As you may know last weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. You may know that because a) you're Canadian or b) you read my post a week ago about setting my Thanksgiving dining room table.
It all looked so idyllic. Like something from a magazine where guests arrived with pies in hand, sipped apple cider and playfully threw straw at each other. There may have been a before dinner game of touch football in the backyard where no one's hair got messy and grass stains and bloody elbows miraculously disappeared immediately.
I think we all know that's not how things went. So I thought it would be a nice treat for all of you to see how Thanksgiving actually went in this series of photos I took the liberty of taking throughout the day.
Because as perfect as the Thanksgiving table looked, that's pretty much where the perfection began and ended.
The night started off like any other Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had, with the guests arriving exactly one hour late claiming starvation.
I should probably apologize to them or send out a fruit basket because every room in my house must have been filled with ghosts or entities or a bad smell because without saying why, each and every one of them refused to venture out of the kitchen. Maybe there were snakes. The other rooms could have been filled with snakes. Yeah, I should send out fruit baskets for sure.
By 7 o'clock the buffet was served even though it wasn't a buffet.
Like a pack of snarling jackals, guests were clawing their way to the carcass, quickly turning on each other in an attempt to show their dominance. Soon the pack had been thinned out, all of them terrified to get in the way of the sharp toothed head of the pack ...
… Betty. The most courageous, dangerous and martini filled of all the jackals.
Within seconds all the others had left the kitchen, presumably to feed on whatever else they could scavenge in the other rooms. Snakes probably.
Feeling safer with the other animals at bay, the Betty, put her martini down. This allowed her the use of both her paws for tearing at the turkey skin.
Armed again with the martini and a fistful of carnage, the Betty becomes visibly more sedate and approachable, slinking out of the room to devour her prey in the dark corner of a room.
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Several hours late and 2 guests short (they arrived near the end of the meal) it was on. The free for all of eating, scarfing, snorting and laughing. It was around this time that the kids spilled chocolate milk all over their table, which I was wise enough to cover with a pure white, antique linen tablecloth. 'Cause I'm smart like that.
As you can see, by the time dinner came around I couldn't even be bothered to put the mashed potatoes in a bowl. They got served in the pot they were cooked in, just out of reach of the Betty, who you can see is eyeing them proprietarily.
After dinner some guests stayed at the dining room table while other wandered into the living room to watch the hockey game even though I hid the remote control. I do that every year so no one will watch television. Every year they find it. They're like raccoons.
Found this in my laundry closet. No idea how or why. Once I realized it was the roasting pan from the turkey it all made a little more sense. My family was insane.
Here's a quick timeline of how everything went down this Thanksgiving of 2014.
4:30 p.m. - It's a beautiful sunny day with a slight chill in the air. Light a fire in the pizza oven outside for everyone to sit around with snacks prior to dinner.
5:00 p.m. - Stand at door with smile plastered on anticipating the arrival of guests at scheduled time.
5:20 p.m. - Smile waning.
5:35 p.m. - Scowling begins.
5:59 p.m. - Guests arrive, blow past the beautiful outdoor fire, head into the kitchen and set up some sort of family refugee camp around the cooked turkey.
6:00 p.m. - Bikram Yoga niece begins to experience slight signs of cat allergies.
6:02 p.m. - Bikram Yoga niece is writhing on the floor itching, coughing and oozing. Eyes are watering, mascara is running, head seems to have swollen to a bizarre proportion. In a turn of luck, only the exposed portions of her skin are covered in hives.
6:23 p.m. - Get punched in the vagina by one of the children. Overall the night includes approximately 5 vagina punches.
6:50 p.m. - Lock up the vodka and vermouth.
7:00 p.m. - Roll Bikram Yoga niece over and drop some nuts into her mouth in a gesture of goodwill. Since she's lost most of her motor skills, proceed to hold her chin and slam it up and down to mimic chewing, then rub her throat to help her swallow.
7:01 p.m. - Remember Bikram Yoga niece is allergic to nuts.
7:30 p.m. - Serve dinner that took 3 full days to prepare.
7:35 p.m. - Burp and then stare at the carnage.
8:00 p.m. - Realize I forgot to put the radishes out during dinner and try to push them on people during the dessert portion of the evening.
8:15 - midnight - I have no idea what happened during this portion of the evening because I was stuck in a constant state of yawn, which resulted in my eyes being closed for 4 hours.
Midnight - The last guests shuffle out the door with leftover pie and a handful of radishes.
12:20 a.m. - Smash all the perishable food into the fridge and decide to worry about the mess in the morning. Tired. Exhausted. So very tired. Go upstairs. Find my favourite, cozy pajamas, dim the lights and …
12:25 a.m. - … discover wet cat vomit all over bed. Debate the long lasting psychological effects of sleeping in cat vomit.
12:26 a.m. - Strip the bed, throw the vomitty sheets in the washing machine (that's when I discovered the roasting pan in my laundry hamper), put new sheets on the bed, grab a cookie from downstairs, step over a ball of wheezing that I assume is Bikram Yoga niece, lay down and go to bed.
I'm writing this post from my bed, which I hope to get out of just in time for Christmas dinner. Which will be at my sister's house.
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AKing
Betty is so stylin,' I love her linen tunic.
Marilyn
Hilarious. I love the popes nose too the more stuffing stuck on it the better .my mom used to put a piece of bread over the stuffing to hold it in and wow!! The fights over that !! It was sooo good ! The Betty ...God love her
Nancy Blue Moon
What a perfect Thanksgiving Karen & Family..You all are such good people..Hugs..
