes being closed for 4 hours.
Midnight - The last guests shuffle out the door with leftover pie and a handful of radishes.
12:20 a.m. - Smash all the perishable food into the fridge and decide to worry about the mess in the morning. Tired. Exhausted. So very tired. Go upstairs. Find my favourite, cozy pajamas, dim the lights and …
12:25 a.m. - … discover wet cat vomit all over bed. Debate the long lasting psychological effects of sleeping in cat vomit.
12:26 a.m. - Strip the bed, throw the vomitty sheets in the washing machine (that's when I discovered the roasting pan in my laundry hamper), put new sheets on the bed, grab a cookie from downstairs, step over a ball of wheezing that I assume is Bikram Yoga niece, lay down and go to bed.
I'm writing this post from my bed, which I hope to get out of just in time for Christmas dinner. Which will be at my sister's house.
[shareaholic app="share_buttons" id="5342563"]
Brenda
Sometime in March or April, after the last snow has melted, I usually find my turkey roaster outside on my deck, where I've tossed it to get it out of the way (my kitchen is very small!). And then I argue with myself for several minutes about whether I can still use the frozen, congealed, fatty broth inside of it to make my famous Cream of Turkey Tortellini soup ("But it's been frozen all this time! It's still good, right?")
Irene
I love that mama Betty has become "The Betty". Perfect. :-D
Cred
The Betty- when your name becomes a title you know it's been earned. Awesome!
Mary
Looks great, but I especially love Betty's tunic. Would she share where she bought it? pretty please. M.
Brenda
Oh boy...........I needed that laugh. Thank you!!!
mickey
Betty....I love your outfit!
Karen......Was there no 'gobble, gobble' contest this year?
Karen
No the gobble off has been retired. ~ karen!
Gretchen Sexton
=SIGH= Fun Thanksgiving tale! Betty wins the prize (or you do for writing about her....) for her style.
Made me look forward to our coming Thanksgiving holiday!
Dan
Wait, other than the boy (and boys fit in anywhere), there was only one dude there? He's a brave, brave man. My SO forgot her wallet one day when she went for a nail thing with the girls. I walked into the room and a dozen lady heads whipped around. I swear I saw the light glinting off of fangs. I just dropped the wallet at the door and backed out slowly.
Karen
Hi Dan - No there were … let me see … 3 boys. Plus 2 boy kids. ~ karen!
Rebecca
Hahahaha Betty! I love her. So...you guys are diet coke fans, eh?
Jody
You are too freaking funny. Vagina punches. What happened to the men or were they all wearing cups? Love Betty rockin' the tunic and skinny jeans and red specs. Love it!
Jackie
This is hysterical!! My favourite part is also the stuffing stuck to the ass!!!
Jean munroe
Love that tree, too. Am guessing you have a story about it?
Ev Wilcox
Having "things" happen is the real truth of Thanksgiving dinner! When we have a family event I end up shooing people out of my kitchen--can't stand it! Your kitchen is beautiful, Karen. Well done! Chocolate milk and cat vomit just rounded out the day. Happy Thanksgiving!
Heather
This couldn't possibly be pictures from my Thanskgiving - there aren't dozens of wine bottles on the table - which explains how our dinner slowly (umm....quickly) rolls downhill. I did up one of those candles you see on Pinterest - layered with lentils, beans & popping corn in a vase. My (adult) daughter thought it would be fun to take a kernel of popping corn & put it in the candle....fortunately I stopped her in time. It probably would have been a better story if I let her do it.
Love, love, love the "tree" on the wall of your dining room. What is it made of? I never noticed it in the pics before. Also, did you use blackboard chalk paint on the inside of your kitchen cupboard or did you mount a chalkboard there?
Karen
Hi Heather! Full post on the "tree" coming up and that's chalkboard mactack on the cupboard! I found it at Dollarama years ago. You could buy it by the roll. :) ~ karen
Karen
Sounds like a typical family dinner - but you forgot the part where the household pets try to steal the food off the table... It probably happened tho' - that would be what caused the cat vomit on the bed :) Family caring and sharing - what holidays are all about!
Beckie
Betty RAWKS!
Tigersmom
Great post!!!! Families are such good fodder. I take great comfort in knowing every family has its crazies. And I mean that in an affectionate way.
Glynis
Hi, I'm a first time commenter but a long time lurker.
I. LOVE. YOUR. BLOG!
In the second picture is Betty demonstrating how to get the very last drops from a bottle of upended wine?
Karen
Hey Glynis! Welcome to commenting!! Re: Betty and the demonstration? Yup. Entirely possible, lol. ~ karen
Catherine
That Betty is a one! She got the best best bit of the whole dang turkey! If I did that my Dad would have whipped my greasy little turkey grabbing fingers off with the carving knife. And she was so shameless! Love her style. Looked like a great family gathering. Kitchen looks fab by the way.
Nicole
Ps: We love your kitchen window frames in black. My husband and I have been after that look. We've got a mix of white pvc trim newer windows and old aluminum trim ones in our house we got last year. The aluminum has worked out to be paintable provided its not too cold outside which can cause the paint to sweat off before drying on the frame. (My husband painted those ones last winter here near Sf, California and there were some record cold nights) Anyway, I really wanna get all of the windows matching ideally without replacing any for a while) I'm thinking the pvc won't paint well... Are yours iron/metal black framed or pvcish or black painted wood? Just curious....they look really great!
Karen
Hi Nicole. There's a real kitchen reveal post coming up soon. Either this Monday or the next. The windows are the original windows so they're very old and very wood. :) I just painted the wood mullions black. ~ karen!
Rondina
Make chalk paint out of the paint you used. You can Google recipes. I bought the carbonate over the Internet and it takes such a small amount that it will most likely last me the remainder of my life. I put some in a first coat on some things because it tends to fill holes in and certainly makes the second coat stick well. Like I said, it sticks to anything and lasts---indoors or out.