Lisa Ramos
This is one of my favorite posts! You are the Jerry Seinfeld of blogging.
Elaine
What a PERFECT description of our Karen, Lisa!! Yes, she is our Seinfeld. I loved this post! I follow a few USA blogs; they all show large, beautiful centerpieces and I always wonder how the heck they serve the dinner. Karen keeps it real and that’s why we love her so much. I love the messy drips on top of her stove, the Coke cans on the table and especially the roaster in the laundry room!! Before I moved, that’s where my pan ended up too ... now, it’s tossed out onto the balcony.
Vanessa
I am a firm believer that all houses should just be one giant kitchen with the bedrooms coming off from that. I really like the chalkboard on the inside of the cabinet!! Guess what project I'm doing this weekend! My family always arrives 1 to 2 HOURS early. So, if I want everybody at the house at say 4, I tell them 5. It hed been working really well...until last year they showed up at 2:30! I had to come up with "lunch" before I served the hors d'oeuvres before I served the dinner! Isn't family fun? Also, when my kids were younger there used to be holiday clothes shopping. Not anymore, now I'm happy if they are just clean!!
Jill
How do you keep your kitchen so clutter-free? Any tips?
Stephanie
Oh Karen, reading this post just gave me GREAT encouragement. Thank you so much! Instead of me (always) feeling disappointed in my warm vision of (like you said) an idyllic Thanksgiving not being realized, I need to just let the guests be the show. Maybe I'll enjoy it more. You have a lovely family & I wish MY mother drank martinis & laughed more.
Patti
Yup a typical family thanksgiving ('cept mine has a lot more alcohol)...Is that pink tool belt sitting to your left? At first I thought it was you!
shirley
I love how everyone just drinks diet coke right out of the cans. Just like my house. I don't see the need to wash more dishes!
Karen
Shirley - We still managed to go through every glass in the house! 37 glassses! No idea how. ~ karen
Liz
love this! I got to host my first thanksgiving this year (22 people...most of them pint sized) and same thing. Everyone wants to be in the shoebox sized kitchen, pecking and smooshing past eachother repeatedly. Pretty sure I want to knock a wall out now leading to the living room.
I think your wooden table runner is just awesome. Is it from Cattails or custom made by you?
Karen
Custom made by me Liz. :) Two planks of hardwood glued and clamped. ~ karen!
Lynn (really spelled w/ an "e", but somebody else already has that spelling on here)
Did The Betty sew her tunic out of Rough Linen fabric? Whether she did or didn't, it's gorgeous!
Shelly
Sorry to dissapoint all of you turkey-ass-skin-eaters, but look at the picture. That's not the ass end of the turkey, it's the neck / breast. ( ...or maybe Canadian turkeys do things differently.) That crispy skin is always devine. Thee most awesome peices of a turkey are the two dark meat tenderloins on the back. YUM! I would wrestle any of my family members for those. Oh man, now I want to cook a turkey and smell it in my house! Someone make a spray air Freshener that smells like turkey dinner, please. Thanks for sharing your T-day Karen, and i don't know how you found time to actually take pictures.
LazySusan
I see you use Kitchen Bouquet, or whatever it's called in Canada. And you have a fabulous kitchen! No surprise everyone wanted to hang out in there. Looking forward to the big reveal, and US Thanksgiving so I can get some turkey! I always put the giblets into the stuffing, after sauteeing them in butter. My gravy secret is a combination of neck water and potato water.
JeannieB
Makes me want to cry, and, laugh. You had a real, Canadian, family Thanksgiving Karen.
So funny!
You're a great writer.
Yolanda Tomaszewski
Why didn't I go to the dollar store before going out and buying blackboard paint taping out , painting, pulling off a corner of paint with the tape. I could have saved all that trouble and expense. I do love having my board hidden away in the cupboard. I have a cork board in the other cupboard. It cleaned up my fridge... for about a week or so
Melissa in North Carolina
What a great read! Thank you.
Debbie
I loved reading this. Moat amazingly, I realized your menu board was real! I thought you just had it for pictures. It is real and I love it. Your turkey looked wonderful. I hope your Bikram Yoga Niece is doing well - my brother was allergic to corn, eggs poultry, legumes, nuts, cats (and every other animal in existence), dust, grass and just about everything else (he is still allergic to animals, egg yolks and some nuts).
Thanks for putting a smile on my face which should last for the four and a half hour drive I am about to take for the dreaded (actually, I am fine) high school reunion.
Marion
Sounds like you all had a great Thanksgiving! I love all the pictures of Betty and that martini!!! hahaha
Beautiful kitchen too btw! I can see why nobody wanted to go anywhere else :-)
Sharon
You are hilarious how you explain things. Im crying from laughing so hard.
Su
I too love the turkey butt covered in dressing.... your family is as normal as ours and everyone else.... hours, days prepping the meal and EVERYONE hangs out in the kitchen..... even if its not as nice as yours.... lovely table too.... BTW I made your broccoli soup last nite.... added some onions and bacon to it... BEST SOUP EVER.... don't know why it tasted so good but it did.....
Karen
Thanks for letting me know about the soup Su! I think part of why it tastes so good is it's so easy to make, lol. ~ karen!
Su
super easy... 30 min max from start to soup :)